I personally believe it is a spiritual and emotional problem.
Hi, Emma
God bless you
It is good to meet you, and welcome to Christian Forums
I am Bill
I personally understand that what you have been talking about can be spiritual and emotional. And a spiritual problem can cause medical problems; this would mean the medical stuff is not the cause but symptoms of the deeper spiritual thing.
If you are able to consider this and if this is right, then you can be thankful how you are able to admit this . . . especially if you are using your conclusion to encourage you to seek God for all He is able to do.
In any case, I would agree that the real solution is however God in us changes us . . . in our nature . . . our character which can make us available to nasty and cruel emotional stuff.
But God's love is almighty against fear and its
"torment" > see 1 John 4:18.
For a while I turned against God, and it became more and more horrible. I was getting a taste of how I could become, away from God. God was not doing that to me, but I was sampling how I could become, away from Jesus and how Jesus Christ gives us
"rest for your souls." (in Matthew 11:28-30)
Now, you want to know if you still have a chance with God. Well, Jesus calls to
"all" > Matthew 11:28-30.
Also, by the way - - - I love you and care for you, and I don't even know you, Emma
And I offer that God makes me this way; so I can offer this to show He is not against you, if He has me loving you
And - - - better than me . . . consider how Jesus suffered like He did, on Calvary; He is committed to loving and blessing you, if He suffered like that for you. And Jesus died with hope for any wicked person, at all; so you qualify for the welfare of God's mercy. Love
"hopes all things" (in 1 Corinthians 13:7). Love has us having hope for you, Emma
What is important is that you become committed to having mercy on others and having hope for others, if God has mercy on you. And I would say never mind trying to judge and label your own self, about if God wants you or not, but trust God who is the good Judge to know you and do what is good with you.
Now, a thing I think of is how in Italy I was so critical of Christians, and then I fell away. And I was anti-social with people I worked with, in the American military; but I did go out and mix on the streets with Italians in Naples, and I learned their Italian language but not the local dialect. So, though I got away from God, I did good to go out and mix with people not like myself and not from my culture.
I actually could converse in Italian, after six months of carrying a dictionary in the street. So, this to me meant God might be blessing me, somehow, to show He had not given up on me.
So, isn't there something that is telling you that God is being good to you, Emma?
Maybe there is some surprise that you would never expect . . . even now while you are having trouble.
Are you like me, how you have been overly critical or something like this? Or, is there something else? God cares about how we are relating with people.
Or, have you been overly criticizing what you have going for you, for work or things you have?
"be content with such things as you have" (in Hebrews 13:5).