The "I can't tell a joke to save my life" thread.

[UnitedweStand000000]

I asked my North Korean friend what it's like living there, he said "I can't complain"

 

[Archie the Preacher]

I asked my North Korean friend what it's like living there, he said "I can't complain"

Another reason I have long held we need a 'rimshot' smiley.

:rimshot!:

 

[JackRT]

My daughter and her husband have a sign above their front door going out --- "Remember, as far as anyone else can tell, we are just a nice normal family."

 

[Moral Orel]

There are 10 kinds of people in the world.
Those that understand binary, and those that don't.

 

[Moral Orel]

Are you Donald Trump?

I don't think he has bad ones , he just swaps' in on newer model

Do the newer models feature new technological improvements or is it just that they aren't getting rusty?

Donald Trump treats his women like he treats his money. Once he has forty, he has to change it for two twenties.

 

[Hillsage]

The only car for the apostles was a Honda. The reason we know that's true is because on the day of Pentecost......"they were all in one ‘Accord’."

 

[Lazarus Short]

Donald Trump treats his women like he treats his money. Once he has forty, he has to change it for two twenties.

I doubt the Donald can handle 220.

 

[brinny]

How do you make a Venetian blind?


Poke him in the eyes :/

ROFL!!!

 

[brinny]

Knock knock.
Who's there?
Dave.
Dave who?
Dave proceeds to break into tears as his grandmother's Alzheimers has progressed to the point where she can no longer remember him.

 

[Moral Orel]

Two muffins are baking in an oven.

One muffin turns to the other and says, "It sure is hot in here".

The other muffing replies, "Oh my gosh! A talking muffin!"

 

[Moral Orel]

Two old men are fishing on a bridge when a funeral procession begins to cross. One of the men stands up, takes his hat in hand and places it over his heart. He stands this way until the entire procession has finished, and then sits back down.

His friend says, "That was very honorable of you".

To which he replies, "It was the least I could do. We were married for 30 years".

 

[IMNW]

An ancient Greek walks into a tailor's shop with pair of damaged trousers in his hands. Gesturing to the pair of trousers, the tailor asks, questioningly, "Euripides?" to which the customer replies, "Yes, you Eumenides".

 

[Archie the Preacher]

An ancient Greek walks into a tailor's shop with pair of damaged trousers in his hands. Gesturing to the pair of trousers, the tailor asks, questioningly, "Euripides?" to which the customer replies, "Yes, you Eumenides".

:rimshot!:

 

[Roseonathorn]

The pastor and the hairdresser weren't the best friends. The hairdresser lived on an island where the pastor were to hold a sermon. The hairdresser were with the pastor in the boat. The boat leaked enormously but the hairdresser had a bucket with Him that helped a lot. When the meeting was over the hairdresser asked the pastor
- How do You suppose You manage to row the boat on Your own.
- Then I put in the plug, the pastor said.

 

[Roseonathorn]

I doubt the Donald can handle 220.

Maybe on internet :/

 

[Roseonathorn]

In my country someone can have a double surname meaning goodlooking masculine and that is no joke.

 

[brinny]

What did Batman say to Robin before they got in the car?

Get in the car.

 

[Eryk]

 

[JackRT]

A blonde walks into the post office and says “I want 50 stamps for my Christmas cards.” The clerk asks “What denomination, ma'am?” She says “Oh my God, has it really come down to this? OK, give me 8 catholic, 6 anglican, 10 presbyterian, 12 methodist and 14 baptist.”

 

[Roseonathorn]

In that case you'd make a fine preacher.

I have a really bad joke... I thought Hitler WAS a preacher the first time I heard Him because I did not understand what He said. He was no happy man.