Well, here I am again, facing the one situation I dread more than just about anything else. I'd rather have the flu or diahrea or even be forced to watch back-to-back reruns of “The View” than deal with what I'm looking at. You'd think that, being a Christian for over forty years, I'd have developed some strategy or pat answer for this, but I haven't. In fact, I was ordained with the Churches Of Christ in Christian Union (think Nazarene or Wesleyan) last summer, but even that's not making it any easier. If anything, it's just getting tougher each time...
Someone has died.
It wasn't someone I even knew. Actually it was the mother of a woman my wife has known for several years, but isn't terribly close with. Her friend was a Christian several years ago, but has “fallen away from her first love”, and now attends a very liberal and “affirming” church. (Don't EVEN get me going on THAT one, that's a whole 'nuther issue...) But the point is, her mother has passed, rather quickly, though not totally unexpected, as she was (I believe) in her eighties. So there will be a viewing and a funeral, hence my situation.
You see, when someone passes who clearly loved God and gave clear testimony of their faith, we can celebrate their “Promotion” as it were, and offer assurance and comfort, even to any “unchurched” friends or relatives that the person truly IS “...in a better place.” But once more I expect that I will find myself pressured to reassure this woman that, not only is her mother “not suffering”, but that she is, in fact, being welcomed by St. Peter as we speak and will be escorted to a mansion, handed a harp, and blissfully happy throughout all of eternity. Please pardon my thinly veiled sarcasm... It's not that I treat this matter lightly, quite the contrary, to me it is the most important issue of ALL, because the situation is both eternal and unchangable. And THAT is exactly the crux of my problem...
Now is not the time for evangelism. Everybody is grieving, and “nobody wants to hear about 'hellfire and brimstone' now!” I get that. But when things were going well, nobody wanted to hear it THEN because, “Well, religion is a PERSONAL matter, so you should just keep that to yourself!” So when WAS the time to talk about a biblical perspective on death??? And what the heck do you say NOW, when it IS too late to affect her eternal state? And those who are still alive, who could (and SHOULD) make spiritual decisions just don't want to feel “pressured” at this time. No, what they want is somebody “religious” to tell them that “Edna (or Martha or Paulette, or WHATEVER her name was) is really ok right now, and when THEIR time comes (which won't be for YEARS, right?), they will be ok too!”
So here's the bottom line; Scripture tells us that “It is appointed ONCE for a man to die, and then Judgement.” (Heb 9:27) That means, no reincarnation, but an accounting before all knowing Deity for the life they have lived, followed by an adjudication, and a resulting PERMANENT condition. And, from my conservative Wesleyan-Arminean, this is NOT, “Do my good deeds outweigh my bad ones?”, but plain and simple, “Did the departed have a current and vital faith relationship with Jesus Christ, trusting Him and Him alone for their salvation?” As both a Christian AND a minister, I don't feel that I can just stand there passively while people say a bunch of things that simply aren't so. “She was baptised as an infant, so of COURSE she went to heaven.” (Really?) “Everybody goes to heaven, because God loves everybody, and He wouldn't send anybody to hell, if it even exists at ALL!” (That's not what Jesus said, now IS it?)
I've had a couple of pastors tell me, “Tell them, 'Your loved one is in the hands of a loving and compassionate God', and then say no more. It's not for you to judge.” Well, I see the wisdom of that, since (obviously) I don't know the persons spiritual condition, and even if I did, it STILL isn't my call. But it just seems a bit “thin”. Many are looking for comfort, and I don't see what I can offer to the family that MAYBE shows up at church on Easter Sunday, but really doesn't have time for God the other 51 weeks of the year. And even less so when the deceased gave no evidence of interest in spiritual matters, or perhaps even displayed hostility towards God. It's too late to do anything about it now (for THEM certainly), and like I said, I have a VERY hard time listening as people invoke what I would term “folk theology” to convince themselves that what the Bible say about the issue of an afterlife can be dismissed or “reworked” to suit the listeners.
So my question is this: What do YOU say when someone CLEARLY not a believer in Christ has died, and mourners want to hear you say good things (or at least, agree with the false things they are asserting), to paint a rosie eternity, without “getting preachy” about it?
Christ clearly came and gave His life so that we might receive eternal life, neither fearing nor dreading this event. But unbelievers (perhaps ESPECIALLY) seem to be grasping at straws as they sense that there is a finality here, and they desperately need reassurance that, DESPITE all evidence to the contrary and any biblical knowledge they may possess, there is yet hope that the deceased is at peace, rather than suffering torment.
God is going to have to give me MUCH grace and wisdom, but I just dread this all to often occurence. Thoughts and suggestions to offer some hope without agreeing (directly or by tacit approval through silence) with "folk theology"?
Maranatha.
God bless.
