The "nice guy" chart

[Apollo Celestio]

tbh, nice guy seems to mean "guy that isn't an a-hole, but I don't like him like that"

 

[MehGuy]

Handcuff a woman to a radiator, then you won't have to worry about being a nice guy. : )

Buy my book.

 

[TanteBelle]

Then what is it, pray tell?

Are you mocking me or just being cheeky???

Looking up verses on BibleGateway.com that have those 3 words in the same passage, there are 9 (I don't take that as all of them; it's not the first time I've found passages that they didn't pick up! so, at least 9!) of them. Now, if they all mean the same thing, then God is repeating the same quality time after time!!! I've give an example of how they are different.

There was 1 passage of scripture that really had me stumped for many years.

Matthew 11:12 And from the days of John the Baptist until now the kingdom of heaven suffereth violence, and the violent take it by force.

Now for years, I knew that passage to be in my Bible! I could recite it .... and always ended with, 'What the???!!!' Knowledge is knowing something to be a fact. You know that it's there or has happened or was said or done or whatever! You know it!
It wasn't until recent months that I actually began to understand that passage! 'Oh, right!!! It's talking about spiritual battles and we are the violent men!! Not an evil violence but a good violence!!' Understanding is applying a meaning to that knowledge! You get it!
Now the question is, 'Am I (or how am I) going to apply that understanding to my life through wisdom!!!??? Wisdom is the ability to apply it to your life!

We see it all the time! Folks who are 'rev heads' just can't get enough of speeding on the roads! You can say to them, 'Hey, you know that sign said 60???' 'Yeah, I knew it was a 60 zone!' 'Well, why do you think they put a 60 up there???' 'Well dah, so that other 'granny' drivers could stay safe on the roads!' 'Why aren't you applying it to your driving????' 'Erm ... umm ....'
When we were kids, our parents said things and gave rules and advice and we thought that they were just a bunch of 'baby boomers' who didn't get a thing about the 'new generation'! We knew the rules! We knew their pieces of advice! At a young age, we didn't get why, but we still knew them to be in order. When we got older, we finally understood their reasons (whether we agreed or no, we understood!). The test of adulthood is applying that to your life! You knew it, you understood it, ... but how did it affect your life???
You hear it in preachers today! They have great sermons full of knowledge (scripture, science, history ...) and they get it! They can correlate it to scripture or to the mysteries of the scripture! But they totally miss it all when they can't see how it applies to their life and they advise others that it doesn't matter to their lives!!!

When the scripture says, 'The fear of the Lord is the beginning of wisdom and the knowldege of the holy is understanding', He's not saying, 'The fear of the Lord is the beginning of wisdom and the wisdom of the holy is wisdom!!!' By us reading the Bible and knowing what it says, we can get understanding on the things of God. But how to apply Biblical principles to our lives, that takes the fear of God and that is wisdom!! Wisdom is fathered by fear! Odd concept, I know. But when we talk of faith, our fear of God is what gives us wisdom! And yes, when I say fear, I mean 'be afraid; be very afraid!' We stop and reconsider what we're doing because of the fear of what will/might happen. For us to be able to apply Biblical principles to our daily lives, that takes the fear of God in us to do it!

 

[gzt]

Really, here's how it breaks down: there are active jerks and passive jerks. Being "nice" doesn't fix the fact that you're a jerk. You're just using it an excuse for being a passive jerk.

 

[lunalinda]

Really, here's how it breaks down: there are active jerks and passive jerks. Being "nice" doesn't fix the fact that you're a jerk. You're just using it an excuse for being a passive jerk.

Ooh that's good. And very true sometimes. Jerks in disguise. I've had my share.

 

[lunalinda]

...Pretty profile picture by the way

Thanks!

 

[Andrew12]

Men in this day and time have been taught to be either wimps, or jerks. A good Christian man should be a gentleman. (opening doors, holding chairs, offering his coat, polite..etc.) God has made men responsible for their family, and put Man in charge (in Genesis). we have too many lazy men who are not willing to work for God, or take responsibility for his family. A good man is gentle,kind and loving...even romantic..... but he will not compromise his principles and knows how to pick his battles ( ex. not a brawler, but also not a doormat).

 

[yaypraisegod]

Think a lot of this depends on the womens view on "nice guys" because some of my friends think of nice guys as cry babies while some think of as gentlemen.

 

[BRISH]

In an effort to put this issue to rest once and for all (which, I'm sure, will be futile but no harm in trying), I have constructed this chart to demonstrate why nice guys are so often wrongly maligned.

There is a tendency to conflate the "nice guy" with someone who is passive or weak, and (inconsistently, to a lesser extent) to associate jerks with strength or bravery. People try to construct a linear scale with weak, passive nice men on once side, and strong, assertive bad boys on the other.

However, there are two separate axes to that issue. By conflating them, people misrepresent all the possible types of people that can lie on the chart. So I have made a chart to demonstrate something closer to the truth. One axis represents "nice guys" vs. "jerks"; the other axis represents passivity vs. assertion.

As you can see, there are different kinds of jerks, and different kinds of nice guys.

There are passive nice guys: the wimps that constitute the usual strawman of those who criticize nice guys. They tend do be self-pitying or self-loathing, wishy-washy, and while they try not to hurt other people they may blame others for their problems. They will also let themselves be trampled by the objects of their affection. They, along with the next sort of person, are those who are described as "putting women on a pedestal" and pandering to women without regard for their own emotional and spiritual well-being.

There are passive jerks, who we could call passive-aggressive, manipulators, whiners, and the like. They have a sense of entitlement, and really don't care much for the feelings or needs of others, but prefer to use wheedling and guilt instead of domination to get their way. Like the wimp, they may place women on a pedestal, but rather than servility, they engage in pitymongering, threats of abandonment, and subtle insults.

There are assertive jerks, or bullies. These are the straight-up A-holes that openly ridicule and hurt others out of spite. The typically-imagined abuser would probably fall into this category.

And then there are the other sort of nice guys, the ones that always seem to be left out of these conversations. Though they are kind-hearted and do not wish to hurt other people, they are not obsequious or indecisive. They are polite, but they stand up for themselves. They have ambition, but they prefer to take others with them instead of stepping on them on the way up.

I made this chart in defense of the last kind of man. I think that there are far more of them than people - both the girls who tend to lump them in the friendzone along with the wimps, and the jerks who think that domination is a virtue - give credit for.

..............................I can't compute....

Will try later

 

[Miles]

I like to be myself. So what if a stranger woman thinks I'm a nice guy? So what if a stranger woman thinks I'm a jerk? Although it's preferable to be seen in a positive light, others' misconceptions ultimately aren't my problem. I have my values, and they have theirs. That's what it comes down to.

 

[Paulie079]

I think the main point is that we need to be men that are growing to become more and more like Jesus. (and I have a long way to go.) And all I'll say is that nice guys don't get crucified on crosses.

 

[MacFall]

Right, because Jesus was SUCH a jerk.

 

[peacechild4]

A nice guy is human and can be nice for many reasons.. and to me someone who thinks I am a nice woman.. girl... despite my faults.. is nice..

 

[Deacon]

I think the main point is that we need to be men that are growing to become more and more like Jesus. (and I have a long way to go.) And all I'll say is that nice guys don't get crucified on crosses.

Wow...is there a facepalm big enough for this one?

 

[Howard Cneal]

Right, because Jesus was SUCH a jerk.

The religious leaders of the day obviously thought He was.

 

[Paulie079]

Wow...is there a facepalm big enough for this one?

How come? That second sentence actually wasn't a quote from me. It was from a talk given at a conference called "AND." I thiiink the speaker was Alan Hirsch but it could've been this other guy that I saw.

Unless saying that we should be growing to be more and more like Jesus is facepalm-worthy.

But either way, I know you're prone to disagreeing with me by now no matter what I say but if you do, it's more helpful to explain yourself (for your own sake and for discussion's sake) than to just make a sarcasm-ridden comment.

 

[Paulie079]

Right, because Jesus was SUCH a jerk.

But you're going on the basis that there are only two types of guys--nice guys and jerks. I don't mean to imply that Jesus was a jerk at all. But he did walk into the courts of a temple and started flipping over tables, cracking whips, and throwing money everywhere. And he did constantly challenge the respected religious leaders of that day. But he did it with respect, love, grace, and truth. That's the type of guy I mean that we should be growing more like. I don't mean for guys to be weak and passive nor do I mean that they be overbearing and chauvinist.

Can we just give Jesus his own category and tell guys to be that? That way we don't have to say "Well...don't be a nice guy but don't be a jerk...be something in the middle." That way we can just say, "Be like Jesus," do our best to emulate that, and let them figure it out for themselves.

 

[broken_one]

I agree with that "sarcasm-riddled comment", BTW. Nice people are the ones who get stepped on.

Jesus beat the crap out of people with his whip and was throwing tables. That's pretty non-whimpy, compared to nice guys anyway.

 

[Paulie079]

I agree with that "sarcasm-riddled comment", BTW. Nice people are the ones who get stepped on.

Jesus beat the crap out of people with his whip and was throwing tables. That's pretty non-whimpy, compared to nice guys anyway.

Right...that's what I was saying...Deacon disagreed

 

[Deacon]

He threw tables when money was being exchanged while being in the sanctuary, instead of the rabbi's praying and leading the Synagogue and the people in prayer and worship. Also he never used a whip....or I don't remember reading about him using one, if you have proof of said whippage, please give me a verse...

He's a non-whimpy nice guy, who didn't take crap from "supposed" religious leaders back then.