Torn between faith and love. (mildy explicit)

[benny1989]

Hi I am a newcomer to Christianity, I have not been brought up in a Christian environment, nor have I much knowledge yet. I have led a fairly sinful life, and I need some help.

I have a girlfriend who I have been with for almost 3 years, she is the love of my life and I have been planning to spend the rest of my life with her, she feels the same way about me.

I have for the past 4 years been involved with alcohol abuse, sexual relationships, drug use and a life without faith.

My girlfriend and I are quite used to having sex, and have done for our entire relationship.

I am just beginning to develop a relationship with God, and I have not devoted myself to him yet, but I can already feel a big difference in my life, as if he has entered my life and is pulling me towards him.

I want so much to follow this path, but after telling my girlfriend I am considering turning to Christianity she didnt react warmly, and afterwards admitted she is not entirely happy about it.

I know that if she really loved me she would accept it, and she said she is not going to hold me back from it, but told me she didnt want for me to talk her into it. But if I am to really give my life to God, I need her to be with me in my faith. I do not expect her to just change straight away, she is not religious, and has strong belief in gay rights and her sister whom she is very close with is gay. She believes that I will turn against gays and would never be apart of something against that, however I explained to her, that most Christians would not judge or dislike a gay for being gay, but just would never be gay themself, I told her my Aunty is very Christian and she would accept a gay lovingly and without judgment.

She believes that she likes to drink and party and occasionally take drugs and would be very unhappy if I didnt have sex with her until marriage.

In fact I am scared that if I stopped having sex with her, that she would leave me.

I believe in time, with prayer and God's help and me carefully nudging her along I could make her a believer. She hasnt ever seen the love and light of God's way that recently I have discovered.

Is it okay for me to continue to have sex with her to keep my and her relationship safe until I can help her into faith?

My love is so strong for her that I currently would choose her love over faith right now.

I know that one day we will marry, and one day hopefully we will both lead Christian lives together. Help would be greatly appreciated

 

[kat.wan001]

Hi there. First of all welcome! I'm a newbie too and so can't quote scriptures etc but I can try to give some human help if that's any good? I'll leave the scriptures to the more knowledgable among us as I am still learning too

What I can say is that I sympathise with you. 100%. I've had similar problems but not so complicated as yours as I am married, so was able to continue with my husband in our normal relationship while I tried to guide him. The heart is a delicate thing to change. You've managed to slowly change yours for the best and you now have faith. It's very difficult to keep your faith strong in the early days I believe and there are many distractions and temptations. I do believe that God is with you and will guide you if you ask and believe; I know from experience it doesn't always feel like he's there when you're in a dark place but he is and he indeed works in mysterious ways. One day, whatever the final outcome, it will become clear too.

I also know for sure, from experience, there's no way you can force someone to believe - the more you push, the more they will back away, which is why Jesus was patient and kind and allowed people to come to him (I guess). Just keep praying, believing that God has everything sussed and eventually your girlfriend may be able to take baby steps towards salvation with you. Follow Christ's example, be patient and kind and pray for her. Apart from that I'm not sure what else you can actively do. Eventually it has to be her own decision. Plus point? She sounds strong willed and so if she does convert, her faith will be strong too.

You could ask her if she wouldn't mind you talking to her about the bible as you're new to it and Jesus' teachings; only if she's comfortable with it though. But make sure you make it clear you don't want her to convert straight away, just listen. Think about what converted you? The same thing may work with your GF but everybody's different. In the end, even if she doesn't believe she has to be receptive for any relationship to work. This goes for the sex before marriage thing too. I understand how she will feel rejected but hopefully she'll respect you and your beliefs. I pray she will do this for you.

If God could come to you, he can also come to your girlfriend so don't lose hope.

Not sure this helps but I know it helps to talk and know someone cares. Good luck and try to keep smiling! BTW - My husband has now accepted Jesus in his own way and believes in him as the saviour. Anything is possible with faith.

Good luck and remember - God loves you more than anyone.

 

[Singermom]

I'm sorry to say that you have a very difficult decision to make.

By your post, she seems pretty firm of not coming to Christ. While I can understand her hesitance because of her sister (and you're right, she can continue to love her sister even if she does come to Christ), her rather selfish reasons of loving to party, sex, drink & drug are, to me, rather off-putting. She seems to have made it clear that she does NOT want you to try to "talk her into it", and yet at the end of her note you state "Is it okay for me to continue to have sex with her to keep my and her relationship safe until I can help her into faith?", implying that, eventually, you WILL try to talk her into it. While NOTHING is impossible with Christ, that is a very shaky groundwork to start a relationship (I know, I know; you've been together for a few years...but she'll be starting a relationship with a whole new person, essentually). Don't you think that she will eventually resent you for misleading her...saying you won't try to "Christianize" her, and then try to?


Another tone in your note - and I'm sorry if I sound harsh - is that you love her a durned sight more than she loves you. You are willing to give up just about anything for her...but she can't give up partying for you? You said yourself that you believe that if you stop having sex with her she will leave you. Once again, not to be harsh, but is that REALLY the kind of relationship you want?

My take: You and she need to have a long talk. If Jesus is as important to you as he should be you need to be completely honest with her. You should NOT have sex with her. You should not do drugs or heavily drink. You need to tell her that you would love it if she would eventually look to Christ, and that you can't promise not to talk to her about it. Explain to her how much you love her. See what she says.


You have a lot of thinking and praying to do on this. Benny, I'll be praying for you...and for her.

 

[heymikey80]

I agree, the struggle you're in is very difficult. I would highly advise you talk with your pastor about it.

There is no way you can't talk at all about your faith in Christ. Certainly she must realize that'd be silly. But you can point out to her that you aren't under any compulsion to constantly try to make a Christian out of her. You'll probably need to read 1 Corinthians 7 and the first couple of chapters of 1 Peter very carefully to understand your responsibilities in this matter. The point here: you aren't supposed to pester a spouse with Christ's claims, post-rejection. But you are still to live your life as a Christian, verbally and vocally as well as in what you do. And that can mean saying things that "tick her off" sometimes.

Sex, drugs, and partying are that important to her ... hm. I'm with Singermom, are you really sure this is love? It sounds like one false move, and it's over. Would you really want to marry someone who wouldn't stick around if you weren't physically able to party, or you got some condition that prevented these other recreations?

In any event, sexuality is one of those items which is of particular importance in Christian walk. It's not unforgivable. It is very important. Other people lost their lives maintaining their sexual purity as Christians. You might lose a not too loving girlfriend.

God may well have someone far better in mind for you. Can you survive it?

And for the record, I understand this deep connection you have with her. I don't want to discount it. It may well be your girlfriend is bigger than it seems to you right now, and will become someone far greater than what she seems to be right now. Give her awhile. People change and adjust.

My wife was once declared a heretic by her priest. It was a little different introducing her back to a church.

I have gay friends, so I don't really see the problem there. The issue is not tolerance but taking redemptive opportunities .... But no more of that, it's not what you asked.

 

[benny1989]

Hi everyone, Im sorry for the late reply, my internet was down!

Thankyou for your help with the matter.

I must say, since this post my connection with God and Jesus has grown IMMENSELY, Jesus came to me and really pulled me head first in!

I have realised what is more important now, and that is my savior. It breaks my heart to go through this with my girlfriend though.

We had a discussion about it, and she admitted she does NOT like it at all. She said she will never even give it a go, and we got into an argument about it and she said I have changed so much etc etc. But I know that I have changed for all the RIGHT reasons.

Her and I are on the verge of splitting up now, it is breaking my heart that she was so unaccepting of my faith, but it just goes to show that she was not right for me.

 

[oi_antz]

Hi everyone, Im sorry for the late reply, my internet was down!

Thankyou for your help with the matter.

I must say, since this post my connection with God and Jesus has grown IMMENSELY, Jesus came to me and really pulled me head first in!

I have realised what is more important now, and that is my savior. It breaks my heart to go through this with my girlfriend though.

We had a discussion about it, and she admitted she does NOT like it at all. She said she will never even give it a go, and we got into an argument about it and she said I have changed so much etc etc. But I know that I have changed for all the RIGHT reasons.

Her and I are on the verge of splitting up now, it is breaking my heart that she was so unaccepting of my faith, but it just goes to show that she was not right for me.

You are truly blessed to know the Lord, it is sad that not every person is always willing to know Him, but I know they are partying in heaven for your soul right now and just picture your girlfriend there with them because your testimony may help her come to Jesus one day too.

Best wishes and step in with your input around the boards, we can all do with more of Jesus' love represented

 

[wanelad]

Wow Benny that is a great testimony Gods power working within so strongly, although I empathise with your decision I praise God for such works.

That is really picking up the cross and walking the mile with it, I pray Gods Blessings on you in Jesus name. The Holy Spirit is given by God as the comforter during such times John 14:16

 

[Singermom]

God Bless you, Benny. At the risk of sounding trite and falling into platitudes, I know it hurts now, but as you said, unless she has a HUGE change of heart (and remember that NOTHING is impossible with God), she may not be "the one" for you. You did the right thing.

I will continue to pray for you...and for her.

 

[WretchedMan]

I will pray for you brother. It's is a hard thing you are going through, but take heart.

Luke 18:28-30: 28 And Peter said, "See, we have left our homes and followed you." 29 And he said to them, "Truly, I say to you, there is no one who has left house or wife or brothers [fn2] or parents or children, for the sake of the kingdom of God, 30 who will not receive many times more in this time, and in the age to come eternal life."

Although there is pain now, God has much more in store for you. As time goes by you will look back and thank God for what is happening now.

Welcome to the body of Christ! Remember to pray and study the Scriptures. Draw near to Jesus and He will draw near to you. God bless you brother.

 

[*i*love*jesus]

With all that is going the world right now your testament is a joyful, glorious thing to see... You have made the right choice, keep praying.

 

[Novela]

Hello there!

I am a 26 year old woman from Norway (apologizing for my foreign-english). I started to walk towards God at the age of 17.
I want to share some thoughts and belifs on your matter. But remember that christians, and people in general, can never tell you what is right for you. Or what to do. We can just share. And you take from it what you feel is right.

I think it is important to develope the relationship with God in realtime. It is so easy to jump, not walk. And the walk is actually beautiful if you think about it. Be open with God, about everything, and don`t worry. God loves you and blesses you, no mather what you do. He just wants you to choose to say I belive in you God, I give my life to you.
I take to small steps, and to large steps sometimes.. It is okay! I give my self to Him, again everyday. The path I walk on is both a path of faith and guideance.

If you would have to leave your lovely girl, it would be because you got to understand that it would be the right thing to do. F.ex if you feel she would want you to put her before God. She seemed okay with it, from what you first wrote.. Maybe she needs time. A lot of it.

I have friends with non christian-partners. They struggle a bit, as God is the deepest love and truth in their life. They want to live in Gods love, appreciate the little moments of God in their everyday life and keep growing closer to God and that they feel alone, since their partner don`t share the views. To be a human on earth is some challenge! It is good to walk in pairs, and walk with the same purpose.
So summing up, my thoghts are, be honest and give your life and love to the creator, be patient, grow and learn. And God is there for your girlfriend too, you really can bring her to Him.
God bless you!

 

[DreamOutLoud]

Hi everyone, Im sorry for the late reply, my internet was down!

Thankyou for your help with the matter.

I must say, since this post my connection with God and Jesus has grown IMMENSELY, Jesus came to me and really pulled me head first in!

I have realised what is more important now, and that is my savior. It breaks my heart to go through this with my girlfriend though.

We had a discussion about it, and she admitted she does NOT like it at all. She said she will never even give it a go, and we got into an argument about it and she said I have changed so much etc etc. But I know that I have changed for all the RIGHT reasons.

Her and I are on the verge of splitting up now, it is breaking my heart that she was so unaccepting of my faith, but it just goes to show that she was not right for me.

You don't know how impressed I am...

 

[SharonL]

Hi Benny:

Life's decisions get tough and the older you get the tougher they get - but you will always stand tall when you make the right decisions.

Your girlfriends respect for you will come out as anger because you are ruining her way of life - but once she stands back and takes a look and sizes you up against her friends who have lower morals, she will realize how tough you are and that you made the right decision - it may not come tomorrow - but just keep walking and let the joy of the Lord shine through you, she will see that all the other things become so unimportant.

You will be blessede and you will make a difference in your friends - they will not show it right now because it takes a lot of backbone to stand tall among all the things being thrown at you.

I know it is hard to understand right now - but you will look back on this decision as one of the greatest decisions in your life. There is no comparison to a few years of parties, drinking, drugs and sex to an eternity with your Lord and Savior. You can have fun in the Lord, just a different lifestyle. But the feeling you have will not compare to the worldly view of life - it is much greater.

If this chapter closes in your life, God has bigger and better plans for you and right now it is just a matter of trusting in what God has in store for you. Just put your hand in the hand of Jesus and let the Holy Spirit guide you and don't look back - the future is much brighter for you and you will find a partner who wants the walk that you have with the Lord and you will see what a wonderful relationship that can be developed built upon Jesus and His walk.

Blessings to you for your courage.