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The not so friendly neighbour

Discussion in 'Requests for Christian Advice' started by Hopeful37, Apr 6, 2021.

  1. Hopeful37

    Hopeful37 Active Member

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    Guys, I need help. I'm starting to think my neighbours are attacking me by their household noise. Ordinarily, I'm not so much affected because I know it's just ordinary sounds but as of late, everytime I make a sound in my home, I'm hearing another sound just after. Whether it's a spoon dropping on a plate or a cupboard slamming. I dont live in the apartment complex like they do but I do have a house next to the apartment. This has been happening for just over a month. I always get the feeling that they are trying to get the message across that I'm being too loud but I live in my own place and i dont do it on purpose. However, because they are making these reactive sounds (which never happened before since I'm here for the past three years) this is why I feel attacked and because I feel attacked, i feel angry and when I'm angry I'm aggressive. Guys, I've been lashing out by being even more noisy like dropping spoons on plates and banging basins, pots and pans while cooking. I was never so rowdy in the kitchen. I often think that if I was such a disturbance, they could have asked and I would have tried to be quieter. I never meant to disturb others because I'm in my own home and they live on the other side. A little christian advice would be appreciated. I hate being such a turd when I'm thinking they are attacking me. My bf says that it's all in my head and I take it personal when I hear the reactive sounds, which I do. Sometimes, they stomp the ground and slam cupboards during the day and late at night and then I get [bless and do not curse][bless and do not curse][bless and do not curse][bless and do not curse]ed and in the morning the cycle starts all over again because I wake up angry, try to stifle the anger and vent with making noise all over again. Can someone with experience on these issues help? I hate being angry all the time and I hate venting the way I do because I know its hurting others intentionally. I just hate being the victim all the time.
     
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  2. Sparagmos

    Sparagmos Well-Known Member

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    If your boyfriend says it’s all in your head, I’d take that pretty seriously. If he is not hearing what you are hearing, one of you is deaf or one of you is hearing things. Why don’t you record it? Yup need another person to confirm what is happening. If other people don’t hear the noises, you need to go to the doctor.
     
  3. Hopeful37

    Hopeful37 Active Member

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    Thanks for your reply. Just for clarity, It's not that he's not hearing the noises. He does. But I take it personally and feel attacked because of it which is why he says that me feeling attacked is all in my head
     
  4. Sparagmos

    Sparagmos Well-Known Member

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    Meaning he thinks the noises are a coincidence?
     
  5. Hopeful37

    Hopeful37 Active Member

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    He thinks they are just general noises and not reactive at all. Am I overreacting?
     
  6. jacks

    jacks Er Victus Supporter

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    Being angry all the time is no fun, it can also make us take offense when none is meant. Try spending time with the Bible or doing gentle exercise for 15 minutes when you first get up. Determine that your anger isn't going to start you off on the wrong foot. Do something positive when you first get up and don't let your anger control you. Praying the Lord gives you peace.

    And the peace of God, which surpasses all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.
     
  7. A_Thinker

    A_Thinker Well-Known Member Supporter

    +7,437
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    This situation will continue until some (probably christian) person decides to try and make peace. There's really no victim here.

    It likely started as a misunderstanding ... and has escalated into a war. It's time for someone to stop fighting. Let God avenge and protect you.

    Romans 12

    17 Do not repay anyone evil for evil. Be careful to do what is right in the eyes of everyone. 18 If it is possible, as far as it depends on you, live at peace with everyone. 19 Do not take revenge, my dear friends, but leave room for God’s wrath, for it is written: “It is mine to avenge; I will repay,” says the Lord. 20 On the contrary:

    “If your enemy is hungry, feed him;
    if he is thirsty, give him something to drink.
    In doing this, you will heap burning coals on his head.”

    21 Do not be overcome by evil, but overcome evil with good.
     
  8. Soyeong

    Soyeong Well-Known Member

    +3,660
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    Every time you feel attacked, take a 5-minute break to pray for them, or pray for them at the next convenient opportunity if you're in the middle of something that you can't take a break from. Look for opportunities to express your love for them and view them as God giving you opportunities to teach you how to love when it is difficult.
     
    Last edited: Apr 6, 2021
  9. Hopeful37

    Hopeful37 Active Member

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    Thank u
     
  10. Hopeful37

    Hopeful37 Active Member

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    Thank u. I know better though. I just get to the point where I let my emotions go and start getting chaotic. That attitude for revenge which I know is pointless. To be honest, I kinda grew up learning not to take crap from anyone so I guess I always feel like I'm in fighting mode all the time.
     
  11. Hopeful37

    Hopeful37 Active Member

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    This is a great idea. Thank u. I need to work on my anger and attitude.
     
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  12. Sparagmos

    Sparagmos Well-Known Member

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    I think you should trust your boyfriend. I really encourage you to talk to a therapist or doctor about what you’re experiencing. It could be a medical problem.
     
  13. Hopeful37

    Hopeful37 Active Member

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    Probably its anxiety. I have been going thru a very long period of anxiety.
     
  14. coffee4u

    coffee4u Well-Known Member

    +1,821
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    I think first I would stop and try and look at this as an outsider would. Not to offend but first check yourself, do you think you are having mental or spiritual issues? If you live in a house next to the apartment and don't share a wall I don't see how you would hear a spoon drop and neither would they. Your bf is there but we can't judge from text if he is hearing what you are hearing. Also how are you physically? I would get your ears checked. Some ear issues can magnify sounds or 'make up sounds. When I had my daughter I complained to my husband about the generator the hospital had going and asked if there had been a power cut/or what was it because the sound was driving me nuts - turns out there was no generator or sound, it was literally my own ears, I had glue ear!
     
  15. Sketcher

    Sketcher Born Imperishable

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    Yes, and the one who overreacts loses that battle. Their energy and time gets sapped by lashing out.

    If someone you don't like is reacting badly to your acting normally, they're trying to make you miserable too because your acting normally made them miserable. If your acting normally hurts them without you trying to hurt them, you have more power in that interaction. All you have to do is act normally, and they get driven crazy by it. The one who has the power in that interaction therefore should act with mercy when possible. When I had my first noise complaint in years by my new neighbors, I made some adjustments - but I'm not going to bust my butt to walk on eggshells in my own home. If they can hear as well as they claim, then they'll know that I made changes so I'm not being a total jerk.
     
  16. Sparagmos

    Sparagmos Well-Known Member

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    That makes a lot of sense! The past year has really been hard on everyone’s mental health. Are you getting treatment for your anxiety?
     
  17. Tolworth John

    Tolworth John Well-Known Member Supporter

    +3,523
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    You've got some very good advice here, from take a recording of the sound, to talk to your doctor about your anxiety, aggression and to take time to pray for them.

    Do you know who these neighbours are, would it be possible, once you have evidence of how loud they are and that it is in response to some noise of yours. That someone could talk to them.

    Certainly you need to get your anxiety and aggressive reactions, sorted is not the word, but you have to deal with your anxiety and learn to to respond with aggression.
    Initially it will mean medication followed by some sort of therapy.
     
  18. Hopeful37

    Hopeful37 Active Member

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    I'm really just taking it one day at a time so to speak. Not on medication with the exception of regular vitamins
     
  19. Sparagmos

    Sparagmos Well-Known Member

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    Are you getting advice from a professional such as a doctor or a therapist? It sounds like it’s really affecting your life and it’s probably also hard for your boyfriend.
     
  20. Hopeful37

    Hopeful37 Active Member

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    I'm speaking to several people and so far the advice I got was good. The thing is I dont want to be a terrible neighbour because of my aggression. I want to act normally without the bad feelings or bad intentions and I especially want to live the way Christ wants me to live. I certainly didnt mean to excite these people on purpose. All the advice I've gotten so far is good. I particularly liked Sketchers advice because I never tried to start a war so I can just live my life normally without reacting and if it was me that was getting them upset to begin with then they would continue to war till they eventually get exhausted because I dont want to war. I'm just living my life normally.
     
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