This boy is bad news

[Peachie4408]

I have this coworker that I can’t stop thinking about, even though I know he’s trouble. It started when he started working there a few weeks ago, he flirts with me all the time, and I flirt back. At first it seemed harmless, because although he’s only 13 months younger than me, he’s two grades below me. I’ll be leaving for college in a few months, and when things started I didn’t see myself wanting to really get into any sort of relationship anyway. But soon I found myself with a huge crush on him, and it was only after this crush, after it was too late that some bomb shells about him started to drop.

It started with finding out that he’s on parole. Like for committing a crime. I don’t know what crime, but the rumor around work is theft. (The nature of the crime may be rumor, but I have confirmation from him that he is on parole, that part is completely true.)

Then one of our coworkers told me that she happened to catch a glimpse of his phone while he was on a break, and he was looking at nudes that a girl had snap chatted him. (Shortly after he got some one to cover for him while he went to the bathroom, there’s no proof that anything happened, but it was really sketchy.)

Then this past weekend he started posting pictures of both weed and alcohol on his Snapchat story.

Normally all of these things would completely turn me off from a guy- I mean I’m a pastors daughter who’s never so much as been grounded since elementary school, I’ve never had alcohol, and never even seen drugs in real life. But for some reason I can’t get my mind off of this guy. I know it’s ridiculous, I know he’s bad news, but I can’t stop myself.

My best friend is also a Christian, and any time I’ve talked to her about it she’s told me (lovingly) that this needs to stop, but rather than listening to her or my other church friends who are saying the same things, I’ve found that I’ve just stop talking to them about it.

I’d like to think that I’m pretty self aware. I understand why I’m drawn to this guy: I’ve never had a boyfriend, because usually guys just kind of ignore me, but this guy doesn’t, he flirts, which is rare and exciting. In the past I’ve always gone for the perfect, charismatic golden boy, even asked a few of them out, and I’ve always been rejected, so now it’s like the pendulum is swinging back the opposite direction. Plus about six months ago one of my closest friends started dating the guy I liked (she knew I liked him), and I haven’t been in a great place ever since. I really just want to be loved and held.

So I understand why I like this guy, the thing I need advice on is how to STOP liking him. My head knows that it can only end poorly but my heart doesn’t care. I feel like I’m on the edge of making some really bad decisions, but I don’t know how to stop myself. The other night, after I had been hanging out with my friend and her bf (the same couple that had hurt me, but I’ve since forgiven my friend, and the boy doesn’t even know anything was ever wrong) and I had watched them be so cute together I almost texted this no-good boy and asked him if he was still looking for someone to get high with, which is truly the opposite of the type of person I normally am. Luckily I didn’t, but I only barely stopped myself.

Plus, growing up as a pastors daughter, I know a lot about theology, and whenever my church friends try to give me advise it’s like, yeah, I already know everything you’re telling me. I know the right answers, so hearing it from you doesn’t really help all that much.

Please, if anyone knows how to help, can offer any advice, I need it before I do something that I can’t take back.

Thank you for reading, and thank you in advance for any advice you can offer.

 

[R. Hartono]

You are the light and the salt to enlighten him.

But if he stole because of greediness, you'd better dont get along with such a thief.

 

[ChristIsSovereign]

I have this coworker that I can’t stop thinking about, even though I know he’s trouble. It started when he started working there a few weeks ago, he flirts with me all the time, and I flirt back. At first it seemed harmless, because although he’s only 13 months younger than me, he’s two grades below me. I’ll be leaving for college in a few months, and when things started I didn’t see myself wanting to really get into any sort of relationship anyway. But soon I found myself with a huge crush on him, and it was only after this crush, after it was too late that some bomb shells about him started to drop.

It started with finding out that he’s on parole. Like for committing a crime. I don’t know what crime, but the rumor around work is theft. (The nature of the crime may be rumor, but I have confirmation from him that he is on parole, that part is completely true.)

Then one of our coworkers told me that she happened to catch a glimpse of his phone while he was on a break, and he was looking at nudes that a girl had snap chatted him. (Shortly after he got some one to cover for him while he went to the bathroom, there’s no proof that anything happened, but it was really sketchy.)

Then this past weekend he started posting pictures of both weed and alcohol on his Snapchat story.

Normally all of these things would completely turn me off from a guy- I mean I’m a pastors daughter who’s never so much as been grounded since elementary school, I’ve never had alcohol, and never even seen drugs in real life. But for some reason I can’t get my mind off of this guy. I know it’s ridiculous, I know he’s bad news, but I can’t stop myself.

My best friend is also a Christian, and any time I’ve talked to her about it she’s told me (lovingly) that this needs to stop, but rather than listening to her or my other church friends who are saying the same things, I’ve found that I’ve just stop talking to them about it.

I’d like to think that I’m pretty self aware. I understand why I’m drawn to this guy: I’ve never had a boyfriend, because usually guys just kind of ignore me, but this guy doesn’t, he flirts, which is rare and exciting. In the past I’ve always gone for the perfect, charismatic golden boy, even asked a few of them out, and I’ve always been rejected, so now it’s like the pendulum is swinging back the opposite direction. Plus about six months ago one of my closest friends started dating the guy I liked (she knew I liked him), and I haven’t been in a great place ever since. I really just want to be loved and held.

So I understand why I like this guy, the thing I need advice on is how to STOP liking him. My head knows that it can only end poorly but my heart doesn’t care. I feel like I’m on the edge of making some really bad decisions, but I don’t know how to stop myself. The other night, after I had been hanging out with my friend and her bf (the same couple that had hurt me, but I’ve since forgiven my friend, and the boy doesn’t even know anything was ever wrong) and I had watched them be so cute together I almost texted this no-good boy and asked him if he was still looking for someone to get high with, which is truly the opposite of the type of person I normally am. Luckily I didn’t, but I only barely stopped myself.

Plus, growing up as a pastors daughter, I know a lot about theology, and whenever my church friends try to give me advise it’s like, yeah, I already know everything you’re telling me. I know the right answers, so hearing it from you doesn’t really help all that much.

Please, if anyone knows how to help, can offer any advice, I need it before I do something that I can’t take back.

Thank you for reading, and thank you in advance for any advice you can offer.

I would advise that you flee. It might seem tough now, but pray for strength.

 

[ChristIsSovereign]

I would advise that you flee. It might seem tough now, but pray for strength.

And pray for him.

 

[Peachie4408]

You are the light and the salt to enlighten him.

But if he stole because of greediness, you'd better dont get along with such a thief.

I don’t know why he stole, I don’t even know if that’s ACTUALLY what happened, but I know his family struggles financially, and I would suspect that he did it out of necessity, but maybe that’s just me trying to always see the good in people.

As for being his light, I worry that it’s much more likely that he’ll pull me out of my faith than me pulling him into my faith.

 

[ChristIsSovereign]

I don’t know why he stole, I don’t even know if that’s ACTUALLY what happened, but I know his family struggles financially, and I would suspect that he did it out of necessity, but maybe that’s just me trying to always see the good in people.

As for being his light, I worry that it’s much more likely that he’ll pull me out of my faith than me pulling him into my faith.

Flee from all unrighteousness.

 

[Peachie4408]

And pray for him.

But how do I flee? We work together, so I have no choice but to see him on a regular basis. It’s a weekend job, so I’ll get to like Wednesday and be feeling better about my resolve to stop liking him, then see him on Friday and everything comes rushing back.

 

[ChristIsSovereign]

But how do I flee? We work together, so I have no choice but to see him on a regular basis. It’s a weekend job, so I’ll get to like Wednesday and be feeling better about my resolve to stop liking him, then see him on Friday and everything comes rushing back.

Maybe figure out why you like him and examine your heart in regards to that matter. Always pray first, though.

 

[R. Hartono]

As for being his light, I worry that it’s much more likely that he’ll pull me out of my faith than me pulling him into my faith.

You need to live in God daily and persevere in faith, praying and fasting. speak face to face ask him was it true that he did steal, dont get along with a thief but a thief usually dont confess, so you need to ask for God's discernment of Holy Spirit.

 

[ChristIsSovereign]

You need to live in God daily and persevere in faith, praying and fasting. speak face to face ask him was it true that he did steal, dont get along with a thief but a thief usually dont confess, so you need to ask for God's discernment of Holy Spirit.

Couldn't have worded it better.

 

[Heavenhome]

Hi Peachie
Pray to God that your heart will listen to your head because it sounds like you know that this guy would not be right for you. I am not saying that without understanding where you are coming from, as I once ignored what my head was telling me and I sinned and was brought to a real crisis point in my faith where I felt I had fallen beyond Gods forgiveness. This was not true as God indeed did forgive me but only after so much heartache and utter despair that I would hate anyone else to go through.
All I can do is pray and implore you to listen to your head, the Holy Spirit and God who I believe would not want you to pair up with this guy. Also please stop entertaining being with him, doing drugs etc because the longer we toy with the ideas the more alluring they become to us and take over our thoughts.
Your friend has been unkind and you have been hurt and we all want to feel loved and wanted so it is hard.You are strong .
Dear one there is One who understands ALL we go through and who will strengthens us, he will never leave nor forsake you
our dear Lord Jesus.
You are worth so much more than what this guy can offer. Have faith in God and yourself.

 

[Yanni depp]

You dont need us to know that he is bad news. Remember that.

Honestly, some of the most charismatic people on earth-and that ive met-have the heaviest demons that they are fighting or are enslaved to. Its how they maniplulate people to get what they want, what they are addicted to.

When you find the one who loves you, who is completely devoted to you, this guys advances will seem completely counterfeit as they truly are.

Do yourself a favor and try not to be decieved.

 

[Peachie4408]

Maybe figure out why you like him and examine your heart in regards to that matter. Always pray first, though.

I understand why I like him, he’s the opposite of every guy that’s hurt me, and more importantly, one of the few to ever pay me any attention. When you’re in a place where everyone around you always seems to be in a relationship, but no one seems to want you, it’s easy to start to wonder what’s wrong with you, what are you doing that makes it so no one wants you, and then to have this guy come along and suddenly someone is paying attention to you, someone seems to finally, finally like you... it’s intoxicating, hard to walk away from.

 

[ChristIsSovereign]

I understand why I like him, he’s the opposite of every guy that’s hurt me, and more importantly, one of the few to ever pay me any attention. When you’re in a place where everyone around you always seems to be in a relationship, but no one seems to want you, it’s easy to start to wonder what’s wrong with you, what are you doing that makes it so no one wants you, and then to have this guy come along and suddenly someone is paying attention to you, someone seems to finally, finally like you... it’s intoxicating, hard to walk away from.

I very much relate to that. I had so many failed online relationships and that sometimes happened to me. (Why one relationship was almost 2 years long - she bolstered me. She became the Mary I venerated. It ended for crazy reasons.)

God is paying attention to you now, no matter how clichéd that sounds.

 

[ChristIsSovereign]

You dont need us to know that he is bad news. Remember that.

Honestly, some of the most charismatic people on earth-and that ive met-have the heaviest demons that they are fighting or are enslaved to. Its how they maniplulate people to get what they want, what they are addicted to.

When you find the one who loves you, who is completely devoted to you, this guys advances will seem completely counterfeit as they truly are.

Do yourself a favor and try not to be decieved.

Voiced my thoughts exactly. Heed this person's words.

 

[faroukfarouk]

[.]

 

[Peachie4408]

You dont need us to know that he is bad news. Remember that.

Honestly, some of the most charismatic people on earth-and that ive met-have the heaviest demons that they are fighting or are enslaved to. Its how they maniplulate people to get what they want, what they are addicted to.

When you find the one who loves you, who is completely devoted to you, this guys advances will seem completely counterfeit as they truly are.

Do yourself a favor and try not to be decieved.

Whenever I voice the struggles that I have with guys, everyone always seems to talk about this magical mystery guy that will eventually come along, but when is that going to happen? I’m so tired of waiting for him, I just want to be loved already.

 

[Peachie4408]

Hi Peachie
Pray to God that your heart will listen to your head because it sounds like you know that this guy would not be right for you. I am not saying that without understanding where you are coming from, as I once ignored what my head was telling me and I sinned and was brought to a real crisis point in my faith where I felt I had fallen beyond Gods forgiveness. This was not true as God indeed did forgive me but only after so much heartache and utter despair that I would hate anyone else to go through.
All I can do is pray and implore you to listen to your head, the Holy Spirit and God who I believe would not want you to pair up with this guy. Also please stop entertaining being with him, doing drugs etc because the longer we toy with the ideas the more alluring they become to us and take over our thoughts.
Your friend has been unkind and you have been hurt and we all want to feel loved and wanted so it is hard.You are strong .
Dear one there is One who understands ALL we go through and who will strengthens us, he will never leave nor forsake you
our dear Lord Jesus.
You are worth so much more than what this guy can offer. Have faith in God and yourself.

This is definitely my self esteem issues talking, but I’ve gotten to the point where I don’t feel like I’m worth more than this guy has to offer.

 

[timewerx]

but I know his family struggles financially, and I would suspect that he did it out of necessity

But you said, he's into weed -- drugs.

It's actually very common for drug users / addicts to also steal to help sustain their dangerous addiction.

It's the fact that drug addiction is an expensive addiction.

As for being his light, I worry that it’s much more likely that he’ll pull me out of my faith than me pulling him into my faith.

In ministry, it is always absolutely better to deal with troubled people or unsaved of the same sex.

It is most definitely not a good idea for a young and very pretty lady to try to win unsaved teenage boys....For obvious reasons....We are selling the Gospel, not some fast and ridiculously expensive cars....That would give them the wrong idea about ministry and could end up getting deceived in the end.

I'm saying this is not your concern. What he needs is another one like him -- a man or a boy to share him the Gospel. So he can receive it purely.... If you did it, he'll only see lust and his intentions won't be pure. Only thing you can do is pray for him.

 

[timewerx]

Whenever I voice the struggles that I have with guys, everyone always seems to talk about this magical mystery guy that will eventually come along, but when is that going to happen? I’m so tired of waiting for him, I just want to be loved already.

They're only trying to make you feel better.

But sometimes, you need to get out of your way to meeting someone. Instead of just waiting, be more outgoing, searching and getting into activities where you can meet other singles.

This will help greatly expand your choices and your chances of meeting that "magical guy".

You can even learn to do a lot of things like learn a different language for example, learn, karate, etc, make yourself more interesting. Be that "magical mystery gal" if you really want to meet a "magical mystery guy".

 

[timewerx]

I understand why I’m drawn to this guy: I’ve never had a boyfriend, because usually guys just kind of ignore me, but this guy doesn’t, he flirts, which is rare and exciting. In the past I’ve always gone for the perfect, charismatic golden boy, even asked a few of them out, and I’ve always been rejected, so now it’s like the pendulum is swinging back the opposite direction. Plus about six months ago one of my closest friends started dating the guy I liked (she knew I liked him), and I haven’t been in a great place ever since. I really just want to be loved and held.

Sorry to hear.

I can understand why you would feel that way.

I've only had one GF my entire life and it was fleeting, just a few months and that's a long time ago. It's just the same as saying I never had any GF my entire life.

I know how it feels to be alone while everyone is with someone. How am I getting through this? Carefully reading / studying the Gospel of Christ helped me a lot. I also learn to do a few useful things in my free time to keep my mind busy and give myself a sense of purpose.

And then the fact, there has been lots of Christians around the world in different times going through much worse condition that we ever did and still remained quite thankful. Thank God we are not being starved to death, thank God we aren't being hunted down to be killed for practicing Christianity. And then Apostle Paul said, it is better to be single and he said it in absolute regards (only the unsaved, unbelievers thinks marriage is better because they don't know God's Words, nor the Truth)

It helps a lot.

Additionally, I would also advice caution in your case. You said you are a pastor's daughter. The guy who's showing interest in you seems to have financial struggles and possibly intro drugs.

So it's possible this guy might only be after your money.
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