Andy Broadley
quam pulchra es amica mea quam pulchra
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The Canterbury Alehouse - The Fellowship Thr(5)
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Andy Broadley
quam pulchra es amica mea quam pulchra
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[font=verdana, geneva, arial, helvetica]Facts of Women [/font][font=verdana, geneva, arial, helvetica]
1) Women love to shop. It is the one area of the world where they feel like they're actually in control.
2) Women especially love a bargain. The question of "need" is irrelevant, so don't bother pointing it out. Anything on sale is fair game.
3) Women never have anything to wear. Don't question the racks of clothes in the closet; you "just don't understand".
4) Women need to cry. And they won't do it alone unless they know you can hear them.
5) Women will always ask questions that have no right answer, in an effort to trap you into feeling guilty.
6) Women love to talk. Silence intimidates them and they feel a need to fill it, even if they have nothing to say.
7) Women hate bugs. Even the strong-willed ones need a man around when there's a spider or a wasp involved.
8) Women can't keep secrets. They eat away at them from the inside. And they don't view it as being untrustworthy, providing they only tell two or three people.
9) Women always go to public restrooms in groups. It gives them a chance to gossip.
10) If a man goes on a seven-day trip, he'll pack five days worth of clothes and will wear some things twice; if a woman goes on a seven-day trip she'll pack 21 outfits because she doesn't know what she'll feel like wearing each day.
11) Women brush their hair before bed.
12) Women are paid less than men, except for one field: Modeling.
13) Women are never wrong. Apologizing is the man's responsibility, "It's there in the Bible".
14) The average number of items in a typical woman's bathroom is 437. A man would not be able to identify most of these items.
15) Women love cats. Men say they love cats, but when women aren't looking, men kick cats.
16) Women love to talk on the phone. A woman can visit her girlfriend for two weeks, and upon returning home, she will call the same friend and they will talk for three hours.
17) A woman will dress up to go shopping, water the plants, empty the garbage, answer the phone, read a book, or get the mail.
18) Women do NOT want an honest answer to the question, 'How do I look?'
19) Women will make three right-hand turns to avoid making one left-hand turn.
20) "Oh, nothing," has an entirely different meaning in woman- language than it does in man- language.
21) Women cannot use a map without turning the map to correspond to the direction that they are heading.
22) If it is not Valentines day and you see a man in a flower shop, you can probably start up a conversation by asking, "What did you do?"
23) Women don't really care about a sense of humor in a guy despite claims to the contrary. You don't see women trampling over Tom Cruise to get to Gilbert Gottfried, do you?
24) Women will spend hours dressing up to go out, and then they'll go out and spend more time checking out other women. Men can never catch women checking out other men; women will always catch men checking out other women.
25) The most embarrassing thing for women is to find another woman wearing the same dress at a formal party.
[/font]
1) Women love to shop. It is the one area of the world where they feel like they're actually in control.
2) Women especially love a bargain. The question of "need" is irrelevant, so don't bother pointing it out. Anything on sale is fair game.
3) Women never have anything to wear. Don't question the racks of clothes in the closet; you "just don't understand".
4) Women need to cry. And they won't do it alone unless they know you can hear them.
5) Women will always ask questions that have no right answer, in an effort to trap you into feeling guilty.
6) Women love to talk. Silence intimidates them and they feel a need to fill it, even if they have nothing to say.
7) Women hate bugs. Even the strong-willed ones need a man around when there's a spider or a wasp involved.
8) Women can't keep secrets. They eat away at them from the inside. And they don't view it as being untrustworthy, providing they only tell two or three people.
9) Women always go to public restrooms in groups. It gives them a chance to gossip.
10) If a man goes on a seven-day trip, he'll pack five days worth of clothes and will wear some things twice; if a woman goes on a seven-day trip she'll pack 21 outfits because she doesn't know what she'll feel like wearing each day.
11) Women brush their hair before bed.
12) Women are paid less than men, except for one field: Modeling.
13) Women are never wrong. Apologizing is the man's responsibility, "It's there in the Bible".
14) The average number of items in a typical woman's bathroom is 437. A man would not be able to identify most of these items.
15) Women love cats. Men say they love cats, but when women aren't looking, men kick cats.
16) Women love to talk on the phone. A woman can visit her girlfriend for two weeks, and upon returning home, she will call the same friend and they will talk for three hours.
17) A woman will dress up to go shopping, water the plants, empty the garbage, answer the phone, read a book, or get the mail.
18) Women do NOT want an honest answer to the question, 'How do I look?'
19) Women will make three right-hand turns to avoid making one left-hand turn.
20) "Oh, nothing," has an entirely different meaning in woman- language than it does in man- language.
21) Women cannot use a map without turning the map to correspond to the direction that they are heading.
22) If it is not Valentines day and you see a man in a flower shop, you can probably start up a conversation by asking, "What did you do?"
23) Women don't really care about a sense of humor in a guy despite claims to the contrary. You don't see women trampling over Tom Cruise to get to Gilbert Gottfried, do you?
24) Women will spend hours dressing up to go out, and then they'll go out and spend more time checking out other women. Men can never catch women checking out other men; women will always catch men checking out other women.
25) The most embarrassing thing for women is to find another woman wearing the same dress at a formal party.
[/font]
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- Feb 8, 2004
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Cheers Andy - you've quite expertly shifted all of that agression from me to you.
May the prayers of all the Saints be with you - you're going to need them!
May the prayers of all the Saints be with you - you're going to need them!
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Andy Broadley
quam pulchra es amica mea quam pulchra
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[font=verdana, geneva, arial, helvetica]It's a Guy's Life [/font][font=verdana, geneva, arial, helvetica]
1) Phone Conversations are over in 30 seconds flat.
2) You know stuff about tanks.
3) A five-day vacation requires only one suitcase.
4) You can open all your own jars.
5) Dry cleaners and hair cutters don't rob you blind.
6) You can go to the bathroom without a support group.
7) You don't have to learn to spell a new last name.
8) You can leave the motel bed unmade.
9) You can kill your own food.
10) You get extra credit for the slightest act of thoughtfulness.
11) Wedding plans take care of themselves.
12) If someone forgets to invite you to something, he or she can still be your friend.
13) Your underwear is 10$ for a three-pack.
14) If you are 34 and single, nobody notices.
15) Everything on your face stays its original color.
16) You can quietly enjoy a car ride from the passenger's seat.
17) Three pairs of shoes are more than enough.
18) You don't have to clean your apartment if the meter reader is coming.
19) Car mechanics tell you the truth.
20) You can quietly watch a game with your buddy for hours without ever thinking: "He must be mad at me."
21) Same work... more pay.
22) Gray hair and wrinkles only add character.
23) Wedding dress - $2,000. Tuxedo rental 75 bucks.
24) You don't mooch off other's desserts.
25) You can drop by to see a friend without having to bring a little gift.
26) If another guy shows up at the party in the same outfit, you just might become lifelong friends.
27) You pals can be trusted never to trap you with. "So, notice anything different?"
28) You are not expected to know the names of more than five colors.
29) You don't have to stop and think of which way to turn a nut on a bolt.
30) You almost never have strap problems in public.
31) You are unable to see wrinkles in your clothes.
32) The same hairstyle lasts for years, maybe decades.
33) You don't have to shave below your neck.
34) At least a few belches are expected and tolerated.
35) Your belly usually hides your big hips.
36) One wallet and one pair of shoes, one color, all seasons.
37) You can "do" your nails with a pocketknife.
38) You have freedom of choice concerning growing a mustache.
39) Christmas shopping can be accomplished for 25 relatives, on December 24th, in 45 minutes.
[/font]
1) Phone Conversations are over in 30 seconds flat.
2) You know stuff about tanks.
3) A five-day vacation requires only one suitcase.
4) You can open all your own jars.
5) Dry cleaners and hair cutters don't rob you blind.
6) You can go to the bathroom without a support group.
7) You don't have to learn to spell a new last name.
8) You can leave the motel bed unmade.
9) You can kill your own food.
10) You get extra credit for the slightest act of thoughtfulness.
11) Wedding plans take care of themselves.
12) If someone forgets to invite you to something, he or she can still be your friend.
13) Your underwear is 10$ for a three-pack.
14) If you are 34 and single, nobody notices.
15) Everything on your face stays its original color.
16) You can quietly enjoy a car ride from the passenger's seat.
17) Three pairs of shoes are more than enough.
18) You don't have to clean your apartment if the meter reader is coming.
19) Car mechanics tell you the truth.
20) You can quietly watch a game with your buddy for hours without ever thinking: "He must be mad at me."
21) Same work... more pay.
22) Gray hair and wrinkles only add character.
23) Wedding dress - $2,000. Tuxedo rental 75 bucks.
24) You don't mooch off other's desserts.
25) You can drop by to see a friend without having to bring a little gift.
26) If another guy shows up at the party in the same outfit, you just might become lifelong friends.
27) You pals can be trusted never to trap you with. "So, notice anything different?"
28) You are not expected to know the names of more than five colors.
29) You don't have to stop and think of which way to turn a nut on a bolt.
30) You almost never have strap problems in public.
31) You are unable to see wrinkles in your clothes.
32) The same hairstyle lasts for years, maybe decades.
33) You don't have to shave below your neck.
34) At least a few belches are expected and tolerated.
35) Your belly usually hides your big hips.
36) One wallet and one pair of shoes, one color, all seasons.
37) You can "do" your nails with a pocketknife.
38) You have freedom of choice concerning growing a mustache.
39) Christmas shopping can be accomplished for 25 relatives, on December 24th, in 45 minutes.
[/font]
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Andy Broadley
quam pulchra es amica mea quam pulchra
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pmcleanj
Lord Jesus, have mercy on me, a sinner
karen freeinchristman said:I don't see the bridge....
where's the confounded bridge?
oh, no, I've regressed to my Led Zep fan days....
I thought The Bridge was Billy Joel.I not only have a report written, I have network connectivity from a hotel conference room! My, I love the twenty-first century!
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Andy Broadley
quam pulchra es amica mea quam pulchra
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[font=verdana, geneva, arial, helvetica]Growing up Female [/font][font=verdana, geneva, arial, helvetica]
lessed are those who hunger and thirst, for they are sticking to their diets.
Life is an endless struggle full of frustrations and challenges, but eventually you find a hairstylist you like.
You're getting old when you get the same sensation from a rocking chair that you once got from a roller coaster.
Time may be a great healer, but it's also a lousy beautician.
Age doesn't always bring wisdom. Sometimes age comes alone.
I don't mind the rat race, but I could do with a little more cheese.
Age is important only if you're cheese or wine.
The only time a woman wishes she were a year older is when she is expecting a baby.
Freedom of the press means no-iron clothes.
[/font]
Life is an endless struggle full of frustrations and challenges, but eventually you find a hairstylist you like.
You're getting old when you get the same sensation from a rocking chair that you once got from a roller coaster.
Time may be a great healer, but it's also a lousy beautician.
Age doesn't always bring wisdom. Sometimes age comes alone.
I don't mind the rat race, but I could do with a little more cheese.
Age is important only if you're cheese or wine.
The only time a woman wishes she were a year older is when she is expecting a baby.
Freedom of the press means no-iron clothes.
[/font]
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Historicus
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pmcleanj said:
Someone who appreciates their gift!
The cookies are only from December 2004
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Andy Broadley
quam pulchra es amica mea quam pulchra
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pmcleanj
Lord Jesus, have mercy on me, a sinner
Hmmm. Do you spend much time, sleeping on the couch, Tom?TomUK said:The instructions for women are much simpler:
1. Lie on the sofa complaining about your hard day and all the 'errands' you've had to do (ie. having lunch with all her girlfriends and wiping a few surfaces on the kitchen)
2. Tell the bloke that if he doesn't make you a cup of tea within the next five minutes then he'll be sleeping on the sofa tonight.
Ta da! A freshly brewed cup of tea will arrive.
May I recommend, not letting the woman in your life know where you post? We all need a place to let our hair down. Alas, my dear husband is my systems analyst, and knows all my wicked secrets.
Long-stemmed roses, on a schedule of about once a month, are another good way to stay off the couch.
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Andy Broadley said:
ooooh, you are really taking a risk here, Andy, at this point in your life! :o
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Andy Broadley
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karen freeinchristman said:
No, we have reached a wroking agreement.
Mel makes the plans.
I nod a lot and say yes dear at the right times.
Trust me, it works.
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pmcleanj said:
(Billy Joel)
pmcleanj said:
Awesome, isn't it!
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Andy Broadley
quam pulchra es amica mea quam pulchra
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Heading for a first here tonight.
By the time I get back in the morning, we could have both a new Alehouse and a new Reilly's
By the time I get back in the morning, we could have both a new Alehouse and a new Reilly's
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Andy Broadley
quam pulchra es amica mea quam pulchra
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pmcleanj
Lord Jesus, have mercy on me, a sinner
You are a wise man.Andy Broadley said:
You do need to know some things: http://www.logrus.ca/wedgroom.html
The important thing to realize here is, that where the decision really is the groom's responsibility, you have to make the *right* decision. And you know how "right" is defined in this context, right?
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pmcleanj
Lord Jesus, have mercy on me, a sinner
Ya know...
If we're going to get the Pub to split, and sink into the swamp, curtains and all, and all that, we're going to need to post a bit more tonight.
Come on, my children! Some day all of this will be yours!
Let's talk about food. That's always good for several threads. Seems to be an Anglican thing. Lutherans bring the most delicious covered dishes to church dinners, but they really don't talk about food as much as Anglicans do.
Or we could talk about television. Like why are laugh-tracks so obnoxious; and why do all the channels have boring pap on at the same time, and does anybody really watch sitcoms?
Or we could talk about California. Like where else would you find a four-star hotel integrated into an outlet mall? And where else would you walk into the cultured, refined lobby to be greeted by a large black-and-white warning declaring that "Drinking alcohol may harm your unborn baby." I wasn't planning to drink anyway, and I'm not pregnant. Is there some reason I need to know this prior to checking in?
If we're going to get the Pub to split, and sink into the swamp, curtains and all, and all that, we're going to need to post a bit more tonight.
Come on, my children! Some day all of this will be yours!
Let's talk about food. That's always good for several threads. Seems to be an Anglican thing. Lutherans bring the most delicious covered dishes to church dinners, but they really don't talk about food as much as Anglicans do.
Or we could talk about television. Like why are laugh-tracks so obnoxious; and why do all the channels have boring pap on at the same time, and does anybody really watch sitcoms?
Or we could talk about California. Like where else would you find a four-star hotel integrated into an outlet mall? And where else would you walk into the cultured, refined lobby to be greeted by a large black-and-white warning declaring that "Drinking alcohol may harm your unborn baby." I wasn't planning to drink anyway, and I'm not pregnant. Is there some reason I need to know this prior to checking in?
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pmcleanj
Lord Jesus, have mercy on me, a sinner
Or, we could discuss Harry Potter. That's always good for a few hundred posts.
What I want to know about Harry Potter is, why has HP made J.K.Rowling a millionaire, while E. Nesbitt, Alan Garner, Edward Eager and Mary Norton are forgotten and neglected. I have no problem with Rowling getting all the royalties she deserves, but .... why? Honestly, I think Nesbitt is by far the better writer, and her Psammyad and his adventures far the more fascinating and creative invention.
Or I could just go read my new Noel Streatfield in the bath...
What I want to know about Harry Potter is, why has HP made J.K.Rowling a millionaire, while E. Nesbitt, Alan Garner, Edward Eager and Mary Norton are forgotten and neglected. I have no problem with Rowling getting all the royalties she deserves, but .... why? Honestly, I think Nesbitt is by far the better writer, and her Psammyad and his adventures far the more fascinating and creative invention.
Or I could just go read my new Noel Streatfield in the bath...
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Andy Broadley
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