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The 2 things I'm looking for in a girlfriend

Discussion in 'Singles (Only*)' started by Unofficial Reverand Alex, Jan 18, 2020.

  1. Unofficial Reverand Alex

    Unofficial Reverand Alex Look up Jason Evert on YouTube; he changed my life Supporter

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    1. Strong Catholic faith--my faith is the most important thing to me, and I need someone who can share that.

    2. A mentality of "We'll make this work"


    I've made long lists of traits I'm looking for; I've made short lists; I've shared one on here & received some good feedback. But lists are hard to remember, and while I think it was helpful to write down my priorities & see them more clearly, I'm much happier with the list I posted above. If the girl I like starts coming to Daily Mass & my time of prayer with me, I know that she'll acquire the other traits of patience, understanding, and so forth, as they are literally fruits of the Holy Spirit (Galatians 5). If she doesn't, I can't share what's most important to me, and that'll end it before it begins. And the mindset of finding ways to make the relationship work is necessary for any long marriage, so it should be present in the dating stage; looking for someone with a certain personality is doomed to fail, as personalities change, and it's really not as important as just appreciating someone. As a common phrase goes,

    "I married her because I loved her. Now I love her because I married her."


    There's a key thing missing here; complexity. I love how beautifully simple God's plans can be! Why have I made this so hard in the past? I just need someone to share my faith in the God who is the source of all love, and I'm coming into this as someone who wants to make it work out well, and expecting her to do the same.

    That being said, there are 4 very practical things to also keep in mind, things that I've heard are potential dealbreakers in any relationship:
    • Faith
    • Finances
    • Family (how many kids, how extended families cooperate, etc.)
    • Intimacy issues (birth control, natural family planning, Josephite marriage, etc.)
    And I would add "Where to live" to the list as well.

    In any case, those are things that will be found out during dating; perhaps she (whoever "she" may be) hasn't quite decided on some of these issues yet. Perhaps I haven't! But dating is here for a reason, and I'll just finish this sentence to make a really disappointing conclusion.^_^

    Thoughts?

    May God continue to bless us all, and may we all be graced with peace & hope & spiritual growth during our period of singleness!:pray:
     
    Last edited: Jan 19, 2020
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  2. Tone

    Tone Star Fish Radiant Supporter

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    Nice, you sound ready for marriage, may Yah bless you with a beautiful and holy woman!


    *The two things I'm looking for in a girlfriend are...1)Wo...2)man...

    **I know...needs work...lots...
     
    Last edited: Jan 18, 2020
  3. LaBèlla

    LaBèlla ❤️ Supporter

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    I’m in agreement. I touched on this earlier in my post. What I was alluding to was the necessity of gauging the spirit and resting in its loveliness. And not allowing minor things to sway your opinion from what matters most.

    It’s easier to find common ground when you’re aligned spiritually. We should work from that perspective instead of boxes and biases.

    May the Lord grant the desires of your heart and give you the companion you seek. :)

    ~Bella
     
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  4. Unofficial Reverand Alex

    Unofficial Reverand Alex Look up Jason Evert on YouTube; he changed my life Supporter

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    Alright, my real answer's in the original post; now it's time to build off yours & give the sarcastic answer:

    The 3 things I'm looking for in a girlfriend: Female, straight, single! If she isn't all 3 of those, it ain't gonna work!^_^
     
  5. Tone

    Tone Star Fish Radiant Supporter

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    Okay, so now I feel I should give a non-sarcastic answer...well,it would be just what I hoped for you--a 1)beautiful and 2)holy woman!

    May Abba grant us both such a gift!
     
  6. LaBèlla

    LaBèlla ❤️ Supporter

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    Okay, here’s my three. :)

    1. Humble. If God doesn’t have his ear. I have no chance of getting it. But if he’s willing to listen to both of us there’s hope.

    2. Relatable. I don’t want a holy man. I want someone who’s able to admit his mistakes and shortcomings (without shame) and demonstrate God’s grace to himself and others.

    3. Purpose. If he hasn’t discovered where God is taking him he can’t determine if I’m the right companion for the journey. He needs to know why we fit and how our gifts and talents accomplish God’s purposes when combined.

    ~Bella
     
  7. Tone

    Tone Star Fish Radiant Supporter

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    Well, that would be a holy person, in my opinion...I use the word "holy" to mean set apart for His purpose.

    So, I look for a woman who is an instrument of good works--to me, this is holy.
     
  8. Lost4words

    Lost4words In reality, an old dog! Supporter

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    My 3 are:

    1. Shiny coat
    2. Loving eyes
    3. Clean breath
     
  9. ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)

    ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°) woof!

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    1. someone with a gentle and quiet spirit (1 Peter 3:4)
    2. someone who's industrious with the gifts and talents she's been equipped with. (Proverbs 31)
     
  10. LaBèlla

    LaBèlla ❤️ Supporter

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    Holiness wouldn’t convey relatability to a prospective suitor. And that’s the trait I’m seeking.

    Sanctification doesn’t automatically make someone relatable. The former is a process and the latter is a way of being.

    ~Bella
     
  11. Tone

    Tone Star Fish Radiant Supporter

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    Okey dokes.
     
  12. Unofficial Reverand Alex

    Unofficial Reverand Alex Look up Jason Evert on YouTube; he changed my life Supporter

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    I think we're just saying the same thing in different ways here, though I do appreciate admittance to faults being mentioned. I haven't figured out details yet, but whenever God thinks it's time for my next relationship, I want to start by saying "I'm not going to be the perfect boyfriend. I'm going to forget things that are important to you, I won't always notice when I should be doing things differently, and I'm sure other issues will arise. I can't promise perfection, but I can promise effort; please help me out with good communication & patience, and I promise to treat you the same. We can make this work, and I want to see this through to marriage, or at least a better understanding of who I should marry. Is that okay?"

    I haven't figured out the exact words, and if I speak them instead of writing them, I'm sure it will be different anyway.

    Thank you for your input, and may God continue to bless us all!:pray:
     
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  13. ReesePiece23

    ReesePiece23 The Peanut Buttery Member.

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    Absolutely critical for me this. I'm an optimist, I can NOT live with anyone who is a defeatist.
     
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  14. LaBèlla

    LaBèlla ❤️ Supporter

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    There’s a sincerity in your response that’s refreshing. Your respect and willingness to serve are evident. That’s very appealing. You’ll find her. :)

    ~Bella
     
  15. Unofficial Reverand Alex

    Unofficial Reverand Alex Look up Jason Evert on YouTube; he changed my life Supporter

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    I'm not sure if I'd consider myself an optimist, but a defeatist mentality is certainly a self-fulfilling prophesy. Another thing I've heard from longtime marriage counselors is that couples may have all sorts of similarities & differences from each other; some may seem like the same person, some may be completely different, some may be in between. The only thing that seems to ensure the success of a long marriage is how much they're willing to invest to make work. This is also what I've heard about cultures with arranged marriages; in the US, where we choose our mate, we have a far lower rate of a successful marriage (where the married couple would say that they want their children to have the same sort of marriage they do) than the Southeast Asian nations with arranged marriage, because they go into it wanting to do everything they can to find the good in the person they're with & doing what they can to make it work.

    I appreciate the optimism; thank you for sharing your kindness!

    Also, I want to say that I love the profile pictures you use; the dramatic black-and-white shots are always cool.
     
  16. Tone

    Tone Star Fish Radiant Supporter

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    Yeah, maybe I should just be more specific, for clarity's sake.


    I want a woman that is beautiful, and not just in the typical way, but the kind that has some kind of draw...something she radiates.

    And she has to have the same heart for those who I have a heart for. Someone who can be and display what I have a hard time being and displaying...the shiny, friendly, face to show the ones we serve.

    Something like that.
     
  17. Miles

    Miles Well-Known Member

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    - We should feel comfortable around each other. Our lives will be complimentary. Dating the right kind of person shouldn't take a lot of work. If it does, then it might be time to reevaluate. Neither of us should be emotionally manipulative either. That's a bad place to start. Challenges can increase with marriage.

    - She isn't impulsive with things like money or major life decisions. I try to create an atmosphere in which I can afford to be laid-back. This takes diligence. Life can, and probably will, throw curveballs at us. It helps to build a stable foundation first, and then pursue hobbies and interests. When difficulties arise, we'll be better prepared to face them.
     
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  18. LaBèlla

    LaBèlla ❤️ Supporter

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    Thank you for the compliment. I’m glad you like them. :)

    ~Bella
     
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