I'm torn. Granted, it's not my kid or my situation, but on the one hand I see lots of wisdom in TraceMalin's post, and yet I also have that instinct that says "He is not yet a legal adult, so anything he is given that he himself does not pay for is essentially a privilege, which can and should be taken away or restricted if he is not acting appropriately." I'm not sure what I'd do, but I trust that Minlee and her husband know and love their own child and hence know what is best.
I wanted to post because of the music element, though. My immediate family have worked in the music business for well over half a century combined (first my father, from the late 1960s until his retirement in 2010, and now my brother, from about 2006 to present), and have done so for all kinds of acts, from heavy metal to adult contemporary and what are now politely termed 'nostalgia' tours (e.g., Yes, Journey, Heart, etc.). First, while I know it does nothing to lessen the worry that the music itself may be having a bad impact on your child's mental or spiritual state, it is important to recognize how often the faces that these artists present for public consumption are a kind of elevated or exaggerated/theatrical sort of mask. For instance, in reality Tom Araya (I think that's his name; the lead singer) of the heavy metal band Slayer, which is known to sing about very dark subjects in a very aggressive manner, is a practicing Roman Catholic (he is Chilean, so I suspect it is part of his upbringing). Similarly, 'shock rock' legend Alice Cooper is in fact a born again/Evangelical Christian, who when he's not on tour with the likes of Marilyn Manson and other progeny of the 'shock rock' genre, actually teaches Sunday school. These two are rather open about their religiousity in interviews (on the rare occasion that the interviewer knows to go there), but there are others who are religious but don't openly discuss it, or it otherwise doesn't come out in their music (usually because they don't write the lyrics; Billy Zoom, the guitarist for the 1970s-80s LA punk band X comes to mind in this category).
I guess I'm typing this to say that there is still an inroad to be made with your child regarding his listening habits that might help him (and you) open up a little bit regarding why it is happening, and what it means -- both to him (why he likes/connects with it) and to you (why it is a concern for you).
There is also the very real possibility that it is, if not a
phase exactly, at least a sort of stepping stone onto other, less extreme things. When I was your son's age, I was not involved in heavy metal or death metal (though I had friends who were), but instead in punk rock, which has its own potential problems for parents (e.g., anti-authority lyrics, including sometimes anti-religion lyrics). I will admit I
do still like some of that stuff in very short servings (8-10 minutes, max), but over the past ~25 years, it has mostly been replaced first with more varied sounds (lots of 'ethnic' or 'world' music, or whatever you'd call it), and later, after returning to Christianity after a long absence, with Church hymns. So not all hope is lost! I swear! I'm living proof, in a way.
