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The atheist and the bear

Discussion in 'Clean/Christian Jokes' started by Galil7.62x51, Sep 16, 2019.

  1. Galil7.62x51

    Galil7.62x51 New Member

    United States
    One day an atheist decided to go on a nature hike through the mountains. Upon reaching a small meadow the atheist heard a loud growling noise. The atheist turned to see a huge grizzly bear charging at him full speed. Terrified beyond comprehension, the atheist fell to his knees and began to fervently pray. “Dear God, if you're real I don't blame you for not answering my prayer and I wouldn’t feel worthy of receiving help from you since I have done nothing but blaspheme your name. Please God, if you will, just make the bear a Christian since I’m not worthy.” The atheist then heard a booming voice from Heaven say “So shall it be done unto you”. Absolutely astounded the atheist turned to greet his newly converted Christian bear friend. The grizzly then smashed the atheist down to the ground with one slap from his massive paw. As the bear stood upon the gasping atheist, he bowed his head and said, “Lord thank you for this food that I am about to receive”.
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  2. Lost4words

    Lost4words In reality, an old dog! Supporter

    United Kingdom
    I posted the same joke on here quite some time ago.
  3. musicalpilgrim

    musicalpilgrim pilgrim on the sacred music pathway Supporter Angels Team

    United Kingdom
    It is still as funny...:cool:
  4. Freodin

    Freodin Devout believer in a theologically different God

    The same joke exists in the variant of a Christian pastor/priest/preacher converting the bear and getting eaten.

    It seems the bear has the last laugh.
  5. Ana the Ist

    Ana the Ist Aggressively serene!

    United States
    On their way to get married, a young Catholic couple is involved in a fatal car accident. The couple found themselves sitting outside the Pearly Gates waiting for St. Peter to process them into Heaven. While waiting, they began to wonder: Could they possibly get married in Heaven? When St. Peter showed up, they asked him. St. Peter said, "I don't know. This is the first time anyone has asked. Let me go find out,'" and he left. The couple sat and waited, and waited. Two months passed and the couple were still waiting. While waiting, they began to wonder what would happen if it didn't work out; could you get a divorce in heaven? After yet another month, St. Peter finally returned, looking somewhat bedraggled. "Yes," he informed the couple, "You can get married in Heaven." "Great!" said the couple, "But we were just wondering, what if things don't work out? Could we also get a divorce in Heaven?" St. Peter, red-faced with anger, slammed his clipboard onto the ground. "What's wrong?" asked the frightened couple. "OH, COME ON!," St. Peter shouted, "It took me three months to find a priest up here! Do you have any idea how long it'll take me to find a lawyer?"
  6. Freodin

    Freodin Devout believer in a theologically different God

    A catholic priest, an evangelical minister and a rabbi discuss who of them is best at getting new converts. They try to test out their skills by going into the woods and converting a bear.
    A week later they meet again to show their results.
    The priest says: I found a bear in the woods. I read to him from the cathechism and sprinkled him with holy water. The bear will have his first communion next month.
    The minister says: I found a bear by a stream. I read to him from the bible about the danger of hellfire. He was so dumbstruck that I could baptize him right there.
    The rabbi is covered in bandages and has difficulties to speak. He mumbles: well, perhaps I shouldn't have started with the circumcision.