Toxic family

[pantingdeer]

When I grew up my dad always treated me harshly while treated my sisters like princesses.
Whenever I did something that was bad I would be afraid because my mum would tell my dad when he got home and he would sometimes smack me with the sole of his shoes several times or with his belt or with his fist.
Despite my dad maybe taking me on holiday or giving me pocket money I don’t think he was a good dad to me as I grew up to have hatred and anger towards my family.
When I got bigger, if my dad hit me then I began to hit back and this has become a big problem.
Nowadays my dad doesn’t hit me but he constantly pesters me on purpose until I crack and eventually lash out. I don’t why he seems to like getting on my nerves instead of being nice.

Well today I had a shower and he then moaned at me as usual for being in the shower for more than 10 minutes (he just got back home from work at this point) then said I should pay him money every time I have a shower. He also loves to turn the water heater off after 15 minutes (not long enough) so that my shower is cold.
Today I also made the dinner and I called people in to eat even though I hadn’t completely finished plating up yet - apparently this is a problem too.
I tidied the kitchen and loaded all things into dishwasher.
I then went to my room to play my electric guitar. I was told to turn it down and close my door which I did. My dad then proceeded to moan about further things and I told him to just leave me alone and let me play guitar in peace.
Two minutes later my dad rushes into my room holding the raw meat chopping board which I put in the dishwasher. He let the raw fluid drip all over my bedroom floor all because a fragment of raw chicken was left on the chopping board when it was put it the dishwasher.

At this point I was really angry as he constantly poked holes in me and I couldn’t take it anymore. I got up and kicked him out of my room and in doing so broke my electric guitar (which was previously damaged by my dad) because the lead was caught in my foot.
This made me really upset as I have no friends and all I have for company is my guitar to play with. Because of this I confronted him and pushed him several times and shouted at him about breaking my guitar. One of the times I pushed him it was in the neck region but I didn’t want to hurt him I was just really upset at him for constantly driving me insane.
Later on my dad fell and went unconscious and blamed me for it and now I am scared and sad at the monster I have become.

My family is a mess. Please help me as someday a I may do something I really regret.
Please tell me who is in the wrong as I don’t know.


By the way the rest of my family are Christians.

 

[Go Braves]

Well I sure am sorry that you were abused growing up. That's awful.

Not at all saying your dad's reaction was necessary, but I do think you need to rethink the long showers. I'm in & out of the shower usually in 5 minutes flat. Clean as can be. There are simple things you can to to prevent conflict from happening. Shorter showers, be more attentive when loading the dishwasher. Try to keep your temper when confronted. Apologizing & fixing the problem instead of arguing over it is the better way to go. I do fully understand that the reaction when you're confronted as you were is to get mad, act as you did. I just think you'd make things easier for yourself if you can stay calm.

Not trying to debate with you, just trying to be helpful.

Edit I neglected to tell you that of course I'll pray for you, for peace with your family.

 

[brinny]

When I grew up my dad always treated me harshly while treated my sisters like princesses.
Whenever I did something that was bad I would be afraid because my mum would tell my dad when he got home and he would sometimes smack me with the sole of his shoes several times or with his belt or with his fist.
Despite my dad maybe taking me on holiday or giving me pocket money I don’t think he was a good dad to me as I grew up to have hatred and anger towards my family.
When I got bigger, if my dad hit me then I began to hit back and this has become a big problem.
Nowadays my dad doesn’t hit me but he constantly pesters me on purpose until I crack and eventually lash out. I don’t why he seems to like getting on my nerves instead of being nice.

Well today I had a shower and he then moaned at me as usual for being in the shower for more than 10 minutes (he just got back home from work at this point) then said I should pay him money every time I have a shower. He also loves to turn the water heater off after 15 minutes (not long enough) so that my shower is cold.
Today I also made the dinner and I called people in to eat even though I hadn’t completely finished plating up yet - apparently this is a problem too.
I tidied the kitchen and loaded all things into dishwasher.
I then went to my room to play my electric guitar. I was told to turn it down and close my door which I did. My dad then proceeded to moan about further things and I told him to just leave me alone and let me play guitar in peace.
Two minutes later my dad rushes into my room holding the raw meat chopping board which I put in the dishwasher. He let the raw fluid drip all over my bedroom floor all because a fragment of raw chicken was left on the chopping board when it was put it the dishwasher.

At this point I was really angry as he constantly poked holes in me and I couldn’t take it anymore. I got up and kicked him out of my room and in doing so broke my electric guitar (which was previously damaged by my dad) because the lead was caught in my foot.
This made me really upset as I have no friends and all I have for company is my guitar to play with. Because of this I confronted him and pushed him several times and shouted at him about breaking my guitar. One of the times I pushed him it was in the neck region but I didn’t want to hurt him I was just really upset at him for constantly driving me insane.
Later on my dad fell and went unconscious and blamed me for it and now I am scared and sad at the monster I have become.

My family is a mess. Please help me as someday a I may do something I really regret.
Please tell me who is in the wrong as I don’t know.


By the way the rest of my family are Christians.

I'm sooooooo sorry, Andrew. Praying for you that God intervenes as only He can, and that His grace, mercy, and healing commence.

God can and does raise beauty from ashes. I can testify to that. (((hug)))

 

[pantingdeer]

Well I sure am sorry that you were abused growing up. That's awful.

Not at all saying your dad's reaction was necessary, but I do think you need to rethink the long showers. I'm in & out of the shower usually in 5 minutes flat. Clean as can be. There are simple things you can to to prevent conflict from happening. Shorter showers, be more attentive when loading the dishwasher. Try to keep your temper when confronted. Apologizing & fixing the problem instead of arguing over it is the better way to go. I do fully understand that the reaction when you're confronted as you were is to get mad, act as you did. I just think you'd make things easier for yourself if you can stay calm.

Not trying to debate with you, just trying to be helpful.

Edit I neglected to tell you that of course I'll pray for you, for peace with your family.

I have told my dad how I think about him hitting me as a child and he tells me to wise up and says I’m making a big deal out of nothing.
Is hitting children sometimes deserved?

 

[bèlla]

I’m sorry for your pain. But it doesn’t justify the choices you’re making today while under your parent’s roof. Physically touching him barring self-defense is not acceptable. If the situation escalates and he’s harmed you could be facing legal trouble.

You may not agree with his rules. But allowing anger to build up to disrespect and violence trespasses two biblical principles (strife and honoring your parents). You have the option of calming down and addressing the issue when you’re settled.

If it is clear that living together is impossible you may want to consider moving elsewhere. It would be better to vacate the premises than continue on this path.

Above all, don’t touch him anymore. You’re going to go too far and the consequences will be your greatest regret. You’ll have difficulty garnering sympathy if you’re the aggressor and he’s hurt.