- Jul 22, 2017
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I believe that being a Christian is trusting in Jesus to deliver you from your sins. I have not been trusting Jesus. In fact, I have been giving in to my sin because I have been enjoying them. One of the biggest lies of Satan is I could continue to sin, and then repent of it later. I know that it doesn't work that way. I know that salvation is knowing God and trusting in Jesus Christ for deliverance. Jesus did not die for me so that I could continue in sin, he died for me so that I can be delivered from sin.
Jesus gave a parable about those who listen to the word of God. I do not remember where in the Bible this Parable was, but he talked about three kinds of group of people who listen to the words of the Lord and had different responses: the first group of people listen to the word of the Lord and then left and was saddened because they enjoyed their sin; and the second group of people listen to the word of the Lord and gladly accepted it, but it did not take root, for the worries and cares of this world cause them to stumble and fall and snatch the word of the Lord from them; the third group of people listen to the word of the Lord gladly accepted it and it took root and beared fruit within them.
I am in the second group. My desire is to obey the word of the Lord. But it never takes root Within Me. I get jealous of my brothers and sisters because they work and I am on Social Security. I get jealous and angry because I am unable to do things that people can do. I get vertigo. I can't walk across the street. I am going to school. But this does not make me happy. I want to go back to work.
I get angry at conservatives because sometimes it seems like they don't care about the disabled. Conservatives will say that we can all work, but the problem is is that an employer has to be willing to hire us. I may be able to walk up and down the stairs as long as I have my walking sticks; but an employer may not like me using my walking sticks. That is what got me fired from Walmart. They would not let me use my walking sticks. I could have kept working if they had let me use them.
I am not the one saying that I can't work, it was the employers that was saying that. My heart is getting bitter and bitter towards people. Because people just don't understand.
How can I follow God like this? I don't feel like I am entitled to anything. But how could I survive without benefits? I am angry at God for making me so dependent on benefits. I am angry at my town for denying me services to help me get back to work. I wasn't denied benefits, but I was denied DVR Services, which helps people like me who are disabled to get back to work. But they say that I was too disabled. They said that they didn't have enough resources to help me get back to work.
So I have been comforting Myself by indulging in sinful Behavior. I know that I'm going back to school. But my real desire is to go back to work. The only reason why I'm going back to school because it was the last resort. But I still have to get government funding to go back to school. I am extremely angry about this.
I understand that conservatives want to cut Social Security and benefits, which I would have no problem with. I just wish that programs will be put in place that help the disabled get back to work. There are many programs like DVR services, but they are still limited by what they can do. I also wish it was illegal for them to deny people services.
I am angry at God because I feel like the world is against me. On one hand you have conservative saying stuff like you can go back to work, and calling me a lazy little leech. And on another hand I have tried to go back to work, but nobody wants to hire the disabled.
You know what I wish, that people will stop telling me that I can go back to work. Don't tell me that, tell the employers that where I tried to work. Let's see if they will listen to you.
I hope 2018 is better. I will be in school, and I hope that my degree will open more doors for me.
Please pray for me. I'm very bitter and upset.
My anger with God is very self-centered, I know this. But sometimes I can't help it. I used to work two to three jobs. I loved working and I love the respect that I used to get. But now according to a lot of conservatives I am nothing but a lazy little Leach.
Please pray for me.
Jesus gave a parable about those who listen to the word of God. I do not remember where in the Bible this Parable was, but he talked about three kinds of group of people who listen to the words of the Lord and had different responses: the first group of people listen to the word of the Lord and then left and was saddened because they enjoyed their sin; and the second group of people listen to the word of the Lord and gladly accepted it, but it did not take root, for the worries and cares of this world cause them to stumble and fall and snatch the word of the Lord from them; the third group of people listen to the word of the Lord gladly accepted it and it took root and beared fruit within them.
I am in the second group. My desire is to obey the word of the Lord. But it never takes root Within Me. I get jealous of my brothers and sisters because they work and I am on Social Security. I get jealous and angry because I am unable to do things that people can do. I get vertigo. I can't walk across the street. I am going to school. But this does not make me happy. I want to go back to work.
I get angry at conservatives because sometimes it seems like they don't care about the disabled. Conservatives will say that we can all work, but the problem is is that an employer has to be willing to hire us. I may be able to walk up and down the stairs as long as I have my walking sticks; but an employer may not like me using my walking sticks. That is what got me fired from Walmart. They would not let me use my walking sticks. I could have kept working if they had let me use them.
I am not the one saying that I can't work, it was the employers that was saying that. My heart is getting bitter and bitter towards people. Because people just don't understand.
How can I follow God like this? I don't feel like I am entitled to anything. But how could I survive without benefits? I am angry at God for making me so dependent on benefits. I am angry at my town for denying me services to help me get back to work. I wasn't denied benefits, but I was denied DVR Services, which helps people like me who are disabled to get back to work. But they say that I was too disabled. They said that they didn't have enough resources to help me get back to work.
So I have been comforting Myself by indulging in sinful Behavior. I know that I'm going back to school. But my real desire is to go back to work. The only reason why I'm going back to school because it was the last resort. But I still have to get government funding to go back to school. I am extremely angry about this.
I understand that conservatives want to cut Social Security and benefits, which I would have no problem with. I just wish that programs will be put in place that help the disabled get back to work. There are many programs like DVR services, but they are still limited by what they can do. I also wish it was illegal for them to deny people services.
I am angry at God because I feel like the world is against me. On one hand you have conservative saying stuff like you can go back to work, and calling me a lazy little leech. And on another hand I have tried to go back to work, but nobody wants to hire the disabled.
You know what I wish, that people will stop telling me that I can go back to work. Don't tell me that, tell the employers that where I tried to work. Let's see if they will listen to you.
I hope 2018 is better. I will be in school, and I hope that my degree will open more doors for me.
Please pray for me. I'm very bitter and upset.
My anger with God is very self-centered, I know this. But sometimes I can't help it. I used to work two to three jobs. I loved working and I love the respect that I used to get. But now according to a lot of conservatives I am nothing but a lazy little Leach.
Please pray for me.
