Thanksgiving Is Going to be Painful

[Introverted1293]

There is going to be like a family reunion on Thanksgiving. My brothers and sisters, who I haven't seen in years, are going to be there. My sister's husband, who I have never meant nor do I want to meet, is going to be there. He actually wants to meet me, even though I am not close to my sister at all. I never go to my family's house for Thanksgiving, but my mom is begging me to come just so I can meet my sister's husband. I am angry about this. My sister treated like dirt growing up because I struggled with mental illness, and I don't want to have anything to do with her or the people in her life. But my mom, who I am close to, is asking me to do this for her. I do not have a good attitude about this at all.

I have nephews, who are now teenagers and I haven't seen them since they were two, and a niece who is now in college, are all coming.

I do not want to see them!!!!

(Sorry about the bold letters. I got emotional when I wrote them.)

I feel like my holiday season is going to be ruined by family. I usually either go to one of my friends house, which I have very few friends, or I buy my own Thanksgiving dinner at the store. They usually sell a turkey, that is already cook, just needs to be heated, and the whole turkey meal at the store. It's not a TV dinner, it is everything, even with a whole pumpkin or apple pie. (It usually takes me a week to finish it lol) But I look forward to it. And then I have a Christmas movie marathon, while enjoying my meal by myself. I hate when my own traditions get ruin by family.

I prefer my own company because I find comfort within myself and not other people. I get depressed and miserable when I am around other people. I am different.

I am sadden all the time, but I still find comfort within myself, not other people. I am loving towards people when I am around them. But I am only around people, well usually for business purpose. But I have started going to church, which I am tempted to stop, but I won't.

I am very receptive to advice. I won't argue with people. Is there a way I can get out of this respectfully? What would you do if in my shoes, or if I need to go, how do I do this without being depressed? My brothers and sisters really hurt me growing up.

To be fair, I was mentally challenged growing up, so it was very difficult for them to love me. But I loved them growing up, even though they did not, but I eventually stopped caring about them.

 

[Danielwright2311]

Forgive and you will be forgiven.

 

[MyLordYeshuaTheMessiah]

But if you do not forgive men their trespasses, neither will your Father forgive yours.

Love your enemies and do good to those who hate you.

What would Jesus do in your shoes? He'd go, be loving and kind to everyone. Smile, hug, bring them gifts. Share the gospel.

It's your mindset you need changed. No matter how much someone doesn't like you. Always love the more.

I used to be in a similar situation with my family.
It's a dangerous spot to be in. Because you can convince yourself, "I forgive them". Yet in your heart you feel cold towards them. Which isn't true forgiving.
You may not know how to love, because of they way you grew up. But you need to ease into it. As long as you have love, you'll flow in the right direction.

You may be comfortable by yourself, but who isn't. Being comfortable doesn't make things better. If you're comfortable in this world, then you're probably a part of it.


Don't have enmity in your heart. That's not a fruit of the Spirit.

 

[ewq1938]

I say do your normal thing but call them on Thanksgiving and wish them well and explain that you just aren't that social and have a great holiday.

There is going to be like a family reunion on Thanksgiving. My brothers and sisters, who I haven't seen in years, are going to be there. My sister's husband, who I have never meant nor do I want to meet, is going to be there. He actually wants to meet me, even though I am not close to my sister at all. I never go to my family's house for Thanksgiving, but my mom is begging me to come just so I can meet my sister's husband. I am angry about this. My sister treated like dirt growing up because I struggled with mental illness, and I don't want to have anything to do with her or the people in her life. But my mom, who I am close to, is asking me to do this for her. I do not have a good attitude about this at all.

I have nephews, who are now teenagers and I haven't seen them since they were two, and a niece who is now in college, are all coming.

I do not want to see them!!!!

(Sorry about the bold letters. I got emotional when I wrote them.)

I feel like my holiday season is going to be ruined by family. I usually either go to one of my friends house, which I have very few friends, or I buy my own Thanksgiving dinner at the store. They usually sell a turkey, that is already cook, just needs to be heated, and the whole turkey meal at the store. It's not a TV dinner, it is everything, even with a whole pumpkin or apple pie. (It usually takes me a week to finish it lol) But I look forward to it. And then I have a Christmas movie marathon, while enjoying my meal by myself. I hate when my own traditions get ruin by family.

I prefer my own company because I find comfort within myself and not other people. I get depressed and miserable when I am around other people. I am different.

I am sadden all the time, but I still find comfort within myself, not other people. I am loving towards people when I am around them. But I am only around people, well usually for business purpose. But I have started going to church, which I am tempted to stop, but I won't.

I am very receptive to advice. I won't argue with people. Is there a way I can get out of this respectfully? What would you do if in my shoes, or if I need to go, how do I do this without being depressed? My brothers and sisters really hurt me growing up.

To be fair, I was mentally challenged growing up, so it was very difficult for them to love me. But I loved them growing up, even though they did not, but I eventually stopped caring about them.

 

[Introverted1293]

Forgive and you will be forgiven.

Yeah, this is true. Jesus did say that.

 

[Introverted1293]

But if you do not forgive men their trespasses, neither will your Father forgive yours.

Love your enemies and do good to those who hate you.

What would Jesus do in your shoes? He'd go, be loving and kind to everyone. Smile, hug, bring them gifts. Share the gospel.

It's your mindset you need changed. No matter how much someone doesn't like you. Always love the more.

I used to be in a similar situation with my family.
It's a dangerous spot to be in. Because you can convince yourself, "I forgive them". Yet in your heart you feel cold towards them. Which isn't true forgiving.
You may not know how to love, because of they way you grew up. But you need to ease into it. As long as you have love, you'll flow in the right direction.

You may be comfortable by yourself, but who isn't. Being comfortable doesn't make things better. If you're comfortable in this world, then you're probably a part of it.

Thank you very much. You gave me something to think about. This is very difficult for me to hear, or I should say read. But it doesn't mean that what you are saying isn't true. So, thank you for your reply.

 

[Introverted1293]

I say do your normal thing but call them on Thanksgiving and wish them well and explain that you just aren't that social and have a great holiday.

Thank you

I would love to do this. I am just afraid of hurting my mom. But thank you very much.

 

[S.O.J.I.A.]

just don't go...and if necessary explain to your mom why afterward.

 

[Rescued One]

I totally understand because of the bad circumstances in my own life. I suggest that you remember people are praying for you. I LOVE to pray! Don't hurt your mom. I suggest that you arrive very shortly before dinner is served, and apologize but leave soon after dinner.



Ephesians 4
32 And be ye kind one to another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, even as God for Christ's sake hath forgiven you.

 

[Llewelyn Stevenson]

You know... I know its a little unrelated, but hear me out.

Back in 1984 we migrated from Zimbabwe to Australia. It was a huge, emotional decision. The church we attended was divided on the idea. We had friends who had migrated and come back saying they hated every minute of it, and it was disappointing. We were told we would be hated because we were "white South Africans" [sorry, just stating facts].

After we had spoken with our pastor and made our decision my wife asked me what we would do if we were hated and not accepted. My advice to her was, we are just going to be friendly and not take their issues to heart.

And it worked. Although I was refused a job on the basis of my ethnicity and nationality, I did not respond with hate and anger, I just forgave and remained friendly. When I finally did get a job as a storeman at a jewellers my friendliness soon developed a new group of friends and associates and the opposition fell away.

Go, be friendly, forget your problems and past, enjoy and make mum proud.

 

[maintenance man]

Is there a way I can get out of this respectfully?

I know precisely how you feel. I would be trying to figure a way out myself.

If you feel you have to go to honor your mother I would do as Phoebe Ann suggest above - arrive late and come up with a good excuse to leave early. You can endure two hours. Believe me, I know how hard it will be but you can do that much for your mother.

If you can find a job that makes you work on the holiday that would be a good excuse.

Honestly, if it's just too much for you, take ewq1938's advice above and call or get together with your mom to tell her how hard it is for you and hope that you can get her to understand why you have decided not to go. Tell her you're sorry but it's just not going to work for you.

I think those are your only options. I'm praying God gives you clear direction. Blessings!

 

[Kenny'sID]

Yeah, this is true. Jesus did say that.

I'm by no means saying you should not forgive them even if they don't ask, but one has to naturally consider do the scriptures mean to forgive them if they ask like Christ himself tells us to do...ask...or just forgive automatically?

I mention that because as hard as forgiving someone can be without them asking, and even while they are still doing the thing they need forgiveness for, to me it's very easy to forgive if they ask. Again, it can be extremely hard to do if they don't ask, so my way of thinking tends towards, "If they ask" because if it is otherwise, just this one thing will keep many from doing the right thing, and may end them up in Hell.

If someone comes to me and is truly sorrowful, and pretty much, it doesn't matter what they did, I melt, and don't think twice on whether I should or should not, I just do.

Again, something to consider, and if someone has irrefutable, biblical evidence we are to forgive automatically, I would like to hear it...real actual proof.

If God requires we ask for forgiveness, are we better than God in that we don't even require the asking? There are just to many reasons at this point for me to question this but still, I'm not certain.

On the other side of that coin, the small/understandable sins, are forgiven without asking now that I think about it. You know, like when we say or just think "Don't mention it" when they apologize.

I do wish the scriptures were more clear on this, or maybe I just missed it, so again, I'd love to hear some scriptural input on it.

 

[Kit Sigmon]

Well now, let me ask you this, have any of your siblings try to
contact you to make amends either in times past or recently?

 

[Introverted1293]

Well now, let me ask you this, have any of your siblings try to
contact you to make amends either in times past or recently?

No, they have not.

 

[Introverted1293]

I'm by no means saying you should not forgive them even if they don't ask, but one has to naturally consider do the scriptures mean to forgive them if they ask like Christ himself tells us to do...ask...or just forgive automatically?

I mention that because as hard as forgiving someone can be without them asking, and even while they are still doing the thing they need forgiveness for, to me it's very easy to forgive if they ask.

If someone comes to me and is truly sorrowful, and pretty much, it doesn't matter what they did, I melt, and don't think twice on whether I should or should not, I just do.

Again, something to consider, and if someone has irrefutable, biblical evidence we are to forgive automatically, I would like to hear it...real actual proof.

If God requires we ask for forgiveness, are we better than God in that we don't even require the asking? There are just to many reasons at this point for me to question this.

I don't know. That is something to think about.

 

[Introverted1293]

You know... I know its a little unrelated, but hear me out.

Back in 1984 we migrated from Zimbabwe to Australia. It was a huge, emotional decision. The church we attended was divided on the idea. We had friends who had migrated and come back saying they hated every minute of it, and it was disappointing. We were told we would be hated because we were "white South Africans" [sorry, just stating facts].

After we had spoken with our pastor and made our decision my wife asked me what we would do if we were hated and not accepted. My advice to her was, we are just going to be friendly and not take their issues to heart.

And it worked. Although I was refused a job on the basis of my ethnicity and nationality, I did not respond with hate and anger, I just forgave and remained friendly. When I finally did get a job as a storeman at a jewellers my friendliness soon developed a new group of friends and associates and the opposition fell away.

Go, be friendly, forget your problems and past, enjoy and make mum proud.

Thank you for sharing with me. That is something to think about.

 

[Introverted1293]

I totally understand because of the bad circumstances in my own life. I suggest that you remember people are praying for you. I LOVE to pray! Don't hurt your mom. I suggest that you arrive very shortly before dinner is served, and apologize but leave soon after dinner.

View attachment 245048

Ephesians 4
32 And be ye kind one to another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, even as God for Christ's sake hath forgiven you.

Thank you very much for your prayers.

 

[Introverted1293]

just don't go...and if necessary explain to your mom why afterward.

Thank you for your reply.

 

[Hieronymus]

I'd say go for your mom's sake.
You'll survive.

But maybe you need more time to get ready for this kind of thing...

 

[Heissonear]

Many have given you good advice. You know yourself, and the meeting is not for you.

I will be praying for you.