The "nice guy" chart

[leothelioness]

The ONLY reason I would ever friendzone a guy is if I don't find him attractive. That's it.

 

[broken_one]

The ONLY reason I would ever friendzone a guy is if I don't find him attractive. That's it.

But you're not stringing them along, and that is the point.

 

[leothelioness]

Oh, no, I wouldn't string anybody along. Waste of time. Plus, I'm too empathetic for that as evidenced by my score in the empathy thread.

 

[Deacon]

I got the whole friendzone crap from a girl I was interested back in Sept....yup, I quit talking to her.

 

[TanteBelle]

There is a conspicuous lack of female input into this thread.

Methinks they are all conversing and giggling in the corner at the collective headspin they have put men into - as evidenced by men who attempt to categorize and strain personalities out of broad archetypes.

Just know your cave and carry a big club. That is all you need.

LOL! I was kinda afraid that I'd be the 'lone voice in the wilderness' here!

To be honest though, I gotta agree with Howards view on it. The word 'nice' might mean something that's 'good' but 'good' just doesn't punch it far enough! It lacks the fear, the impact of who you are or who you can be! I'm not talking about 'machoness'! But really, how did folks describe the likes of King David? 'Oh my, he's such a nice bloke!!!' (okay, forget the ladies!!! and even then ... yeah!). I don't think the enemies of God were thinking, 'Gee, their God is a really nice bloke!' And somehow I can't imagine Job sitting there, scraping his sores with shards of pottery saying, 'Dear God, you are so nice!' (minus the possible sarcasm within that statement! LOL!). Granted, there is within the various types of blokes, a type that most mistake as being 'nice' when in fact, the kind of bloke he is, is his very strength as a bloke! (Taken from Debi Pearl's description of the types of men) you've got the Commando Bloke (need I explain what kind he is!?), you've got the Visionary Bloke; the spontanious, totally out there kind that most find rather over the top at times, and then you've got what she calls the 'Stable Bloke'. He isn't one who calls folks' repentance from the roof tops; he doesn't make hasty decisions. He usually isn't loud and out there voicing his opinions. My bro in law is this kind of bloke. Now me, growing up in a household of either Commandos or Visionary, I didn't know about this kind at all! And (totally regretably!) my sisters and I thought of him as 'girly'. It took me some time to realize, 'Hey, there's something beyond the insensitive, hard to the core, 'big boys don't cry or show emotion' kind of bloke'! Thank God he brought him into our lives because we're seeing what a man really is. I've come to realize that his silence when big, controversial topics are being talked through isn't indecision; it's careful wisdom!

Am I rambling folks or am I making some kind of sense to someone???? Really, I should just go to bed! LOL!

 

[armyman_83]

Good Chart MacFall.

I like it. It is very general, and like others have said we can all see ourselves somewhere on that chart, and sometimes in a few places depending on the situation.

Finding the right area to be is the key, and a struggle that always continues, at least for myself.

"The gentleman is a Christian product."
--George Henry Calvert

 

[Irrkunst]

The female version:

 

[Apollo Celestio]

Maybe men ARE simple..

 

[MacFall]

Good thing I likes me some crazy.

 

[broken_one]

Good thing I likes me some crazy.

That's probably one of the things I absolutely can't stand.

I mean yes, I'm technically crazy, but I'm working on that. You're just thriving on chaos over there.

 

[Paulie079]

I got the whole friendzone crap from a girl I was interested back in Sept....yup, I quit talking to her.

Unless she was a complete jerk to you, this is SO ridiculous. If you quit talking with her because she didn't want to be more than friends, then I'm glad it never worked out in the first place. Not to be mean but it's selfish to make your interaction with a girl contingent on whether or not she meets your relational demands. I've been "friendzoned" by at least one girl and we still have an awesome friendship with each other and I hold nothing against her. This is what I'm talking about whenever I say that, if you want to get into a relationship, don't make it about you. It should be about HER. You should want what's best for her at that moment in time. If a relationship isn't what is best for her because she just doesn't feel the same way (which is a hard thing to control/influence), then that should be respected. But breaking off the friendship altogether isn't really honoring her and it makes it quite apparent that the whole scenario had a lot more to do with you than it did with her...unless I missed something.

And if you believe in God's sovereignty over your life, you would agree that it just wasn't the season ordained yet by God for you to be in a relationship, meaning that it probably had more to do with God than it did her...

 

[broken_one]

No, Deacon was on point here....he was looking for a relationship, she wasn't, he moved on. I don't think that has much to do with sovereignty and other things best left for dusty books in giant libraries. It all has to do with plain logical sense.

Speaking for myself here, I'm tired of marching my team up the field and then getting stuffed at the goal line. It hasn't happened recently (month or two ago), but when you know what doesn't work you know what doesn't work. And this whole "getting out of the friendzone" thing isn't doing it.

 

[leothelioness]

Unless she was a complete jerk to you, this is SO ridiculous. If you quit talking with her because she didn't want to be more than friends, then I'm glad it never worked out in the first place. Not to be mean but it's selfish to make your interaction with a girl contingent on whether or not she meets your relational demands. I've been "friendzoned" by at least one girl and we still have an awesome friendship with each other and I hold nothing against her. This is what I'm talking about whenever I say that, if you want to get into a relationship, don't make it about you. It should be about HER. You should want what's best for her at that moment in time. If a relationship isn't what is best for her because she just doesn't feel the same way (which is a hard thing to control/influence), then that should be respected. But breaking off the friendship altogether isn't really honoring her and it makes it quite apparent that the whole scenario had a lot more to do with you than it did with her...unless I missed something.

And if you believe in God's sovereignty over your life, you would agree that it just wasn't the season ordained yet by God for you to be in a relationship, meaning that it probably had more to do with God than it did her...

I can't speak for her, but personally I would be glad if he decided to quit talking to me. I wouldn't want a guy I just rejected to want to try and be my friend, because you know what that usually means (they're holding out that maybe you'll change your mind and they'll get out of the "friendzone").

 

[Paulie079]

No, Deacon was on point here....he was looking for a relationship, she wasn't, he moved on. I don't think that has much to do with sovereignty and other things best left for dusty books in giant libraries. It all has to do with plain logical sense.

Speaking for myself here, I'm tired of marching my team up the field and then getting stuffed at the goal line. It hasn't happened recently (month or two ago), but when you know what doesn't work you know what doesn't work. And this whole "getting out of the friendzone" thing isn't doing it.

It's obvious that, despite your education, the Bible is not an authority of any kind in the way you live your life so, unless that changes, we're going to strongly disgree. But you can continue to go by subjective observation. I'll just stick to truth.

 

[Paulie079]

I can't speak for her, but personally I would be glad if he decided to quit talking to me. I wouldn't want a guy I just rejected to want to try and be my friend, because you know what that usually means (they're holding out that maybe you'll change your mind and they'll get out of the "friendzone").

I guess I'm the only one then that actually develops rapport and pursues friendship before I ever pursue more. I think it's sad that friendship can be so easily sacrificed. I guess from my point of view, it's the guy's issue to get over the situation if the girl has made clear that feelings aren't mutual. If the friendship is truly sincere and at least a little mature, the guy will get over his feelings and the girl will hopefully trust that it's happening. Twice now, pursued relationships have ended up not working out for me but in the end I still wound up with a continuation of two very good friendships. I'm not trying to puff myself up at all because it truly was God that guided me through both of those scenarios and because of that, I know for a fact that I went about it the right way because it was God's way and He ultimately blessed it. God's plan was ultimately worked out and fellowship with two good friends was maintained. That's how things should work at least within the context of Christian community.

 

[Deacon]

Unless she was a complete jerk to you, this is SO ridiculous. If you quit talking with her because she didn't want to be more than friends, then I'm glad it never worked out in the first place. Not to be mean but it's selfish to make your interaction with a girl contingent on whether or not she meets your relational demands. I've been "friendzoned" by at least one girl and we still have an awesome friendship with each other and I hold nothing against her. This is what I'm talking about whenever I say that, if you want to get into a relationship, don't make it about you. It should be about HER. You should want what's best for her at that moment in time. If a relationship isn't what is best for her because she just doesn't feel the same way (which is a hard thing to control/influence), then that should be respected. But breaking off the friendship altogether isn't really honoring her and it makes it quite apparent that the whole scenario had a lot more to do with you than it did with her...unless I missed something.

And if you believe in God's sovereignty over your life, you would agree that it just wasn't the season ordained yet by God for you to be in a relationship, meaning that it probably had more to do with God than it did her...

Are you smoking crack? I did what was best for both of us...I think these other two have hit on the nail, you're still a young pup, you'll learn.

 

[broken_one]

It's obvious that, despite your education, the Bible is not an authority of any kind in the way you live your life so, unless that changes, we're going to strongly disgree. But you can continue to go by subjective observation. I'll just stick to truth.

I love the fact that if this response was kept to one sentence, I would be able to leave it at that. But then you went for the snipe at the end, and I will disagree for the sole reason that if we weren't given the gift of reason for a reason (lol @ my verbiage), then why do we have it? Of course this also leads into your completely different theology which has meat puppets and darkly promotes suicide, so you know why that is why that is. And did I just take a snipe of my own? Why yes, I just did. And it wasn't right, but someone has to wake people up out of cultural Christianity and the dangers of disregarding the human person.

Are you smoking crack? I did what was best for both of us...I think these other two have hit on the nail, you're still a young pup, you'll learn.

Gratz.

 

[leothelioness]

I guess I'm the only one then that actually develops rapport and pursues friendship before I ever pursue more. I think it's sad that friendship can be so easily sacrificed. I guess from my point of view, it's the guy's issue to get over the situation if the girl has made clear that feelings aren't mutual. If the friendship is truly sincere and at least a little mature, the guy will get over his feelings and the girl will hopefully trust that it's happening. Twice now, pursued relationships have ended up not working out for me but in the end I still wound up with a continuation of two very good friendships. I'm not trying to puff myself up at all because it truly was God that guided me through both of those scenarios and because of that, I know for a fact that I went about it the right way because it was God's way and He ultimately blessed it. God's plan was ultimately worked out and fellowship with two good friends was maintained. That's how things should work at least within the context of Christian community.

I'm certainly glad that you ended up with great friendships out of all of it, but it's not above girls -- even Christian ones -- to use guys as emotional tampons and to me, that's what friendship after rejection brings you.

I try to put myself in the guy's shoes and view it from his perspective. If I expressed interest in a man and he rejected me, the last thing I would want is to be his friend. To me, that's the emotional equivalent of saying to somebody, "You know, you're ugly, but you have a great personality!"

 

[leothelioness]

Also, it's better to cut ties with the other person, because if you continue to relate to them on a friendly level knowing full well that it will never be anything more than that, it hurts a whole heck of a lot. It's better to just cut ties completely.

 

[Deacon]

I'm certainly glad that you ended up with great friendships out of all of it, but it's not above girls -- even Christian ones -- to use guys as emotional tampons and to me, that's what friendship after rejection brings you.

I try to put myself in the guy's shoes and view it from his perspective. If I expressed interest in a man and he rejected me, the last thing I would want is to be his friend. To me, that's the emotional equivalent of saying to somebody, "You know, you're ugly, but you have a great personality!"

Or as I like to say,
breaking up with your partner & saying "we can still be friends" is like your dog dying & your mom saying "you can still keep it"