the end of a rope

[water_ripple]

I've been taught that divorce was a sin. What happens when a person is continually emotionally abused/neglected? I've been told before that when one's spouse cannot or will not be part of the flock then it is okay to seek someone within the flock. Is this wrong or are we supposed to continually forgive for the same offense? A bit of help would be greatly appreciated.

 

[Karl - Liberal Backslider]

I've been taught that divorce was a sin. What happens when a person is continually emotionally abused/neglected? I've been told before that when one's spouse cannot or will not be part of the flock then it is okay to seek someone within the flock. Is this wrong or are we supposed to continually forgive for the same offense? A bit of help would be greatly appreciated.

Firstly, it seems to me that even if you do not divorce such a spouse, you do not have to stay living with him/her. I see no virtue in being abused and neglected.

But divorce may be acceptable in these circumstances. An abusive or incorrigibly neglectful partner has already broken their vows and the marriage covenant. In these circumstances, the marriage contract could be argued to be negatable at your discretion.

 

[mollyj]

www.restorem.org
www.marriagebuilders.com

Both are good when only one is working on marriage.

 

[desi]

I've been taught that divorce was a sin. What happens when a person is continually emotionally abused/neglected? I've been told before that when one's spouse cannot or will not be part of the flock then it is okay to seek someone within the flock. Is this wrong or are we supposed to continually forgive for the same offense? A bit of help would be greatly appreciated.

The bible is clear on this issue. Divorce is wrong per Mark 10:4-12...

"And the Pharisees came to him (Jesus), and asked him, Is it lawful for a man to put away his wife? tempting him.

3 And he answered and said unto them, What did Moses command you?

4 And they said, Moses suffered to write a bill of divorcement, and to put her away.

5 And Jesus answered and said unto them, For the hardness of your heart he wrote you this precept.

6 But from the beginning of the creation God made them male and female.

7 For this cause shall a man leave his father and mother, and cleave to his wife;

8 And they twain shall be one flesh: so then they are no more twain, but one flesh.

9 What therefore God hath joined together, let not man put asunder.

10 And in the house his disciples asked him again of the same matter.

11 And he saith unto them, Whosoever shall put away his wife, and marry another, committeth adultery against her.

12 And if a woman shall put away her husband, and be married to another, she committeth adultery."

You two have to work it out.

 

[blitzn]

Take MollyJ's advice. I recommend the Restore Ministries site. Give it a look, it can't hurt and it could help!

It is not ok to seek someone within the flock just because your spouse is not a believer or saved, even though it may seem so at first thought. Is your husband not saved? I'm assuming you are.

The first step is to get on your knees and cry out to God for help. If you humble yourself before Him, He will hear you. He will show you what you need to do. Rely on Him when it seems you are all alone, He will be your strength when you have none left. I speak from current experience.

In marriage husband and wife should seek the Lord first, even before each other. If one is backsliding or not saved, the one who is saved should be in prayer even more. Your husband CAN be changed, the Lord can change Him. Trust in God, don't try to do it in the flesh or in your own strength; with men it may be impossible, but with God all things are possible.

You should continue to forgive him, but start asking the Lord for help; He can bring about a change, but many times the change needs to start in the one who is seemingly not at fault. Draw closer to the Lord, He will hear you and will help. There is hope (in Christ), believe me!

- blitzn

 

[ZiSunka]

I've been taught that divorce was a sin. What happens when a person is continually emotionally abused/neglected? I've been told before that when one's spouse cannot or will not be part of the flock then it is okay to seek someone within the flock. Is this wrong or are we supposed to continually forgive for the same offense? A bit of help would be greatly appreciated.

Divorcing such a person is okay, it's remarriage that isn't.

You can't enter into a marriage with someone either not knowing them or thinking that you can change them, then when you get some bad surprise, discard them and start the whole process over again with someone else.

Why not get counselling to make your marriage better?

 

[blitzn]

Divorcing such a person is okay, it's remarriage that isn't.

You can't enter into a marriage with someone either not knowing them or thinking that you can change them, then when you get some bad surprise, discard them and start the whole process over again with someone else.

Why not get counselling to make your marriage better?

Lamslove!,

Divorcing such a person is absolutely not biblical! No offense, but please be careful about the advice you are giving. This is someone's life and marriage we're talking about here.

water_ripple,

Please know that above all, you should seek the widsom of the Word of God found in the Bible. Don't listen to me or anyone else if what the person is saying contradicts the Word! This is why it's important to seek the Lord most of all. Be encouraged.

- blitzn

 

[ZiSunka]

Lamslove!,

Divorcing such a person is absolutely not biblical! No offense, but please be careful about the advice you are giving. This is someone's life and marriage we're talking about here.

- blitzn

I am careful about the advice I give. That's the Biblical look at it. You didn't read my entire answer, you just reacted to the first part of the first sentence.

 

[blitzn]

I am careful about the advice I give. That's the Biblical look at it. You didn't read my entire answer, you just reacted to the first part of the first sentence.

I guess I'm not understanding what part of "Divorcing such a person is ok,..." is biblical in any context. Did you see Desi's post?

- blitzn

 

[ZiSunka]

Yes, did you?

This isn't doing her any good. PM me if you need to have further discussion on the matter.

 

[blitzn]

Yes, did you?

This isn't doing her any good. PM me if you need to have further discussion on the matter.

I think that I've said everything I need to say. Disagreement is healthy sometimes, it provokes thought and gives way to truth. :0)

- blitzn

 

[Stanfi]

I know this does not specifically answer your direct question, but everytime I hear someone wanting to leave an unbelieveing spouse, this scripture comes to mind. Specfically the part that refers to the wife saving the husband in this case.


1Cr 7:12 But to the rest speak I, not the Lord: If any brother hath a wife that believeth not, and she be pleased to dwell with him, let him not put her away.

1Cr 7:13 And the woman which hath an husband that believeth not, and if he be pleased to dwell with her, let her not leave him.

1Cr 7:14 For the unbelieving husband is sanctified by the wife, and the unbelieving wife is sanctified by the husband: else were your children unclean; but now are they holy.

1Cr 7:15 But if the unbelieving depart, let him depart. A brother or a sister is not under bondage in such [cases]: but God hath called us to peace.

1Cr 7:16 For what knowest thou, O wife, whether thou shalt save [thy] husband? or how knowest thou, O man, whether thou shalt save [thy] wife?


Perhaps, you are the light that your husband needs. Perhaps you should keep praying the God will deal with him. You may be the person sent into his life to save him from the firy pits of hell.

Just my thought.

This is my own thoughts. Right off hand I can't base much of it on scripture. You mentioned being abused. I can't believe God would want anyone to be in a situation where they are constantly absued. God set up rules for the marriage institution over in Epehsians. Wives are supposed to submit the the husbands... but... Husbands are supposed to love the wives as Christ loved the church. Friends that is a lot of love.

Sorry, I gave you such a mixed answer.. that just how the thoughts came out.

 

[ZiSunka]

I think that I've said everything I need to say. Disagreement is healthy sometimes, it provokes thought and gives way to truth. :0)

- blitzn

I hope so for your sake.

 

[blitzn]

I know this does not specifically answer your direct question, but everytime I hear someone wanting to leave an unbelieveing spouse, this scripture comes to mind. Specfically the part that refers to the wife saving the husband in this case.


1Cr 7:12 But to the rest speak I, not the Lord: If any brother hath a wife that believeth not, and she be pleased to dwell with him, let him not put her away.

1Cr 7:13 And the woman which hath an husband that believeth not, and if he be pleased to dwell with her, let her not leave him.

1Cr 7:14 For the unbelieving husband is sanctified by the wife, and the unbelieving wife is sanctified by the husband: else were your children unclean; but now are they holy.

1Cr 7:15 But if the unbelieving depart, let him depart. A brother or a sister is not under bondage in such [cases]: but God hath called us to peace.

1Cr 7:16 For what knowest thou, O wife, whether thou shalt save [thy] husband? or how knowest thou, O man, whether thou shalt save [thy] wife?


Perhaps, you are the light that your husband needs. Perhaps you should keep praying the God will deal with him. You may be the person sent into his life to save him from the firy pits of hell.

Just my thought.

This is my own thoughts. Right off hand I can't base much of it on scripture. You mentioned being abused. I can't believe God would want anyone to be in a situation where they are constantly absued. God set up rules for the marriage institution over in Epehsians. Wives are supposed to submit the the husbands... but... Husbands are supposed to love the wives as Christ loved the church. Friends that is a lot of love.

Sorry, I gave you such a mixed answer.. that just how the thoughts came out.

I agree. Balance, as always, is the key.

- blitzn

 

[ZiSunka]

I agree. Balance, as always, is the key.

- blitzn

Corinthians isn't the only book of the Bible that talks about divorce. I'm always amazed at the number of legalistic people who act like that's God's first and last word on divorce. And, as you will notice, it is remarriage that is prohibited, not divorce.

 

[Stanfi]

My focus wasn't necessarily on the marriage/ divorce issue. It was more on an Christain spouse leading their lost mate to Christ.

lambslove, this marriage/ divorce issue seems to be a touchy subject with you. I'm not a legalist. Jesus Christ died so we can all have a perosnal relationship with God almighty. I believe he extends mercy to everyone. I am not a legalist because I do not believe God is bound by a set of rules. God extends mercy to all.

I probably shouldn't have even posted in this forum since I've never been married. I was just browsing and the subject caught my attention.

I have read the gospels and if I remeber correctly. The only grounds for divorce is adultery. The spouse who committed the sin may not remmarry, but the one who did not commit may remarry. However, I believe it in ecourcaged that forgiveness be practice and the marriage saved.

 

[desi]

Corinthians isn't the only book of the Bible that talks about divorce. I'm always amazed at the number of legalistic people who act like that's God's first and last word on divorce. And, as you will notice, it is remarriage that is prohibited, not divorce.

lambslove you offer a lot of advice about divorce without the scripture to back it up. This is a serious sin if you lead someone astray when you know better.