The Benefit of a Pastor's Wife

[princess_ballet]

Over the weekend I attended a gathering at my friend's home. She had her pastor's wife there. The woman is absolutely adorable and so warm and inviting.

I've never thought much about having a pastor's wife until she mentioned something about having difficulty making plans far in advance, because she may have to cancel them if someone ends up in the hospital, gets sick, or whatever else.

And then it dawned on me that, to be completely honest, if I was going to have a person from my church with me while I was in the hospital on my deathbed or when I was very sick, I'm not sure I'd want a priest there. It would be so uncomfortable.

But someone like her, she just radiates the word "welcome" and I totally wouldn't mind her being there. In fact, I would prefer her to be there over any of the priests I've ever had.

I realize she can't administer sacraments, but someone like her would be so much more comforting than a priest.

I know this won't go down well here, but it was just a thought that I wanted to share.

 

[QuantaCura]

It doesn't have to be either/or. Ideally we will not die or suffer alone, but will have various people caring for us and comforting us.

St. Joseph is the patron of a "good death" because, according to tradition, he died with Jesus and Mary at his side. Even a grumpy or aloof priest brings Jesus in a special way when administering the Sacraments, even if he doesn't radiate it in his own person as well as others might (and priests, like everyone else, can be better or worse at this). If we have faith in what we say we believe, that will be the ultimate comfort.

But there's a reason "visiting the sick" is a corporal work of mercy that we all are encouraged to do, not just clergy. Different people have different talents, and may be able to comfort the sick and dying in ways that a particular priest alone cannot. So there's nothing wrong with desiring that too, as long as we do not neglect the Sacraments.

 

[Andres88]

I understand your point, although it may be that you have not found a priest whose company would be as well-received and touching as that pastor's wife. At the same time, I don't think it should be exclusive. One could have the comfort of both a priest and a person who's not a priest (be it a pastor's wife, a friend, or any other person).

There are many who seem not to have a warm enough heart. Some may have it, but don't show it or don't know how to show it. And others just seem cold. We should strive to portray the warmth of Jesus Christ our Lord, so that woman you mention could actually be an example to us.

 

[gurneyhalleck1]

This was a HUGE difference I saw when we converted to Holy Orthodoxy---the presbytera. The priest's wife in Russian, etc. is called a "matushka" and in Greek "presbytera" and both kind of translate to Mrs. Priest or priest's wife.

Our matushka is a LOVELY woman and so much fun. She is a real cut-up and joker. She tends to women a lot, makes a lot of home visits, and plays a big part in the life of our parish. Everyone there adores her so much. She greets me with a big kiss on the cheek and huge tight hug each time I see her. You genuinely feel loved in her presence.

Sometimes I can't imagine not having a presbytera!

 

[InnerPhyre]

Don't really get what the controversy would be since there are now married Latin Rite priests and always have been married Eastern Rite priests.

 

[Elysium]

Don't really get what the controversy would be since there are now married Latin Rite priests and always have been married Eastern Rite priests.

some people here think celibacy is the only way and dont like the idea of a wife being involved in the parish

 

[InnerPhyre]

some people here think celibacy is the only way and dont like the idea of a wife being involved in the parish

Yes, well, the Pope feels differently, so nya

 

[Elysium]

Yes, well, the Pope feels differently, so nya

hehehehe

personally id be interested to experience what it is like to have a matrona/presbytera around
it would be a difficult role for her to play, she would support the parish as well as her husband

 

[Rhamiel]

My mom is a memeber of the United Methodist Church
good Pastor's wives are really helpful
bad Pastor's wives can really cause a lot of problems for a church

you said that you might not feel comfrotable having a priest by your bed if you were very sick... maybe you should try and find better priests
I know it is not easy, but you are worth it

 

[princess_ballet]

My mom is a memeber of the United Methodist Church
good Pastor's wives are really helpful
bad Pastor's wives can really cause a lot of problems for a church

you said that you might not feel comfrotable having a priest by your bed if you were very sick... maybe you should try and find better priests
I know it is not easy, but you are worth it

We're lucky just to have one that doesn't embezzle from the church right now.

I can't exactly church hop. It isn't like we have a ton of them around here. And, quite frankly, their all just old dudes anyway.

 

[princess_ballet]

This was a HUGE difference I saw when we converted to Holy Orthodoxy---the presbytera. The priest's wife in Russian, etc. is called a "matushka" and in Greek "presbytera" and both kind of translate to Mrs. Priest or priest's wife.

Our matushka is a LOVELY woman and so much fun. She is a real cut-up and joker. She tends to women a lot, makes a lot of home visits, and plays a big part in the life of our parish. Everyone there adores her so much. She greets me with a big kiss on the cheek and huge tight hug each time I see her. You genuinely feel loved in her presence.

Sometimes I can't imagine not having a presbytera!

It sounds absolutely wonderful!

 

[gurneyhalleck1]

Yes, it is. Thanks, princess. Our presbytera/matushka is technically called Protinica (pronounced proh-tee-NEE'-tsah). She is given that title because she is the wife of a protopresbyter.

She is quite a character, a real cut-up. I remember early on when I met her, she commented on how lovely she thought it was that we brought sacred images coloring pages for our little children to color during the Divine Liturgy. We have our kids color icons, saints, and other Bible-oriented coloring pages we print off the internet from Orthodox sites. Anyway, one day we ran out of pictures and I had to resort to a superhero coloring book toward the end. Protinica Elena cracked up and whispered to me during worship, "It's ok, Scott. Don't sweat it, we love Saint Spiderman and St. Batman here at St. Peter's!" My embarrassment went away.

Protinica's humor about her husband, laughing and bantering about his bad habits and weird ways are always a hoot to hear.

She does a lot for Orthodox women, and she runs a little book store in our parish hall. She was so proud of her license plate frames that read: "2000 Years: Orthodox Christianity."

It sounds absolutely wonderful!

 

[S.ilvio]

Over the weekend I attended a gathering at my friend's home. She had her pastor's wife there. The woman is absolutely adorable and so warm and inviting.

I've never thought much about having a pastor's wife until she mentioned something about having difficulty making plans far in advance, because she may have to cancel them if someone ends up in the hospital, gets sick, or whatever else.

And then it dawned on me that, to be completely honest, if I was going to have a person from my church with me while I was in the hospital on my deathbed or when I was very sick, I'm not sure I'd want a priest there. It would be so uncomfortable.

But someone like her, she just radiates the word "welcome" and I totally wouldn't mind her being there. In fact, I would prefer her to be there over any of the priests I've ever had.

I realize she can't administer sacraments, but someone like her would be so much more comforting than a priest.

I know this won't go down well here, but it was just a thought that I wanted to share.

It would be lovely if the descriminatory, enforced, celibacy rule would be rescinded.

God knows we've lost so many good men who have left the Priesthood because the Vatican forced them to choose between falling in love or continuing, miserable, as a Priest.

To add salt to the wound, married former Anglican Vicars who take a fast route to the Priesthood are welcomed with open arms...

 

[Catherineanne]

I think to balance this picture it is worth pointing out that many women married to Anglican priests purposefully avoid being regarded as the 'Vicar's wife' and doing all those things which were traditionally associated with the role. It is not necessarily the case that a Vicar's wife (or I suppose husband these days) will fill an additional unpaid role in relation to the church. I have known many priests, and many priest's wives. Not one even helped in Sunday School, let alone with parish work.

I am afraid the idea of having a married priest who necessarily brings with him a parish matriarch is simply not applicable any more. Perhaps in Orthodoxy it is, but not in the present day Anglican church that I know. The best Anglican priests I know are unmarried, as my own present priest is. Married priests are fine enough, but I personally prefer those who are not married.

I am not sure if that helps at all.

 

[Anhelyna]

You know - here on CF there is an Orthodox member of Staff who is a presbytera.

And a more normal person I have never come across. She has her own Identity and yes does help her husband in his work , whilst doing what she considers is her's.

I'll see if I can get her to come in on this topic

 

[MarkRohfrietsch]

It would be lovely if the descriminatory, enforced, celibacy rule would be rescinded.

God knows we've lost so many good men who have left the Priesthood because the Vatican forced them to choose between falling in love or continuing, miserable, as a Priest.

To add salt to the wound, married former Anglican Vicars who take a fast route to the Priesthood are welcomed with open arms...

When I was in College, I had a Professor (he taught morals and ethics) who left the Priesthood for this very reason. A great man, who, I'm sure, would have continued to be a great Priest and Pastor. His love and devotion for the RCC prevented him from seeking his vocation in another Church. I admired his conviction and devotion. He remained very active in doing work within his parish and for the Diocese doing what ever he was asked.

We were blessed to have him as a teacher, but it troubles me when I think of how much more of a blessing he would have been were he to have been allowed to continue as a Pastor with a Parish.

 

[catholicbybirth]

It would be lovely if the descriminatory, enforced, celibacy rule would be rescinded.

God knows we've lost so many good men who have left the Priesthood because the Vatican forced them to choose between falling in love or continuing, miserable, as a Priest.

To add salt to the wound, married former Anglican Vicars who take a fast route to the Priesthood are welcomed with open arms...

How is the celibacy rule discriminatory? Who does it discriminate against? Surely it is not men. No one forces any man to become a priest. Every Catholic boy knows that priests can not be married. Therefore, every Catholic man who becomes a priest knows full well what is required of them. How is that discriminatory?

Were those who have left the priesthood because they could not control their hormones and stay obedient to their vows, all that holy or "good". Please define "good". Also, we have many good priests that have stayed celibate and loyal to their vows. Why not talk about them?

If a Lutheran or an Anglican minister (or whatever they are called) is already married when he becomes a Catholic priest he does not have to leave his wife. However, if his wife dies, he is not allowed to marry again.

Janice

 

[catholicbybirth]

When I was in College, I had a Professor (he taught morals and ethics) who left the Priesthood for this very reason. A great man, who, I'm sure, would have continued to be a great Priest and Pastor. His love and devotion for the RCC prevented him from seeking his vocation in another Church. I admired his conviction and devotion. He remained very active in doing work within his parish and for the Diocese doing what ever he was asked.

We were blessed to have him as a teacher, but it troubles me when I think of how much more of a blessing he would have been were he to have been allowed to continue as a Pastor with a Parish.

Can you explain why he would have been much more of a blessing? He would still be the same person. How would how much of a blessing he would be change?

Janice

 

[catholicbybirth]

For what it is worth, I see no benefit derived from having a protestant minister's wife at my sick bed. I see a benefit from having a protestant friend at my sick bed.

What is the difference? A protestant wife may try to encourage me to believe the heresies she believes and that her husband believes. A protestant friend would be there without trying to change my beliefs. A protestant friend would know all about my Catholicism and not be challenged by it.

A person can be warm and loving no matter what role he or she plays in life. Even doctors can be warm and loving. Even minister's wives can be cold and calculating.

Stereotyping is not my cup of tea.

Janice

 

[Catherineanne]

For what it is worth, I see no benefit derived from having a protestant minister's wife at my sick bed. I see a benefit from having a protestant friend at my sick bed.

What is the difference? A protestant wife may try to encourage me to believe the heresies she believes and that her husband believes. A protestant friend would be there without trying to change my beliefs. A protestant friend would know all about my Catholicism and not be challenged by it.

A person can be warm and loving no matter what role he or she plays in life. Even doctors can be warm and loving. Even minister's wives can be cold and calculating.

Stereotyping is not my cup of tea.

Janice

Irony is a wonderful thing.