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Trigger Warning To My Ex Significant Other

Discussion in 'Trauma, PTSD & Dissociation' started by waves, Dec 17, 2018.

  1. waves

    waves not so new

    +535
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    When I am around you I am painfully aware of the fact that I am inadequate when it comes to other women. It is not easy for me to socialize with people because of all what has happened in my life.

    As a teenager I remember hearing a pastor saying how a man cheated on his wife, because he had a coworker who kept on encouraging him when he did things, while his wife was not.

    Even as a teen I remember this bothering me because complimenting people, engaging with others meaningful is not natural to me, it is extremely difficult and I feared this would happen to me.

    Jesus Christ has shown me that the root of my concern was in regards to my good friend in college who you really liked and you kept pushing me away to spend time with her. God has shown me that she was not suppose to sit where we were, and he was not happy about it.

    This occurrence made me to realize that in your eyes I am dispensable, that if you see a woman who you consider to have everything (is pretty, popular, sociable etc) that you will easily push me aside.

    With my ex best friend I see the same happening. This is where you push me away to spend time with her, because you enjoy her company more than me. This is evident as you keep in constant communication with her leaving me out. When we go anywhere in public you often leave me by myself while when you see my ex best friend you automatically go to her and hug her warmly and sit with her spending time with her.

    Despite what Jesus Christ has been repeatedly showing you about my ex best friend and the situation occurring, you believe that I am controlling because I am telling you not to speak with particular persons. The truth is I should not have to tell you to stop talking to particular persons and I will not do it again.

    On your own you should be able to know when to distance yourself from some other people for example persons who continually laugh at me, make fun of me etc If you had a friend who made fun of your mom you would be angry and you wouldn't speak to those persons. You would be extremely upset.

    While with me, the woman who God has placed into your life to be your wife you have no problem hanging out with persons who laugh at me, who talk bad about me, you even are in agreement with them. Something is wrong with that picture. If you really love and care about someone, when anyone treats that person bad you would be defending that someone, making it absolutely clear that this is unacceptable. This is what you do for my ex best friend and other friends you have.

    As a result of what is happening I cannot be in your life. I do not want to go where you are, or be around you, because I know in your heart of hearts you rather be with other persons than me, which is obviously clear. I also cannot be in the life of someone who enjoys spending time with others who treat me bad.

    Time and time again you have shown very clearly that you can talk to whomever you want etc, and gets upset at me, when I complain about persons who you talk to well who ill treats me etc. I should not have to tell you not to associate with some persons.

    On your own you should have enough insight to realize that you cannot continue to be in the life of persons in a meaningful way, who does everything to make me feel bad about myself, and have me in your life at the same time. Time and time again you have chose those persons over me, you have made it clear so many times, that your relationship with those persons are much more important to you, than me.

    I will not ask you to choose anymore between me and anyone else, less you blame me for "controlling you", and preventing you from hanging out with your friends and significant other you who want to hang out with.

    Jesus Christ has shown me that some of my alters have still friends with my ex best friend. This is not because she is a good person, but because my alters want to believe that she is a friend, when I know deep in my heart that she and other former high school friends, are not my friend, but hates me and finds me annoying.

    This is why some of my alters treat her as a friend. It is the way for me to cope being around former high school classmates that I know truly hate me.

    About 2 to 3 days ago by dream, God has shown me that your mother was sending me a message saying that "her son (you) would not do things to make me angry anymore". You can ask your mother about this. When I was crying out to God about the situation I am in with you, she herself was in distress because she understood, that what you are doing is wrong, and as a result she is praying for you on her behalf.

    There is nothing more for me to say to you. You have made your choice a long time ago, and I respect your decisions, because only you can determine who is involved in your life, not me. God does not infringe on anyone's free will, and I will not infringe on anyone's free will including your own.
     
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  2. Sam91

    Sam91 Child of the Living God Supporter

    +6,541
    United Kingdom
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    I don't have time to read this now but just want you to know I am thinking of you. Be strong in Him. Rest in Him knowing that you are His child.

    God bless you! ♡ (will read it later, when I can)
     
  3. Beautyinsteadofashes

    Beautyinsteadofashes Well-Known Member Supporter

    447
    +925
    United States
    Christian
    In Relationship
    Hi Waves. I can relate to what you are describing. There were people a few years ago who treated me very badly but my ex continued to associate with them, even leaving me alone one night when I wasn’t welcome around (we all were roommates but they kicked me out). He sayed there with them while I had to go find somewhere to stay for the night. He didn’t even help me take my things. I slept on some girl’s floor that night. She knew the people who didn’t like me and so she wouldn’t let me sleep on her couch. All I had was a blanket. My ex wouldn’t even bring me my pillow. He said he needed his sleep.
    I’m in a relationship now with someone who I know would tell me to forgive my ex as well as the people who did me wrong. I know he wouldn’t ever speak ill of them, he’s just not that type of person at all. I’m sure he’d pray for them too. But I don’t think he’d have them in any close positions in his life.
    I started writing about how you can forgive someone but they don’t have to be part of your life. This is true, you can forgive someone who is no longer part of your life but that doesn’t mean you then have to find them and bring them back in. But I was thinking how even if I forgave my ex, he could never be back in my life. And I feel somehow convicted of that. I think maybe saying someone is never allowed back in says you don’t believe they could change (but God changes hearts) or that you’re still angry and haven’t forgiven or both. Yet sometimes people are not safe to have around but you can still forgive them.
    As you can see, I’m still working things out in this area.
    I think the important thing is to forgive. Ultimately you decide who is allowed a spot in your life. And you do deserve respect and honesty.
     
  4. Sam91

    Sam91 Child of the Living God Supporter

    +6,541
    United Kingdom
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    Try to forget him because he does not respect you. If you married him life would be worse. Wait for someone who will love you and who puts your needs at the same level as his own... and you can do likewise.

    You need to heal from all the hurt and a guy like this is only going to wound you more.
    God bless you Sister
     
  5. Southernscotty

    Southernscotty Well-Known Member Supporter Angels Team

    +9,374
    United States
    Baptist
    Celibate
    Praying for you precious Sister and know that this too shall pass and that God loves you so so very much. Lay your burdens at the foot of the cross and know without a doubt that Jesus Christ is with you and will carry you through this tough trial.
     
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  6. waves

    waves not so new

    +535
    Non-Denom
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    Thanks you all for your support.
     
  7. waves

    waves not so new

    +535
    Non-Denom
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    What you said really resonated with me in two ways. In the first way I needed somewhere to stay and i tried to contact him but he ignored me and one of his friends however offered to let me stay with him but I didn't. Also shortly after, I was in the hospital ( a few years ago) and I told my significant other and he didn't make any effort to visit me and he sounded angry on the phone. If he was in the hospital no matter what I would have visited him to see if he is okay.

    Some of his friends know me from college. I was always quiet, kept to myself especially because I had very very bad social anxiety. I didn't gossip or anything like that about other persons but because I was quiet, I remember my ex significant other would get very annoyed with me when I couldn't speak properly because of my fears. He would shout at me etc. I was the odd one out, not because I did not like anybody around me, but because I was struggling with severe social anxiety disorder.

    I wish that things were much better between me and him, but he distanced himself to the point where he would not talk with me about what was going on in his life, or ask me about my own life. Instead he shared his every day activities with my ex best friend, where she knows a lot about what he is doing, and is constant communication with him, while I know next to nothing about him. He didn't take the time to find out about me and what was really going on and this hurts so much.
     
    Last edited: Dec 18, 2018
  8. Beautyinsteadofashes

    Beautyinsteadofashes Well-Known Member Supporter

    447
    +925
    United States
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    In Relationship
    I’m sorry dear you had to experience that. I had (and still have) a lot of social anxiety as well. For many years I did not speak in public. It caused friction between me and an ex. He had to speak for me a lot of times and also make calls. I know he resented that.
    Me ex (the one I mentioned in my other reply) he would also be angry in situations like my being in the hospital or being sick or in pain, etc. I would often even be cussed at whenever I mentioned feeling unwell. Even when I went into labor with our son.
    I tell you wholeheartedly that you deserve to be treated with respect. You deserve to be treated with patience and kindness. What you think and feel does matter and will matter to a person who truly cares.
     
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