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This can't be normal when arguing

Discussion in 'Married Couples' started by CandiV, Jun 6, 2020.

  1. CandiV

    CandiV New Member

    1
    +1
    United States
    Christian
    Married
    I have been married for almost five years. We have no children together; however, have 10 and 12 year old boys. We have disagreements that often lead to heated arguments. During these heated arguments, harsh words are exchanged between both of us. On several occasions, my husband tells me he will have me killed. I have never threatened him in this way. The arguments usually begin when I don't agree with him on something or tell him how I feel. Most recently, he expressed a desire to put a hot tub in our backyard to a tune of about 16,000. He told him I wasn't interested in a hot tub and didn't have the money readily available, but would work a summer job to help out. He knows I have a savings (we both have separate accounts) and became upset with me because I would not immediately hand over money. The argument escalated into name calling and he was, once again, telling me that he was going to kill me, emphasizing that I knew he had a gun (he told me he had one on several times), and he wasn't going to do the actual killing (he has told me twice that he has someone on the street lined up to do it). My kids hear his threats. Also during arguments, he is constantly telling me to take my kids and leave to make things better for all of us. He has gone so far as to cut the lights out in parts of the house in an effort to get me to leave during an argument, destroyed personal items of mine, threatened to change the locks, etc. Today when I asked him to apologize for saying he was going to kill me, once again during and argument, he said 'no, I'm not apologizing. You should watch what comes out of your mouth'. Also during the argument, I snapped and moved closer to him yelling, (which I know I should not have), and he said that if I didn't get out of his face, he was going to knock me out). Then when he is calm and the argument is over, he doesn't want to talk about things, and it is me hurting the relationship because 'you can't let things go and just move on'. Part of me just wants to leave and the other half doesn't know why I don't. I I feel like I don't know what to pray for but his threats may be a serious warning sign. On normal days, things are okay, but the thing is I don't when me or the boys will trigger him. I really don't like the death threats. The police has said it is not a crime for him to threaten me like this, only if he does it in a text or over social media.
     
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  2. A_Thinker

    A_Thinker Well-Known Member Supporter

    +5,986
    Christian
    Married
    You should be making plans now to leave. The level of animosity is too high. It's not good for you ... and its not good for your kids. You don't want your kids to learn that this is way one treats the woman they "love".
     
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  3. Darkhorse

    Darkhorse just horsing around

    +3,397
    United States
    Presbyterian
    Married
    US-Republican
    I wouldn't have to hear it a second time; I would be gone. You should too. And get a lawyer.
     
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  4. mkgal1

    mkgal1 His perfect way sets me free. 2 Samuel 22:33 Supporter

    +5,739
    Anglican
    Married
    No, this isn't normal. You should reach out to a domestic violence counselor for advice because dealing with this will need the advice and support of professionals. Be careful about not leaving evidence on your computer of discussions like this.

    Praying for you and your boys that you find wise and compassionate support.
     
    Last edited: Jun 7, 2020
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  5. Phoebe Ann

    Phoebe Ann From Mormonism to Christ Supporter

    +9,690
    United States
    Protestant
    Widowed
    Please take the advice above, especially mkgal1. Don't tell him you're leaving or where you're going.
     
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  6. NerdGirl123

    NerdGirl123 Member

    182
    +189
    United States
    Non-Denom
    Married
    What the... how is it NOT a crime for someone to literally tell you they're going to have you killed?

    Regardless, get your kids and GET OUT OF THERE. I can't believe you're still living in that house!
     
  7. anewday

    anewday This girl is on fire.

    +635
    United States
    Christian
    Married
    Leave NOW with your kids, no matter how hard it is, and get a good lawyer. I was verbally abused before filing for divorce from my husband earlier this year, but he never threatened to kill me. Leave before it gets worse, for you and your kids.
     
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  8. Swan7

    Swan7 Made in the image of His Grace Supporter

    +7,020
    Canada
    Christian
    Married
    This is NOT normal at all. The fact he keeps harping about killing you is very unnerving and alarming. He could hurt the kids having outbursts like this. This behaviour he's exhibiting is not mentally healthy at all and pure evil thoughts.

    Sadly this is true. Anything can be said until something physically happens - and often times is too late. Please seek shelter and please seek God as well. :yellowheart:
     
  9. ValleyGal

    ValleyGal Well-Known Member

    +1,734
    Canada
    Anabaptist
    Divorced
    You need to leave, make your way to a women's shelter, and report these threats to the police - not only for your own safety, but for your children. They are children who are witnessing abuse, and that is not acceptable; it is a child protection matter and it is up to you to protect them from that. As well, where I live, it IS a crime to utter threats.
     
  10. NothingIsImpossible

    NothingIsImpossible Well-Known Member

    +3,079
    Christian
    Married
    I stopped at "my husband tells me he will have me killed." Normal? It's crazy. I haven't read the rest yet but you need to run away as fast as you can. My wife and I have had fights and those words would never come across my mind. Yikes.

    (reads more and stops)
    "telling me that he was going to kill me, emphasizing that I knew he had a gun (he told me he had one on several times), and he wasn't going to do the actual killing (he has told me twice that he has someone on the street lined up to do it)."
    Wow. He's unstable and you need to get away with your kids. I feel anxious as heck just reading that.

    I read the rest and it just gets worse. Even if he is just "saying" these things, no normal person says those things. Even when angry. He is enraged. Maybe you should take the kids and stay somewhere else for awhile. Give him time to think. His decision will show you for sure if he even cares to fix anything and take responsibility.
     
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