- Jul 4, 2021
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Hi everyone,
Im sure this message has been long awaited by many here(my friends Sabretooth and tolworth John especially ),I have now started to see a psychologist,who to my surprise is actually a Methodist by faith,to treat my anxiety every two weeks for a month(AFAIK).Next week I see my psychiatrist/therapist for my appointment every 3 months.needless to say my anxiety has been hurtful today.
I’ve been attacked by intrusive thoughts regarding doubt about Gods existence,wether I want or don’t want him to be real,and of course apostasy,heart motives,and fear.Especially intrusive thoughts when I read the lords word from people here and my heart/or mind thinks “this is silly/ridiculous” and that spikes fear into me.I’m uncertain on my salvation also,but I look back to when I repented of inappropriate contentography and saw change as my hope that I have the Holy Spirit,but worry that it was by sheer tough effort(but that failed numerous times prior to this moment)
I don’t know where this treatment will lead,but I only hope God will keep me in a relationship with him for as long as I live,I live in fear everyday of the threat of somehow becoming an atheist/unbeliever.
This is something I’d like people to remember in case I forget.I can’t function properly without faith in the Lord,I can’t even eat or sleep without faith and assurance in the Lord.I cannot function properly as I know it without him,and then when I type this my mind says “oh it’s because your faith is based around fear and you’re being controlled away from your true potential” and now that I look at that statement I see it as resembling a lie from Satan.
I have seen a pattern on where my once Hadephobia has now morphed into atheophobia.
I just pray that God would take my free will away and just keep me close to him,unable to leave,and safe forever.
Im sure this message has been long awaited by many here(my friends Sabretooth and tolworth John especially ),I have now started to see a psychologist,who to my surprise is actually a Methodist by faith,to treat my anxiety every two weeks for a month(AFAIK).Next week I see my psychiatrist/therapist for my appointment every 3 months.needless to say my anxiety has been hurtful today.
I’ve been attacked by intrusive thoughts regarding doubt about Gods existence,wether I want or don’t want him to be real,and of course apostasy,heart motives,and fear.Especially intrusive thoughts when I read the lords word from people here and my heart/or mind thinks “this is silly/ridiculous” and that spikes fear into me.I’m uncertain on my salvation also,but I look back to when I repented of inappropriate contentography and saw change as my hope that I have the Holy Spirit,but worry that it was by sheer tough effort(but that failed numerous times prior to this moment)
I don’t know where this treatment will lead,but I only hope God will keep me in a relationship with him for as long as I live,I live in fear everyday of the threat of somehow becoming an atheist/unbeliever.
This is something I’d like people to remember in case I forget.I can’t function properly without faith in the Lord,I can’t even eat or sleep without faith and assurance in the Lord.I cannot function properly as I know it without him,and then when I type this my mind says “oh it’s because your faith is based around fear and you’re being controlled away from your true potential” and now that I look at that statement I see it as resembling a lie from Satan.
I have seen a pattern on where my once Hadephobia has now morphed into atheophobia.
I just pray that God would take my free will away and just keep me close to him,unable to leave,and safe forever.
