The traditional family

muichimotsu

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There's a book called The Way We Never Were, written by a historian Stephanie Coontz.

https://www.amazon.com/Way-We-Never-Were-Nostalgia/dp/0465098835

Most of the stuff about "traditional families" is based on nostalgia and reactionary ideology. There were plenty of divorces and "broken homes" back in the day. My own grandfather was raised by his grandparents because his parents separated and his father ran off.
Wasn't divorce effectively impossible in many cultures for women? The problem is how people rush into it for social approval, at least in cultures where they especially emphasize it. I know of people I went to church with that seemed to just get married because it was seen as more appropriate than having a child "out of wedlock" because they had premarital sex and improperly used protection (or not at all, who knows?).

So many people seem to rush into it rather than wait for stability and understand how well they work together by cohabitation: I have friends who have been engaged for over 4 years now, they're likely not in any hurry because they're already living together and people would disapprove either way (not getting married fast enough or shacking up in "sin")
 
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stevevw

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One of my late sisters was a social worker in another state. She told me of a case where an abusive husband taught the couple's boys to be disrespectful and disobedient to their mother. The couple split and the mother was havong a horrible time with the boys.

There are "traditional families" where both parents are not skilled in relationships. I'm glad my parents divorced in the fifties. I didn't have a rosy childhood anyways but my father was very verbally abusive and it stressed me a lot to be around him or to even talk to him on the phone. Sometimes people make terrible mistakes by staying married to an evil person such as another of my my sisters did (he was an abuser and a child molestor). There is so much evil in the world and I don't think it's going to go away.
I agree there are unskilled parents who don't know how to handle their relationship especially through the hard times. Then when they have children this only compounds the situation. We see a lot of young parents in this situation enough so that our organisation has created a specific young parenting program. I think society has created some unreal ideas about relationships, marriage and parenthood and some can go into these situations with unreal expectations.

I also think that relationships and parenting can be stressful at times and it comes down to how as a society we can either add to that stress through anti family policies or relieve it through support. IMO this goes back to values we have as a society. The saying that a parents sins can be visited upon the children is true. Poor parenting can created unprepared and less resilient children who grow up finding it harder to cope with life. But I think to break this chain we need a united front of governments and communities being supportive of families.

People can buck trends and have strong families despite their circumstances but I think these are exceptions. It is harder to produce strong and healthy families in a dysfunctional community. So it is a complex situation especially today and we are seeing the results of many young people with mental health issues and unprepared for life.

IMO the best makeup of a family to get the best outcomes is where a child has a father and mother figure in their life. But the reality is that does not always happen so we need to help all families. The best way to do that is to create networks of support through community centres, churches and with government support. Unfortunately the hardest issue I see that is preventing consistent strong and healthy families is we are not united in our values on relationships and what makes a family.
 
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FireDragon76

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Kylie

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I work at my local community centre and see a lot of disadvantaged people. Many are single parents with young children who have experienced domestic violence. I think of the young children and the effect this has on them. Many single parents come in struggling to cope often in financial hardship and have problems with child behavior.

It got me thinking about the importance of the traditional family and how this is the basis for a healthy and happy society. The importance of a mother and father figure and how this influences child development especially for a secure attachment in the early years which research shows can determine how a child will turn out as an adult.

Since around the 50's and 60's governments have supported easy divorce along with a lack of support for helping couples to stay together which has led to many family breakdowns. Statistics show that children from broken families do worse across a range of measures such as education, physical and mental health and employment and are more likely to be associated with substance abuse and crime.

Economic policies in western societies has gradually undermined families where both parents have to work denying quality time with children and adding stress which leads to family breakups. Feminism was a reaction to male dominance but things have gone from one extreme to another where men are confused and demeaned and women have become preoccupied with careers and believe they don't need a man to have children and raise them.

This has resulted in a war of sexes undermining what are male and female roles. Modern society has seen a raft of measures associated with artificial child birth and non traditional child upbringing such as state run child care centres which has implications for the future well-being of children.

Some say that today's young people are less resilient and prepared for life. Many boys have missed the influence of a positive father figure and are open to be easily influenced. Many girls miss a loving father that helps them navigate relationships in life. They both miss the bonding of a loving care giver like a mother which is so vital for emotional development. It makes me wonder are we seeing the result of decades of policies that have undermined the family with the attitudes of young people and the way some children are behaving.

Some try to rationalize and justify that there is no problem and no such thing as a traditional family and that families come in all sorts of shapes and sizes to support their political agendas. For some a father or mothers role is irrelevant which could see these roles superseded in the near future. They use comparisons and stats which show how single parents, mixed families or same sex parents can do just as good a job if not better.

But I say that these examples while good are second best. There is no substitute for the traditional family and the roles of a father and mother in ensuring healthy and happy children, families and societies. It is no coincident that the breakdown of the traditional family coincides with the breakdown of our societies.

Father’s and Mother’s Roles and Their Particularities in Raising Children

It is not right to say that one parent is more important than another one, while the mother certainly has the most important role in children’s lives in the prenatal period, later on the fathers and the mother’s roles gradually balance. The particularity of both roles consist in the fact that a father with his highest effort is not able to provide what needs to be provided by a mother and vice versa. Each one of them has their own characteristics. "The father´s behaviour towards the mother is an open book of life experiences for both, a son and a daughter. He is a source of their thoughts about men. A good father is an ideal for his daughter and an example for his son." (Štrbová, 2004, p. 18). "A mother plays one of the most social roles and expressions of human towards human.
https://www.degruyter.com/downloadpdf/j/atd.2015.5.issue-1/atd-2015-0032/atd-2015-0032.pdf


Making The Case For Traditional Parenting

Making The Case For Traditional Parenting
It’s scientific: kids need not just two parents but a mother and father.
It’s scientific: kids need not just two parents but a mother and father.

Traditional to who? There are plenty of cultures where there is a huge extended family raising children that doesn't fall into what we would call a "traditional family."

Besides, corporate greed has pretty much made it impossible for a family to have two kids, stay-at-home mum and a working dad. A single income just isn't enough to support that.
 
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Ken-1122

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Traditional to who? There are plenty of cultures where there is a huge extended family raising children that doesn't fall into what we would call a "traditional family."

Besides, corporate greed has pretty much made it impossible for a family to have two kids, stay-at-home mum and a working dad. A single income just isn't enough to support that.
I don’t think Corporates are the only ones greedy here, I think families are as well. Today every family needs 2-3 cars each with full insurance, multiple cell phones each with monthly payments, multiple TV’s with 200 channels, computers, along with computer games and all of these things costs money on a monthly basis. 50 years ago the average family had 1 car, less clothes, a much smaller house, 1 TV, lucky to have 1 phone for the entire house, and once you bought these things you didn’t have to make monthly payments (except for the phone). It’s no wonder they used to be able to live off one income back then; compared to today they didn’t have anything.

And jobs were different back then; the government did not have their hands in your pocket to the extent they do now. Back then it would be unheard of to expect to take 6 weeks off from work with full pay because your wife had a baby. Social Security was for retirement only; today it pays to disabilities as well. With so much extra costs going out of your paycheck, its no wonder a family has to work 2 jobs just to keep their heads above water.
 
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Kylie

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I don’t think Corporates are the only ones greedy here, I think families are as well. Today every family needs 2-3 cars each with full insurance, multiple cell phones each with monthly payments, multiple TV’s with 200 channels, computers, along with computer games and all of these things costs money on a monthly basis. 50 years ago the average family had 1 car, less clothes, a much smaller house, 1 TV, lucky to have 1 phone for the entire house, and once you bought these things you didn’t have to make monthly payments (except for the phone). It’s no wonder they used to be able to live off one income back then; compared to today they didn’t have anything.

And jobs were different back then; the government did not have their hands in your pocket to the extent they do now. Back then it would be unheard of to expect to take 6 weeks off from work with full pay because your wife had a baby. Social Security was for retirement only; today it pays to disabilities as well. With so much extra costs going out of your paycheck, its no wonder a family has to work 2 jobs just to keep their heads above water.

True, but there are lots of families out there struggling who have one car that's in bad shape, one TV, etc. A mobile phone is pretty much essential in our society. We can't get by with having just a landline at home like we did when I was a kid. The greed is mostly corporate - workers are getting paid less, while CEO pays have risen greatly.
 
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Ken-1122

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I agree there are unskilled parents who don't know how to handle their relationship especially through the hard times. Then when they have children this only compounds the situation. We see a lot of young parents in this situation enough so that our organisation has created a specific young parenting program. I think society has created some unreal ideas about relationships, marriage and parenthood and some can go into these situations with unreal expectations.

I also think that relationships and parenting can be stressful at times and it comes down to how as a society we can either add to that stress through anti family policies or relieve it through support. IMO this goes back to values we have as a society. The saying that a parents sins can be visited upon the children is true. Poor parenting can created unprepared and less resilient children who grow up finding it harder to cope with life. But I think to break this chain we need a united front of governments and communities being supportive of families.

People can buck trends and have strong families despite their circumstances but I think these are exceptions. It is harder to produce strong and healthy families in a dysfunctional community. So it is a complex situation especially today and we are seeing the results of many young people with mental health issues and unprepared for life.

IMO the best makeup of a family to get the best outcomes is where a child has a father and mother figure in their life. But the reality is that does not always happen so we need to help all families. The best way to do that is to create networks of support through community centres, churches and with government support. Unfortunately the hardest issue I see that is preventing consistent strong and healthy families is we are not united in our values on relationships and what makes a family.

I think the fact that the Government has taken away a lot of the rights of parents makes it more difficult to raise their children today than before. If the parent is responsible for what their child does, yet they are unable to discipline their child when he does wrong, that often puts the parent in a situation where they are unable to instill boundaries and discipline in their child.
 
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Ken-1122

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True, but there are lots of families out there struggling who have one car that's in bad shape, one TV, etc. A mobile phone is pretty much essential in our society. We can't get by with having just a landline at home like we did when I was a kid. The greed is mostly corporate - workers are getting paid less, while CEO pays have risen greatly.
A family with only 1 car and 1 TV is probably living below the poverty line; 50 years ago such a family would not have a car or TV. Why is a mobile phone essential?
 
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Ken-1122

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...and the cost of housing has risen dramatically, which makes a huge difference.
Not only has the price of houses risen, the size has increased as well. 1960 the average house was 1,200 sq feet with 1 restroom; today the average house built is over 2,000 sq feet and has multiple bathrooms. And the Government regulations and codes required just to build the house makes it more expensive to build than before.
 
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Paidiske

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Why is a mobile phone essential?

Not only does our society now expect us to be contactable - especially for work - but for a lot of people, the mobile phone is their access to the internet. I have contact with homeless people who are able to use FB on their mobile phone to find out where a free meal is available that day, for example.
 
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Paidiske

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Not only has the price of houses risen, the size has increased as well. 1960 the average house was 1,200 sq feet with 1 restroom; today the average house built is over 2,000 sq feet and has multiple bathrooms. And the Government regulations and codes required just to build the house makes it more expensive to build than before.

It's not just that, though. Even renting older houses is expensive. I was talking recently to an apprentice mechanic; he was paying in rent (for one room in a shared house) per week what I was paying in a similar arrangement nearly twenty years ago per month. But I can guarantee that apprentices' wages haven't quadrupled in that time...
 
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Ken-1122

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Not only does our society now expect us to be contactable especially for work
Jobs that require you to have a cell phone usually provide one

but for a lot of people, the mobile phone is their access to the internet.
Since when did internet access become essential?
I have contact with homeless people who are able to use FB on their mobile phone to find out where a free meal is available that day, for example.
50 years ago the homeless were able to find out where free meals were available without Facebook, why cant they do it today?
 
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Paidiske

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Jobs that require you to have a cell phone usually provide one

Not any job I ever had. Even the church doesn't provide or pay for my mobile phone.

Since when did internet access become essential?

I'd say that for most people today, surviving without internet access is becoming increasingly difficult. Everything is being designed and set up to operate online. Even the government doesn't send me paper correspondence any more!

50 years ago the homeless were able to find out where free meals were available without Facebook, why cant they do it today?

And if there's a way to make it quicker, easier and cheaper to communicate such essential services, why shouldn't we use it?
 
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Ken-1122

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It's not just that, though. Even renting older houses is expensive. I was talking recently to an apprentice mechanic; he was paying in rent (for one room in a shared house) per week what I was paying in a similar arrangement nearly twenty years ago per month. But I can guarantee that apprentices' wages haven't quadrupled in that time...
Where I live, 20 years ago minimum wage was $5:15 per hr, today it just went up to $13.50
20 Years ago, the average 1 bd apartment was $500 per month, today the same is $1,100 per month. Give or take a little; it kinda works out.
 
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Ken-1122

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Not any job I ever had. Even the church doesn't provide or pay for my mobile phone.
Does your church require you to have a cell phone?
I'd say that for most people today, surviving without internet access is becoming increasingly difficult. Everything is being designed and set up to operate online. Even the government doesn't send me paper correspondence any more!
All Libraries have free internet access that can be used for emergencies.
And if there's a way to make it quicker, easier and cheaper to communicate such essential services, why shouldn't we use it?
I'm not saying you shouldn't use it, I'm just asking is it really essential?
 
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Paidiske

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Paidiske

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Does your church require you to have a cell phone?

It's expected.

All Libraries have free internet access that can be used for emergencies.

Sure. But they're not available all the time. It's not at all the same as having a phone with you.

I'm not saying you shouldn't use it, I'm just asking is it really essential?

I think it's got to the point where to participate in society to the full it is, yes.
 
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