Testimony of faith

aloneinafrica

Proudly South-African
Feb 18, 2008
45
173
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South Africa
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Christian
Marital Status
Celibate
I just wanted to share my personal experiences as of late with regards to the mysterious ways in which God works. Just a warning that some of this might upset sensitive readers due to content of substance abuse and mental illness, so please read at your own discretion.

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I have a problem with depression and a form of anti-social personality disorder; have had it since I was about 14 years now (I am now 33), with intermittent periods of betterment, but it's a continual struggle that often manifests in terrifying ways. I lost both my adoptive parents to death last year, within 2 months of each other.

I was forced to move out of our home due to financial- and legal reasons (the house would be too expensive for one person and will have to be sold under the trust's agreement), lost access to a medical-aid fund as my grandfather was the premium holder, can no longer afford life-sustaining psychiatric intervention/medications, and an array of other challenges that I never thought I'd have to face. I now live on my own and I have almost no money to make rent every month, never mind a massive bank loan that's looming over my head.

Two nights ago a wave of despondency came over me and, already full of benzos that I'm not supposed to take en masse, I resorted to drinking two litres of wine; all I wanted was to escape a little. The suicide note was written and placed where someone would find it pretty quickly, the apartment left unlocked so that my landlady could come in any time. I woke up at six o' clock yesterday morning feeling so sick and depressed that I was begging for God to just take me away. I knew I needed help, so I contacted my GP, who offered me proper medication without charging me a consultation fee; this man has seen me only twice before and knows nothing about me other than that I am prone to severe angst and haven't the money to pay him every time I need to consult him.

On my bedside table was my Kindle and when I opened it, it was on the page of a book called "Glimpses of Heaven", written by a number of pastors and nurses that experienced miracles with dying persons; total atheists in desperate need of God on their death beds and full believers knowing their times were near, and how these people encountered God just before their passing. I was in tears reading these accounts and how the dying literally saw the light and was embraced by God as they passed on after long struggles.

I am feeling better now and I know that in spite of challenges that I still face and might continue to battle for a while, God is there to help. He works in ways that we don't always understand, and He comes through every time. I have resolved to work on my anger issues related to sexual- and mental abuse, working on forgiving my abusers, working on making right where I myself have wronged, and will persist in my community service to the elderly; I have compiled a flyer offering my services to elderly persons in retirement villages who can no longer do everything for themselves as they used to be able to do, and will be distributing the flyers as soon as permission has been granted by the villages' management.

Hang on; God provides!
 

iEye

Captain
Feb 7, 2018
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brinny

everlovin' shiner of light in dark places
Supporter
Mar 23, 2004
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I just wanted to share my personal experiences as of late with regards to the mysterious ways in which God works. Just a warning that some of this might upset sensitive readers due to content of substance abuse and mental illness, so please read at your own discretion.

*
*
*
*
*
*
*
*
*
*
*
*
*
*
*
*

I have a problem with depression and a form of anti-social personality disorder; have had it since I was about 14 years now (I am now 33), with intermittent periods of betterment, but it's a continual struggle that often manifests in terrifying ways. I lost both my adoptive parents to death last year, within 2 months of each other.

I was forced to move out of our home due to financial- and legal reasons (the house would be too expensive for one person and will have to be sold under the trust's agreement), lost access to a medical-aid fund as my grandfather was the premium holder, can no longer afford life-sustaining psychiatric intervention/medications, and an array of other challenges that I never thought I'd have to face. I now live on my own and I have almost no money to make rent every month, never mind a massive bank loan that's looming over my head.

Two nights ago a wave of despondency came over me and, already full of benzos that I'm not supposed to take en masse, I resorted to drinking two litres of wine; all I wanted was to escape a little. The suicide note was written and placed where someone would find it pretty quickly, the apartment left unlocked so that my landlady could come in any time. I woke up at six o' clock yesterday morning feeling so sick and depressed that I was begging for God to just take me away. I knew I needed help, so I contacted my GP, who offered me proper medication without charging me a consultation fee; this man has seen me only twice before and knows nothing about me other than that I am prone to severe angst and haven't the money to pay him every time I need to consult him.

On my bedside table was my Kindle and when I opened it, it was on the page of a book called "Glimpses of Heaven", written by a number of pastors and nurses that experienced miracles with dying persons; total atheists in desperate need of God on their death beds and full believers knowing their times were near, and how these people encountered God just before their passing. I was in tears reading these accounts and how the dying literally saw the light and was embraced by God as they passed on after long struggles.

I am feeling better now and I know that in spite of challenges that I still face and might continue to battle for a while, God is there to help. He works in ways that we don't always understand, and He comes through every time. I have resolved to work on my anger issues related to sexual- and mental abuse, working on forgiving my abusers, working on making right where I myself have wronged, and will persist in my community service to the elderly; I have compiled a flyer offering my services to elderly persons in retirement villages who can no longer do everything for themselves as they used to be able to do, and will be distributing the flyers as soon as permission has been granted by the villages' management.

Hang on; God provides!

:heart: Praise God, dear heart. Thank you for sharing your precious testimony. Praying for you (((hug)))
 
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