This is a controversial topic I know but I need advice.

[mama2one]

duplicate

 

[Hazelelponi]

I know I should be seeing a therapist. A lot of the times I end up in a psychiatric hospital they womder why I'm not seeing one.

I've experimented with many masters degree therapists in my life. Many of them don't understand me and want to fix my depression with these buddhist techniques that just plain don't work on me. Then they say that's impossible because mindfulness or X technique works on everyone and I'm like "Good to know I'm so freakishly abnormal that nothing works on me because I'm telling you it doesn't work and I need some other kind of therapy." and I stop seeing that counselor.

I'm willing to give marriage counseling in a church a try. We have a lot of churches in our town probably one offers counseling.

I know a woman on another forum who's bipolar... and man you can tell when she's off her meds, even on them she's pretty far out there, her mental illness is obvious, and she's been treated all her life.

Some people just plain have mental illness and its barely controllable even with meds...

Your mild just from the way you type (no crazy walls of text) but you do have issues. Perhaps you will always have to fight it, but if you do, it's not a reason to give up.

Often, multiple therapies are needed. I've been having physical issues but getting injections at the pain clinic plus some new meds on top of what I've already been taking have enabled me to do more physical therapy - and eventually that physical therapy will change my life as it's been.

Multiple things lead places one thing may not for you too. Try meditation if some people think it's good, meditate on the Lords goodness and all He accomplished for us, at the same time try various meds that are helpful and at the same time GET OUT OF the HOUSE... enjoy something of nature and life...feel the sun on your face.

Stop focusing on the negative things, like what your wife doesn't do. Try to see the good in all things, when your healed or are doing better, THEN you can focus on things like your marital problems... but not before your okay.

 

[bèlla]

Yes, we're both still ongoing hence the posts. I post here every episode because I have nothing else better to do.

Two people suffering with mental health challenges and no outlet will require a lot of grace and patience. You're around each other all the time and your socialization is limited. That would take a toll on most. Issues or not.

Marriage is a partnership. Resist the temptation to focus on my job and her job or roles. No one performs them perfectly. You have struggles working against you. It's a team effort.

Which means...

The house should be cleaned. Whether she does it or you do. That applies to the dishes too. You can't be content allowing disarray and blaming her for it. If it bothered you, you'd do it yourself. In the spirit of love and cleanliness it must be done.

Let love be your barometer and guide. Do what's necessary because you love her. Servant leadership is required. Stop keeping score and focusing on where she fails. Pray for her daily and pour positive words into her spirit. Every day.

I don't usually recommend love languages. But given your situation it could be useful in turning things around. If you want to be recognized as the head you must act that way no matter what. That includes picking up the slack when she falls short.

Leaders eat last.

~bella

 

[FutureAndAHope]

Marriages can survive in situations where one partner is doing less. It really comes down to you taking responsibility for the marriage. Not expecting your wife to change. The bible tells us to "love our wives", and as Christ laid down his life for the church so too we need to surrender our lives for our partner's sake.

If your wife refuses to do the work, you do it without complaining, don't leave it undone. You need to strengthen your own will. Do nice things for your wife. Look for good in her. Be continually prayerful, asking God to strengthen you. See yourself as able.

 

[aiki]

This is a highly controversial topic but I've been a huge hypocrite. I claim to love God, I call Christ Lord yet, I don't do what God says in his word something many of us are guilty of. I feel so rotten that I just want to get on my hands and knees and beg God for forgiveness.

The truly repentant don't just talk about repenting but actually do repent. Actions speak louder than words, brother. Sometimes, we console ourselves about our sin by telling ourselves how awful we are, by acknowledging how terrible it is that we are sinful. We have taken some slight step in the right direction by making such an acknowledgment, haven't we? It is a noble thing, isn't it, to admit to one's sinfulness? By this thinking, many are kept in their sin, believing that so long as they can admit they have done wrong and feel some pang of guilt about it, they can continue in their sin. The devil laughs at such reasoning, encouraging it as much as possible.

James 4:7-10
7 Submit therefore to God. Resist the devil and he will flee from you.
8 Draw near to God and He will draw near to you. Cleanse your hands, you sinners; and purify your hearts, you double-minded.
9 Be miserable and mourn and weep; let your laughter be turned into mourning and your joy to gloom.
10 Humble yourselves in the presence of the Lord, and He will exalt you.

2 Corinthians 7:10-11
10 For the sorrow that is according to the will of God produces a repentance without regret, leading to salvation, but the sorrow of the world produces death.
11 For behold what earnestness this very thing, this godly sorrow, has produced in you: what vindication of yourselves, what indignation, what fear, what longing, what zeal...

My wife doesn't serve or help me, Instead it's the exact opposite in our marriage, I serve HER. I'm submissive to her and quite frankly I'm terrified of her. The house remains unclean for the last eight + years, dishes are done almost never, the laundry isn't done, she doesn't grow spiritually,, I'm just a failure to my wife.

Brother, it is because we are all failures in one way or another, to one degree or another, that we need Jesus. We need him to enter our lives and clean us up, to change us by his power because we haven't sufficient power of our own to change in the way he commands us to. Oh, we try and try and try to be who God wants us to be until, finally, after years, sometimes, of failure, we really believe what He has said about us in His word: Without me you can do NOTHING. (John 15:5)

When we are truly convinced that the life God calls us to is totally beyond us, then it is we begin to cast about for how we might live pleasing to God apart from our own effort. As we do, God directs us to His word where He tells us that our transformation is His "job" (Philippians 1:6; Philippians 2:13; 1 Thessalonians 5:23-24; Romans 8:13; 2 Corinthians 3:18; Jude 1:24-25; 1 Peter 5:10, etc.) not ours. Our "work" is to believe and receive, by faith remain in, and then reflect the work He does, not, by our own power, achieve and manufacture a transformed life for God.

As you live this way, you will begin to lead your family in the way God intends you should, serving in a Christ-like way, without passivity and excuse-making, standing upon the truth of God's word in your marriage with unwavering firmness.

And yet I do everything for her that's within my power. I ensure she has things to eat, clothes to wear, that our dog is fed, that we have a placed to eat, that she's as happy as possible and has access to credit when she needs it. I'm blinded I think I'm doing my role while she is not.

You are not serving your wife; you are enabling her to live in an irresponsible and selfish way that God says will bring her to corruption and destruction.

But as to directing her in her religious life? Nope. As to getting her to do her womanly duties? Nope. She does absolutely nothing but scroll Facebook all day, we don't even play video games together anymore or really, spend any time together physically or not. I realize this is all my fault and miss doing but I buy into what our culture says about women and not what God does.

Why? Why are you conforming to the culture, to the World, and not to the will and way of God? Because, at bottom, you are in control of you rather than God. And why is this? Because, at least in part, you love yourself more than you love God. And this is so because, I suspect, you aren't really aware and convinced of God's awesome, astonishing love for you. This will change only as you take the time to know and meditate on God's incredible love for you - not for the world, for YOU. See 1 John 4:7-19.

I'm massively afraid of her and afraid of controlling behavior so much that I say nothing and she never prays or goes to church, or reads the Bible or does none of her chores.

There is no fear in love, brother (1 John 4:16-19). Do you, then, really love your wife? Her controlling, selfish, spiritually-neglectful living is going to bring death to her life. God has promised that it will.

Galatians 6:6-8
6 The one who is taught the word is to share all good things with the one who teaches him.
7 Do not be deceived, God is not mocked; for whatever a man sows, this he will also reap.
8 For the one who sows to his own flesh will from the flesh reap corruption, but the one who sows to the Spirit will from the Spirit reap eternal life.

Romans 8:5-6
5 For those who are according to the flesh set their minds on the things of the flesh, but those who are according to the Spirit, the things of the Spirit.
6 For the mind set on the flesh is death...

How can you claim to love your wife while passively watching as she "sows to her flesh and reaps corruption"? Your fear is selfish - as fear generally is - aimed at protecting yourself, at avoiding discomfort and difficulty for yourself, not at seeking the good of your spouse. But, as you're finding out, selfishness always leads to sin and pain - for you as well as for your wife.

I asked my elder what to do because I'm afraid our marriage is falling apart and all he could say was "I don't see your everyday marriage life so all I can suggest is to pray." I have. A billion times and I'm not improving. I just don't know what to do.

Careless advice from your Elder. See above.

 

[Elfkind]

It sound like a sad situation, to be married, but just living in the same house as someone else. Perhaps you should let her know how you feel? And you two could agree to give each other more, and positive attention. You shouldn't need to be afraid, so I can only urge you to work against that fear. I pray God reveal something that can make the whole situation easier to make sense of, in the name of Jesus, amen.