Trying to avoid being jaded about marriage

[Osmotik]

Hope everyone is doing alright during the current state of affairs.

As the title suggests, I am weary about getting married in this day and age. I'm a college student and I've always wanted to have kids, but growing up with divorced parents/single mother as well as seeing all of the propaganda and hatred of tradition has made me feel that it is being made improbable to sustain a marriage where I am the head of the family, and my wife wouldn't be tempted to use the court system/power, etc.

I don't mean to be negative and I post here for guidance as to how to avoid this situation to occur. I know I need to join a church and go to other places where good women are (not just for that sake but you know what I mean). I have a lot of improving to do myself.

Am I justified in feeling this way? I am good with girls, I just have found my past flings were searching for something different than I am. As Christians, what things can we acknowledge to give hope in this situation? Are Christian women becoming further and fewer? Should I hold out for a woman with strong faith? Thanks.

 

[GospelS]

I will just say this:

It is the glory of God to conceal a matter and the glory of kings to search it out. Proverbs 25:2

 

[Osmotik]

I will just say this:

It is the glory of God to conceal a matter and the glory of kings to search it out. Proverbs 25:2

Great verse, first time seeing it. Gonna write that one down. I really need to read my bible more. Thank you for the insight.

 

[( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)]

Hope everyone is doing alright during the current state of affairs.

As the title suggests, I am weary about getting married in this day and age. I'm a college student and I've always wanted to have kids, but growing up with divorced parents/single mother as well as seeing all of the propaganda and hatred of tradition has made me feel that it is being made improbable to sustain a marriage where I am the head of the family, and my wife wouldn't be tempted to use the court system/power, etc.

I don't mean to be negative and I post here for guidance as to how to avoid this situation to occur. I know I need to join a church and go to other places where good women are (not just for that sake but you know what I mean). I have a lot of improving to do myself.

Am I justified in feeling this way? I am good with girls, I just have found my past flings were searching for something different than I am. As Christians, what things can we acknowledge to give hope in this situation? Are Christian women becoming further and fewer? Should I hold out for a woman with strong faith? Thanks.

What you need to know is that if you're a believer in Jesus and follow Him with your life then your past doesn't dictate your future. But that's only if your sins are forgiven by His blood by putting your faith in the gospel. Yes, if you haven't repented and put your trust in the good news, then you need to do that. Secondly, you need to find a Bible believing church that teaches and lives the scriptures to the best of their ability. Start to worship God in an atmosphere with other Christians. As time passes God will give you the desires of your heart as you delight yourself in Him. But this also goes with a warning. If you don't, then the Bible says there there is a way which seems right unto a man, but the end thereof are the ways of death. Don't be deceived. He who makes a lifestyle out of practicing sin is a child of the devil. There's no other way about it. There's plenty of opportunity to find the right gal. (Some would say the percentage of them out there right now are far more than what they are of Christian men.) But it starts first with finding the lover of our souls and that's none other than Christ Himself. Stay blessed!

 

[Osmotik]

What you need to know is that if you're a believer in Jesus and follow Him with your life then your past doesn't dictate your future. But that's only if your sins are forgiven by His blood by putting your faith in the gospel. Yes, if you haven't repented and put your trust in the good news, then you need to do that. Secondly, you need to find a Bible believing church that teaches and lives the scriptures to the best of their ability. Start to worship God in an atmosphere with other Christians. As time passes God will give you the desires of your heart as you delight yourself in Him. But this also goes with a warning. If you don't, then the Bible says there there is a way which seems right unto a man, but the end thereof are the ways of death. Don't be deceived. He who makes a lifestyle out of practicing sin is a child of the devil. There's no other way about it. There's plenty of opportunity to find the right gal. (Some would say the percentage of them out there right now are far more than what they are of Christian men.) But it starts first with finding the lover of our souls and that's none other than Christ Himself. Stay blessed!

Thanks for the guidance. I'm planning on joining a church once this virus ends. Stay blessed as well

 

[Sketcher]

Hope everyone is doing alright during the current state of affairs.

As the title suggests, I am weary about getting married in this day and age. I'm a college student and I've always wanted to have kids, but growing up with divorced parents/single mother as well as seeing all of the propaganda and hatred of tradition has made me feel that it is being made improbable to sustain a marriage where I am the head of the family, and my wife wouldn't be tempted to use the court system/power, etc.

I don't mean to be negative and I post here for guidance as to how to avoid this situation to occur. I know I need to join a church and go to other places where good women are (not just for that sake but you know what I mean). I have a lot of improving to do myself.

Am I justified in feeling this way? I am good with girls, I just have found my past flings were searching for something different than I am. As Christians, what things can we acknowledge to give hope in this situation? Are Christian women becoming further and fewer? Should I hold out for a woman with strong faith? Thanks.

I would say study what actually causes divorces, and what actually helps marriages to work. A good part of that is molding your character according to Philippians 2:1-8. You should be doing that anyway as a Christian. If you have a future wife who is saved already, she should be doing that too.

Also, a good thing to remember: If you end up staying single, you might as well be jaded about marriage. If I had gotten married years ago, I may well have divorced by now. If that would have indeed happened, I came out ahead by staying single.

 

[Osmotik]

I would say study what actually causes divorces, and what actually helps marriages to work. A good part of that is molding your character according to Philippians 2:1-8. You should be doing that anyway as a Christian. If you have a future wife who is saved already, she should be doing that too.

Also, a good thing to remember: If you end up staying single, you might as well be jaded about marriage. If I had gotten married years ago, I may well have divorced by now. If that would have indeed happened, I came out ahead by staying single.

Interesting. Will look in to biblical advice on the subject as well as in general. I appreciate the thoughts

 

[Sketcher]

Interesting. Will look in to biblical advice on the subject as well as in general. I appreciate the thoughts

An elder couple at my church taught that part about Philippians 2:1-8. They've been married longer than I've been alive. It's tried and true, not just a single guy's opinion.

 

[ImAllLikeOkWaitWat]

I'd say your concern over the legal system is premature. You don't need to worry about something like that at this point. The last thing you want to do is enter a marriage under the pretense of fear over divorce. If that is your attitude then you must ask yourself why do anything that could lead to a negative outcome. The answer would be of course because a lot of the time theres no alternative.

 

[leothelioness]

I think first and foremost you need to gain a bit more maturity before even making a concrete thought on the matter. Life experience helps with this.

My advice as a single, formerly jaded person is to seek God first and His thoughts on the matter. Get to know His Word as that is where all of our answers are contained. As we grow in maturity in Christ, our attitudes are conformed to His will and we will naturally begin to see things such as marriage as He does. When we walk with Him there is no room for worldly thought and the world’s thought on marriage is quite negative as you well know.

So, get acquainted with the Scriptures, pray, seek His wisdom and He will begin to help you to see things from His perspective.

 

[ThisIsMe123]

Hope everyone is doing alright during the current state of affairs.

As the title suggests, I am weary about getting married in this day and age. I'm a college student and I've always wanted to have kids, but growing up with divorced parents/single mother as well as seeing all of the propaganda and hatred of tradition has made me feel that it is being made improbable to sustain a marriage where I am the head of the family, and my wife wouldn't be tempted to use the court system/power, etc.

I don't mean to be negative and I post here for guidance as to how to avoid this situation to occur. I know I need to join a church and go to other places where good women are (not just for that sake but you know what I mean). I have a lot of improving to do myself.

Am I justified in feeling this way? I am good with girls, I just have found my past flings were searching for something different than I am. As Christians, what things can we acknowledge to give hope in this situation? Are Christian women becoming further and fewer? Should I hold out for a woman with strong faith? Thanks.

I remember when I was younger, late 20s, I joined a singles ministry and was quite shocked to see so many divorcee's my age. In fact, I had a policy back then not to date a divorced woman. Of course that has changed now as I'm in my 40s, so that'd be unrealistic.

But I had a Christian friend of min simply say, "Sign a Prenup"

 

[Miles]

I remember when I was younger, late 20s, I joined a singles ministry and was quite shocked to see so many divorcee's my age. In fact, I had a policy back then not to date a divorced woman. Of course that has changed now as I'm in my 40s, so that'd be unrealistic.

Imagine telling your future wife that although she isn't your cup of tea, you had to be realistic.

I wouldn't even want to think such a thing, let alone say it.

 

[ThisIsMe123]

Imagine telling your future wife that although she isn't your cup of tea, you had to be realistic.

I wouldn't even want to think such a thing, let alone say it.

What do you mean?

 

[dayhiker]

To fear a divorce is to fear the future I think. I'd not make a decision based on fear.
If you treat people right and in this case do you treat the woman who will be your life right, then don' fear.

I was married for 28 years. I enjoyed being married, but some things weren't working for us. So now I've been single for 12 years. Its all good. As one minister advised me, be gentle with your wife. I'll add be gentle with yourself as well. If the right woman comes along go for it.

 

[Miles]

What do you mean?

I get the impression that you'd rather not date divorced women. Maybe I'm mistaken about that, though. If you're never married yourself, I don't see anything wrong with looking for the same in a partner. It can be difficult to date women you are only marginally interested in, when your heart is elsewhere.

Admittedly, I don't put much effort into a relationship if I'm not interested. I still envision myself winding up with a never-married woman who doesn't have any kids, is pleasant to be around, has compatible strengths and weaknesses, etc. As a never-married childless man, that all seems reasonable to me. Sure, I'm older than I was back in the day, but she might be too. Not everybody gets hitched by an arbitrary age.

People are unique of course, so it's theoretically possible that someday I might fall for a divorced woman, but it seems increasingly unlikely. I don't see why I should be "realistic" and settle when I'm just not feeling it. That wouldn't be fair to her, and it wouldn't be fair to me.

 

[VMaeLove]

This is why the idea of marriage is not attractive to me.

 

[ThisIsMe123]

I get the impression that you'd rather not date divorced women. Maybe I'm mistaken about that, though. If you're never married yourself, I don't see anything wrong with looking for the same in a partner. It can be difficult to date women you are only marginally interested in, when your heart is elsewhere.

Admittedly, I don't put much effort into a relationship if I'm not interested. I still envision myself winding up with a never-married woman who doesn't have any kids, is pleasant to be around, has compatible strengths and weaknesses, etc. As a never-married childless man, that all seems reasonable to me. Sure, I'm older than I was back in the day, but she might be too. Not everybody gets hitched by an arbitrary age.

People are unique of course, so it's theoretically possible that someday I might fall for a divorced woman, but it seems increasingly unlikely. I don't see why I should be "realistic" and settle when I'm just not feeling it. That wouldn't be fair to her, and it wouldn't be fair to me.

I'm indeed open to dating a divorced woman. Im in my 40s, so it would be unrealistic otherwise (at least for me). I have also found that women over 40, if they've never been married, it's usually due to an undesirable reason. Like mentally or too set in their ways and not much for compromise.

 

[Miles]

I'm indeed open to dating a divorced woman. Im in my 40s, so it would be unrealistic otherwise (at least for me). I have also found that women over 40, if they've never been married, it's usually due to an undesirable reason. Like mentally or too set in their ways and not much for compromise.

Oh, ok. Cool. It can be hard to get accurate impressions on the internet. I find that people are flawed in general (including myself), and I don't think of singles at any age as inherently more or less flawed than others. More a matter of good or bad matches, rather than how flawed the individuals happen to be.

 

[JAM2b]

I think you just need to pace yourself in seeking relationships. If you are unsure, then don't move forward. However, if there is someone you like, is compatible who shares your faith and is at a similar level in maturity and spiritual growth, then move forward.

I would add that I think some counseling or therapy might be helpful for you. If you fear marriage because of the trauma of your parent's divorce and being raised by a single mom, then that makes me think you have some unhealed wounds lurking below the surface. It's never a good idea to enter a serious relationship if you have unsettled emotional trauma.

 

[bèlla]

There comes a point when you realize the anger, frustration, and sadness aren’t serving you or bringing you closer to your goal. No amount of handwringing and jadedness will hasten your wait.

When you recognize the turning of time you grasp the power of choice and realize it was always within your reach.

You can choose to feed the drudgery or milk your days for morsels of joy hidden between the seconds that pass. If you move beyond the lack you’ll see your life through honest lenses no longer dependent on circumstances or persons for sustenance.

You’ll know through good times and bad. In moments of plenty and lack. You’ll discover the mystery of presence and the necessity of taking each day as it comes.

And when you finally meet the one you’ve sought you’ll greet her with a knowing smile. For your hope wasn’t based on happy endings or long held dreams. It was grounded in the beauty of breaths you’ve taken and gratitude for every experience you’ve had.

It isn’t the absence that troubles you. It’s the knowledge of life in spite of it. But you must choose to live.

~Bella