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Things to say to someone who has depression

Discussion in 'Depression Disorders' started by Take Heart, Jul 20, 2019.

  1. Take Heart

    Take Heart Be encouraged ♥ Supporter

    Hey guys, so I've recently been reading blogs about what not to say to someone who has depression but haven't really read anything about what TO say to someone who has depression.

    I have a boyfriend who has it and was wondering if you may help me in what to say, how to support, etc. But mostly, what to actually say that you yourself have found helpful and encouraging and helped you to feel accepted, understood, valued, and loved.

    Thanks so much
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  2. Gracia Singh

    Gracia Singh Newbie Supporter

    United States
    I love you no matter what!

    You make me happy!

    Thank you for being my friend!
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  3. J Daniel

    J Daniel Active Member

    United Kingdom
    Just keep talking to him.

  4. devin553344

    devin553344 I believe in the Resurrection

    United States
    "God smiled when you were born!"

    But generally be positive and uplifting.
  5. Aldrin25

    Aldrin25 Member

    In Relationship
    I'm suffering to a depression before.
    But my first question is...He is a Christian? If yes, getting addicting to the Lord is the best cure. Always spending time studying seriously God's Word. =)
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  6. devin553344

    devin553344 I believe in the Resurrection

    United States
    Addicted maybe, but I overcame depression and anxiety thru service in the Lord. Took a couple years but I no longer suffer from either.
  7. Jeshu

    Jeshu Bought by His Blood Supporter


    As someone who has suffered depression since i was a teenager i know that depression is a horrible affliction because we are surrounded by the loveless lies that our ill minds send us 24/7

    The biggest thing missing in a depressed heart is; love for God, self or other; and secondly, truth about God, themselves and other other.
    It wasn't till i internalised God's love for me and began to apply it to myself because i loved His truth more than my depressive lies that i started on my way to becoming stronger than depression could bring my way.

    i let the truths of Scripture teach me in love and grace. For the first time in my life i put my faith in His love to guide me with His truth and He surely did.

    So the truth of God, e.g His Word or good Creation understood in love for God, self and neighbour keeps us safe from the negativity of depression. Where rather than building our existential reality with sadness, guilt, shame, hopelessness, despair, inabilities and weaknesses and fear we build with God's truth in love, where Jesus' Spirit in us builds us loving, caring, sharing, protecting, kind, gentle, generous, hopeful, faithful and fearlessly strong to fight our bad life. It is absolutely marvellous to see Him do that.

    So yes i still struggle with bouts of depression, yet Jesus saved my life from the pit and brought me my good life back, i can now survive biggest onslaught. So proud of Jesus for teaching me that faith in God's loving truth will certainly make us stronger than anything this mortal stage we're in can throw at us.

    So yes love this person and tell him that the love of God can set him free from a depressive mind set. Also medication may well be needed if he has depressive illness, so please don't ignore the medial side of depression.

    To God's Depressed Child,

    To think less of yourself then God's own
    Brings you much pain and suffering.
    Your worth is an incredible high price
    For you as well did Jesus die on the cross.

    Depression is also what devil's lies brings inside
    letting a low-self-esteem your good life rob
    Untruths roaming freely through heart and mind
    Evil lies extinguishing all happiness and fun.

    His loving truth brings you His good life
    While to believe lies brings pain and grief
    So hold onto the promises Jesus made to you
    and don't let Satan your good life squander.

    Take hold of God's precious loving truth.
    A life in Him stays safe from lies that hurt.
    Jesus' truth will comfort your bleeding heart
    Lovingly remaking your fallen life anew.
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  8. Tempura

    Tempura Noob Supporter

    Comforting words of Christ and the sentiment of God somehow, in time, building a strong foundation in us in His invisible ways, God not letting go of us can not be praised enough. God knows we need them even when we get out of depression.

    But this is a hard question, also a good one. There are words we can say to really hurt a depressed person, even those who aren't depressed. The impact is right there, almost right away. But when it comes to encouraging and supporting words, it's suddenly harder, as if words lost all their power. We can't see the effect right away. Building takes so much more time than tearing something apart.

    You must know your boyfriend's struggles better than all of us. There are some specific things, even under the general blanket of depression that is common to most of us here, that he is also struggling with personally. Some ideas in his head, how he is not good enough in that way, not worthy in this way or how he is loathsome in some other way. And you probably recognize what they are. You can lovingly correct his ways of thinking about himself. Even if it might feel like you're talking to a wall. Some of it gets through anyway. I cannot count the amount of times some people, mostly my mother, just didn't give up. They might have felt they kept saying the same things as if they were just platitudes, but I sure needed it. In the end, something came through.

    For me it was important to accept that it's okay to be weak. That I don't have to perform or earn anything, and that I can just "surrender" in a way. Not in a self-harming way, not in a more desperate way, but to just accept that I am now weak, instead of bad, useless and loathsome shameful person. I'm just weak and I don't know what to do, but I'll take the helplessness, there's honesty and weird comfort in that, and it was much better than just hating myself.

    I'm sorry I couldn't come up with words or phrases, I guess my mind doesn't work that way right now. I'm glad others did, it's often the simple words and sentiments that are good. But honest love and encouragement, when it is honest and comes from a good place, is powerful. The honesty of it does get through, little by little. Even if we build a thousand psychological walls around us, some of that love sneaks in. If you say the "right" words at any given time, good, but if you struggle to find them, he still knows. In fact I remember some times when a person really wanted to help me, but they didn't know how, and I saw how they were struggling with it. Melted my heart. So don't get discouraged if you feel like you can't perform right. It's not about the performance.

    Praying for you and your boyfriend.
    Last edited: Jul 21, 2019
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  9. miss-a

    miss-a Newbie

    People abandoned me when I was depressed. It was devastating. Tell him you will be with him all the way to the other side of this, and that there is another side, and he will make it there. Remind him God loves Him and will walk with Him every step of the way.
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  10. Drifter91

    Drifter91 Member

    Korea, Republic Of
    well, sometimes being alone is a simpler emotion to handle for some...but everyone needs someone to understand their pain...it's part of being alive...
  11. ChicanaRose

    ChicanaRose Well-Known Member

    United States
    "I pray for you everyday..."