The Excuse Game

[LaSorcia]

You will have to wait until International Human Solidarity Day, December 20. Until then, speak to the Borg.

Let's read some Shakespeare, a comedy perhaps?

 

[Quid est Veritas?]

I tried reading a comedy once - too dark, all about some dude descending into hell itself. No thank you. Besides, I prefer my Shakespeare presented to me in Disneyfied form, preferably via some funny animals.

Oi, I was promised invincibility, instead I get a bunch of muckers carrying sticks and I have to check everyone's obstetric history. Sheesh, even my candle keeps going out. Could you at least tell me it gets better?

 

[LaSorcia]

Alas, I cannot. Life is as tedious as twice-told tale, vexing the dull ear of a drowsy man.


Cheer up, buttercup.

 

[( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)]

i do not cheer. and im no buttercup

hey, would you look at that!?

 

[Chesterton]

No need. Kim Jong Un's already doing it.

Come jogging with me.

 

[public hermit]

I would, but I only run from cops and dogs. If you can provide either, we're good to go.

Will you be my friend, I need an accomplice?

 

[Quid est Veritas?]

Sorry, I am male. Accomplice sounds very feminine, worse it even looks French!

Let us drink a toast to the king over the water!

 

[LaSorcia]

I can't possible comply with this request due to ambiguous grammar. Are we drinking to a king whilst we're over the water or to someone who is a king of the water? Which water? And why can't I find 'toast' in my cocktails book?

I really need help to figure this all out.

 

[Quid est Veritas?]

Geometry has never been my strong suit. I just cut out the figures and paste them in my workbook.

Clean up this mess.

 

[Chesterton]

It's 2021. Much easier to just re-define mess as art or something.

Can you help me with my dysphoria? It's not gender dysphoria, it's just dysphoria about everything.

(Interesting side note: I'm typing this with Google Chrome, and the spell checker doesn't recognize the word "dysphoria". I'm going to go on social media and get Google cancelled.)

 

[public hermit]

I can't do that because I don't even know what you want. Sorry.

Do you mind giving me a clue?

 

[Quid est Veritas?]

Where is the fun in that? I always just guess it's Colonel Mustard. Sneaky imperialist with his big moustache...

Could you give me some sensitivity training?

 

[Chesterton]

Do you want training to become more sensitive or less sensitive? I can help with the latter, or so I'm told.

Rock on.

 

[Quid est Veritas?]

That is so insensitive! My buddy Ophedecles got turned to rock by Medusa, and now you've just cheapened his memory.

Stack the dishwasher correctly, please?

 

[Chesterton]

Didn't we ask you previously not to bring your wife into these games?

Will you help me roll this boulder up a hill real quick? It's a favor for my friend Sisyphus. He says it'll only take a few minutes and we'll be done.

 

[Quid est Veritas?]

I'd like to, but I am still waiting for Prometheus. He asked me to bird-sit for him real quick. Hope he comes back soon, as I am not sure where he keeps the thing's food.

Could you take me to hospital?

 

[Chesterton]

Physician, heal thyself.

Teach me how to play the tuba? I'm starting a punk polka band.

 

[JPPT1974]

Punch polka band huh? Never heard of that. But that could be interesting there.

If there was one person that is no longer with us you could see in concert or wished you could, who would you see?!

 

[Quid est Veritas?]

What are you talking about? Modern music is the best. I mean, that Driver's License song where she just repetively repeats the same note for most of the song - genius. Who needs lyrical composition when you can literally just play the same note over and over and over till it reverberates into your very soul, like a heartbeat or a headache, over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over. Who can get irritated by that?

Play it again, Sam.

 

[Chesterton]

Sam91 is on permanent hiatus.

♪ ♫ Roll out the barrel, we'll have a barrel of fun. ♪ ♫