Hi, this has bothered me quite a bit lately. I'm sure most of you are familiar with intrusive, blasphemous thoughts. It's a problem I thankfully was able to get past several years ago. However, these past few weeks a new variation of it has bothered me: the urge to laugh with/about terrible thoughts.
So whenever a blasphemous 'joke' or insult pops into my head, I almost always feel an urge to laugh or smile about it. As if I'm agreeing these terrible thoughts are actually funny, when I really just despise them. Some of the times, it feels like I actually do smile at them for a moment.
When that happens, or I'm afraid it might've happened, I can spend up to 30 minutes just apologizing to God and begging for forgiveness, because I'm constantly worried my apology isn't sincere enough. Even as I'm typing this, I'm worried about smiling at this topic, because it relates to those blasphemous thoughts.
I know I have OCD, I know I hate these thoughts, I know I don't want to laugh, I know as soon as I do I'll feel horrible, but it feels like that urge is always there. And I haven't seen much about OCD and laughing online, so I'm worried I might just be an awful person and the laughing thing isn't from OCD.
I really need some help rationalizing this all! Thanks.
So whenever a blasphemous 'joke' or insult pops into my head, I almost always feel an urge to laugh or smile about it. As if I'm agreeing these terrible thoughts are actually funny, when I really just despise them. Some of the times, it feels like I actually do smile at them for a moment.
When that happens, or I'm afraid it might've happened, I can spend up to 30 minutes just apologizing to God and begging for forgiveness, because I'm constantly worried my apology isn't sincere enough. Even as I'm typing this, I'm worried about smiling at this topic, because it relates to those blasphemous thoughts.
I know I have OCD, I know I hate these thoughts, I know I don't want to laugh, I know as soon as I do I'll feel horrible, but it feels like that urge is always there. And I haven't seen much about OCD and laughing online, so I'm worried I might just be an awful person and the laughing thing isn't from OCD.
I really need some help rationalizing this all! Thanks.