the punishing thread!

[tulc]

older forms of English kept Latins gender-specific suffixes -tor and -trix

tor for men, trix for women

So a male pilot is an aviator, a woman pilot is an aviatrix

a male fighter is a gladiator, a woman fighter is a gladiatrix

this contrasts with the modern system where tor is for both men and women

and trix are for kids

 

[tulc]

I dropped a bottle of ketchup on my foot yesterday.
It caused a lot of pain tomatoes.

 

[tulc]

I just learned about a famous artists's aunt who suffered from dizziness:
her name was Verti Gogh
her daughter traveled the country in an RV
her name was Winnie Bay Gogh

 

[tulc]

I've started telling people about the health benefits of eating dried grapes.
It's about raisin awareness.

 

[Kerensa]

What do you call an obese psychic?
A four-chin teller.

 

[tulc]

I made puns all day on Thanksgiving and I was on a roll, but now I yam so tired I cranberry stay awake...

 

[tulc]

the other day I was thinking about a color that doesn't exist.
It was a pigment of my imagination.

 

[Kerensa]

It was a pigment of my imagination.

I believe the Beatles said that with regard to the Yellow Submarine...

 

[Kerensa]

Last night I had a dream that I was swimming in an ocean of orange soda.

I guess it was just a Fanta sea.

 

[Kerensa]

My cow wandered into a field of marijuana. The steaks have never been so high...

 

[Kerensa]

Will glass coffins be a success? Remains to be seen.

 

[tulc]

this year I've been investing in stocks (chicken, beef and vegetable)
soon I'll be a bouillonaire.

 

[tulc]

I learned something today: how to tell the difference between a raven and a crow, if you look carefully at their wings you'll see ravens have four pinons (the long feathers at the end of the wing) while crows have 5 so the difference between crows and ravens is a matter of a pinion.

 

[tulc]

Rudolph. the red-nosed reindeer, died today, he was 53. He was struck by a flock of seagulls and a 747 while flying over Barcelona.
Eyewitnesses report the reindeer in Spain was hit mainly by the plane.

 

[tulc]

I told my contractor I didn't want carpeted steps.
He gave me a blank stair.

 

[Kerensa]

How does Darth Vader know what everyone is getting for Christmas?

He felt their presents.

 

[tulc]

The plane that struck Rudolph the red nose reindeer contained a shipment of lettuce and it's been held at the airport in Barcelona ever since. I guess it's true what they say:
the Romaine in Spain stays mainly on the plane.

 

[Kerensa]

A friend of mine married a man called Rudolph who was a former weather reader in Soviet Russia. Even in retirement, he was known for his uncanny ability to predict the weather accurately.
One Christmas morning, his wife got up, went to the window and announced "It's a beautiful day out there!"
"No, no, it's going to rain," Rudolph replied from the bed, without even looking.
"How can you say that? There's not a cloud in the sky!"
"No, no. Rudolph the Red knows rain, dear."

 

[Tom 1]

I just found out all 4 of my sons want to be valets when they grow up.
My doctor said that's the worst case of parking sons disease he's ever heard of.

aha...aha..ha.ha. My face hurts.

 

[Kerensa]

What nationality is Santa Claus?

North Polish.