Prayer Request To remarry or not to remarry? That is the momentous question

[makeajoyfulnoise100]

Matthew 5:32 states very clearly that if I remarry I am an adulteress. So then does that either mean adultery can be forgiven by staying single for the rest of my life? Or can I marry another divorcee (or someone who was promiscuous but repented of those ways) and be a helper to a man's walk with God?

Paul goes onto the benefits of being single, but Paul wasn't a woman. I guess my question is what role can I perform in the church? The only thing I can think of is to tell my testimony and hope it helps, but even still I don't feel it's enough.

If anyone has advice please share. If not prayers would be appreciated to find out what to do with my life.

 

[pdudgeon]

my interpretation of that scripture is different than yours. I think that it's actually addressed to the husbands, and is warning them that they do a grave disservice to their wives for casting them away for any spurious reason. Instead they should look to the hardness of their own hearts and change that first before casting away a wife, thus denying her the support (in every sense) that was promised to her at her wedding.
And that by refusing her that support, they are the ones at fault for making her seek such support and comfort in the arms of another man.

So in short, no I would not blame a divorced woman whose husband had cast her out for marrying again because of need.

 

[Deadworm]

In Mark 10:11-12 Jesus prohibits spouses from divorce and remarriage. But Matthew 5:32 demonstrates that this is only a guideline for which there can be exceptions--in this case, adultery. The wording of Matthew 19:9 implies that in the case of adultery divorce and remarriage are possible: "And I say to you, whoever divorces his wife, except for unchastity, and marries another commits adultery."

But can there be other exceptions? In 1 Corinthians 7:10 Paul endorses Jesus' prohibition against divorce. But 7:15 makes it clear that, once again, this prohibition is merely a guideline, not an absolute: "If the unbelieving partner separates (= divorces) let be so. In such cases, the brother or sister is not bound (to remain married or single?); for God has called you to peace." The issue here is whether the phrase "is not bound" implies that remarriage is permissible. I think it does. If a pagan man files for divorce, his wife cannot prevent this in any case. So Paul would be offering meaningless instruction, if he intended to prohibit remarriage here. But if the phrase means "is not bound to remain single," then the advice is very meaningful. However, both Paul and Jesus would insist that the believing spouse would first do everything possible to repair and preserve her marriage.

In any case, Jesus and Paul provide 2 cases in which divorce is permissible: cases of adultery and cases of a mixed marriage between believers and unbelievers, in which the unbelieving spouse refuses to work at restoring the marriage. If there are 2 exceptions to Jesus' general guideline, it seems reasonable to assume that there can be other legitimate grounds for divorce.

 

[ChristIsSovereign]

Remarriage is only legitimate if the spouse/ex-spouse dies. (Exception would be for cases of fornication.)

Matthew 5:32
1 Corinthians 7:8-9

 

[mikeforjesus]

Point 1:

Did you know that if you cheat you would not be allowed to remarry or was that unfamiliar ?


Point 2:

Did you feel as a Protestant you had power to obey the commandments. If so it makes you more responsible. Or did you know you had no power and used to not even consider how to get power but to blaspheme orthodoxy and not consider it not that you would have to because I believe God will give power to you as a Protestant if you are convinced about orthodoxy a little bit (or if you interpret the verses on baptism and communion differently and are sure of it )but not sure and you don't convert for a understood excusable reason but in such a case as you if you lack power and think orthodoxy will help you ought to be orthodox and you could have still remain married to a Protestant because then it shouldn't be about pleasing others but yourself because adultery destroys lives
I believe Protestants can still obey God within their ability to be worthy of being witnessed with power but they may be witnessed with power anyway

Point 3:

One sin is enough for God not to be patient if commited with no reason for sympathy. Repentance is however possible but you must not repeat. God may be patient towards you because you were not brought up to believe in no remarriage for adulterers and you never knew nor could you respond to orthodoxy for there is a day for salvation for all who do their best. God is patient to those who never heard the gospel but not those who heard and can respond to it. That does not mean you can keep remarrying though everyone who has can repent now for God thought them worthy to be left alive. If you have discovered you have no strength to remain faithful you must become orthodox.

You have been convicted of remarriage being wrong therefore you are held to a higher standard. You can marry again if you did not know or familiar with consequences but it is only safe one more time

I can not put limit to God mercy but I also can not say it is safe. I don't know who God thinks deserves mercy

Some are happier single but some will not be in good mental state

however you must be repentant and not think your new husband is better but it is like a new chance with your old husband
Maybe it is right to wait till the husband you cheated on is remarried

Obviously the above is only my beliefs I hold until shown better and I follow just what I know and I am a seeker of truth

 

[mikeforjesus]

The church may not like my view and consider it dangerous because after I wrote it an app from my church (not my local church or one I go to on Sunday) which provides daily words said this. Ideally is the person who listens to the church even if they be wrong
But I think some church leaders of my church have no problem for remarriage of those who never knew orthodoxy but I may not always agree with this however they believe still you are in danger to delay joining the church

He who relies on his personal opinion, even if he were holy, is deceived, and the danger of his deception is worse than that of a beginner who surrenders his affairs in the hands of someone else.
St John Chrysostom

 

[tdidymas]

Matthew 5:32 states very clearly that if I remarry I am an adulteress. So then does that either mean adultery can be forgiven by staying single for the rest of my life? Or can I marry another divorcee (or someone who was promiscuous but repented of those ways) and be a helper to a man's walk with God?

Paul goes onto the benefits of being single, but Paul wasn't a woman. I guess my question is what role can I perform in the church? The only thing I can think of is to tell my testimony and hope it helps, but even still I don't feel it's enough.

If anyone has advice please share. If not prayers would be appreciated to find out what to do with my life.

I am 63 yrs old and had this same dilemma for many years, even though I never married; by the time I was ready, all available women were divorcees, and that's where the dilemma became a major problem with me. I'm just trying to say that I sympathize with you. And by this time, I can't see much hope of marrying for the same reason, in addition to the fact that my desire for it has greatly waned.

There is a point in your question that seems just a little ambiguous; I can't determine for sure if you are admitting that you were promiscuous, or if you're just hypothesizing about someone else being promiscuous in the past. But regardless of which it is, the past should not be a determiner of what you do in the future (I say this as an ideal, as my own past still has a lot to do with what I do today - yes, I admit that I don't live up to my own ideals). In other words, past sins should not be a deciding factor in whether you remarry or not. What should be a deciding factor is, do you believe with all your heart that God is joining you up with a godly man? And this can only be answered when "the question" is popped (you know what question I'm talking about).

This means that you should live life as a disciple of Christ, following His leading, applying His words, etc. Trust God for your future. If you meet "the one" then well and good, and if not, then why not let God be your sufficiency?

Worst case, if you do marry, and then find that divorce is inevitable for the same reasons you previously divorced, then you have to ask yourself the question: what is the sin in me that shows this same pattern? What is my "revolving door" sin?

I find it hard to believe, even though Mat. 5:32 reads that way, that no remarriage (with stated exceptions) is an absolute law, that if you break this "absolute law" that you won't make it to heaven. There are dozens of conflicting interpretations and applications of that verse. I don't recommend putting yourself in bondage by taking the worst-case scenario and demanding that you adhere to it or else. Our relationship with God is faith-based, so I recommend trusting God to lead you, whichever way that goes. I know many divorcees who remarried and are living happy Christ-filled lives. I also know singles like myself who are happy the way we are. Of course, everyone has troubles in relationships.
TD

 

[makeajoyfulnoise100]

Ah I guess I should make it clear. He divorced me not because I cheated, but rather because I had a mental breakdown due to his abusiveness. I suspected him of cheating since his ex called me one day and told me they got together. He raped me, abused drugs, and physically and mentally abused me. I wanted to seek help for us both but he refused so in the end he divorced me. He basically chose the drugs over me.

 

[dayhiker]

I'd say he did you a favor by insisting on a divorce.

 

[makeajoyfulnoise100]

I'd say he did you a favor by insisting on a divorce.

Ha yeah more or less.

 

[Lotuspetal_uk]

Ah I guess I should make it clear. He divorced me not because I cheated, but rather because I had a mental breakdown due to his abusiveness. I suspected him of cheating since his ex called me one day and told me they got together. He raped me, abused drugs, and physically and mentally abused me. I wanted to seek help for us both but he refused so in the end he divorced me. He basically chose the drugs over me.

Sounds closer to 1 Cor 7:15. But we serve a God who saw your tears and got him to file for divorce.

Personally for me, I think that once you are healed, you will find a person who deserves you

 

[ThisIsMe123]

Remarriage is only legitimate if the spouse/ex-spouse dies. (Exception would be for cases of fornication.)

Matthew 5:32
1 Corinthians 7:8-9

What if the ex-spouse remarries? Does that justify the other party to go ahead and pursue relations with other women?

I am 63 yrs old and had this same dilemma for many years, even though I never married; by the time I was ready, all available women were divorcees, and that's where the dilemma became a major problem with me.

This is where even Christians are stuck dating divorcee's. Of course, you could weed them out by asking them, "So, why did you divorce? Did he/she cheat on you? If so, let's go out!" Not sure I'd open with that, but with a high rate mostly due to irreconcilable difference, or the person just got sick of looking at them on a daily basis...you're kind of stuck having to date these divorcee's...regardless of the reason of what happened in their previous marriage. It's like we're kind of set up for failure....since there was a time that existed when people DID stick together until death.

But now, available men and women are divorcee's by the age of 30 or even 40s. I mean, seriously, should these people be doomed to no companionship whatsoever since their divorce?

I cannot help but think that these message boards come up with these countless threads asking these questions, not only on this board, but other sites as well.

It's as if they are trying to rationalize or seek justification to date, regardless of the nature of the other person's divorce.

To be honest, I don't care of the nature of the other person's divorce...as long as they are free and clear via a divorce, that's all that matters to me.

I'm not going to turn down a date from a woman that grew apart from her previous husband.

 

[mikeforjesus]

If you want to know ask the church

 

[mikeforjesus]

It is not the best thing biblically to divorce even an abusive spouse or cheater if you ever had true love. Some of the saints in our church didn't. Jesus was betrothed to one person the church. There may be allowances but it is not the most godly thing to do and I don't know if you wilfully do it or is dangerous for your soul and harder to repent I don't know nonetheless it is not the best. You should trust even if you don't reconcile that God can work miracles through your love to bring them to repentance without remarrying and just having a civil divorce but not church divorce
A learnt this from a godly girl and I agree with her. We can't limit God power. Do we care for heaven or earthly happiness ?

However you should probably never reconcile with that person if he abuses your forgiveness without divorcing him either

 

[dayhiker]

When I was young I'd agree with you Mike, but now that I've heard how much damage a spouse who abuses their wife or husband does, I find anyone advising the abused to stay is themselves abusing this person. Would you advise a person to walk by a bully ever day who picked on them ever day and stole anything of value they had for days on end? I'd say lets go fine a report to the police and plan away that you would never cross their path again. I've seen how much damage an abusive spouse can be and loving that spouse rarely changes them. Their mind is so twisted that they think what they are doing isn't wrong. So staying doesn't bring guilt on them. To advise a person to stay is to tell the abuser their actions are bad. Its to support the work of Satan.

 

[mikeforjesus]

I said not to stay but not to remarry
Okay it was my mistake I said you can sometimes may be able to reconcile I think not but just not to remarry

 

[dayhiker]

definitely don't remarry, I agree. I took your comment "not the best thing biblically to divorce even an abusive spouse or cheater if you ever had true love." to be bad advice. Ya, if it was a one time thing then I would say forgive and move on. But usually these are patterns of behavior that need years of therapy and work to change. I'd never advise the abused to stay in that situation as that to me would be abuse. The Jews understand the OT to teach that if a spouse isn't providing for their spouse then one has a right to divorce. So I think the Bible gives the person being abused the right to divorce.

 

[mikeforjesus]

Maybe it does give right and make it completely innocent or maybe not still it doesn't support it as ideal
However allowances are made even though it is not approved as completely innocent or innocent

 

[mikeforjesus]

It continues here
Remarriage bad news for those who have no problem with it

 

[Boaz308]

God Hates Divorce. God allows divorce and remarriage if your your spouse is unfaithful, or if they are a non believer who departs/divorces (since you can't stop them anyway). If they are a believer and have separated/divorced and are trying to reconcile then you should not remarry but work on reconciliation. I don't think that we understand how seriously God takes marriage. Even the Apostle Paul writes in Ephesians 5:32 "It's a Great Mystery how the two become one flesh." Even Paul, who wrote a huge portion of the bible did not fully understand it. Unfortunately we live in a day and age where people simply do not believe the bible when it comes to marriage. Certainly when it comes to Divorce and remarriage. They just want to gratify their flesh. I have literally heard people say things like, "My first two marriages were not God ordained, but my current one is. I'm like "WHAT". They are calling God a Liar. I don't think you should do that. Their first marriage was ordained and the two became one flesh, and since they divorced their first spouse for non biblical reasons they are simply left to live in adultery and justify it however they can. How exactly are they not the unbelieving spouse that has departed spoken of in Corinthians. I know this is Hard, but it is the written word of God on the subject.