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TRIGGER WARNING Dealing with PTSD

Discussion in 'Trauma, PTSD & Dissociation' started by RevelatioNow, Oct 5, 2019.

  1. RevelatioNow

    RevelatioNow New Member

    6
    +7
    United States
    Christian
    Married
    Several years ago I began having episodes while working at my job. While driving an ambulance code 3 to the hospital I began losing feeling feeling in my arms, sometimes my legs, and sometimes time would seem to be missing. Working as a firefighter in a rough city and having an epidemic of overdoses was pushing me to a point of mentally breaking. I would binge drink off and on. I saw a lot of bad things. The last thing that sent me over was a hanging. As we walked up to the apartment on the bottom floor the wife, on her knees was screaming uncontrollably. When I walked in the house I looked as the man was being cut down by a police officer and dropping to the floor. As i glanced to the left I see two little girls and quickly noticed they were wearing the same school uniform my daughter wears. I realize the girl is in my daughters class as they are rather social and always had friends over. I dont remember much after that. I just grabbed the girls and rushed them out of the apartment. As I got older and more experienced I thought it would get easier. Later that week my daughter told me her friends dad died and they were moving. I saw on a facebook group the mother selling off all their toys so they could gather money to move north to herr parents.At 16 years I dont know how I can do another day. I have been on light duty for almost a year. I was diagnosed with PTSD and a blood pressure that needs 5 meds a day to control. I am 40 years old now and received cardiac catheterization during my light duty as I had chest pain one day and tests revealed a possible block.
    I have been given a therapist and a psychiatrist and have been seeing them since January of this year. They both diagnosed me PTSD and depression. I didnt leave my house for months save the psych appointments and kids school. I am up to 8 meds and am going through disability at the fire dept. The meds make me feel so bad and can barely do anything. Im so fatigued all the time. Im at the end of my disability and now one of the Independent Medical Examiners writes a reports thats says Im lying and faking. I have been having such a hard time accepting what Im going through and this last report has really destroyed my hope. If I get denied disability I dont know how I will continue. Three workers comp doctors say I cant work and two insurance doctors say I can. Even returning to light duty was difficult for me. I was given an assignment in a different part if the city so I wouldn't have to be around the fire dept. Even the site of rescue truck would bring me to tears. I now work in the fire administration building doing basic things to help out when needed but my doctors still won't allow me to visit the stations, mostly because of my lack of desire to. My doctor wanted me to EMDR but I couldn't bear to do it. I didnt even want to talk about work any more. I dont see the point. I know scripture says, 8Finally, brethren, whatsoever things are true, whatsoever things are honest, whatsoever things are just, whatsoever things are pure, whatsoever things are lovely, whatsoever things are of good report; if there be any virtue, and if there be any praise, think on these things.... I dont know how thinking on traumatic events is a good thing, thats what EMDR is. You are forced to relive the trauma every appointment together. My hope is I get my disability and I leave and go work part time and/or volunteer somewhere. I dont know what I will do if I dont get it. I really need some help. I need prayer. I dont know how good secular psychiatrists are. The psychiatrist seems nice enough but nobody can handle spiritual problems. I feel like these men cant understand me. I feel like we are just meant to endure. Ive had many really bad days. Days that were so unbearable I begged God for death. Watching people destroy their lives every day has taken its toll. I was getting up to 6 overdoses a day with 3-4 deaths a week, just in my small city. This world is so blind. I always felt so overloaded with empathy toward each patient that I couldn't bear their burdens anymore. I couldn't do my job. I even began cursing them and calling them junkies, even telling some I wish they were dead after bringing them back to life for the third time that day. Here I am, claiming to be a Christian. I think its time for me to hang it up.
     
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  2. anna ~ grace

    anna ~ grace Newbie Supporter

    +10,049
    United States
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    That's ok, Sir.

    It's ok to let go of something if it's breaking us. It's ok to move on career-wise. I don't do well with people. I work with bread, at Walmart. It's something.

    You've had a rough life, it sounds like. It's ok to take a step back, and try something else.
     
  3. joshua 1 9

    joshua 1 9 Well-Known Member Supporter

    +3,546
    United States
    Christian
    Married
    The Bible says we are to die to self so we can live for God. Paul says that daily he dies to self. This is what it means to be a new creation in Christ. We need to put it under the Blood of Jesus.

    I was able to use exercise to bring my blood pressure down. Stress is a primitive part of the brain and is most associated with having to run or flee from danger. What the body is doing is getting you ready to fight the enemy or run from the danger. So even though you feel fatigued the best thing to do is to exercise as much as you can to bring your blood pressure down. It may not be comfortable, but no one said it was going to be easy. You will feel good after the exercise so you are rewarded. The confusion is that sometimes the best response to danger is to freeze and not move. Animals with two cones in their eyes can not see something unless it is moving.

    Actually I was in physical therapy and I was working with the director of the program. So I was not having to work my way though this by myself. Still I know exercise works to control blood pressure. Of course prayer and leaning how to relax works also.
     
  4. zephcom

    zephcom Well-Known Member

    +1,628
    United States
    Deist
    Married
    I'm not even going to pretend that I can help you. But I can tell you for sure that you are not alone. Firefighters and EMTs are dropping like flies all over this country and no one seems to be able to help them.

    Our military personnel are in the same situation. We've have been fighting and killing in this country for decades and PTSD is everywhere from what we ask people to do 'for their country'. Some of my best friends have children suffering because of this.

    But know that this is true, I respect what you have gone through in service to your brothers and sisters from all walks of life. It takes a very special person to do what you have done. YOU are a very special person. And know that God will never turn His back on you because YOU have looked after the 'very least of these'.

    Walk away with your head high. And sue the cheap ba$tards if they don't give you the disability. You EARNED a cabin on a stream full of fish.
     
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  5. Jeshu

    Jeshu Bought by His Blood Supporter

    +6,942
    Australia
    Christian
    Married
    Dear brother P.T.S.D is hard to fake whatever those insurance doctors say. i've suffered from P.T.S.D for many years, an severe assault at the age of 11 years of age brought it on.

    Please do put your trust in God with regards to your future. The Lord knows what is in your heart and He knows you are hurting. In the mean time fight for justice and don't let insurance people outsmart you with their lies.

    As far as your trauma is concerned please consider brining all the trauma triggers to Jesus and let Him defuse them with His love and truth. i found that the majority of my trauma memories i had never brought to Christ and realised that satan had got his poison into my thinking and feeling world through making me relive the bad/painful/cruel/unpleasant/unfair/ trauma experience over and over again outside of God's loving truth and therefore outside of His protection.

    i needed to reprogram my mind with new information about the traumatic events which did not overload my emotional make up as it had done at first. i know hard to do, but with good counselling it is possible to defuse some of these hot memories stored in our brain and in this way avoid the triggers for setting us off.

    i found an excellent online P.T.S.D counsellor who has helped me deal with my rage and a lot of my trauma memories. He is not a Christian but does operate focussing on love to find the answers to our problems so i did not find him incompatible with my faith. i can never explain how much this man has helped me deal with my trauma memories.


    Please be of good courage you can be helped with these burdens. Life can become bearable again.

    Peace.

    Matthew 11:28-30
    “Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy and my burden is light.”
     
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  6. zephcom

    zephcom Well-Known Member

    +1,628
    United States
    Deist
    Married
    Oh, and one more thing.

    Get a dog. Go to the pound and get the least attractive dog there. Pick the one no one wants. Dogs know things that no one else knows. Working with a dog that no one else wants brings joy no one else understands.

    Probably the best therapy on the planet.
     
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  7. Aussie Pete

    Aussie Pete Well-Known Member Supporter

    +5,800
    Australia
    Non-Denom
    Divorced
    I know an ex police officer who went through similar experiences. There were also the pressures of dealing with police procedures more concerned with politics and appearances than community safety. He quit. I don't believe that he misses a moment. God does not expect you to endure the unendurable. If He is not giving you grace to overcome and be triumphant in your work, then I suggest that you consider alternatives.
     
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