The Path to HD

[BL2KTN]

I have very good news.

I am angry at all of you. None of you have conformed to my standards for posting within online forums. You were, in fact, born with the inability to post up to my standards. Because of this, I have sent mercenaries to pick up each and every one of you. You will be sent to my back yard where I have built a torture chamber. I will have you locked up with my neighbor, Steve, who is likely the culprit for all of this. I built the chamber for Steve, but you all have likewise earned my wrath for not posting well enough on these forums. You will all be tortured, but I will not be there, for I am absent from the torture chamber.

However, out of my great mercy, I have decided to allow you a manner by which you will not be tortured for failing to post according to my standards. I just recently sent my kid to the torture chamber. He was there for a day and change. He screamed a lot. But now all you have to do to keep from being tortured is to come to my house, hug my son for being tortured for a day and change, and instead you will all live with me and my son in my house. We have a 4KHD TV. So, see, you don't have to be kidnapped and thrown in my torture chamber!

Congratulations on receiving my mercy and love! Best regards.

 

[Oafman]

What I am most grateful for is that you have given me a choice. It's entirely up to me whether I want to come for hugs, or be tortured. I love being trusted with that kind of responsibility.

 

[GrimKingGrim]

I am humbled by this opportunity and will hug your son every day. He must be praised for this sacrifice I didn't ask for.

 

[Tinker Grey]

Can I symbolically hug your son? Or can I hug a teddy bear in your son's name?

 

[BL2KTN]

Tinker Grey,

I have sent you a 1,000 page plus explanation in the mail. I have sent this explanation to many others, and they all seem to have different understandings based on its reading. Nonetheless, I have no answer beyond the 1,000 page ambiguity along with a few self-proclaimed experts on it who can provide you conflicting answers.

I know I could just give you a straight answer, but I am mysterious.

BL

 

[FireDragon76]

You are not anything like God.

 

[GrimKingGrim]

You are not anything like God.

Who's talking about God here?

 

[BL2KTN]

You are not anything like God.

You're the first person to mention it.

 

[Mediate]

Tinker Grey,

I have sent you a 1,000 page plus explanation in the mail. I have sent this explanation to many others, and they all seem to have different understandings based on its reading. Nonetheless, I have no answer beyond the 1,000 page ambiguity along with a few self-proclaimed experts on it who can provide you conflicting answers.

I know I could just give you a straight answer, but I am mysterious.

BL

I believe myself cosmically and absolutely to have the correct interpretation of your mysterious 1000 word explanation for the way to redeem myself from writing not-to-your-standards on this forum:

I must metaphorically hug your son, deny that Steve has any power, call your opportunity for me to do these things a "great mercy" on the outside so everyone can hear it, though secretly I feel inside that none of this is genuinely merciful, and of course be nice to people not through compassion for its own sake but only from fear of the torture chamber and from a desire to watch in crystal clear HD with you in IMAX paradise.

I am spared from the torture. My friend also thinks he is spared. But he doesn't think the same things as me. Should I force him to think the same things as me?

 

[Oafman]

My friend also thinks he is spared. But he doesn't think the same things as me. Should I force him to think the same things as me?

It sounds like his ever-so-slightly different view is a direct insult to BlueLightning. Perhaps we can get him to admit he is wrong if we tie him to a stake on top of a bonfire and threaten to light it.

 

[Mediate]

It sounds like his ever-so-slightly different view is a direct insult to BlueLightning. Perhaps we can get him to admit he is wrong if we tie him to a stake on top of a bonfire and threaten to light it.

Well I guess that's the answer. Hey, if it's okay for BL to burn people for eternity I guess he won't mind if I burn one for a few hours, eh?

 

[BL2KTN]

I believe myself cosmically and absolutely to have the correct interpretation of your mysterious 1000 word explanation for the way to redeem myself from writing not-to-your-standards on this forum:

I must metaphorically hug your son, deny that Steve has any power, call your opportunity for me to do these things a "great mercy" on the outside so everyone can hear it, though secretly I feel inside that none of this is genuinely merciful, and of course be nice to people not through compassion for its own sake but only from fear of the torture chamber and from a desire to watch in crystal clear HD with you in IMAX paradise.

I am spared from the torture. My friend also thinks he is spared. But he doesn't think the same things as me. Should I force him to think the same things as me?

I would love to answer this query, yet I am in hiding lest you know for certain the veracity of my claims. Also, I may just be a figment of an online poster's imagination. It's tough to say. Nevertheless the mercenaries well get you. Now I must go away again to get the HD ready as well as the torture chamber big enough enough for everybody but only made for Steve.

Love ya!

 

[Resha Caner]

Aside from amusing yourself and maybe a little bit of preaching to the unchoir, what do you expect to accomplish with this?

 

[BL2KTN]

People choosing to love me.

 

[Resha Caner]

Would that include me?

 

[Received]

I have very good news.

I am angry at all of you. None of you have conformed to my standards for posting within online forums. You were, in fact, born with the inability to post up to my standards. Because of this, I have sent mercenaries to pick up each and every one of you. You will be sent to my back yard where I have built a torture chamber. I will have you locked up with my neighbor, Steve, who is likely the culprit for all of this. I built the chamber for Steve, but you all have likewise earned my wrath for not posting well enough on these forums. You will all be tortured, but I will not be there, for I am absent from the torture chamber.

However, out of my great mercy, I have decided to allow you a manner by which you will not be tortured for failing to post according to my standards. I just recently sent my kid to the torture chamber. He was there for a day and change. He screamed a lot. But now all you have to do to keep from being tortured is to come to my house, hug my son for being tortured for a day and change, and instead you will all live with me and my son in my house. We have a 4KHD TV. So, see, you don't have to be kidnapped and thrown in my torture chamber!

Congratulations on receiving my mercy and love! Best regards.

I sure am glad I've been locking my doors the last few nights.

 

[GrimKingGrim]

Would that include me?

Only if you choose to love him

just remember... torture chamber

 

[BL2KTN]

I sure am glad I've been locking my doors the last few nights.

Nobody can escape my all-merciful, all-just paradox. The mercenaries cometh. Will you have HD TV with me and my son, or battery acid Polo with Steve?

 

[Resha Caner]

Only if you choose to love him

just remember... torture chamber

He didn't answer me, so I don't believe he exists.

 

[BL2KTN]

How dare you demand authoritative answers before belief.