The idea that masturbation wrong.

[Apex]

You struggle in this area because God never intended for you to resist natural sexual desire. You were created as a sexual being. Lust, in the biblical sense (not in the English sense!), means to covet. While the Hebrew word "covet" includes the lexical connotation "to desire" it also includes the goal-oriented intention toward committing the forbidden act you are desiring - stealing, murdering, etc. It is not coveting without this intention.

So, let me ask you something. When you look at an attractive married woman and become sexually aroused by her beauty, do you also scheme in your heart ways to seduce her to commit adultery with you? Basically, if given the opportunity, you would actually do it? If not, you are not lusting after her. You are only having a natural biological reaction. Lust goes beyond the biological.

In Job 31:9 we see a sexual desire that includes lying in "wait at my neighbor’s door".

 

[ClementofA]

Various opinions on Matthew 5:28 & the meaning of the word "lust" or "covet":

English Standard Version
But I say to you that everyone who looks at a woman with lustful intent has already committed adultery with her in his heart. (Mt.5:28)

"Definition: I long for, covet, lust after, set the heart upon..."

"1937 epithyméo (from 1909 /epí, "focused on" intensifying 2372 /thymós, "passionate desire") – properly, to show focused passion as it aptly builds on (Gk epi, "upon") what a person truly yearns for; to "greatly desire to do or have something – 'to long for, to desire very much' " (L & N, 1, 25.12)."

Strong's Greek: 1937. ἐπιθυμέω (epithumeó) -- desire, lust after

"To lust after her.—The intent is more strongly marked in the Greek than in the English. It is not the passing glance, not even the momentary impulse of desire, but the continued gaze by which the impulse is deliberately cherished till it becomes a passion."

Matthew 5:28 Commentaries: but I say to you that everyone who looks at a woman with lust for her has already committed adultery with her in his heart.

"to fix the desire upon" (epi, "upon," used intensively, thumos, "passion"), whether things good or bad; hence, "to long for, lust after, covet,..."
(Vine's Dictionary)

https://books.google.ca/books?id=ctWbMD ... passion%22),+whether+things+good+or+bad&source=bl&ots=XyiLzau7yo&sig=te4W-L-E0QoGfLv_h3srzktD6gg&hl=en&sa=X&ved=0ahUKEwiD4Z3NtqvUAhUlllQKHUJRDp4Q6AEIKTAB#v=onepage&q=to%20fix%20the%20desire%20upon%22%20(epi%2C%20%22upon%2C%22%20used%20intensively%2C%20thumos%2C%20%22passion%22)%2C%20whether%20things%20good%20or%20bad&f=false

"To avoid lust, many early Christians took Jesus statement to the extreme by being castrated...The real question is, "What is lust?"Many confuse a healthy sex drive with lust and label all sexual desire outside of marriage as lust..."

"As an illustration, Bill has a spanking new BMW. Is it wrong to look at Bill's car? Of course not. Well then, is it wrong to enjoy looking at Bill's car? No. So when does looking become lusting? If we plot to steal Bill's car, we're lusting..."

"The same principles apply to Bill's wife. There's nothing wrong with admiring the beauty of Bill's wife - unless, of course, Bill is overly possessive. Then gawking at her may not be so much a matter of lust as it is a lack of wisdom. Looking becomes lusting when we harbour thoughts of putting the moves on Bill's wife behind his back."

(What the Bible Really Says About Sex, by Tom Gruber, p.35-37)

 

[ClementofA]

The following article delves into the meaning of Matthew 5:28:

"“Whoever Looks at a Woman With Lust”: Misinterpreted Bible Passages #1"

"...Matthew 5:27–28: Ἠκούσατε ὅτι ἐρρέθη· οὐ μοιχεύσεις. ἐγὼ δὲ λέγω ὑμῖν ὅτι πᾶς ὁ βλέπων γυναῖκα πρὸς τὸ ἐπιθυμῆσαι αὐτὴν ἤδη ἐμοίχευσεν αὐτὴν ἐν τῇ καρδίᾳ αὐτοῦ.

“You heard it was said, ‘Do not commit adultery,’ but I say to you that everyone who looks at a woman in order to covet her has already committed adultery with her in his heart.”

"...The ordinary interpretation of this passage is that lust is equivalent to adultery; that is, if a man sexually desires a woman, he has already committed adultery with her in God’s eyes."

"...The first thing to understand in this passage is that Jesus is in no way intensifying the Law here, nor is he saying anything new. What’s that, you say? The Law doesn’t forbid lusting after a woman? Well, as it turns out, the Greek word usually translated “lust” in this passage (ἐπιθυμέω; epithumeô) happens to be the same word used to translate the Hebrew word for “covet” (‏חמד) in the Tenth Command in the Septuagint (Greek Old Testament), which says:..."

"“You will not covet your neighbor’s wife. You will not covet your neighbors house or his field or his male servant or his female servant or his ox or his donkey or any animal which is your neighbor’s.”

"Sounds an awful lot like what Jesus says in this passage, doesn’t it? They’re even more alike once one realizes that the Greek word for “woman” and “wife” happens to be the same. In this passage, Jesus reminds his audience that the Law not only prohibits adultery, it prohibits coveting. This is not so much an intensification of the Law as it is a reminder of what the Law already says. And just as the Law itself was intended to be fulfilled, Jesus intends his words here to be followed (and that following them is entirely possible)."

"Another important point is that the command does not forbid recognition of quality or even desire itself (such would be nonsense) but something else: it forbids the action of coveting (hence the verbal form). “Lust” or “desire,” even the sexual variety, is nowhere forbidden in Scripture, nor is it equated with sin, only with the potential to sin (cf. James 1, where lust leads to sin but is not itself sinful). It is also important to note the distinction between the verbal form and the nominal form: when the Hebrew חמד or Greek ἐπιθυμέω are used as verbs in the OT, it denotes desire directed at obtaining the specific object in question and not merely the existence of the desire itself. This fits well with the Tenth Command, which is perhaps best understood as forbidding fixing one’s desire upon obtaining something that is not rightfully one’s own. In order to explain this point more adequately, a fuller discussion of the meaning of “lust” (Gk. ἐπιθυμία; epithumia) in the New Testament and the culture of that period is necessary."

Continued at:

"Whoever Looks at a Woman With Lust": Misinterpreted Bible Passages #1 | Jason Staples

 

[Lucian Hodoboc]

I think @Solomons Porch is accurate.

I also think the big issue with masturbation is the heart behind the action. Jesus said anyone who lists after a member of the opposite sex in their heart is guilty of adultery. I can't find it possible to believe someone could touch without listing in their heart.

We should never willfully and intentionally sin just to appease our flesh.

Jesus also said that divorce is prohibited and that marrying a divorced woman is adultery. Jesus raised the bar so high that only celibate monks and nuns who pray 24/7 can go to Heaven.

 

[ByTheSpirit]

Jesus also said that divorce is prohibited and that marrying a divorced woman is adultery. Jesus raised the bar so high that only celibate monks and nuns who pray 24/7 can go to Heaven.

That bar is not that high. Marriage is not so miserable as to always lead to divorce, nor should divorce be the first and only option.

As far as marrying a divorced woman, or even man for that matter, God considers marriage so sacred that to get married once is to be married for life, thus for a divorced person to remarry and engage in sex is to be unfaithful to their first and original partner.

 

[Lucian Hodoboc]

God considers marriage so sacred that to get married once is to be married for life, thus for a divorced person to remarry and engage in sex is to be unfaithful to their first and original partner.

So God would rather see two people stuck for their entire lives in an unhappy marriage because the initial love that they felt for each other has disappeared and they both fell in love with other people from their workplace, than two divorced people who will remarry and live happy lives alongside their new spouses?

 

[RDKirk]

So God would rather see two people stuck for their entire lives in an unhappy marriage because the initial love that they felt for each other has disappeared and they both fell in love with other people from their workplace, than two divorced people who will remarry and live happy lives alongside their new spouses?

No. But His point is that the bar of personally achieved righteousness is very high. When a divorce occurs, it's within a cloud of unrighteousness, yet:

Woe to the world because of the things that cause people to stumble! Such things must come, but woe to the person through whom they come!

This is something that is revealed in Matthew 18 and 19 that a lot of people miss Jesus saying: We are in a fallen world, a world in which the hearts of men are so hard that we all must deal with sin and unrighteousness--unavoidably. But Jesus knows the persons through whom the unrighteouness comes.

Righteousness is to be satisfied within the original marriage covenant one declares with wife and husband--that is "how it was in the beginning." No Christian should ever desire divorce as his or her route to happiness. But in this fallen world, we are often forced to manage sin despite our desire to righteousness. A woman may face a cruelly abusive husband who refuses to repent. A man may face an adulterous wife who has abandoned him for another man and refuses to return.

Such things must come, but woe to the person through whom they come!

Jesus neither an idiot nor a martinet. He knows who is the instigator of the sin that others must manage. Yes, it is a departure from His absolute righteousness when a man unjustly divorces the wife of his youth and she is forced to remarry, and that departure is sin. But He knows whose account that sin is marked against.

 

[Thir7ySev3n]

So God would rather see two people stuck for their entire lives in an unhappy marriage because the initial love that they felt for each other has disappeared and they both fell in love with other people from their workplace, than two divorced people who will remarry and live happy lives alongside their new spouses?

Yes, God would rather see this because He would rather see two people compelled by His command to love and remain faithful, than to be compelled by their flesh to surrender to the pressures of their selfish impulses. Jesus was a suffering servant who obeyed God to the point of death, even death on the cross (Philippians 2:8). We are commanded to be imitators of Christ and exhorted that our genuine conversion to saving faith in Christ will be demonstrated by our abandoning the enduring practice of sin and walking as Jesus did (1 John 2:3-6). If we have surrendered our hearts to the salvation and Lordship of Christ, then it is now the Spirit of God that lives within us, causing us to both will and to act according to His good pleasure (Philippians 2:12-13), and who continually cries out from within us to the Father, having reconciled us to Him and teaching us to obey His commands as Christ did (Romans 8:13-18).

I want to sternly take hold of you and captivate your attention with these magnificent words of Peter that describe the Spirit to which we were called in conformity to Christ:

"For it is commendable if someone bears up under the pain of unjust suffering because they are conscious of God. But how is it to your credit if you receive a beating for doing wrong and endure it? But if you suffer for doing good and you endure it, this is commendable before God. To this you were called, because Christ suffered for you, leaving you an example, that you should follow in His steps. 'He committed no sin, and no deceit was found in his mouth.' When they hurled their insults at him, he did not retaliate; when he suffered, he made no threats. Instead, he entrusted himself to him who judges justly." (1 Peter 2:19-23)

Remember that Christ suffered for His bride, and that on account of that suffering, we have been called to the same righteousness in the power of the Holy Spirit to imitate this suffering love for each other. Likewise, consider that enduring unjust suffering is commended by God, and that it is those who are conscious of God who are expected to do this. Consider also, now, that in a marriage it is almost universally both spouses who are accountable for problems in their marriage, whether they have the humility to admit that or not. In such a situation, we are expected even more to endure suffering for Christ's sake because such suffering is endured as part of our own wrong-doing. Finally, look to the example of Christ who suffered and gave Himself up for His bride (Ephesians 5:25-27), even before she was made beautiful when she scorned Him and was responsible for Him being abandoned, slandered and crucified. Christ did not respond by abandoning His bride or retaliating, but rather pressed onward in the joy of obedience to the beauty of His Father's righteous command, entrusting Himself to God rather than subversive hopes and ambitions of the flesh.

"Therefore, since we are surrounded by such a great cloud of witnesses, let us throw off everything that hinders and the sin that so easily entangles. And let us run with perseverance the race marked out for us, fixing our eyes on Jesus, the pioneer and perfecter of faith. For the joy set before him he endured the cross, scorning its shame, and sat down at the right hand of the throne of God. Consider him who endured such opposition from sinners, so that you will not grow weary and lose heart." (Hebrews 12:1-3)

 

[Lucian Hodoboc]

Yes, God would rather see this because He would rather see two people compelled by His command to love and remain faithful, than to be compelled by their flesh to surrender to the pressures of their selfish impulses. Jesus was a suffering servant who obeyed God to the point of death, even death on the cross (Philippians 2:8). We are commanded to be imitators of Christ and exhorted that our genuine conversion to saving faith in Christ will be demonstrated by our abandoning the enduring practice of sin and walking as Jesus did (1 John 2:3-6). If we have surrendered our hearts to the salvation and Lordship of Christ, then it is now the Spirit of God that lives within us, causing us to both will and to act according to His good pleasure (Philippians 2:12-13), and who continually cries out from within us to the Father, having reconciled us to Him and teaching us to obey His commands as Christ did (Romans 8:13-18).

I want to sternly take hold of you and captivate your attention with these magnificent words of Peter that describe the Spirit to which we were called in conformity to Christ:

"For it is commendable if someone bears up under the pain of unjust suffering because they are conscious of God. But how is it to your credit if you receive a beating for doing wrong and endure it? But if you suffer for doing good and you endure it, this is commendable before God. To this you were called, because Christ suffered for you, leaving you an example, that you should follow in His steps. 'He committed no sin, and no deceit was found in his mouth.' When they hurled their insults at him, he did not retaliate; when he suffered, he made no threats. Instead, he entrusted himself to him who judges justly." (1 Peter 2:19-23)

Remember that Christ suffered for His bride, and that on account of that suffering, we have been called to the same righteousness in the power of the Holy Spirit to imitate this suffering love for each other. Likewise, consider that enduring unjust suffering is commended by God, and that it is those who are conscious of God who are expected to do this. Consider also, now, that in a marriage it is almost universally both spouses who are accountable for problems in their marriage, whether they have the humility to admit that or not. In such a situation, we are expected even more to endure suffering for Christ's sake because such suffering is endured as part of our own wrong-doing. Finally, look to the example of Christ who suffered and gave Himself up for His bride (Ephesians 5:25-27), even before she was made beautiful when she scorned Him and was responsible for Him being abandoned, slandered and crucified. Christ did not respond by abandoning His bride or retaliating, but rather pressed onward in the joy of obedience to the beauty of His Father's righteous command, entrusting Himself to God rather than subversive hopes and ambitions of the flesh.

"Therefore, since we are surrounded by such a great cloud of witnesses, let us throw off everything that hinders and the sin that so easily entangles. And let us run with perseverance the race marked out for us, fixing our eyes on Jesus, the pioneer and perfecter of faith. For the joy set before him he endured the cross, scorning its shame, and sat down at the right hand of the throne of God. Consider him who endured such opposition from sinners, so that you will not grow weary and lose heart." (Hebrews 12:1-3)

I think you're misinterpreting Christ's teachings. If by "His bride", you mean the Church, I invite you to look at Revelation 3:16, where Christ clearly states that He will repudiate "His bride" for not being the way He wants her to be - meaning "hot". If Christ will abandon his bride because His bride doesn't have the right feelings for Him, why would two people stuck in a marriage in which neither of them have feelings for each other remain bounded together only to endure the toxicity of living alongside someone whom they don't want to be with?

Also, did Jesus not say, "The Sabbath was made for man, not man for the Sabbath." (Mark 2:27), implying that the laws of God are there to prevent sinful actions, but that in situations in which the circumstances call for it, they can be temporarily disregarded in order to pursue an optimum solution?

 

[Thir7ySev3n]

I think you're misinterpreting Christ's teachings. If by "His bride", you mean the Church, I invite you to look at Revelation 3:16, where Christ clearly states that He will repudiate "His bride" for not being the way He wants her to be - meaning "hot". If Christ will abandon his bride because His bride doesn't have the right feelings for Him, why would two people stuck in a marriage in which neither of them have feelings for each other remain bounded together only to endure the toxicity of living alongside someone whom they don't want to be with?

Also, did Jesus not say, "The Sabbath was made for man, not man for the Sabbath." (Mark 2:27), implying that the laws of God are there to prevent sinful actions, but that in situations in which the circumstances call for it, they can be temporarily disregarded in order to pursue an optimum solution?

It is impossible to miss the explicit teachings of Christ that we are not to divorce. In addition to the extensive Scriptural example I just gave you, that was not to mention to overt declaration of Christ that anyone who divorces is not allow to remarry except to reconcile to their own spouse, lest they commit adultery (Matthew 5:32). This implies that, in fulfillment of the law, as Jesus declared He came to do, our Lord does not even regard the legal attempt to recant one's vows but sustains them.

It is a closed issue, as it is explicit doctrine of Christ with no disclaimer, except that the other spouse has already committed adultery. Additionally, your reference to Revelations 3 describes false converts, which Jesus eventually spews out of His mouth. It is much like the "false Jews" who were regarded as liars and of the synagogue of Satan only a few verses earlier. Remember Romans 2:28-29. Neither of these descriptions are of genuine converts, but false ones; those who are not Christian at all.

 

[Lucian Hodoboc]

It is a closed issue, as it is explicit doctrine of Christ with no disclaimer,

The commandment of keeping the Sabbath was a closed issue with no disclaimer either, yet Jesus and his disciples plucked and ate grains on Sabbath. According to your logic, that all laws are written in stone and no circumstance can justify disobeying them, Jesus broke one of the 10 commandments. Which commandment was it that he allegedly break? The 4th one. Which commandment is the one about adultery? The 7th one. So, according to the hierarchical order of the commandments, keeping the Sabbath was more important than not committing adultery. Jesus and his disciples clearly picked up grains during the Sabbath, which was a form of work. Why did they do it? Because they were hungry. They had a biological need to eat. Similarly, people have a biological need to seek happiness. Watching two people stuck in an unhappy marriage for the rest of their lives is something only a tyrant would want, not a loving God.

 

[Thir7ySev3n]

The commandment of keeping the Sabbath was a closed issue with no disclaimer either, yet Jesus and his disciples plucked and ate grains on Sabbath. According to your logic, that all laws are written in stone and no circumstance can justify disobeying them, Jesus broke one of the 10 commandments. Which commandment was it that he allegedly break? The 4th one. Which commandment is the one about adultery? The 7th one. So, according to the hierarchical order of the commandments, keeping the Sabbath was more important than not committing adultery. Jesus and his disciples clearly picked up grains during the Sabbath, which was a form of work. Why did they do it? Because they were hungry. They had a biological need to eat. Similarly, people have a biological need to seek happiness. Watching two people stuck in an unhappy marriage for the rest of their lives is something only a tyrant would want, not a loving God.

I just finished explaining to you that Jesus clarified He was abolishing NO law, but fulfilling the Law. Jesus stating that His disciples were allowed to pick grain on the Sabbath was a demonstration of the fulfillment of the purpose of the Sabbath: To bless man. In the case of divorce, you demonstrate cognitive dissonance, as you are quoting a teaching of Jesus on one hand (about the Sabbath, which is irrelevant to the issue of marriage, no less) and denying the command of Jesus on the other. Jesus explicitly said that we may BY NO MEANS divorce, except it be for adultery. It is just a closed an issue as being allowed to pick grain on the Sabbath. We can not add nor subtract from what Jesus taught. Matthew 5:32 is clear. Divorce is not permitted. Period. Your issue with happiness versus love is also highly disturbing as one who claims to be a Christian, as happiness is not the goal of Christian life; holiness is. Hence Jesus exhorting:

"It has been said, ‘Anyone who divorces his wife must give her a certificate of divorce.' But I tell you that anyone who divorces his wife, except for sexual immorality, makes her the victim of adultery, and anyone who marries a divorced woman commits adultery." (Matthew 5:31-32)

And again:

"Jesus replied, "Moses permitted you to divorce your wives because your hearts were hard. But it was not this way from the beginning. I tell you that anyone who divorces his wife, except for sexual immorality, and marries another woman commits adultery." (Matthew 19:8-9)

 

[Lucian Hodoboc]

Isn't adultery a form of sexual immorality?

 

[RDKirk]

So God would rather see two people stuck for their entire lives in an unhappy marriage because the initial love that they felt for each other has disappeared and they both fell in love with other people from their workplace, than two divorced people who will remarry and live happy lives alongside their new spouses?

"Intial love." That's always a lie. "Initial love" is nothing but reaction to physical stimulus, a rush of hormones. Anyone who has been married knows that always wears off in a few years.

But God tells men:

Husband, love your wife

and

Rejoice in the wife of your youth

These are not hopes, these are commands.

Remember that in those times, whether Jew, Greek, or Roman, nearly all marriages were arranged by the parents.

"Wife of your youth" meant the wife the man's parents arranged for him when he was young, not the later wives he may have selected for himself.

So everything scripture has to say about the permanence of marriage is being said about arranged marriages. There was no "initial love" such as pop songs and rom-coms wax enthusiastic over today.

After being married for 34 years, watching my marriage and the marriages of others, I have learned that initial compatibility is nice, but all people change over time. All people change.

Regardless of your initial compatibility, in ten years, fifteen years, twenty years, both will be different from the way they were when they met. Sooner or later, they will ask themselves, "Who is this person in my bed?" And they will be no different at that moment than any arranged marriage.

Unless as they were changing, they made deliberate effort to change in the same direction.

Love between a husband and wife was deliberate, intentional, created, worked for, maintained, cherished--"for better, for worse, for richer, for poorer, in sickness and in health."

The truth is that any Spirit-filled Christian man can be a satisfying life partner to any Spirit-filled Christian woman, and vice versa, but they both have to relenquish the individual selves they were before they cleaved to one another.

I think you're misinterpreting Christ's teachings. If by "His bride", you mean the Church, I invite you to look at Revelation 3:16, where Christ clearly states that He will repudiate "His bride" for not being the way He wants her to be - meaning "hot". If Christ will abandon his bride because His bride doesn't have the right feelings for Him, why would two people stuck in a marriage in which neither of them have feelings for each other remain bounded together only to endure the toxicity of living alongside someone whom they don't want to be with?

You misunderstand the passage.

First, there are several "churches" listed in the chapter and messages to the churches. You want to call out one message and call it a "repudiation of the church," yet ignore the immediately preceding message. That's pretty tight cherrypicking.

Second, Jesus says to the Laodiceans that He'd accept them as either cold or hot. This is a repudiation of their being undistinguished from the world around them. An example:

When I was active duty, on my very first full day overseas (in Thailand), my mentor took me to a little restaurant off base for lunch. They had a buffet table set out with breads and sliced meats, but my mentor walked to a table and sat down.

We waited for a few minutes for a server. I began to get antsy, and suggested just making sandwiches from the buffet.

My sponsor said, "Oh, noooo! We don't want to do that. There's no telling how long that food's been sitting there. It might have been there since Tuesday."

Then he leaned toward me and said, "When you're eating overseas, here is what you have to remember: If they take it right off the ice, it's okay. If they take it right off the fire, it's okay. But if it's room temperature, spit it out. It'll kill you."

This is what people even in Jesus' time knew, which is why He could use it as an example. Kept hot or cold, food stayed edible; left to settle to room temperature, it became toxic.

Compared to the world, a Christian may seem "cold" because he is not excited by the pleasures of the world that excite the world. Or a Christian may seem "hot" because he does get excited over obeying Jesus, which the world does not understand. But he should never be like the world.

 

[Lucian Hodoboc]

But God tells men:

Husband, love your wife

Love is a feeling and it's psychologically impossible to force oneself to have a certain feeling. We can pretend to have it, but you can't develop a feeling just like that, out of the blue. That's just how our minds are built.

 

[RDKirk]

Love is a feeling and it's psychologically impossible to force oneself to have a certain feeling. We can pretend to have it, but you can't develop a feeling just like that, out of the blue. That's just how our minds are built.

Yes, you can.

You can change your feelings, you can change your tastes.

Lots of people are doing it all the time, lots of people are doing it every day.

One year a person likes one thing; the next year he decides he likes something different.

One year a person is made happy by one thing; the next year he's made happy by something different.

One pastor has said to men, "Make your wife your standard of beauty. If she is tall, make "tall" your standard of beauty. If she is short, make "short" your standard of beauty. If she is thin, make "thin" your standard of beauty. If she used to be thin, make "used to be thin" your standard of beauty. If you make your wife your standard of beauty, all other women will be substandard."

Human beings are not animals bound to instinct, we are beings who make choices.

That is how our minds are built. That is why the Lord tells us in scripture:

Do not conform to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind. Then you will be able to test and approve what God's will is--his good, pleasing and perfect will.

You can decide who you love or don't love, you can decide that your flesh does not rule over you.

 

[Lucian Hodoboc]

Yes, you can.

You can change your feelings, you can change your tastes.

Lots of people are doing it all the time, lots of people are doing it every day.

One year a person likes one thing; the next year he decides he likes something different.

One year a person is made happy by one thing; the next year he's made happy by something different.

One pastor has said to men, "Make your wife your standard of beauty. If she is tall, make "tall" your standard of beauty. If she is short, make "short" your standard of beauty. If she is thin, make "thin" your standard of beauty. If she used to be thin, make "used to be thin" your standard of beauty. If you make your wife your standard of beauty, all other women will be substandard."

Human beings are not animals bound to instinct, we are beings who make choices.

That is how our minds are built. That is why the Lord tells us in scripture:

Do not conform to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind. Then you will be able to test and approve what God's will is--his good, pleasing and perfect will.

You can decide who you love or don't love, you can decide that your flesh does not rule over you.

All you said did nothing but to confirm what I previously mentioned: you can pretend to feel something and act accordingly, but you can't actually force yourself to feel that way. Sure, you can force yourself to act lovingly towards your wife and compliment her on her looks, and even sacrifice yourself (give your life) for her, but that doesn't mean that you can force yourself to have romantic feelings when you simply don't have them. And living in a relationship in which you pretend to love someone all the time without actually loving them, can get tiresome, frustrating and will never offer you happiness.

Here's the thing:

Jesus said: "But I say to you that whoever divorces his wife for any reason except sexual immorality causes her to commit adultery; and whoever marries a woman who is divorced commits adultery." (Matthew 5:32)

Being in an unhappy marriage in which romantic love no longer exists can lead people to look at others (at their workplace or at public meetings) lustfully. What did Jesus say about looking at other people lustfully?

"But I tell you that anyone who looks at a woman lustfully has already committed adultery with her in his heart." (Matthew 5:28).

So, what do we gather from this? If someone looks at someone else lustfully, they have already committed adultery (which is a form of sexual immorality). If someone is in an unhappy marriage and they look at someone else lustfully, even if they do not actually commit adultery physically (by having sex with another person), they already cheat on their spouses in their hearts.

What did Jesus say about cheating on your spouse? That it's a reason for divorce.

"But I say to you that whoever divorces his wife for any reason except sexual immorality causes her to commit adultery; and whoever marries a woman who is divorced commits adultery." (Matthew 5:32)

So, if someone is stuck in an unhappy marriage in which there is no love between the husband and the wife, there are two possibilities:
- either both partners have to blind themselves so that they can no longer look at other people lustfully. How would two blind people even be able to remain alive and married if they cannot work is difficult to understand.
- or they don't blind themselves, which leads them to look at other people lustfully, which - according to Jesus - is already adultery in your heart, which, subsequently, is a reason for divorce.

 

[RDKirk]

All you said did nothing but to confirm what I previously mentioned: you can pretend to feel something and act accordingly, but you can't actually force yourself to feel that way.

Yes, you can.

I'd go so far as to say that a person who does not even believe that the mind can be renewed and the flesh overcome does not have faith in Jesus.

This gets spiritually basic: Can Jesus change us or not? If Jesus commands, "Husband, love your wife," can that happen with Jesus or not?

If we can't believe that Jesus can make that purely personal, purely internal thing happen, then we can't believe that Jesus can make anything happen.

How can we expect to love anyone if we can't love our own wives? How can we claim to love Jesus if we can't love our own wives?

For whoever does not love their brother and sister, whom they have seen, cannot love God, whom they have not seen.

 

[Monna]

Love is a feeling and it's psychologically impossible to force oneself to have a certain feeling.

Love is much more than a feeling. Perhaps there is a parallel with faith. Faith that does not affect behaviour is not faith ... indeed, if Abram had not got up and left Ur for Palestine him belief in God's word would have been no belief at all. Love that isn't demonstrated in giving up your will for the good of the loved one, is not love at all.

When I was a teenager (way back when) I was taught that "Love is a matter of the will, in which one does what is best for the loved one, regardless of cost to self." This is the love that God showed, and that Jesus demonstrated, not only in coming to earth, but taking on the form of a servant and becoming obedient, even to death."

When you determine to love this way, you will often - if not always - find that your feelings follow.

As to the impossibility of forcing "oneself to have a certain feeling," you can certainly do an immense amount to change feelings. Anyone who has had children knows the effect of food or sleep on mood. And this applies also to adults. Or reflect on the impact of different types of music on your feelings. Music is used deliberately in shops and shopping centres to entice you to buy; there is good reason why a four beat "march" rhythm is used in the military; or quiet soothing music in the dental clinic. These are all examples of how we can deliberately affect feelings. Young women who are normally intimidated by the thought of facing a group of men in a job interview, are encouraged to go to the wash room, stand in front of the mirror and raise their arms in a V for Victory pose and smile at themselves ... it has been shown that this causes andrenaline to be produced in the body, and that in turn stimulates a more self-assured, even aggressive, feeling - giving the necessary confidence to overcome the nervousness of facing the interviewers. Feel tired? Go jog for 15 minutes, and see how much more alive you feel. You can definitely do something about your feelings!

 

[Lucian Hodoboc]

Love is much more than a feeling. Perhaps there is a parallel with faith. Faith that does not affect behaviour is not faith ... indeed, if Abram had not got up and left Ur for Palestine him belief in God's word would have been no belief at all. Love that isn't demonstrated in giving up your will for the good of the loved one, is not love at all.

When I was a teenager (way back when) I was taught that "Love is a matter of the will, in which one does what is best for the loved one, regardless of cost to self." This is the love that God showed, and that Jesus demonstrated, not only in coming to earth, but taking on the form of a servant and becoming obedient, even to death."

When you determine to love this way, you will often - if not always - find that your feelings follow.

As to the impossibility of forcing "oneself to have a certain feeling," you can certainly do an immense amount to change feelings. Anyone who has had children knows the effect of food or sleep on mood. And this applies also to adults. Or reflect on the impact of different types of music on your feelings. Music is used deliberately in shops and shopping centres to entice you to buy; there is good reason why a four beat "march" rhythm is used in the military; or quiet soothing music in the dental clinic. These are all examples of how we can deliberately affect feelings. Young women who are normally intimidated by the thought of facing a group of men in a job interview, are encouraged to go to the wash room, stand in front of the mirror and raise their arms in a V for Victory pose and smile at themselves ... it has been shown that this causes andrenaline to be produced in the body, and that in turn stimulates a more self-assured, even aggressive, feeling - giving the necessary confidence to overcome the nervousness of facing the interviewers. Feel tired? Go jog for 15 minutes, and see how much more alive you feel. You can definitely do something about your feelings!

Moods and feelings are two different things according to psychology.

Mood (psychology) - Wikipedia

Sure, there are ways to influence someone's emotional disposition, but it's very difficult, if not impossible, to make yourself love someone. You can choose to act in a way that benefits another person (or being) in spite of your own well-being, but you cannot force yourself to actually feel something that you don't feel. If it were possible, there would be no such thing as unrequited love in the world.