The Author

[teenash]

Again. Just looking for honest assessment of the whole thing.

The Author

Pen and paper, fallow at hand,
vital tools for this great craft.
Behind these sterile eyes...
anxiety obscures words.
And as much as is to be said...
motion refuses motivation.

Knowledge hinders...

For every first--exists some last--

For this dead man, the sacrifice,
of a beginning... stands worthy.
For an unbirthed word be not ephemeral.

Thus, in fear of an ending,
he never writes at all.

 

[goldenviolet]

Pen and paper, fallow at hand,
vital tools for this great craft.
Behind these sterile eyes...
anxiety obscures words.
And as much as is to be said...
motion refuses motivation.
Knowledge hinders... i love this part

For every first--exists some last-- this part builds your poem

For this dead man, the sacrifice,
of a beginning... stands worthy.
For an unbirthed word be not ephemeral...the last line lost me

Thus, in fear of an ending,
he never writes at all....this part seemed to contradict your poem.

this whole poem is like a rough draft. please don't think i am critizing your poem negitively... i think it should be re-written or exsplained.
don't you dare throw your poem away! i'm waiting for you to finish your draft !

 

[teenash]

haha. i won't throw it away. I knew that my message in this one was not completely clear. In the beginning it was suppose to be a metaphor for not living, and that didn't work-- so then it just went wherever and has remained untouched since. haha. I think perhaps the title is wrong for the poem as well. here's what I was going for tho-- (BTW, i do not mind the critism at all, all writers need it for sure)

Pen and paper, fallow at hand, fallow-- meaning ready, but unused
vital tools for this great craft.
Behind these sterile eyes... sterile eyes, producing nothing
anxiety obscures words. he's scared to write
And as much as is to be said...
motion refuses motivation.

Knowledge hinders...

For every first--exists some last-- this is what he's afraid of, the end

For this dead man, the sacrifice, I need to change the word dead
of a beginning... stands worthy.
For an unbirthed word be not ephemeral.

Thus, in fear of an ending,
he never writes at all.

The guys thing is that if he begins writing then he will have to at some point come to the end of that writing-- and he's scared of that finality-- because inside of him the words are sooo vibrant and alive and so much a part of him-- his fear is that apart from him they will lose that vibrancy-- and so he allows his pen and paper to "fallow"

I know that its not clearly displayed-- when I get around to it, I am hoping to change it up and get it to be like... more of a metaphor for people that are so afraid of death that they never actually live... haha, I started this after watching Final Destination. I'll work on it and if I come up with anything brilliant I'll be sure to post it. haha. thanks again!