Tell me it gets easier!

Mar 23, 2012
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Well here I am. I've come to this forum looking for some support because I am really struggling at the moment. We are doing quiverfull which is something that I feel very passionate about. I absolutely LOVE children, always have! The problem is that I have 3 children already (I know that's not many lol!). Their ages are 3 1/2, 2 and 9 months. I am still breast feeding the baby. I am 8 weeks pregnant, due in November. I am very excited to be expecting another baby but am also tired and suffering from terrible all day morning sickness. At the moment my children are suffering. I am unable to play with them. Even reading them books makes me feel ill. I manage to change nappies and get meals albeit bad ones, but I usually vomit while doing so. If I actually don't feel too bad then there is dishes, washing and food to sort out.

I'm going to have 4 under 5 and I wonder what on earth I am doing here. Our living circumstances are far from ideal. I am stressed and wondering how on earth I'm going to cope. I love this child with all my heart and want it but wish that I had had a longer break. I am sick of being constantly pregnant and or breast feeding, being tired all the time, unable to get things done and not being able to be the wife and mother that I want to be!

I do wonder if I get pregnant when each child is 8-9 months if I am going to end up with 20 children! I wouldn't mind that but don't exactly want the 20 pregnancies that go along with it!

Does this get easier? Does anyone have any tips for having so many little ones? Do others end up having them this close together too?
 

Sabertooth

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Assuming that you are not doing anything to sabotage yourself, God will help you get in sync with the task He has called you (& your husband) to.

Four things will help with this:

  1. Keep praying,
  2. Keep in the Word (audio Bible, radio preaching, Word-infused music, etc.), per Isa. 26:3,
  3. Mind your own physical health as best as possible,
  4. Say "No" to over-commitment during this season...
 
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akmom

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Hmm... you could take the opposite approach and trust God to override your birth control when He sees fit for you to have another child. (I'm just kidding.)

I don't mean to challenge your philosophy about being "quiverfull," but is a hands-off approach to family planning the only way to submit to God's will for family size? I mean, maybe your feelings of being overwhelmed are God's way of telling you that it's time to stop having children for awhile. Perhaps He is leading you to actively participate in this "break." I know that most of the time when I do something as a parent, the opportunity doesn't just fall out of the sky; I have to initiate it. Maybe it's time to initiate contraception. Pray on it. After all, everyone is capable of making unwise decisions, and having more children than you can handle might just be an unwise decision - especially if you don't feel on board with it at this time.
 
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Sabertooth

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I don't mean to challenge your philosophy about being "quiverfull," but...
I believe you do mean to. In any event, your post doesn't encourage her where she is at right now, and is simply just being opportunistic, which, I might add, is against the rules of this sub-forum.
 
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akmom

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I'm not at all challenging the philosophy of having a "full quiver." I am challenging whether that philosophy requires her to allow herself to be pregnant at all times. Where she is at is fine, because it does get easier as kids get older. But that wasn't the question; the question was whether it would get better whilst continuing the trend. She seems to be very overwhelmed by being pregnant while caring for young children, and wants to know if this is what she should expect if she keeps having more children without a break. It's a valid concern and a quite likely scenario. I'm encouraging her to pursue the break that she feels she needs, and to approach that decision with prayer.

I didn't mean to offend you personally, and certainly didn't belittle the advice you gave. I have 3 children and hope to have a 4th someday, and found that spacing them was very helpful. Having 3 children under the age of 5 was a stressful time for me too. My first two kids are spaced 34 months apart, and it was manageable. My other two were spaced 22 months apart and that was much harder. And yes, getting pregnant 8-9 months after giving birth does happen and is a valid concern.
 
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Sabertooth

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There is an answer to your objections, but this isn't the forum to conduct that debate, per the rules. If your questions are sincere, PM me privately instead of taking advantage of our sister at an opportune low point.

Basically, you don't get to come to the QF sub-forum and say, "Stop being Quiverfull. Here's why..."
 
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akmom

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I think you are unnecessarily defensive, as there is no animosity in my tone. I don't suggest that she stop being quiverfull. She obviously has a passion for children, and I would not be on this subforum if I did not share that philosophy. Large families are blessed and there is a huge amount of support that comes with being part of one. My suggestion was that she not feel pressured to fill her quiver rapidly, since she is clearly feeling overwhelmed.

Quiverfull - Allowing God to decide family size and natural birth control.

This philosophy encompasses family size, not child spacing, and it allows for natural birth control. Remember that even before modern forms of contraception, families achieved child spacing to accommodate personal and economic hardships. I hope that validating her desire to have a break is encouraging, not objectionable. Obviously I am referring to the prospect of future pregnancies, not this one.
 
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akmom

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Does this get easier?

I didn't feel that each pregnancy got easier, but I think delivery does. Raising children gets easier as they get older, for sure. For me, one year old has been the "magic age" at which things start to get easier. Having three kids under age 5 was the hardest point in my life, but since the youngest has gotten to be a year old, things are getting much easier.

Does anyone have any tips for having so many little ones?

A good routine works well. Since you specifically mentioned meals, I'll share what works well for me. I plan each one with a protein, a vegetable, a carbohydrate. For the protein, you can cut up little pieces of chicken, or make bite-size salmon patties, or scrambled eggs, or diced cheese, or nuts if they aren't allergic. For vegetables, you can heat up some frozen mixed vegetables (they are the perfect size for little hands to feed themselves, and soft to prevent gagging). For the carb, you can cut up little chunks of watermelon, or serve seedless grapes, or whole grain cereal, or apple sauce, or mashed sweet potatoes. They're all pretty easy to make and together form a balanced meal that is probably suitable for all three ages (except nuts). That's how I always do lunches for mine (ages 5, 3, 1).

Do others end up having them this close together too?

I don't think it's common if you're breastfeeding, but it's possible. The phrase "Irish twins" is not a myth (the phenomenon of having two babies in one year, who are not actually twins).

-from a woman with a similar situation (minus one)
 
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Mar 23, 2012
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Well, this thread has taken off huh.

I thank you both very kindly for your posts.

akmom, I do not believe that spacing your children is truly leaving your family size up to God. It is not allowing God to give you as many children as He wants to. It is limiting Him. If I was to have spaced my children even 2 years apart I would not have had at least 1 if not 2 of my children. Would you like to pick which one I would rather have not existed? Could you do that with any of your own, send one back? If God wants me to have children 2 or 3 years apart then he will facilitate that. I am blessed to have incredible fertility and I do not take that for granted. Your post is EXACTLY what I get from any Christians that I try to talk to about how I'm feeling. If they are actually ok with us not being on the pill then we should be spacing our kids. Most people (Christian or not) are very critical of us having 3 or 4 children. I get enough flack from family and friends and that is why I came to this forum, to speak to like minded people. Don't think I haven't been told (or anyone else who is doing quiverfull either) to just use contraception because I have, over and over. It gets tiring.
Thank you for your last post that answered my questions. Frozen veges are a staple here :). Thanks for your meal tips. I do have my children in a routine, goodness I couldn't survive without one!

I am doing a little better emotionally now. I am 21 weeks pregnant and although my morning sickness has finally subsided in the last 2 weeks I do have other health issues associated with pregnancy that are making my life very difficult at the moment. But these are all short term things. Even pregnancy is short term really.

Sabertooth, thank you very much for your posts. I am being forced to say no to things at the moment due to my health which feels awful but is good for me. The thing I am struggling with the most is finding time for my personal walk with God. Somehow I'm going to have to fit in some bible study and more prayer. I will make it work.
 
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Sabertooth

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Sabertooth,... Somehow I'm going to have to fit in some bible study and more prayer. I will make it work.
:idea: At least, if you have it going in the background (like #2, above), He still might speak things to you during this busy season...
 
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akmom

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I find the spacing argument odd in so many ways, but if that is how you've chosen to live, that's your business. I can certainly relate to just wanting to hear a similar perspective on certain issues. As for the first trimester discomforts, remember that everyone takes sick days. Obviously it's a little different for moms, but if you do not feel up to certain tasks like making lunch, shopping for supplies, or doing chores, it's okay to solicit the husband's help for awhile. After all, morning sickness is not usually debilitating beyond the first trimester. There are many meals that can be made in advance (in bulk) and either frozen or refrigerated. Why not ask him to make up a bunch of meals on the weekends that you can heat up while he's at work? Let him know that picking up the groceries or doing a load of dishes/laundry would really help free you up during the day. Think of it as taking a "sick day."
 
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ProudMomxmany

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Our first 7 children came in just under 8 years. I thought I was going to lose my mind. When the last of the first 7 was born the other children were 7, 5, 4, 4, (twins) 3 & 2. Fortunately the last 5 came in a more leisurely manner...I was either pregnant or nursing (and changing diapers) for the better part of 10 years straight.

Yes, it's crazy, yes, its stressful, yes, you dream of a full night's sleep. BUT...it is survivable, it is doable...the children don't remember mom being not much more than a fat slug for years (praise God), and they've grown to be pretty cool adults. The younger ones (the last 5) have the benefit of my experience, which is great because what I have in experience I lack in patience now!
 
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I know this is an older thread, but I'm posting a reply in case others want some tips as well. Some major helps when there are a lot of little children under five in the house can be simply to ask a teen if he/she will come in for a couple of hours a couple of days a week after school while you're there just to play with the kids and keep them occupied. You can then use this time to break out your crockpot(s). My husband has a job that keeps him on the road, and I utilize my two crockpots to make 5-6 weeks worth of meals for the freezer. If you have that two hours, you can make some really healthy meals and freeze them. There are many recipes online for scrambled egg "muffins"...with veggies, sausage, ham, etc. Make a few dozen at a time, freeze them, and you've got breakfast ready in the morning when you're feeling least like cooking. Bulk cooking and freezers are your friend! For handling clutter issues with your preschoolers, remember to make a game out of it for them. Many pre-schools use a variant on the "toys away" song (google it). You can sing this several times a day while nursing, and with the house tolerably clutter-free, it will feel less of a drag on your energies. Remember children that small like to be involved...so if watching them is difficult while you give the baby a bath, have them "help" by handing you the things you need...the washcloth, the baby shampoo, the baby's clean diaper, etc. It may take a bit longer to do things this way, but it's more peaceful than wondering what's going on when there's a huge crash, a few screams, or suspicious silence from the living room where the others are!!

Don't let anyone tell you that children are a burden, or than you should space them more...God is giving you the children He wants you to have...each a blessing. *Of course, if morning sickness is severe, DO talk to your OB/GYN...there are tips and even medicines for that if necessary.

I also agree 100% with Sabertooth. Listen to the Bible on CD, or CDs of hymns, if you cannot follow your normal prayer routine. not only will YOU benefit, but your children will benefit hearing God's Word!

God bless you and your children!
 
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Thank you so much for all your replies and tips.

I gave birth to my 4th child at home, last November. Everything went smoothly and I am delighted to now have 3 sons and a daughter.

Life has been very difficult and my wonderful husband has been working very hard on the house to make things easier for me.

For reasons that I will not go into we were certain that we were unable to have children right now, but that that would be available soon. Well I've just found out that I'm pregnant with number 5! My little miracle baby! If God wants you to have a child he defies all logic and makes one anyway lol!

Suddenly I am completely at peace with it all. This baby is really God's, it only came to be because of him. My husband is incredibly excited and I am getting there too :).
His family, however, are not. Apparently 4 is the correct amount *rolls eyes*.

I am 5 weeks, so early days, but I'm starting to feel that dreaded morning sickness again, even though I've been praying against it. I've been given some tips and tricks from people to help keep it at bay so hopefully these things help. In the meantime I would like to ask for your prayers again. We are now homeschooling the oldest, (5 years) and it's rough being a mum to 4 kiddies running and crawling around, homeschooling, running a house, and vomiting!

I am incredibly blessed to have a Japanese woman staying with us at the moment to learn english. She is incredibly helpful and adores the children. She is not a Christian (she says she has "No religion.") so please pray that we may reach her with God's love too.
 
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