The traditional family

stevevw

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My grandchildren went to a nursery when they were infants while their parents were at work, it never did them any harm at all.
That is fair enough but I think overall it is not for the best. But I agree that this can be compensated to a degree through good supports and having caring people around a child. But I think the best caregiver is a parent or grandparent for that matter especially the mother. But that's not to say anyone can be a caregiver that can create a secure bond with a child.
 
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muichimotsu

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In today's generation many parents are using child minding services so they can both work. The problem is these services are mostly used through the early years say 2 to 5 or 6 years when a child mostly needs to bond with their parent especially the mother. So the continual attachment and breaking of the attachment where the caregiver leaving their child with others can be a problem. It makes sense that if the child caregiver (mother) bond is vital for a child's well-being then denying a child that bond will have a negative effect.

Research shows that this is the case. Children need that continual close bond with their caregiver so they can develop a secure attachment. Insecure attachments lead to maladjustment later in life.

The importance of early bonding on the long-term mental health and resilience of children

The importance of early bonding on the long-term mental health and resilience of children

You can do both: the child can bond with their parents after they come from work, you're placing unreasonable expectations given economic problems that make single income households untenable. My parents worked and provided for me and my brother, I don't think we have the worst relationship (it could be better, that's a whole topic I'm still working through elsewhere in the forums) and I think they've emphasized their values and I still hold them to a degree, even if I've apostasized from their political and religious angles (mom did say die hard Republican in a conversation I heard and I was raised Christian)

There's an element of trust involved there and it wasn't violated really, I still came home after childcare with family friends or such and didn't trust my mother or father less because of that.

Not sure if either of us can speak authoritatively in terms of what constitutes a secure attachment to one's parents and even moreso when it comes to varying parenting styles and children (with neurodivergence in particular complicating things more)
 
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muichimotsu

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That is fair enough but I think overall it is not for the best. But I agree that this can be compensated to a degree through good supports and having caring people around a child. But I think the best caregiver is a parent or grandparent for that matter especially the mother. But that's not to say anyone can be a caregiver that can create a secure bond with a child.
A child would reasonably create various bonds and not just with parental figures: if a child is just sheltered and never creates any other bonds that's JUST as bad, if not moreso, than creating unstable bonds that they learn to adjust in breaking them. I made friends and then had to not see them for one reason or another and I still have to process such things with new relationships I've made in my life (a friend in high school died, several have died in my years since graduating high school, I've lost a good friend to a heart attack, but I didn't have some problem processing my grief anymore than having euthanized 2 cats I dearly loved)
 
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Quartermaine

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stevevw

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And Japan, a collectivist society by yours and my general agreement, also has one of the highest suicide rates in the world along with the "family breakdown" in regards to a declining birth rate. You're still making a claim that doesn't stand up to scrutiny
If we investigate the reasons why there is a high suicide rate in Japan we will see that there is a lot more going on. Though there is a strong family value there are other issues like oppression and a lack of meaning for many due to government control. Japanese people find it harder to express their feelings due to their culture.

But if anything it is the family that is the saving grace. Research seems to point to the main cause of suicide being isolation and depression. Many old people are dying alone in their apartments. So being in a close supportive family can mitigate this. But I also think that western culture is slowly encroaching into Japan which is causing the loss of traditional family values.

"Isolation is the number one precursor for depression and suicide," says Wataru Nishida, a psychologist at Tokyo's Temple University.
Why does Japan have such a high suicide rate?


Don't think I ever claimed capitalism unfettered was the solution, it requires a balance. Income inequality is through consumerism and corporatism, not capitalism in any strict sense.
True but I think there is a fine line between capitalism and consumerism and corporatism. If capitalism is the economic and political system in which a country's trade and industry are controlled by private owners for profit, rather than by the state then the logic and temptation would be if the state believes it is a good policy politically and economically then why not for health and welfare.

I think even the more socialist government parties are turning to economic rationalist ideals for health and welfare mainly because they cannot manage their budgets to pay for these things. We are seeing this with private health cover and the tough policies aimed at reducing welfare dependency.


Actually you can, there's nothing saying it cannot be so, because capitalism is not strictly about capital without the balance you and I both agree it requires. What you describe would be unfettered laissez faire capitalism like some libertarians might advocate.
Maybe but I don't trust politicians.

Social welfare requires state involvement and that doesn't require it creates a dependency issue if properly applied.
The problem I see is that many western governments have moved away from even providing basic welfare support and are implementing more and more user pay services through outsourcing. They just haven't got the money to pay for a growing and demanding welfare and health system and therefore depend on the private market.

This is especially true for implementing preventative family friendly measures as they cannot even deal with the problems already created and they are more preoccupied with presenting a balance budget to get votes. They create a discourse that demonizes welfare dependency and the voters seem to but it.

You used the word neo liberalism, not me
Neoliberalism is characterized by free market trade, deregulation of financial markets, individualisation, and the shift away from state welfare provision. And that is exactly what is happening in many western nations including much of the EEC where they now require a country to be economically viable to enter.

Healthcare shouldn't be privatized to the exclusion of those who can't pay for it based on standards that favor consumerism and such, healthcare isn't the same as welfare or education, though education and healthcare both have a particular issue that makes them difficult to privatize in the sense that it's a limited resource that requires investment of time and money to get the qualifications to be a doctor/nurse or teacher respectively.
Believe me the government will find a way to privatize things. They may not be able to completely private something like national basic healthcare but they can privatize much of the structures that support it by contracting it out. They can also have policies based on the principles of privatization such as changing eligibility rules for getting health care. Dentistry is no longer a free service which is health related so everyone's teeth are now rotting which causes more health issues.

Again, you're talking about capitalism without any social welfare as part of it, which isn't remotely how it is universally characterized and certainly isn't as polarizing as you seem to make it relative to social welfare
I am not saying that the health and welfare system is completely privatized. But over recent years the governments have gradually brought in more economically rationalist policies. Like mentioned above. Like toughing up the eligibility and penalty rules for qualification of welfare and health. I could mention 2 dozen recent policies that have denied basic health and welfare services to people compared to years ago.

But the main point is that it is the preventative care that helps families stay together and remain strong. Governments have been three steps behind prevention and are always battling to deal with the problems created by not implementing good family friendly policies in the first place. That's because it would require longer term strategies which don't pay immediate dividends that make them look good in the now. That's the way the western political system works and that's the problem.

Proper management of resources doesn't require a purely capitalist regard, but basic structural considerations that are more about social planning than economics in the broadest sense.
I agree and this would be a good thing. The problem I think is that we have the best managers in the private sector because it is demanded based on the bottom line. But it is hard to apply this thinking to the public sector without also implementing all the other economic rationalist thinking which often means cutting waste and things that are not viable to make profits. But social welfare is about human beings with all sorts of human issues which cannot be seen in terms of profits.
 
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stevevw

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did you read this?

i have to wonder because it says the opposite of what you are saying here.
Yeah I think you must be either not understanding what it says or have the wrong article. It clearly says that punishments like time out do not work and can cause more harm than good. IE

Time-outs have been widely embraced as one of these strategies because they appear to work – the behavior stops. Unfortunately, children do not learn to self-regulate through the punishing impact of time-out – they are simply frightened into compliance. The time-out uses the child’s deep need for connection to extract the desired behavior.
 
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muichimotsu

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If we investigate the reasons why there is a high suicide rate in Japan we will see that there is a lot more going on. Though there is a strong family value there are other issues like oppression and a lack of meaning for many due to government control. Japanese people find it harder to express their feelings due to their culture.

Much as I appreciate some aspects of the culture, of course the more modern Western ideas from the 1800s onwards start to make Japan advance itself to a point that it had a bubble economy that's already burst once and may again in the future


True but I think there is a fine line between capitalism and consumerism and corporatism. If capitalism is the economic and political system in which a country's trade and industry are controlled by private owners for profit, rather than by the state then the logic and temptation would be if the state believes it is a good policy politically and economically then why not for health and welfare.

I think even the more socialist government parties are turning to economic rationalist ideals for health and welfare mainly because they cannot manage their budgets to pay for these things. We are seeing this with private health cover and the tough policies aimed at reducing welfare dependency.


Maybe but I don't trust politicians.

I literally made that distinction in my posts and the temptation is blending the economic system with a political one as if they just fit nicely together rather than cheating by cutting the proverbial puzzle pieces. And I don't trust most politicians beyond particular things and that's provisional: voted Libertarian in the last 2 presidential elections, I'm not much for the false binary presented

The problem I see is that many western governments have moved away from even providing basic welfare support and are implementing more and more user pay services through outsourcing. They just haven't got the money to pay for a growing and demanding welfare and health system and therefore depend on the private market.

This is especially true for implementing preventative family friendly measures as they cannot even deal with the problems already created and they are more preoccupied with presenting a balance budget to get votes. They create a discourse that demonizes welfare dependency and the voters seem to but it.

Again, this boils down to thinking consumerism and corporatism (the latter espeically) can save a failing political and economic structure, which I think we'd agree is in need of fixing


Neoliberalism is characterized by free market trade, deregulation of financial markets, individualisation, and the shift away from state welfare provision. And that is exactly what is happening in many western nations including much of the EEC where they now require a country to be economically viable to enter.

Believe me the government will find a way to privatize things. They may not be able to completely private something like national basic healthcare but they can privatize much of the structures that support it by contracting it out. They can also have policies based on the principles of privatization such as changing eligibility rules for getting health care. Dentistry is no longer a free service which is health related so everyone's teeth are now rotting which causes more health issues.

Neoliberalism as you describe is just conservativism with a new name, same as neocons being liberals with a new name (coughTrumpcough)

It's practically already the case with insurance companies making it so that the rates go up because they have a convenient business relationship with providers

I am not saying that the health and welfare system is completely privatized. But over recent years the governments have gradually brought in more economically rationalist policies. Like mentioned above. Like toughing up the eligibility and penalty rules for qualification of welfare and health. I could mention 2 dozen recent policies that have denied basic health and welfare services to people compared to years ago.

But the main point is that it is the preventative care that helps families stay together and remain strong. Governments have been three steps behind prevention and are always battling to deal with the problems created by not implementing good family friendly policies in the first place. That's because it would require longer term strategies which don't pay immediate dividends that make them look good in the now. That's the way the western political system works and that's the problem.

Focus on profit over people is a bad thing, another point I imagine we can agree on across what may be a political gap of sorts

I agree and this would be a good thing. The problem I think is that we have the best managers in the private sector because it is demanded based on the bottom line. But it is hard to apply this thinking to the public sector without also implementing all the other economic rationalist thinking which often means cutting waste and things that are not viable to make profits. But social welfare is about human beings with all sorts of human issues which cannot be seen in terms of profits.

The balancing of profit in terms of protocol and such, possibly even in a non profit fashion to a degree, could mitigate that, though politics and economics were never my strong suit (C or so in both in college, minimum requirements)
 
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pleinmont

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That is fair enough but I think overall it is not for the best. But I agree that this can be compensated to a degree through good supports and having caring people around a child. But I think the best caregiver is a parent or grandparent for that matter especially the mother. But that's not to say anyone can be a caregiver that can create a secure bond with a child.

That sounds very sexist to me.
 
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FireDragon76

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Not any job I ever had. Even the church doesn't provide or pay for my mobile phone.

Maybe it's due to the German Lutheran background of accounting for everything, but at my church the pastor's cellphone was paid for from our budget.
 
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Quartermaine

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Yeah I think you must be either not understanding what it says or have the wrong article. It clearly says that punishments like time out do not work and can cause more harm than good. IE

Time-outs have been widely embraced as one of these strategies because they appear to work – the behavior stops. Unfortunately, children do not learn to self-regulate through the punishing impact of time-out – they are simply frightened into compliance. The time-out uses the child’s deep need for connection to extract the desired behavior.

Do you think children learn to self-regulate through what you refer to as "controlled smacking" or are they simply terrified into compliance?

The psychologist in the article doesn't advocate smacking of any sort and follows an :"overly softly softly approach and spoiling kids"
 
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Paidiske

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But how do they care for their children if both are at work all the time. Isn't the child missing important bonding and time with parents if they are brought up by the state or some private child minding center.

Here I see workplace flexibility as the key. Both my husband and I have worked since very soon after my daughter's birth; she has never spent one hour in formal childcare, because we've been able to structure our work around our family commitments. (For example, for a couple of years we each worked three days a week; right now I work full time and my husband consults during school hours; no doubt things will change again as we go through life's different seasons).

Maybe it's due to the German Lutheran background of accounting for everything, but at my church the pastor's cellphone was paid for from our budget.

Anglicans seem slow to adapt to change. The church pays for things like my electricity (which have been around for a long time) but not my mobile phone or internet (which are more recent necessities).
 
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AvisG

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But I say that these examples while good are second best. There is no substitute for the traditional family and the roles of a father and mother in ensuring healthy and happy children, families and societies. It is no coincident that the breakdown of the traditional family coincides with the breakdown of our societies.
I completely agree. A distinct male role, a distinct female role, a distinct role for children and a traditional family structure are simply God's plan for the human race, period. The Bible may reflect a patriarchal society, but there is nothing inherently "better" or "more important" about the male role in a traditional family; if anything, quite the opposite is true.

Unfortunately, over the past 75 years literally every societal trend has run counter to the traditional male and female roles and has contributed to the collapse of the traditional family structure. The extent to which society has eagerly drunk this fantastically destructive Kool Aid while calling it progress can only be explained in supernatural terms.

My wife spent the first several decades of her life in the Soviet Union. It's no accident that one of the Soviets' primary goals was the destruction of the traditional family. Male and female roles were blurred, children were raised in state institutions, and family loyalties were actively discouraged. What we have in the U.S. today exceeds the Soviets' wildest dreams.
 
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Paidiske

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Distinct male and female roles historically excluded women from education, excluded us from being able to support ourselves by working, made us financially dependent on men (and therefore trapped us in abusive and oppressive situations), and kept us from using our God-given gifts in society or the Church.

None of that is God's plan; allowing women to develop and use our full, God-given potential is much more in accord with the will of the one who came that we may have life in abundance.
 
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FireDragon76

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My wife spent the first several decades of her life in the Soviet Union. It's no accident that one of the Soviets' primary goals was the destruction of the traditional family. Male and female roles were blurred, children were raised in state institutions, and family loyalties were actively discouraged. What we have in the U.S. today exceeds the Soviets' wildest dreams.

So just because the Soviets made token gestures towards female equality, the notion must be evil? Can you say "fallacy"?
 
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stevevw

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That sounds very sexist to me.
Sorry if it sounds that way but I am only citing the science. There is nothing like a mother child bond when the baby is first born and the mother holds the baby who intuitively knows its mother. This bond and attachment is important for the emotional, physical and psychological development of a child into adulthood. A father can also bond with a child but there is a special bond between a child and its mother.

The Scientific Reason the Mother-Child Bond Is So Powerful
It likely comes as no surprise to moms that they can literally feel everything their child is feeling—and now science can explain the reason why.
The Scientific Reason the Mother-Child Bond Is So Powerful
The New Science of Mother-Baby Bonding
Groundbreaking new parenting research shows that a strong emotional attachment between a mother and her baby may help prevent diseases, boost immunity, and enhance a child’s IQ
The New Science of Mother-Baby Bonding - Parenting
Baby-Mother Bonds Affect Future Adult Relationships, Study Finds
Baby-Mother Bonds Affect Future Adult Relationships, Study Finds | Live Science
 
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