Thinking about dropping out of college

[Breaker09]

Hi all,
Obviously I am new to these forums. I've been struggling a lot lately and need some advice. I'm sorry that this will probably be long.

I am struggling on where to go in my life. I feel lost and scared and I'm very unsure of what to do.

I am currently in college, and was just told that I have about a year or a year and a half to graduate. I have been attending since I was 19, straight out of high school. It's been a tough road, especially since I did not want to go in the first place.

I come from a Christian background. It was never very strong until my freshman year of HS, when I decided to go to a Christian high school. Those 4 years were easily the best times I can remember. My senior year, when everyone was deciding on colleges, I never really thought about it. I never wanted to go. My parents are extremely educated with doctorate degrees and such, so they pretty much made me attend the school I go to now. At the time I felt I needed a change, anything. So I agreed and went.

After being here for 4 years, and being told I'm still not that close to graduating, as i thought i was, is depressing. I don't know what I even want to do, so I picked a major that was the most interesting to me. Now, I'm feeling like this was all a mistake and I'm so unhappy and not where I want to be.

Basically, I want to drop out. And do what, exactly? I don't know. These past couple weeks I've been thinking about my faith a lot, and that is the only thing that I can see venturing into, and be happy all at the same time. But, number one, i don't know how my parents or people around me would see this. I kind of lost my faith for a while, and am just now coming back around and seeing how stupid I was. Secondly, I don't know what I would even do, especially without a college degree.

I guess I'm just looking for some advice, any advice really. I'm not sure if I should just suck it up and finish my degree, or venture off and find something I truly love even if it costs me family and friends. Being almost 23 and not having any direction is horrible for me. I'm so confused and could use some help right now.

 

[ChristianT]

As a HS junior thinking ahead for myself, and a fellow Christian, I'd like to just give you some advice. Having the total opposite in parents' amount of college, and an idea of what I'd love to do, that's the most important thing. To know what you love (to do or think about) and find a job that focuses on that. I love computers, programming, and designing. I also love theology and my faith. Well, my love for computers is solid and great, so I definitely want to become a programmer or work with computers somehow.

So, find a hobby you enjoy or a job you're interested in and go for that. College degrees aren't necessarily needed, but they usually guarantee you more money or greater offers than not having one. Depending on your situation, you may get multiple degrees or even switch your major. But none of that matters if you dot have a desire to learn more in college. If you prefer to start work now, that's not wrong and you can always continue college education later in life.

As a Christian, pray to God and ask where he's leading you. Look for what interests you because you'll be happy and that's more important than money (long-term). Which would you prefer, getting more money doing something you hate, or making a decent living doing something you love and can't wait to wake up to do?

Summary: don't give up on college but don't feel obligated to continue. Do what you love and make sure you'll love what you do. Seek God's guidance and look forward. Some of this may be cliché, but its true.

 

[SoundCard]

Hi all,
Obviously I am new to these forums. I've been struggling a lot lately and need some advice. I'm sorry that this will probably be long.

I am struggling on where to go in my life. I feel lost and scared and I'm very unsure of what to do.

I am currently in college, and was just told that I have about a year or a year and a half to graduate. I have been attending since I was 19, straight out of high school. It's been a tough road, especially since I did not want to go in the first place.

I come from a Christian background. It was never very strong until my freshman year of HS, when I decided to go to a Christian high school. Those 4 years were easily the best times I can remember. My senior year, when everyone was deciding on colleges, I never really thought about it. I never wanted to go. My parents are extremely educated with doctorate degrees and such, so they pretty much made me attend the school I go to now. At the time I felt I needed a change, anything. So I agreed and went.

After being here for 4 years, and being told I'm still not that close to graduating, as i thought i was, is depressing. I don't know what I even want to do, so I picked a major that was the most interesting to me. Now, I'm feeling like this was all a mistake and I'm so unhappy and not where I want to be.

Basically, I want to drop out. And do what, exactly? I don't know. These past couple weeks I've been thinking about my faith a lot, and that is the only thing that I can see venturing into, and be happy all at the same time. But, number one, i don't know how my parents or people around me would see this. I kind of lost my faith for a while, and am just now coming back around and seeing how stupid I was. Secondly, I don't know what I would even do, especially without a college degree.

I guess I'm just looking for some advice, any advice really. I'm not sure if I should just suck it up and finish my degree, or venture off and find something I truly love even if it costs me family and friends. Being almost 23 and not having any direction is horrible for me. I'm so confused and could use some help right now.

Personally speaking, I would suggest finding someone you trust and telling them how you've been feeling lately. Your parents or a friend and just let them know you've been anxious. But more importantly, try and get your degree.

I say this as someone who was in a similar situation myself back in 2008, I was third year in and completed it, but had something akin to a nervous breakdown and wound up flat dropping out. For a few years I just floundered about not really sure what to do, working at various jobs before landing at Walmart for about 3 years. Wound up quitting there to focus more on my own schooling again and am back there again.

The point being that, I understand it's tough to be so uncertain when it feels like you've chosen the wrong major, but there's an upside here: it largely wouldn't matter so much as you get your degree. Whatever job you do find they'll most likely provide training there, it doesn't make your degree worthless, far from it, it shows to them you're willing to do the job and get it done. But it is difficult being so uncertain about your own choices. I second guess myself constantly, and I regret dropping out when I did, but everything in its own time. But seek counsel in this area that's more than just a threat on an internet message board. Your parents can probably help better than I can.

 

[Albion]

Suck it up and finish your degree.

That said, here's why:

You are too close to graduating to give it up now. While it's a question as to whether a college degree is worth the money and effort in today's world, that's a question to be asked at the time you leave high school. Not now. It would be a mistake to drop out now. It would make all that you've done in college almost worthless. Don't do that to yourself.

Maybe you can limp through to graduation as a part-time student, or with some classes transferred in from somewhere else, independent studies, internships which earn credit, etc.

But you are right that, if you have majored in something you like but can't earn a living with, you should take stock. See if you can change majors without losing more time.

Besides, you said you have no particular alternative in mind, so dropping out of college doesn't mean that you'll be stepping into some alternative that you've carefully considered.

 

[Johnnz]

You are close enough to completing I suggest you continue, although it may be hard. Education is a resource that can serve you well for the rest of your life, including your Christian life.

Too many people try to find refuge in 'ministry', 'doing God's work' rather than having a far wider and more robust understanding of the practical applications of our faith.

An academic family can have difficulties accepting a non academic child which is quite a burden for you to carry. You may sense they see you as some kind of failure. Identify your other skills and interests, and then see if there is some occupation where they can be usefully employed - a trade, a diploma course, an industry where you would have something to contribute and receive training in.

Have you seen a career counsellor, had your abilities and skills assessed? That might give you some fresh ideas.

John
NZ

 

[Breaker09]

Thank you all for such quick and wonderful replies.

I have to say that it is a struggle for me, as johnnz said. Being very un academic in this family is tough, especially with three brothers who seem to have gotten the drive and smart academics that my parents seem to possess.

I do commute now since I cannot afford a place at college. Let me tell you, getting up in the morning ipand having to drive an hour each way for something I truly dislike is a challenge and struggle. I've been seeing a counselor, and have been unfortunately slipping into a depression. Feeling like this while trying to please everyone and keep up with work is tiring.

I have thought about other major options and right now switching would probably mean more time in school. I don't have the money or the drive to do that. To be honest I always thought I was just do cosmetology school, or one of those 18 month courses to be a medical assistant or other trade type thing. Being more vocal four years ago about that might have helped, but I do think my parents still would have insisted on college. They would not be find of telling colleagues that their daughter only does hair for a living I guess.

 

[Urbanredneck]

You know it could be a medical thing. Maybe a change of diet or more exercise could help. Believe it or not your body is still changing. The extra driving probably isnt helping.

My advise is to talk with a counselor but stick in there. Its hard to get back into the college routine once you leave.

 

[TravelerFarAwayFromHome]

can you take a leave of absence from the degree you are doing now, so leave the door open to go back to it later?

what I saying is you do not seem to know what you want to do, and you are not attending college for yourself, maybe the best thing to do would be to take some time off to get a breather and to try to figure out what is it you really want to do?

is there a career counselling service at your college you could talk to?

I don't know how to say this, but you are still young, you can probably take a year or two off to figure yourself out.

but bear in mind the world we live in now is a very different world with many uncertainties, in another word, you will need to get a decent paying job in order to just survive, and college would be one way to achieve that.

Lastly, ask Lord for guidance.

 

[gideon123]

Breaker

It's hard to give specific advice without knowing more about your college program, exactly where you are, and how applicable it will be to the job market. But just generally, it sounds like you've made it a pretty long way into the degree. It would be a real shame to quit now, and I have to tell you that college education is only going to become more "hard to get" in the future. Therefore, my advice would be to complete your degree now. The college degree does not confine you to one area of life. You can still do a lot of things after you leave college. But it does show a general level of education, and it does show you can take on academic challenges and get to the finish line. That is helpful in the job market.

It sounds to me like you need a counselor to advise on where you are, and how to best complete your degree in the shortest period of time. Therefore ... why not arrange to meet with a college counselor, take a record of all your classes, and ask the simple question "I'm getting lost - what does it take for me to graduate quickly?". Then DO it!!

I understand you've got bigger issues about where you are going. But these are not going to get solved in a matter of weeks or months. I do not recommend that you hold your college degree "hostage" while you drop out to "find yourself". In the old days - plenty of people did that. It was not unusual. But THESE DAYS are not the old days. My best advice is to GET THAT DEGREE while you can, and don't think too big. Focus on finishing. The major issues can be worked out when you are 24 or 25 - honestly it ain't such a big deal.

Prayers and good luck!
Gideon

 

[Johnnz]

Thank you all for such quick and wonderful replies.

I have to say that it is a struggle for me, as johnnz said. Being very un academic in this family is tough, especially with three brothers who seem to have gotten the drive and smart academics that my parents seem to possess.

Odd man out can be very fraught in some families.

I do commute now since I cannot afford a place at college. Let me tell you, getting up in the morning ipand having to drive an hour each way for something I truly dislike is a challenge and struggle. I've been seeing a counselor, and have been unfortunately slipping into a depression. Feeling like this while trying to please everyone and keep up with work is tiring.

It's your parents who need to do some rethinking. Each person is unique. We are not be be squeezed into someone else's mould just because that is how they see things. Jesus wa slooked won on as being uneducated by the religious leaders, a mere carpenter. But Jesus was taught by Father. Allow yourself the freedom to be you and to discover who you are within God's family.

I have thought about other major options and right now switching would probably mean more time in school. I don't have the money or the drive to do that. To be honest I always thought I was just do cosmetology school, or one of those 18 month courses to be a medical assistant or other trade type thing. Being more vocal four years ago about that might have helped, but I do think my parents still would have insisted on college. They would not be find of telling colleagues that their daughter only does hair for a living I guess.

Cosmetology school - well away you go. My mother objected to most of what I chose to do, and told me so very definitely. But long term my life and family hung together much better that her friend's and their children's lives did. God is faithful.

John
NZ

 

[REPHAIAHPEDAHEL]

Finish Your Degree First And Then Relax And Think Of What You Want To Do Next!

 

[Cactus Jack]

Breaker, stick with your plan. Stay with it 100%. Find a doctor and discuss this with him/her. Discuss it with your pastor. But stick with your plan.

Now with that said, it may be a good idea to take a semester off. I dunno. Maybe a year. I dunno. But reach out and "go for the gold". If you're in college you're already somewhere a lot of people aren't. That's already a huge plus in your favor. Don't let it get away from you.

I'm praying for ya!

 

[tturt]

Did you know that's it's not unusual for college students to change their minds about their majors?

Have you been taking the summers off from classes? Perhaps that would be a good thing and get a job say at Walmart and see what that world would be like by being independent as much as possible.

 

[Albion]

There does seem to be a trend here, doesn't there?

 

[Aibrean]

I do commute now since I cannot afford a place at college. Let me tell you, getting up in the morning ipand having to drive an hour each way for something I truly dislike is a challenge and struggle.

The reality is, many people have that long of a commute to go to work.

 

[Breaker09]

There does seem to be a trend here, doesn't there?

I'm sorry, I don't think I understand. Does this happen a lot?

I know I probably seem petty and ungrateful for the chance to be at college. I really don't want to be. I just want to be happy and be the person I want to be. Having this feeling of despair is crushing

 

[Albion]

I'm sorry, I don't think I understand. Does this happen a lot?

I know I probably seem petty and ungrateful for the chance to be at college. I really don't want to be. I just want to be happy and be the person I want to be. Having this feeling of despair is crushing

All I meant was that when people ask difficult questions like yours, the answers are often all over the place. In this case, I'm impressed that so many of us replied in about the same way--don't give up all you've earned already in college.

Take a break, change colleges, go to online courses, change majors if you can, but do not abandon all that you've accomplished towards a degree or you will regret it later. And that's not because we take lightly your feelings of being pressured, having a long commute, etc. No, but you are nearing the finish line and just have to stick it out somehow. You'll be glad you did.

 

[Danie1979]

Do what makes YOU happy! They cannot live your life for you. Just make a wise decision. Do not drop our of it only because you have a year and a half left. However, if what you are studying is not what you want to do for a career then most certainly drop it and change majors. It took me till I was 31 to figure out what I want to do and guess what, now that I am doing it I want to do something else. You will change throughout your entire life. Live it! Also, remember to ask God to show you the way.

 

[parsley]

The leave of absence is definitely a possibility, but another way to handle that is to ask if you can add a co-op to your program. That way, you could get a break and keep the continuity.

I have thought about other major options and right now switching would probably mean more time in school. I don't have the money or the drive to do that. To be honest I always thought I was just do cosmetology school, or one of those 18 month courses to be a medical assistant or other trade type thing. Being more vocal four years ago about that might have helped,

Look into it anyway. I don't know what your major was, but there's a chance other departments might use your past credits differently. Also there are programs that wrap up mixed backgrounds into custom degree programs, where you might be able to add a few cosmetology courses (if you have enough upper level credits already done) to apply toward a Bachelor's.

You might even be able to do that with electives in your current program.

Cosmetology Associate's Degree Programs

Most likely, your current adviser would encourage small business courses, chemistry/biology, OSHA training, salon management, organizational management, marketing... things surrounding the field. Then you could take the beauty-related ones later. You might also look into food-hotel-service industry programs for courses.

I know people who finished respectable BS programs and then went back to community college for something that applied more closely to daily life.

Cosmetology Associate's Degree Programs

Parents who push their kids into degrees are usually ones who had to work incredibly hard to get to a comfortable spot, and didn't want their kids to suffer through what they did. Some of those PhD jobs are very competitive, with limited positions.

Think about Pat Robertson's stories of buying a bag of soybeans to get through his early married life. Or the posts you see here of people living in their parents' basements. You have to fight for comfort and security these days.

School is not a guarantee of a job, but no school can put people into a scary position with little room for advancement. And I hate to say it, but women get fewer promotions, no matter how hard they work. On the other hand, cosmetology does provide a steady income and some control over your hours.

It's a great career if you end up having kids, because you can do some work out of your home while they're young. That's not on your mind now I'm sure, but it's good to plan. I always hated it when people talked that way to me, and then - voila-- it happened, and I did want to spend time with them.

Right now I think cosmetology would put you in a $24k income range, which is half what you might make at some other jobs with degrees, but in reality many people aren't getting those jobs upon graduation, and entry rates are lowered. Also, it would be easy to work more hours (IMO).

Albion mentioned online courses -- you could ask your department if they would allow a long delayed completion, where you worked and took one online or evening course at a time. It would take "forever," but many people do that, and are able to live normal lives.

 

[parsley]

Another thing to consider: If you leave now before wrapping up degrees, you might lose part of what you had done if you reapplied later. Some courses and programs have expiration dates, as technology and policies change. And programs change requirements over the years.

If you make a drastic decision, use the access that you have now, to sculpt a bridge for yourself. Stay in contact with your department, wrap up any certificates and degrees that you can, get recommendation letters... before they forget who you are.