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Trouble understanding what God wants from me.

Discussion in 'Christian Advice' started by jordansomething, Mar 27, 2018.

  1. jordansomething

    jordansomething New Member

    2
    +2
    France
    Christian
    Single
    Hi, my name's Jordan, I'm 17.
    This is my first time using this site so I apologise in advance if I'm doing something wrong!
    I'm here asking for advice, because I feel completely lost as to what God is calling me to do.
    So it started in fall last year, I've lived in France for the last 11 years and have never had many true friends because foreigners aren't really liked in my area. I was fed up with always being alone, so I prayed to God asking/begging him to save me from loneliness, I asked him to show me how I can fix my existing relationships and how to create new ones.
    Then, a few days later a new girl arrived at my school and I immediately fell for her. I truly believed that God had sent her to save me because everything seemed so perfect: she lives in the same small town as me (which is crazy because the school is miles away), we carpool together everyday, we knew each other when we were little, her Mum works with my disabled brother, we share the same interests and life goals and she seemed interested in me (which has never really happened to me before).
    I thought for sure that she was God's answer to my prayer, that God had it all planned out for me and that he wanted me and her to get together.
    But then I discovered that she has a boyfriend, I don't know much scripture but I'm almost certain God tells us not to want a taken woman.
    So why did God bring me to her? Why did he make me feel this way? Is this just a way for God to teach me how to control my feelings or something like that? I know God works in strange ways sometimes but this just feels like torture.
    I know that nobody can tell me why God did this, or what his plan for me is. But can someone please help me understand, or guide me towards what to do, because this situation is destroying me...
     
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  2. Soul-searching

    Soul-searching Member

    141
    +139
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    I think that God does not always give us what we need, we need to go through things to become wiser, some times there is no point in anything. Things just happen, so maybe God did not bring her to you. I don´t believe God makes plans for everything, then there is no point in the free will.Sometimes an experience is just an experience...
     
  3. Southernscotty

    Southernscotty Well-Known Member Supporter Angels Team

    +8,878
    United States
    Baptist
    Celibate
    Hi Jordan and welcome to CF. It seems from reading your post that you are seeking God's answers and sometimes that is all we can really do, God works on His own time table as you know.
    Yes it is wrong to pursue a relationship with this girl while she is with another guy. With that said, If you can just enjoy being friends with her for now, then maybe something will progress later on.
    True love can wait my brother :] Respect her as a sister and love her secretly for now until God makes His revelation known to you on what to do. I am praying for you :]
     
  4. faroukfarouk

    faroukfarouk Fading curmudgeon

    +15,040
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    Married
    Hi; good to see you.

    You are still young; don't be in a hurry for a wife. If you concentrate on the vertical - Godward - relationship, He may guide you in due course about interpersonal ones. The daily habit of prayer and Bible reading is very important in establishing one's thoughts and ways; and in making friendships with other people in due course.

    @jordansomething PS: If she starts hinting about condoms, etc. this will be a strong warning sign to you. She didn't at first tell you about the other man; this could be another warning also.
     
  5. com7fy8

    com7fy8 Well-Known Member Supporter

    +2,571
    United States
    Christian
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    If you two are Christians, she is your very own Jesus family sister. So, of course you can connect well and deeply and intimately, but while you honor how she finds she needs to be faithful to her boyfriend. As I grow in Jesus, I have more and more very special ladies I know and dearly love and deeply appreciate. This, of course, can be a problem :) God blesses us with more and better than we are able to handle.

    He is trusting you with this lady, that you might love her boyfriend as yourself by helping her to be more real in love so she can do well with him.

    We love others as ourselves, by being glad for howsoever they are blessed. I don't have a family or many friends, but I thank God for how He blesses others with their families and close friendships. Because I care for them as I love myself :)

    Of course > I can't guarantee you that I know she and he belong together. Also, even if she got away from him, this would not automatically mean she is for you. So, please pray and prepare to be honest with God about however things go :)

    God bless you, too :) Oh, and welcome to Christian Forums :)
    Bill
     
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  6. Southernscotty

    Southernscotty Well-Known Member Supporter Angels Team

    +8,878
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    Hi there, did you mean give us what we "want" ? :]
     
  7. Kit Sigmon

    Kit Sigmon Well-Known Member

    +1,269
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    In Relationship
    How did you find out she has a boyfriend?
    Did she say anything to you about having a boyfriend?

    God brings people into our lives for lots of reasons....friendship, encouragement,
    advisor, prayer warrior, mentorship, assistance etc.

    When you assume a thing, emotions manifest...you assumed she was in your life
    as a romantic interest and your emotions got on board with your thoughts.
    Scripture say...don't awaken love before the proper time, each of us need to remember that and put into practice.

     
  8. Soul-searching

    Soul-searching Member

    141
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    Perhaps;)
     
  9. Unofficial Reverand Alex

    Unofficial Reverand Alex Look up Jason Evert on YouTube; he changed my life Supporter

    +1,335
    United States
    Catholic
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    Wow--flashbacks to 2 years ago. I can't believe how far God has taken me since my 16- and 17-year-old self. Those were some nasty years for me, loaded with confusion & desperation about what I was supposed to do. Be not afraid, these times of trial will strengthen you, and make you into something amazing. Remember to pray for that...ask God to make you into something amazing, and He will.
    As far as the girl...obviously, I'm not God, nor do I think I'm a prophet who can speak His words. I'll just lay out a few possibilities for why He might have brought her into your life. Keep in mind that He knows all things, including the future, and that He has infinite love, goodness, and wisdom. From my experience, nothing works out exactly as we think it might, but keeping in mind the possibilities, while never knowing which one is true, keeps us more open-minded & aware of God's constant gentle guidance.
    --There may be trouble to come in her current relationship, and you're there to provide support when it does. This does NOT (necessarily) mean that you two will get together right after that, and planning for a break-up between her & her current boyfriend is nowhere near the love God calls us to have for each other. Remember to pray for patience, because you don't have the patience you need, and just be there for her if such an unfortunate circumstance does occur.
    --You were right about the idea of God using this to teach you self-control. While I'd highly doubt that to be the only reason He brought you this girl, it's certainly something that He's helping you with, one of many reasons He brought you this girl.
    --This could be training for when He does bring you the girl you requested. Getting experience now at taking care of someone will serve you well in the future. I've been a Christian all my life, but only gave myself to Christ the beginning of last semester, by giving Him the reigns to leading me to a girlfriend. I'm still single, but every girl He's brought me has improved me in different ways. Be patient, and rejoice that God is in charge.
    --Take this as an opportunity to deepen your prayer life. Surrender. Tell God that you don't know what to do, you don't understand, and you need Him now more than ever. Give up. Give yourself totally to Him, so He can work more fully through you. "Draw near to God, and He'll draw near to you." --James 4:8
    --"Consider it pure joy, my brothers & sisters, whenever you face trials of many kinds, for you know that the testing of your faith produces perseverance." --James 1:2-3
     
  10. Southernscotty

    Southernscotty Well-Known Member Supporter Angels Team

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    Lol, I believe He always gives us what we need, Just not always what we want.
    I know I have personally ask for "pretty crazy" things in the past and I sure am glad He refused to give them to me. "Even that cute redhead that pinched the tar out of me in the 3rd grade". :]
     
  11. Monna

    Monna Well-Known Member

    +838
    Non-Denom
    Married
    Hi Jordan, and welcome to this forum.
    When you look around the different sections and threads, you'll find a lot of people have questions similar to yours.

    There's no way any of us can say what God's specific plan for you is. But the Bible does give us clues about the general direction and principles of his plan.

    Implicit in his plan for you is that you become the very special human he had in mind - some individual personification of God's image.

    He implanted special gifts and talents, underlying character traits, in you that he would like you to develop as part of that plan to become a special person. If you follow his guidance you will find that developing these talents and gifts for other people's benefit will bring you a lot of joy and satisfaction.

    Ultimately he wants you to become like his Son - the one he loves so much. And while he does that, you will be more and more the special YOU he wants you to be. If you accept his guidance he has two very special promises for you:
    - no matter what happens in your life ('good' or 'bad') he is with you, and he can make even the worst "disasters" into constructive and positive things for your personal development (Romans 8:28). He will never give up on you, even in those moments when you think you've messed up big time.
    - he will give you everything that is good for you - you never have to worry that you're going to miss out on something positive. (Psalm 84:11). ​

    He promises "pursue the kingdom of God [in your own life] as your first priority, and all these other things [that you think of so important and imperative just now] will be added to you." (Matthew 6:33 )
    Just don't jump to conclusions too quickly when something seems to be going in a direction you think is you'd like it to. Take care of your heart, keep it closest to Jesus, and he will help you with maintaining the right perspectives, avoiding huge disappointments, and getting insights on the blessings that he is actually showering on you, without your even being aware of them!

    And in this age of instant gratification, remember that one of the fruit of the Spirit in your life will be patience. And there is no way to learn patience without waiting! So don't rush God - he is a master of timing, and he can see things that you and I can't, things that mean he doesn't always give us what we want, just when we want it. He'll wait for the perfect combination of all factors to have the greatest positive effect possible on your personal development .

    God bless you!
     
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  12. ~Anastasia~

    ~Anastasia~ † Servant of God † Supporter CF Senior Ambassador

    +14,190
    United States
    Eastern Orthodox
    Married
    Hello Jordan, and welcome to CF. Your post is exactly fine, right where it should be to ask for advice. :)

    You're in a difficult situation, it's true. At your age, these feelings tend to be a bit overwhelming, and there's not a lot we can legitimately do with them at that age in today's society.

    It's best to be careful to restrain our feelings until we are in a better position to act on them. You probably are not going to be ready for marriage for some time, so that means being careful not to make things even harder on yourself in the meantime.

    It's true that it would be dishonorable to seek a romantic relationship with the girl while she has a boyfriend. It's also not loving of another person to put her in a position to risk being tempted by you. Whatever the long -term result - whether you would eventually form some relationship with her or not, the best thing you can do for both of you right now is to try to protect both of yourselves from temptation or anything inappropriate, even in an emotional sense. If you can treat her as a sister you want to protect, that is best. Is she Christian? She may need help with her own spiritual safety, maybe to keep herself pure even with her boyfriend. I'm just tossing various things out there because this is the best kind of relationship you can have with any girl until it's time to get more serious.

    I can't tell you "God's plan" but ... it would not be reasonable to think He "gave you" a girl belonging to someone else. Of course a boyfriend/girlfriend relationship is not the same level of commitment as if you were asking whether another man's wife was God's gift to you. Dating relationships were not how things were done in ancient times, so they represent a kind of monkey wrench thrown into Scriptural principles. But even so, we can't desire what belongs in any sense to someone else.

    If you can be her friend, and maybe in some sense her protector, and protect yourself by doing so, the friendship can be an opportunity for both of you spiritually. It will help you become the man you should be for the sake of whoever you may eventually be married to. But you must be brutally honest with yourself and vigilant that you aren't really feeding temptation at the same time. Do you have a pastor, priest, or spiritually mature man who can help guide you in this and keep you accountable?

    God be with you. Prayers for you, and again, welcome to CF.
     
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