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True feelings and (not) being genuine in prayer?

Discussion in 'Christian Advice' started by John P. Alexander, Feb 28, 2020.

  1. John P. Alexander

    John P. Alexander Servant

    United States
    Eastern Orthodox
    Not too long ago I made a thread about my wife leaving me and my children for a drug addict. Up until then she was a model wife. A true saint and an angel, so I thought. It was an affair and she kept it secret for awhile. Maybe she was a fake all these years - who knows?

    I've always been a forgiving person. A kind person. Wanting the best for even my "enemies". I pray for my (soon to be ex) wife and the devil who took her away from us, but deep down, I know I'm lying to myself. I want them to burn in hell. I don't want them to enter the Kingdom of God. I want to look down on them burning and know that justice was served. I also know this goes against everything that is Christian. The problem is, no matter how much I pray for them and for myself to not hate them, I know my prayers are not genuine for them and my hatred is burning within me. And I don't know how to make that stop. I don't want to feel this way but I do.
    We teamed up with Faith Counseling. Can they help you today?
  2. zippy2006

    zippy2006 Dragonsworn

    United States
    What I would recommend is to stop thinking about your wife altogether. Don't try to think good thoughts about her, don't try to think bad thoughts about her, just try to stop thinking about her. I realize that's pretty much impossible, but at the very least don't burden yourself by trying to pray for her. If you try to pray for her you will begin to think about her and that will lead to hatred. At least in the beginning don't try too hard to pray for her. In time that will become possible and important, but for now it may be unrealistic.

    So sorry to hear about your plight. :(
  3. crossnote

    crossnote Berean Supporter

    United States
    Only as we truly grasp the depth and depravity of the pit the Lord Jesus rescued us from and forgave us can we even begin to truly forgive others.
  4. topher694

    topher694 Go Turtle!

    United States
    Forgiveness is not a feeling it is a choice. Stick with the choice and eventually the feelings will begin to line up with the choice. It situations like this it takes time. Cut yourself some slack. You're doing the right thing, keep it up!
  5. Tone

    Tone Star Fish Radiant Supporter

    United States
    I've never been married, but I know that divorce is a horrible thing from a kid's perspective, as I've experienced my parent's divorce.

    I feel for you brother, you are deeply hurt and I pray that time and distance will lessen your pain. Yah bless.
  6. Heavenhome

    Heavenhome Well-Known Member Supporter

    I agree totally with posts 2,3,4.

    I think now is the time to be a bit kind to yourself and deal with the here and now.

    Don't let your feelings rule you, rather tell God exactly how you feel , no matter how bad and horrible the thoughts may be, He knows anyway, but still voice it and leave nothing out.
    Take it to the cross.
    Then, leave them there.

    Every grievance we have in this life, pale into comparison to what Jesus went through simply because He loves us so much. We must never lose sight of that.

    I pray you and your daughter are held in Gods loving arms while you both heal from this.:prayer:
  7. SkyWriting

    SkyWriting The Librarian Supporter

    United States
    Hell is where you are tormented by you own decisions. The "burning" in Hell is self-imposed. So you are out of luck and you don't get to watch anyways. It sounds like you are enjoying the fruits of Hell already. Was that your intention?
  8. Blade

    Blade Veteran Supporter

    Talk to God..your Father. Tell Him exactly, ALL of how you feel. The love the forgiveness your seeking can only come from Him. For me I look at how Christ has always no matter what I did.. forgives me.

    I've learned that its easy to sit on the outside and say things. To know how I would react. To know what I would do. Yet... truth is.. we don't. It never turns out like we think. We don't react how we always believed we would. For a man of FAITH that has seen so many wonders from God. When my 4y old had something happen.. my baby.. my world. This cold hit my head and I started yelling "someone help my baby". I was in total shock. But God was there. When in the ambulance didn't leave.. the door open he says "hes not responding to anything". I turned and said "Father I will never blame you". The door opened and he said almost shouting "hes responding". Took him in a helicopter.

    You go to run to the Father of our lord Jesus Christ. You lean on.. cry on.. hold on to Him. And a love a peace will come. A forgiveness will come. Theres a catch. You have to choose to give it to Him. For if we hold on to it.. He will do nothing. Give it to Him.. He is the one that is just.. allow Him to heal you. Don't let the enemy rob you..
  9. faroukfarouk

    faroukfarouk Fading curmudgeon

    Always good advice, indeed, with prayer.
  10. Aussie Pete

    Aussie Pete Well-Known Member Supporter

    Yep, you and millions of others full of unforgiveness. My ex took my young children away. It took a miracle to find them 15 years later. Yet Lord Jesus said, "Father forgive them....." as He died a terrible death. Howe can we forgive those who hurt us? Yet can we NOT forgive in the light of what Lord Jesus endured for us?

    The following article is by a man I knew (now passed away) who lost everything to his ex wife. He had a great deal to lose. A thriving business, children, magnificent house and a standing in the community.

    He was born again soon after the crisis of his marriage break up. His church told him he had to forgive his ex. His question was "how?". He did the smart thing and asked God. Read this article and rejoice. The answer is wonderful. It saved my life, that's for sure.
    Can you forgive from your heart? - Christian Life Frankston
  11. GaveMeJoy

    GaveMeJoy Well-Known Member

    United States
    Hey john this same thing happened to me last year except the dude doesn’t do drugs that I know of.

    I am sorry we are going through this....it can feel like a weight of anger and bitterness...sometimes at night I say out loud almost surprised to myself “I can’t believe my wife actually walked away from Jesus and left me and stole
    My kids.” It’s crazy.

    but for me what changed everything was finding Joy. Before my divorce I was a “happy” Christian family but I didn’t have joy in my life. Stress, conflict, many issues plagued me and my marriage and my relationships with my sons...

    once all the garbage happened, I was in a dark place. I was still obsessed with trying to get her back which was not realistic so i didn’t have the hatred thing really at first but I know how it goes some days.

    I stopped asking God to take away my pain and anger and started asking him to GIVE me joy in him. Instead of trying to remove it all, focus on filling yourself with joy. Worship, scripture, fellowship exercise, healthy eating, these things began to FILL me with joy. Now when I give it up, it feels weird becaus my default is JOY.
    If I’m ever angry or jealous I work my way through this list of joy and suffering verses and can’t finish without having it back.

    joy/suffering verses

    What Is It?

    When the members of the Sanhedrin heard this, they were furious and gnashed their teeth at him. But Stephen, full of the Holy Spirit, looked up to heaven and saw the glory of God, and Jesus standing at the right hand of God. “Look,” he said, “I see heaven open and the Son of Man standing at the right hand of God.”

    Acts 7:54-56

    Suddenly King Nebuchadnezzar jumped up in amazement and asked his advisers, “Did we not throw three men, firmly bound, into the fire?”

    “Certainly, O king,” they replied.

    “Look!” he exclaimed. “I see four men, unbound and unharmed, walking around in the fire—and the fourth looks like a son of the gods!”

    Daniel 3: 24-25

    Consider it pure joy, my brothers and sisters, whenever you face trials of many kinds, because you know that the testing of your faith produces perseverance. Let perseverance finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything.

    James 1:2-4

    1 Peter 1:6-9

    6 In all this you greatly rejoice, though now for a little while you may have had to suffer grief in all kinds of trials. 7 These have come so that the proven genuineness of your faith—of greater worth than gold, which perishes even though refined by fire—may result in praise, glory and honor when Jesus Christ is revealed. 8 Though you have not seen him, you love him; and even though you do not see him now, you believe in him and are filled with an inexpressible and glorious joy, 9 for you are receiving the end result of your faith, the salvation of your souls.

    So with you: Now is your time of grief, but I will see you again and you will rejoice, and no one will take away your joy.

    John 16:22

    Dear friends, do not be surprised at the fiery ordeal that has come on you to test you, as though something strange were happening to you. But rejoice inasmuch as you participate in the sufferings of Christ, so that you may be overjoyed when his glory is revealed.

    -1 Peter 4:12-13

    At this time, Emperor Nero was burning the bodies of Christians to light his gardens in the evenings

    Therefore, since we are surrounded by so great a cloud of witnesses, let us also lay aside every weight, and sin which clings so closely, and let us run with endurance the race that is set before us, looking to Jesus, the founder and perfector of our faith, who for the joy that was set before him endured the cross, despising the shame, and is seated at the right hand of the throne of God. (Hebrews 12:1–2)

    Rejoice in the Lord and be glad, you righteous; sing, all you who are upright in heart!

    Psalm 32:11

    What Does It Do?

    Psalm 94:19 "When anxiety was great within me, your consolation brought me joy."

    “And we know that all things work together for good to those who love God, to those who are called according to His purpose.” Romans 8:28.

    1 Peter 5:10

    After you have suffered for a little while, the God of all grace, who called you to His eternal glory in Christ, will Himself perfect, confirm, strengthen and establish you.

    Who shall separate us from the love of Christ? Shall trouble or hardship or persecution or famine or nakedness or danger or sword? As it is written: “For your sake we face death all day long; we are considered as sheep to be slaughtered.” No, in all these things we are more than conquerors through him who loved us. For I am convinced that neither death nor life, neither angels nor demons, neither the present nor the future, nor any powers, neither height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God that is in Christ Jesus our Lord.

    Romans 8:35-39

    " Again, the Kingdom of Heaven is like a treasure hidden in the field, which a man found, and hid. In his joy, he goes and sells all that he has, and buys that field.

    — Matthew 13:44"

    Psalm 5:11 "But let all those that put their trust in thee rejoice: let them ever shout for joy, because thou defendest them: let them also that love thy name be joyful in thee."

    Where does it come from? From Holy Spirit. From Trust. From Obedience .

    Galatians 5:22-23 New International Version (NIV)

    22 But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, forbearance, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, 23 gentleness and self-control. Against such things there is no law.

    So then, those who suffer according to God’s will should commit themselves to their faithful Creator and continue to do good.

    1 Peter 4:19 - Bible Gateway passage: 1 Peter 4:19 - New International Version

    Rejoice in the Lord always. I will say it again: Rejoice! Let your gentleness be evident to all. The Lord is near. Do not be anxious about anything, but in every situation, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.

    Philippians 4:4-7

    The Lord has established his throne in heaven, and his kingdom rules over all.

    Psalm 103:19

    Romans 15:13 "May the God of hope fill you with all joy and peace as you trust in him, so that you may overflow with hope by the power of the Holy Spirit."

    “As the Father has loved me, so have I loved you. Now remain in my love. If you keep my commands, you will remain in my love, just as I have kept my Father’s commands and remain in his love. I have told you this so that my joy may be in you and that your joy may be complete.John 15:9-11

    Though the fig tree does not bud and there are no grapes on the vines, though the olive crop fails and the fields produce no food, though there are no sheep in the pen and no cattle in the stalls, yet I will rejoice in the Lord, I will be joyful in God my Savior.

    Habakkuk 3:17-18

    And now, brothers and sisters, we want you to know about the grace that God has given the Macedonian churches. In the midst of a very severe trial, their overflowing joy and their extreme poverty welled up in rich generosity.

    2 Corinthians 8:1-2

    I am torn between the two: I desire to depart and be with Christ, which is better by far; but it is more necessary for you that I remain in the body. Convinced of this, I know that I will remain, and I will continue with all of you for your progress and joy in the faith, so that through my being with you again your boasting in Christ Jesus will abound on account of me.

    Philippians 1:23-26

    Paul says that continuing to inspire progress and joy in the church was one of the only reasons he was still even alive on earth.

    33 “I have told you these things, so that in me you may have peace. In this world you will have trouble. But take heart! I have overcome the world.”

    John 16:33

    Three times I pleaded with the Lord to take it away from me. But he said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.” Therefore I will boast all the more GLADLY about my weaknesses, so that Christ’s power may rest on me. That is why, for Christ’s sake, I delight in weaknesses, in insults, in hardships, in persecutions, in difficulties. For when I am weak, then I am strong.

    2 Corinthians 12:8-10

    Blessed is the one who perseveres under trial because, having stood the test, that person will receive the crown of life that the Lord has promised to those who love him.

    James 1:12

    I consider that our present sufferings are not worth comparing with the glory that will be revealed in us. For the creation waits in eager expectation for the children of God to be revealed.

    Romans 8:18-19

    Romans 5:1-5 New International Version (NIV)

    Peace and Hope

    5 Therefore, since we have been justified through faith, we have peace with God through our Lord Jesus Christ, 2 through whom we have gained access by faith into this grace in which we now stand. And we boast in the hope of the glory of God. 3 Not only so, but we also glory in our sufferings, because we know that suffering produces perseverance; 4 perseverance, character; and character, hope. 5 And hope does not put us to shame, because God’s love has been poured out into our hearts through the Holy Spirit, who has been given to us.

    Nehemiah said, “Go and enjoy choice food and sweet drinks, and send some to those who have nothing prepared. This day is holy to our Lord. Do not grieve, for the joy of the Lord is your strength.”

    Neh 8:10

    Psalm 51:12

    Restore to me the joy of Your salvation And sustain me with a willing spirit.

    In fact, everyone who wants to live a godly life in Christ Jesus will be persecuted,

    2 Timothy 3:12

    also the song “though you slay me” by Shane and Shane is Powerful and breaks down walls for me.
    In Christ!
  12. Ahermit

    Ahermit Active Member

    Your fear of things not going your way has caused you to be angry. It stops you from seeing the truth about yourself and others. Pray for the truth, and be prepared to see what you may not want to see. As soon as you see the truth, accept it, and all your anger will disappear, for the truth has then set you free from your fears.