- Jul 19, 2015
- 899
- 392
- Country
- United States
- Faith
- Non-Denom
- Marital Status
- Single
- Politics
- US-Others
I think we sometimes have pretty black and white thinking when it comes to singleness. We assume the vast majority are called to marriage and the small percentage who aren't are called to stay single so they can devote their lives to ministry. If you elect to stay single but don't get super involved in ministry then some view that as a selfish life or worse, a disobedient life.
Maybe in the ideal that's how it should be but we live in a fallen world with broken people. Some people, myself for example, are not cutout for marriage. I would not say I was born this way but life's events made me this way and no amount of prayer or effort has changed it. Some of the reasons I am not fit for marriage also affect my ability to be involved in many ministries. I am simply not social. I don't like to talk a lot. I prefer solitude. I can pray, teach (the one time I like to talk), and write but I am very uncomfortable in groups and find social contact exhausting. I crave time alone. I am also not that affectionate or desiring of affection.
I am very attracted to women but in a mental way. It does not translate much into feelings. I am a very compassionate person and do a lot to help others but beyond care I don't develop strong feelings especially romantic ones. I have some good friends but none I spend significant time with. Clearly I would not make a good husband but neither would I make a good small group leader, pastor, member of a men's group, etc. I prefer to live alone and enjoy most things in life best alone. People like me have rich thought lives and love to learn and ponder. Rather than desiring to converse with others we like to hold those conversations in our minds usually on deeper things. I am highly intelligent and my mind is a sponge. I love to learn. Talking about the day-to-day when I could be absorbing something new is a real trial. I love theology and can keep a lot in my mind. None of that makes me better than anyone and living out the faith is far more important than a head full of knowledge. I try to live it and not just know it within the my social limitations.
I think people like me are often misunderstood. People mistake our social awkwardness with being aloof or uncaring. We don't gravitate toward small groups, potlucks, or singles ministries. We are more likely to make a dash for the door after the service than stay and mingle. We avoid men's or women's groups and retreats. We sit alone in church week after week but it works fine for us. We may never understand the world of those who thrive in relationships and around people but they may never understand our world.
Do I have the gift of singleness or am I the broken product of a broken life? Only God knows.
Maybe in the ideal that's how it should be but we live in a fallen world with broken people. Some people, myself for example, are not cutout for marriage. I would not say I was born this way but life's events made me this way and no amount of prayer or effort has changed it. Some of the reasons I am not fit for marriage also affect my ability to be involved in many ministries. I am simply not social. I don't like to talk a lot. I prefer solitude. I can pray, teach (the one time I like to talk), and write but I am very uncomfortable in groups and find social contact exhausting. I crave time alone. I am also not that affectionate or desiring of affection.
I am very attracted to women but in a mental way. It does not translate much into feelings. I am a very compassionate person and do a lot to help others but beyond care I don't develop strong feelings especially romantic ones. I have some good friends but none I spend significant time with. Clearly I would not make a good husband but neither would I make a good small group leader, pastor, member of a men's group, etc. I prefer to live alone and enjoy most things in life best alone. People like me have rich thought lives and love to learn and ponder. Rather than desiring to converse with others we like to hold those conversations in our minds usually on deeper things. I am highly intelligent and my mind is a sponge. I love to learn. Talking about the day-to-day when I could be absorbing something new is a real trial. I love theology and can keep a lot in my mind. None of that makes me better than anyone and living out the faith is far more important than a head full of knowledge. I try to live it and not just know it within the my social limitations.
I think people like me are often misunderstood. People mistake our social awkwardness with being aloof or uncaring. We don't gravitate toward small groups, potlucks, or singles ministries. We are more likely to make a dash for the door after the service than stay and mingle. We avoid men's or women's groups and retreats. We sit alone in church week after week but it works fine for us. We may never understand the world of those who thrive in relationships and around people but they may never understand our world.
Do I have the gift of singleness or am I the broken product of a broken life? Only God knows.