The man being the priest of the home

[BrotherAtArms]

I've been looking this up since I woke up this morning, and the more I look the Bible doesn't really give power to the man being the priest or head of the home...
I personally consider me and my wife equal, so why do so many people say that the man is the priest of the home?
Keep in mind, I'm not trying to ditch that duty if it is true, I will always hold fast to being what God has called me to do.

So the question is am I the priest/head of my home or are we in complete equal union to have the same duties spiritually?

 

[Robinsegg]

This is a very good question. Scripture both says that "the man is the head of the woman", and that we are all priests with Jesus as our High Priest.

The way it works in our home is: Hubby and I try to find agreement on everything. If there was ever a time when one couldn't sway the other with our "arguments" (statements, but for lack of a better word), I would bow to hubby's wishes as head of our household. I also see him as more accountable before God for what is taught in our home, particularly on a spiritual level. Thus, (esp. as we homeschool) I run things by him before choosing curriculum or a Bible group for our kids.

Does that help at all?

Rachel

 

[BrotherAtArms]

We don't have kids yet, we want them, but we're still praying for the finances... but anyways, it's pretty much that way here, too. She comes to me for advice on spiritual things a lot, and I come to her. Really I guess we come to mutual agreements on things, but it usually is my say that goes on bigger issues. Of course, it's only really because I'm more experienced in a lot of things than she is.

I dunno, I'm just wondering if the man is completely responsible for being the question answerer... or the decision maker, or the final say... y'know that kind of stuff.
By no means do I believe the woman is the slave... not at all.

 

[IronManMatt]

The Bible never says that a man is the priest of the home, all Christians are part of the priesthood of believers. A priest is one who has a certain level a access to God. In the OT priests were designated to perform certain ceremonies and sacrifices. Priests were the only ones allowed to access certain parts of the temple. After Christ rose again all believers have equal access to God through Jesus Christ.

However a husband does have specific roles in the marriage and family.

Ephesians 5:
22: Wives, submit yourselves unto your own husbands, as unto the Lord.
23: For the husband is the head of the wife, even as Christ is the head of the church: and he is the saviour of the body.
24: Therefore as the church is subject unto Christ, so let the wives be to their own husbands in every thing.
25: Husbands, love your wives, even as Christ also loved the church, and gave himself for it;
26: That he might sanctify and cleanse it with the washing of water by the word,
27: That he might present it to himself a glorious church, not having spot, or wrinkle, or any such thing; but that it should be holy and without blemish.
28: So ought men to love their wives as their own bodies. He that loveth his wife loveth himself.
29: For no man ever yet hated his own flesh; but nourisheth and cherisheth it, even as the Lord the church:
30: For we are members of his body, of his flesh, and of his bones.
31: For this cause shall a man leave his father and mother, and shall be joined unto his wife, and they two shall be one flesh.
32: This is a great mystery: but I speak concerning Christ and the church.
33: Nevertheless let every one of you in particular so love his wife even as himself; and the wife see that she reverence her husband.

The man is to be head of the church as Christ is the head of the church. This gives a husband authority over his wife. But a man is to love his wife as Christ loved the church. So in all the ways that Christ loved the church we must do our best to love our wives in the same manner. How did Christ love the church, by teaching the word of God, by providing for physical needs, by rebuking and correcting when need, and by placing the needs of others over himself. These are some of the examples that I can think of.

Colossians 3:
18: Wives, submit yourselves unto your own husbands, as it is fit in the Lord.
19: Husbands, love your wives, and be not bitter against them.

1 Peter 3:
5: For after this manner in the old time the holy women also, who trusted in God, adorned themselves, being in subjection unto their own husbands:
6: Even as Sara obeyed Abraham, calling him lord: whose daughters ye are, as long as ye do well, and are not afraid with any amazement.
7: Likewise, ye husbands, dwell with them according to knowledge, giving honour unto the wife, as unto the weaker vessel, and as being heirs together of the grace of life; that your prayers be not hindered.

Men are required to take the leadership role in the marriage and family but is it not the role of a priest.

 

[Rebekka]

In our marriage, we both submit to each other, and we are equals, there is no leader. We always discuss things first. When we don't agree (which doesn't happen often), the one with the most knowledge/experience in the field or the one who will get affected the most, or the one who cares the most about it decides. I don't think this is a problem - my husband is commanded to love me, which he does. I am commanded to submit to my husband, which I do. The Bible doesn't say that wives aren't allowed to love their husbands, nor that husbands aren't allowed to submit to their wives (as we're called to submit to other people in general, and wives being people too ), so when we do that, we don't believe it's evil.

 

[Johnnz]

Our only priest is Jesus. Period.

As for male headship, that can be understood as a non event too when you do some serious research into the biblical texts.

John
NZ

 

[bliz]

There is one mediator between God and me, and it not my dear husband.

 

[BrotherAtArms]

So It's been made clear that the Bible doesn't tell me to be the priest of the home, however the head of the wife (which in turn I suppose would be the home as well).
According to what Ephesians 5 says I have determined that basically the man is the manager while the wife is the assistant manager... I feel pretty safe to make this assumption, but as always would like some opinions on that.

 

[LovebirdsFlying]

So It's been made clear that the Bible doesn't tell me to be the priest of the home, however the head of the wife (which in turn I suppose would be the home as well).
According to what Ephesians 5 says I have determined that basically the man is the manager while the wife is the assistant manager... I feel pretty safe to make this assumption, but as always would like some opinions on that.

That's pretty much how I see it. We're not married yet, but we've set the tone and are relating to each other as we will when we are married. As I understand it, we are each responsible for our own relationship with God. But he is the head of our relationship with each other. If there is a discrepancy in ideas, I'll defer to him. But I am allthemore willing to do that because he doesn't abuse the privilege. In any decision he makes, he considers my wishes. If he asks me to do something--anything--it is always because it needs doing, never just to gratify selfish desires. And that's the heart, I think, of what the Scriptures intended. I don't think the passages quoted mean (as my father misinterpreted it) that the husband is the ultimate boss, the lone decision maker, free from input from any other source. Dictatorship is only one leadership style among many, and I don't find it a good one.

 

[Meshavrischika]

The Bible never says that a man is the priest of the home, all Christians are part of the priesthood of believers. A priest is one who has a certain level a access to God. In the OT priests were designated to perform certain ceremonies and sacrifices. Priests were the only ones allowed to access certain parts of the temple. After Christ rose again all believers have equal access to God through Jesus Christ.

However a husband does have specific roles in the marriage and family.

Ephesians 5:
22: Wives, submit yourselves unto your own husbands, as unto the Lord.
23: For the husband is the head of the wife, even as Christ is the head of the church: and he is the saviour of the body.
24: Therefore as the church is subject unto Christ, so let the wives be to their own husbands in every thing.
25: Husbands, love your wives, even as Christ also loved the church, and gave himself for it;
26: That he might sanctify and cleanse it with the washing of water by the word,
27: That he might present it to himself a glorious church, not having spot, or wrinkle, or any such thing; but that it should be holy and without blemish.
28: So ought men to love their wives as their own bodies. He that loveth his wife loveth himself.
29: For no man ever yet hated his own flesh; but nourisheth and cherisheth it, even as the Lord the church:
30: For we are members of his body, of his flesh, and of his bones.
31: For this cause shall a man leave his father and mother, and shall be joined unto his wife, and they two shall be one flesh.
32: This is a great mystery: but I speak concerning Christ and the church.
33: Nevertheless let every one of you in particular so love his wife even as himself; and the wife see that she reverence her husband.

The man is to be head of the church as Christ is the head of the church. This gives a husband authority over his wife. But a man is to love his wife as Christ loved the church. So in all the ways that Christ loved the church we must do our best to love our wives in the same manner. How did Christ love the church, by teaching the word of God, by providing for physical needs, by rebuking and correcting when need, and by placing the needs of others over himself. These are some of the examples that I can think of.

Colossians 3:
18: Wives, submit yourselves unto your own husbands, as it is fit in the Lord.
19: Husbands, love your wives, and be not bitter against them.

1 Peter 3:
5: For after this manner in the old time the holy women also, who trusted in God, adorned themselves, being in subjection unto their own husbands:
6: Even as Sara obeyed Abraham, calling him lord: whose daughters ye are, as long as ye do well, and are not afraid with any amazement.
7: Likewise, ye husbands, dwell with them according to knowledge, giving honour unto the wife, as unto the weaker vessel, and as being heirs together of the grace of life; that your prayers be not hindered.

Men are required to take the leadership role in the marriage and family but is it not the role of a priest.

and that does not make man/wife inequal in the Lord... just in the house itself (and really, what woman would not be happy with a spouse who in his leadership sacrified for her needs first? it is really simple to be happy this way if both parties follow the spirit of the scripture). basically, there has to be someone in charge eventually... and to be in charge with love.

 

[Cordy]

Hey BrotherAtArms,

Good questions. I asked them, too, soon after being married.

After studying this topic, I have come to the understanding that the only person we have to focus on leading our home is Christ. My husband and I are completely equal (no “final decision maker”, no person leading the other, no person “in charge” etc.&#8221, and we seek to serve each other for the glory of God.

Let me tell you, there is nothing more inspiring to serve and submit to my husband, than the fact that my husband serves and submits to me. I am humbled by his genuine love and servant-heart, and I want to return the same giving attitude. It is a wonderful cycle!

I think it is worth mentioning that that Ephesians passage that is almost always quoted is only a portion of a sentence in the original text (the sentence actually starts much earlier in the chapter, and is supposed to be read as one connected theme). In the original text, this section starts by saying “submit to one another” (all believers), and then gives the specific example of how mutual submission applies to marriage.

 

[Rebekka]

Hey BrotherAtArms,

Good questions. I asked them, too, soon after being married.

After studying this topic, I have come to the understanding that the only person we have to focus on leading our home is Christ. My husband and I are completely equal (no “final decision maker”, no person leading the other, no person “in charge” etc.&#8221, and we seek to serve each other for the glory of God.

Let me tell you, there is nothing more inspiring to serve and submit to my husband, than the fact that my husband serves and submits to me. I am humbled by his genuine love and servant-heart, and I want to return the same giving attitude. It is a wonderful cycle!

I think it is worth mentioning that that Ephesians passage that is almost always quoted is only a portion of a sentence in the original text (the sentence actually starts much earlier in the chapter, and is supposed to be read as one connected theme). In the original text, this section starts by saying “submit to one another” (all believers), and then gives the specific example of how mutual submission applies to marriage.

I completely agree - it's so easy to submit to my husband, because I see his humility in serving me, and that makes me want to serve him more. It really is a beautiful cycle.

 

[LovebirdsFlying]

I completely agree - it's so easy to submit to my husband, because I see his humility in serving me, and that makes me want to serve him more. It really is a beautiful cycle.

I mentioned that too, but I'd like to elaborate a little. My abusive first husband would *command* me to submit to him, which he took to mean be servile toward. Like my father before him, he misapplied those Scriptures to mean only the man got to make a decision, and the woman had to do as the man said. So I would be ordered to do such things as adjust the controls on a fan that was within his arm's reach if he'd roll over, or come in from another room to change the TV channel for him (this was in the days before remote control.) Of course I had no say in the management of the household. I was his servant, not his partner.

Many of the servile things I was required to do--run his bath water or lay out his clothes, for example--I would have been glad to do if he had merely asked instead of ordering me to do it. If my fiancé were ever to ask me to do something like that for him, it would only be because he is pressed for time and has a million other things on his plate. I would only be helping him out. He would ask, never order. That's why I would cheerfully do anything he asks. PS: It also works the same in reverse. Whatever I need or want from him, I have only to ask.

 

[hisbloodformysins]

I've been looking this up since I woke up this morning, and the more I look the Bible doesn't really give power to the man being the priest or head of the home...
I personally consider me and my wife equal, so why do so many people say that the man is the priest of the home?
Keep in mind, I'm not trying to ditch that duty if it is true, I will always hold fast to being what God has called me to do.

So the question is am I the priest/head of my home or are we in complete equal union to have the same duties spiritually?

I think you have it right. I think as you both love and submit to one another God's natural order/desire for the purpose of your roles will take place without you having to try to make them to. It doesn't mean one is over another though. I think that's where others make the mistake.

HB

 

[JBJoe]

I grew up in the very egalitarian, very liberal area of the US, so when my wife used Ephesians 5 to argue that I should really be running the show, it caused me great intellectual consternation that it seemed to be clearly speaking of an order within the home that was less than egalitarian. Determined to demonstrate that, in fact, there was something subtle and different there, I churned it over for ages, even going so far as to learn enough Koine Greek and the general rules for translation that I could crudely evaluate the original Greek.

My conclusion: my egalitarian philosophy was not a biblical one. There is no support in Ephesians 5 for an abusive and unloving relationship there, but it takes an extreme act of wishful interpretation to argue that Ephesians 5:21, a cognitive continuation of Ephesians 5:15-20, is the ultimate order and 5:22-33 simply an example.

5:21 says to submit to one another because you all love Christ.
5:22 tells wives to submit to their husbands as to Christ.

Those are two cognitively distinct reasons and methods of submission. If you are going to use Eph 5:21 to argue that husbands and wives must reach consensus on anything inside the home, then you should also justify why 5:21 does not say husband, wives and every christian neighbor of theirs must reach consensus inside the home.

It seems clear to me that Eph 5:15-21 is giving guidelines for how Christians should act towards one another in general, while 22-33 is giving specific guidelines for inside the home. It runs counter to our culture, and inside my own home we don't fully embrace a literal reading of it - probably for purely cultural reasons. But for those who claim to have studied this in depth and reached a different conclusion, I am curious what process led you to conclude that there is mutual submission in marriage. (I am still open to evidence that allows a biblical justification for joint headship of the family, a model much more in line with my upbringing.)

 

[KristiLee]

Submission is by choice, oppression is by force. They are two VERY different words:

SUBMIT:
1.to give over or yield to the power or authority of another (often used reflexively). 2.to subject to some kind of treatment or influence. 3.to present for the approval, consideration, or decision of another or others: to submit a plan; to submit an application. 4.to state or urge with deference; suggest or propose (usually fol. by a clause): I submit that full proof should be required. –verb (used without object) 5.to yield oneself to the power or authority of another: to submit to a conqueror. 6.to allow oneself to be subjected to some kind of treatment: to submit to chemotherapy. 7.to defer to another's judgment, opinion, decision, etc.: I submit to your superior judgment.
OPPRESS:
1.to burden with cruel or unjust impositions or restraints; subject to a burdensome or harsh exercise of authority or power: a people oppressed by totalitarianism. 2.to lie heavily upon (the mind, a person, etc.): Care and sorrow oppressed them. 3.to weigh down, as sleep or weariness does. 4.Archaic. to put down; subdue or suppress. 5.Archaic. to press upon or against; crush.
Submit is a choice to put oneself under the authority of another. Nowhere does it say the man is to demand this, but God commands it.

As for the husband, it says to live SACRIFICIALLY as Jesus did for the church:

Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her Ephesians 5:25

From this verse we clearly see that it is not about selfish gain. Both husband and wife are to live self-lessly and serve one another.

This means even if the other is NOT doing their part.

 

[JBJoe]

Submission is by choice, oppression is by force. They are two VERY different words:

SUBMIT:

I would be very careful when using an English dictionary on a passage translated from another language. Some translations use subject instead because the usage of submit as an imperative has changed somewhat over the last several hundred years. The greek in Ephesians 5, it was very clear that this was an imperative (command).

As for the husband, it says to live SACRIFICIALLY as Jesus did for the church:

Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her Ephesians 5:25

From this verse we clearly see that it is not about selfish gain. Both husband and wife are to live self-lessly and serve one another.

The followers of Jesus did not always like what He had to say. But He didn't generally negotiate with them to find some middle ground. Pretty much what he said was law. This appears to be the exact analogy being alluded to in Eph 5. Jesus didn't demand petty or demeaning actions of his followers, he loved and respected them as children of the Father. But his version of serving the church was decidedly different from their version. He made just and righteous laws, they followed them.

 

[KristiLee]

I would be very careful when using an English dictionary on a passage translated from another language. Some translations use subject instead because the usage of submit as an imperative has changed somewhat over the last several hundred years. The greek in Ephesians 5, it was very clear that this was an imperative (command).
The followers of Jesus did not always like what He had to say. But He didn't generally negotiate with them to find some middle ground. Pretty much what he said was law. This appears to be the exact analogy being alluded to in Eph 5. Jesus didn't demand petty or demeaning actions of his followers, he loved and respected them as children of the Father. But his version of serving the church was decidedly different from their version. He made just and righteous laws, they followed them.

I'm not on the side that thinks dh is to run to dw and submit equally with her... I just wanted to point that out. I was speaking about loving and caring for his wife in a sacrificial way as Jesus does with the church.

My husband does not submit to me and all the final decisions are made by him... he does ask me to pray about it with him and add my .02 cents. He seeks to do what the Lord is asking of him/us... NOT me.

 

[bliz]

So It's been made clear that the Bible doesn't tell me to be the priest of the home, however the head of the wife (which in turn I suppose would be the home as well).
According to what Ephesians 5 says I have determined that basically the man is the manager while the wife is the assistant manager... I feel pretty safe to make this assumption, but as always would like some opinions on that.

You are ignoring Ephesians 5:21 which commands Christians to submit to one another with no exception made for married men.

Further, the subsequent verses declare the same command, but it different language. A wife is to submit to her husband. Everyone is very clear about that! Loving the wife as Christ loved the church? Hmmm... What does that look like? Jesus gave up everything for the church - including His fellowship with God when He died. Giveing up everything for one's wife - ideas, dreams, phisosophy... that looks like submission, just using different language.

 

[IronManMatt]

I think it is worth mentioning that that Ephesians passage that is almost always quoted is only a portion of a sentence in the original text (the sentence actually starts much earlier in the chapter, and is supposed to be read as one connected theme). In the original text, this section starts by saying “submit to one another” (all believers), and then gives the specific example of how mutual submission applies to marriage.

Ephesians 5 says that a husband is the head of the wife just as Christ is head of the church. Is Jesus submissive to the church, no he put the needs of the church before his own but He only submitted to God the Father. Therefore a husband is to put the needs of his wife before his own but he is not to be submissive to her. Yes all Christians are told to submit one to another but what does that mean. When if person A is told to submit to person B that gives person B authority over person A. However If A and B are told to submit one to another then no authority has been given to either one. The following passage makes this submit one to another thing clear.

1 Peter 5:5
5: Likewise, ye younger, submit yourselves unto the elder. Yea, all of you be subject one to another, and be clothed with humility: for God resisteth the proud, and giveth grace to the humble

Here again we are all told to be subject one to another so that we will be clothed with humility. So submitting one to another is about being humble and considering others over ourselves. Submitting one to another has nothing to do with cancelling God’s ordained authority structures. We are still to submit to our government and church leaders, children still need to obey their parents, and wives still need to obey their husbands.

1 Peter 3:
1: Likewise, ye wives, be in subjection to your own husbands; that, if any obey not the word, they also may without the word be won by the conversation of the wives;
2: While they behold your chaste conversation coupled with fear.
3: Whose adorning let it not be that outward adorning of plaiting the hair, and of wearing of gold, or of putting on of apparel;
4: But let it be the hidden man of the heart, in that which is not corruptible, even the ornament of a meek and quiet spirit, which is in the sight of God of great price.
5: For after this manner in the old time the holy women also, who trusted in God, adorned themselves, being in subjection unto their own husbands:
6: Even as Sara obeyed Abraham, calling him lord: whose daughters ye are, as long as ye do well, and are not afraid with any amazement.

In Ephesians wives are commanded to do two things; submit and reverence their husbands. Sara is shown here as example of both. Sara obeyed her husband showed her reverence by calling him lord. Peter says that women are to follow Sara’s example.

It is very clear that husbands are given authority over their wives the Bible couldn’t be more clear on that. It is also very clear that this authority is not given without guidelines for husbands are to love their wives as Christ loved the church. Christ gave orders all the time but they were always given to the benefit of those subject to Him. Christ used His authority to teach, preach, discipline, provide, protect etc. Husbands are command to do the same to their wives.