The Long-Time Single

HisGraceAbounds

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I've been single for almost 15 years. Ever since separating from my ex-wife. I wasn't a Christian then. In that 15 years, I did go on two first dates, but I just wasn't into anyone. I'm still not. I'm kind of lucky in that I know and accept all my shortcomings that make me unattractive to women, so it never did me any good to whine about being single. That also kept me from doing as most of my associates and colleagues were doing - playing the field, which I find disgusting regardless of the gender doing it. So not only have I been single for almost 15 years, but I've been celibate for that amount of time as well (except with myself...naughty little monkey that I am)

Sure, it's not good for man to be alone, but it's what I prefer. I don't believe there is someone for everyone. I think two people can come to an understanding, maybe muster up some sort of attraction for each other, but beyond that it's pretty much a crap-shoot, especially since divorce rates are over 50% (even amongst Christians).

Aren't there other people out there who are just content to be single and celibate and aren't feeling the pressure of society to get hitched and start making babies? I often feel like the only person in the world that feels this way, but logic tells me there are others.
 

Stranger36147

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Aren't there other people out there who are just content to be single and celibate and aren't feeling the pressure of society to get hitched and start making babies? I often feel like the only person in the world that feels this way, but logic tells me there are others.
Of course there are others. And I'm one of them.

I'm 31 and single, never had a girlfriend, never had sex. After being alone for a while, you get used to it. I love my solitude and wouldn't trade it for anything.
 
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bèlla

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I understand how you feel. I enjoy my singleness a great deal. Although I’ve raised a child. I have no interest in having more or raising others.

I don’t have a big incentive for marriage at present. I have a carefree lifestyle that’s comfortable and drama free. I love my autonomy and the absence of considerations and concerns I don’t have to address.

I can focus on my purpose without accommodations or restraint. I can go all-in for God without worrying about what I’m neglecting, who needs my attention, or demands on my time. And I’ve never been happier.

I don’t want a prospect or male attention. I want to keep doing what I’m doing without encumbrances or distractions. Flow is my reality now. I don’t want to descend from that zone for ordinary cares or ordinary living.

Extraordinary beckons me and speaks my language. I need someone on that plane whose in pursuit of the same. I don’t want to be pulled down. I want to soar.

Until I encounter the person who complements me in the right ways. I keep moving. The alternative is not an option. I won’t become someone else just to have a man at my side.

It’s not a need. I want him. My existence isn’t diminished if he doesn’t appear or shows up later than expected.

I’ll wait. :)
 
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HisGraceAbounds

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@HGA
Me too, Keep your mind open though as God might have someone for you waiting around the corner.:)
I really hope not. I've got way too many issues for any woman to deal with, especially no better than I could ever love her. I've been a disappointment to women, and I don't see that ever changing. Still, anything is possible for the Lord, and maybe he knows of some slightly 'off' woman who can see something in me I've never seen in myself. I doubt it though.
 
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ilovejcsog

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I think you are in the majority. I told myself the same thing, too many problems for anyone to care. Here I am over 40 years later and it is too late. Everyone has something wrong with them. None of us our perfect. God can find that equally fallible person for you, lol. Seriously! If you close off your mind to it it can pass you by.
Blessings and Gods will
 
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ReesePiece23

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I've travelled the world on my own - multiple times. I've befriended everybody from celebrities (kinda') to the homeless person on the street. Pursued countless hobbies, interests, passions AND became good at them. I have the freedom to smoke as many cigars and drink as much beer, whisky, rum as I like without being moaned at or told "this isn't what I want in a man", I lost all of my inhibitions, became confident, lost any jealous streak I had and just became a REAL and generally grounded individual.

Yep, single life was the best thing that ever happened to me. God thought I should be alone, and He was right. Don't get me wrong, I think women are beautiful - and I'm not bitter about romance or fiercely determined to remain single, it's simply how the cards have fallen for me, and it just so happened to work brilliantly.

I can get a bit grandiose about my world peace activism, but human error will see to it that world peace will never happen anyway. So I'm just going to have to live with it.
 
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bèlla

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I really hope not. I've got way too many issues for any woman to deal with, especially no better than I could ever love her. I've been a disappointment to women, and I don't see that ever changing. Still, anything is possible for the Lord, and maybe he knows of some slightly 'off' woman who can see something in me I've never seen in myself. I doubt it though.

It doesn’t sound like you want to be alone. It sounds like your challenges have led you to conclude the likelihood you’ll remain so.

I don’t think its helpful to hide your heart. Its better to admit your want to marry and ask the Lord to help you overcome the challenges you’re facing and lead you to the person who will do the same.

Denying their existence and closing your heart will cause further issues. I pray He grants you the desires of your heart.
 
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HisGraceAbounds

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It doesn’t sound like you want to be alone. It sounds like your challenges have led you to conclude the likelihood you’ll remain so.

This is not entirely inaccurate. There used to be a time when I wanted to be in a relationship, but back then, my picking mechanism was faulty and I found myself dating and getting embroiled with deviations of the same type of woman. Being single has given me a sense of peace in my life that is undeniable and not something I am willing to give up. I'm willing to wager that my picker is just as broken now as it ever was.
 
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bèlla

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This is not entirely inaccurate. There used to be a time when I wanted to be in a relationship, but back then, my picking mechanism was faulty and I found myself dating and getting embroiled with deviations of the same type of woman. Being single has given me a sense of peace in my life that is undeniable and not something I am willing to give up. I'm willing to wager that my picker is just as broken now as it ever was.

Thank you for clarifying. I understand the peace you’re speaking of. It is hard to release once you have it.
 
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Single Life

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Of course there are others. And I'm one of them.

I'm 31 and single, never had a girlfriend, never had sex. After being alone for a while, you get used to it. I love my solitude and wouldn't trade it for anything.
Hey, I am one year in a half away from 40. I too never have had girlfriend. God knows what we need in our time or season.
 
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Miles

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I don't beat myself up over societal pressures, or try to impress women that I'm not into. The net effect of this attitude is that I'm generally content in my singleness.

There are times when I ache for a wife, to be sure, but it's a healthy ache. It reminds me that I'm alive and will be ready for the right kind of woman should we happen to cross paths. I'm not one to date for the sake of dating. A relationship is only worth pursuing, from my perspective, if it looks like we have what it takes for a good one.
 
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Sir Robbins

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Of course there are others. And I'm one of them.

I'm 31 and single, never had a girlfriend, never had sex. After being alone for a while, you get used to it. I love my solitude and wouldn't trade it for anything.

I second that.... I'll be 30 in September. Same scenario.
 
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bèlla

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I am 51 and never married. My last date was 16 years ago, and last girlfriend 20 years ago. I would not mind being married (not just to anybody though), but I doubt that will happen at this point.

You’re still young. The clock hasn’t run out yet. :)
 
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ThisIsMe123

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I've been single for almost 15 years. Ever since separating from my ex-wife. I wasn't a Christian then. In that 15 years, I did go on two first dates, but I just wasn't into anyone. I'm still not. I'm kind of lucky in that I know and accept all my shortcomings that make me unattractive to women, so it never did me any good to whine about being single. That also kept me from doing as most of my associates and colleagues were doing - playing the field, which I find disgusting regardless of the gender doing it. So not only have I been single for almost 15 years, but I've been celibate for that amount of time as well (except with myself...naughty little monkey that I am)

Sure, it's not good for man to be alone, but it's what I prefer. I don't believe there is someone for everyone. I think two people can come to an understanding, maybe muster up some sort of attraction for each other, but beyond that it's pretty much a crap-shoot, especially since divorce rates are over 50% (even amongst Christians).

Aren't there other people out there who are just content to be single and celibate and aren't feeling the pressure of society to get hitched and start making babies? I often feel like the only person in the world that feels this way, but logic tells me there are others.

To be honest, and I am not afraid to admit it...I dislike being unattached/single. I seem to see more people here talking about how they prefer to be unattached rather than attached. I do tend to wonder if these initial posts are by those are trying to cope with the loneliness though.
 
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bèlla

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To be honest, and I am not afraid to admit it...I dislike being unattached/single. I seem to see more people here talking about how they prefer to be unattached rather than attached. I do tend to wonder if these initial posts are by those are trying to cope with the loneliness though.

There are many posts echoing the same. Some people flourish when single and others struggle. That’s true in Christian and secular circles.

I think some are operating in a grace that lessens the sting, others are occupied or not ready for a companion.
 
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ThisIsMe123

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There are many posts echoing the same. Some people flourish when single and others struggle. That’s true in Christian and secular circles.

I think some are operating in a grace that lessens the sting, others are occupied or not ready for a companion.

Right...like the recent, 'I can I keep my mind off desiring companionship". I'm guessing it's kind of a 50/50 split.

Some here had admittedly said they they are so socially awkward and shy that interacting with the opposite sex is anxiety ridden...and they hadn't gotten passed the awkward teen-aged phase, even though they are adults.

I think this is why when I hear of church singles ministries that say , after their Bible study, they head to a restaurant after...I would hear complaints from the women about how...awkward the men are.

I met a woman back in the Yahoo personals days that said she went to the named church I spoke of and she seriously found guys that she either wasn't attracted to (she was a rather attractive, intelligent, well put together professional).
Mostly weird, awkward, wearing out-dated clothing kind of guys (not sure if the latter should matter, but its kind of telling that their wardrobe isn't up to date). Dudes that forget to untuck their shirts after coming out the bathroom or whatever. Trying to paint a picture of the social awkwardness among them.

They weren't necessarily forward with the women, they were actually nice guys, both men and women... but they certainly just acted...slow and awkward.

I recall a very attractive, lady attorney showing up once, and then she left the Bible study early...never saw her again and only saw her at the routine church services. I couldn't help but to think she got a scan of the room, went "I gotta take this call" and never bothered again.

I think this has driven some to use online dating sites where they get to choose who approaches them. (Sorry, kind of went off on a tangent).
 
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bèlla

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Right...like the recent, 'I can I keep my mind off desiring companionship". I'm guessing it's kind of a 50/50 split.

Some of this is new for me. I’ve been on venues where people desired a companion. That’s understandable. But I haven’t encountered the depth of isolation or social anxiety I’ve seen on this site.

Some here had admittedly said they they are so socially awkward and shy that interacting with the opposite sex is anxiety ridden...and they hadn't gotten passed the awkward teen-aged phase, even though they are adults.

That’s a first for me. I’ve never met anyone like that. We had your usual versions of shyness or nervousness. But not anxiety or the absence of experiences with the opposite sex at all.

I think this is why when I hear of church singles ministries that say , after their Bible study, they head to a restaurant after...I would hear complaints from the women about how...awkward the men are.

I don’t think that’s true for all Christian men. But there are definite differences I’ve observed and experienced in interactions. Something is stunted.

I met a woman back in the Yahoo personals days that said she went to the named church I spoke of and she seriously found guys that she either wasn't attracted to (she was a rather attractive, intelligent, well put together professional).

Oftentimes when you’re physically attractive and bring a lot to the table you’re more discriminating than most. The numbers are on your side. You’re not afraid of being alone or never marrying.

Mostly weird, awkward, wearing out-dated clothing kind of guys (not sure if the latter should matter, but its kind of telling that their wardrobe isn't up to date). Dudes that forget to untuck their shirts after coming out the bathroom or whatever. Trying to paint a picture of the social awkwardness among them.

I’ve seen the same and experienced its counterpart on this site. For venues like this, its desperation and angst. Awkwardness can be downplayed to a point if you write well.

I think this has driven some to use online dating sites where they get to choose who approaches them. (Sorry, kind of went off on a tangent).

I wouldn’t do that. But I understand the desire to have a companion that’s aesthetically and socially adept. However, I’m ethically opposed to changing people to suit my preferences. Its disrespectful. He’s not a project.

I suspect the challenge in Christian circles is the absence of acceptance. Or the expectation that shared beliefs should suffice and outweigh the other stuff. But most people don’t live like that.

Men desire physically attractive women. That doesn’t diminish because he’s a believer. Many women want a provider and godly leader. In the midst of that are personal preferences and biases.

Maybe we’re doing it wrong. I don’t know.

I don’t believe faith gives me an excuse not to take care of myself or maintain my health. I don’t think it means I should ignore the merits of being physically pleasing to my companion. Beauty shouldn’t be diminished. It should radiate even brighter because my heart is with Him.

I don’t want a boy. I want a man in every sense of the word. Someone who looks the part and occupies it fully.
 
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