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Tired of Playing the Husband Role!

Discussion in 'Ministry Spouses' started by Xavier Cane, May 24, 2017.

  1. Xavier Cane

    Xavier Cane Active Member

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    Thank you all for your input.
     
    Last edited: May 25, 2017
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  2. Sam91

    Sam91 Child of the Living God Supporter

    +7,608
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    You're depressed?
     
  3. Tree of Life

    Tree of Life Hide The Pain

    +5,586
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    Reformed
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    Being a husband and father is a very difficult thing for sinners to do. You don't want to do it because you're a sinner that's oriented toward yourself (just like all of us). It's very difficult for people who love the self to die to self - which being a husband constantly requires.

    The only way to get the spiritual energy that you need to carry out your responsibility with joy is to be continually drinking from the fount of grace.

    A few questions:
    1. Are you part of a church?
    2. Do you hear good preaching?
    3. Are you able to share these things with any friends in your life?
    4. Hows your prayer life?
    5. Have you spoken with your wife about these things?
    6. Have you spoken with your pastor about these things?
     
  4. section9+1

    section9+1 Well-Known Member

    +876
    Christian
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    You need to have a few looooong heartfelt talks with your wife. You need to fix this together. Lack of commitment ruins marriages. Sometimes I think arranged marriages do better. It's more of a business deal and commitment is stronger. If you marry for love, what do you have when love is gone? No more reason to stay together. Love is great if you can maintain it.
     
  5. HereIStand

    HereIStand Regular Member Supporter

    +3,002
    United States
    Presbyterian
    Married
    We all can't be like,
    [​IMG]

    Seriously though, marriage can be tough. My suggestion would be to try to find some space pursing outside interests. Stay in prayer, and realize that marriage, like earthly life is temporal. Enjoy the good parts of family life, and hang in there when things are going less-than rosy.
     
  6. NothingIsImpossible

    NothingIsImpossible Well-Known Member

    +2,955
    Christian
    Married
    I guess I have a few questions...

    1. How old were you when you two married?
    2. Is the infidelity in regards to your marriage?

    I ask the first one because alot of times people marry super young without realizing just how hard life is. Even more so when married. The hard truth is life is work. Endless work that drives you nuts sometimes. On top of that there are trials, hardships, anger, sadness...etc. Especailly in marriage. We can never satisfy our spouse fully. It is impossible. Only God can do that. If we try then we will just end up disappointed.

    On top of it once you have kids.... its the hardest thing ever to maintain a life, marriage and kids. Its why I have no interest in kids right now. In todays world I see more couples get divorced because once they have kids they don't have time for each other, the love dies off and they feel overly stressed. I don't want that. Marriage is hard as it is sometimes.

    Obviously don't leave your wife. And don't leave your faith. But stay strong and know this is what you signed up for when you married and had kids. It may be frustrating but in the end theres not much else we can do. Pray, pray and pray. Involve your wife. Maybe tell her how you feel. See if you two can make some changes to make things easier. Get some couples counseling. Talk to a pastor. Maybe have a "Date night" with your wife sometimes, just the two of you out of the house together.
     
  7. section9+1

    section9+1 Well-Known Member

    +876
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    This is our one and only marriage for both me and my wife and it has been successful. No bed of roses and a lot of work and a lot of commitment. But we are at the point now where I could not imagine life without this woman.
     
  8. Xavier Cane

    Xavier Cane Active Member

    329
    +118
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    Married

    It's nice of you to judge me even though you do not know me or my situation. How do you know I am a sinner? By sinner do you mean unbeliever? I love Jesus Thank you very much, and I am saved by the grace of God, and my prayer life is very strong. No, I am not "part of a church", I am the church. Yes, I have spoken to my wife about this. You ask too many questions. Some are irrelevant to solving the problem, especially talking to a pastor who is just as flawed as other humans. Only grace can help me, and it has pushed me this far along. I'm just tired. You ever get spiritually tired and just want to give up? Well if not, you are about the only one in history.
     
    Last edited: May 24, 2017
  9. Xavier Cane

    Xavier Cane Active Member

    329
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    Good for you!
     
  10. Xavier Cane

    Xavier Cane Active Member

    329
    +118
    Christian
    Married

    You know, I got married at the age of 20, let's just say its been over 10 years. We have three kids, the oldest is two years younger than our marriage, the second is about 3 years younger than the marriage.

    Thanks for the advice. I'm not going to leave her, but it is hard to work through. I just do not think the damage can be repaired. I've already done all of the above.
     
  11. Xavier Cane

    Xavier Cane Active Member

    329
    +118
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    Extremely. Family life makes me tired. I should have waited like my mother said.
     
  12. Tree of Life

    Tree of Life Hide The Pain

    +5,586
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    The Bible teaches that every person is a sinner.

    No.

    Why not?

    What was your goal here? Did you not want anyone to inquire into your situation?

    You wanna talk to strangers online about your issues but you don't want to have a face-to-face with someone who's been trained to minister and counsel others on issues like these?
     
  13. Xavier Cane

    Xavier Cane Active Member

    329
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    Married
    God told me to leave the church I was going to, and He has not directed me any place else. At least not yet.

    No, I didn't want anyone to inquire into my situation. I just needed an outlet.

    This argument is invalid simply because a person cannot be trained to deal with marriage issues for people who have within them the Spirit of God. Especially not with psychology. We will never agree here. Just move on.
     
  14. Tree of Life

    Tree of Life Hide The Pain

    +5,586
    United States
    Reformed
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    How did God tell you to leave your church? Why are you currently ignoring the words of God in Scripture that admonish you to be part of a local church?

    Then don't post on a forum. Start a journal. Or don't be surprised or offended when people try to respond helpfully.

    You don't think that people can be trained to use Scripture and prayer to minister to and counsel others?
     
  15. Sam91

    Sam91 Child of the Living God Supporter

    +7,608
    United Kingdom
    Christian
    Private
    I will pray for you.
    Philippians 4:6-8
    Isaiah 40:28-31
    Colossians 3:23

    You can over overcome these feelings and find God's joy in any circumstance. You need healing for your depression ask the Lord to set you free from this.

    I think most of the way you feel is due to the depression. You sound like I did when depressed only my focus was of complaint was the things I needed to do. I am a firm believer that a depressed person needs God, the great Physician but you will know if you also need a doctor. Please find a Christian pastor who you can meet up with to discuss this. He will have some wisdom in this. You don't have to follow the advice given by him and you know that so it can't hurt and you might benefit. If not, it was worth it. It might help to be in a Church. For your wife's sake too. Living with someone who is depressed is very hard. Don't feel guilty for that but appreciate the small things in what she does for you. It will help this all feel more worth it.

    There are some good Christian articles online on how to persevere in your marraige. I hope you find a solution in how to start healing your marriage. I hope you still pray together? If not, it is a thought. It's a blessing to have a spiritual ally, especially without the support of other Christians.

    God bless you.
     
  16. Xavier Cane

    Xavier Cane Active Member

    329
    +118
    Christian
    Married


    I'm done talking to you.
     
  17. section9+1

    section9+1 Well-Known Member

    +876
    Christian
    Married
    If you still want to save your marriage and are looking for advice, then consider what's being said. If you are looking for someone to hold your hand and say, there, there, pumpkin; look elsewhere.
     
  18. *LILAC

    *LILAC Keeping it simple. Supporter

    +6,592
    Canada
    Christian
    Married
    Journaling or blogging can be therapeutic. Also talking with a close friend to vent off steam may help.
     
  19. Paidiske

    Paidiske Clara bonam audax Supporter

    +12,754
    Australia
    Anglican
    Married
    If you're depressed, that's going to colour the way you look at everything else, as well as sap your resources to cope with it. I'd strongly recommend a chat to your doctor, to make sure that it really is depression, and to look at what treatment options might be. The right approach can be truly life-changing.

    Apart from that, I'd say, find the things which give you a lift, some energy, some joy; and build them regularly into your routine. Ideally a little of that sort of thing every day, so that you're not going too long just doing things which drain you.

    Also - this is in the Ministry Spouses forum - if either you or your wife is in ministry, maybe it's time to review that too? If your work is sapping your marriage, something has to shift.
     
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