Teen suicide

[kdet]

I'm not sure if this is the right forum for this or not. if not please move it to where you feel it should be.
Yesterday we were discussing teen suicides, this is a topic that is close to my heart, because of several reasons. One my mother commited suicide, granted she wasn't a teen, two, I was bullied in school to the point I became suicidal, and three I now have two teen sons, one of whom is bullied. This is such a tragedy and I would ask that we together try and learn more about this topic and to find ways that we could help and that we pray together for all these poor confused teens.
Here is some information to get the ball rolling.

Suicide is the eighth leading cause of death for all persons regardless of age, sex or race; the third leading cause of death for young people aged 15 to 24; and the fourth leading cause of death for persons between the ages of 10 and 14.(2)
It is important to take the subject of suicide seriously. It doesn't seem right that a teen-ager - who has lived for such a short time - would choose to die. But adolescents who can't get over their depression sometimes do kill themselves.

Boys commit suicide more often than girls, but no one is immune. In one recent survey of high school students, 60 percent said they had thought about killing themselves. About 9 percent said they had tried at least once.

Why has the youth suicide rate gone so high in recent years?

• It's easier to get the tools for suicide (Boys often use firearms to kill themselves; girls usually use pills);
• the pressures of modern life are greater;
• competition for good grades and college admission is stiff; and
• there's more violence in the newspapers and on television.

Lack of parental interest may be another problem. Many children grow up in divorced households; for others, both of their parents work and their families spend limited time together. According to one study 90 percent of suicidal teen-agers believed their families did not understand them. (However, this is such a common teen-age complaint that other factors are playing a role, too.) Young people also reported that when they tried to tell their parents about their feelings of unhappiness or failure, their mother and father denied or ignored their point of view.

http://www.aap.org/advocacy/childhealthmonth/prevteensuicide.htm

 

[HouseApe]

My step-son went through a period of depression and suicidal thoughts. I attributed it to a few different factors:

1. Hormonal imbalances related to being a teenager.
2. Lack of friends. He was and is a shy person by nature, and very good-hearted. Teenage boys can be a rough & tumble lot, and he didn't fit in with many.
3. Too much time. This is kind of related to 2. He just had too much time on his hands, and a lot of that time was spent alone.

We had him see a psychiatrist who prescribed him Wellbutrin for about 6 months. This and finding a girl friend that shares many of his interests got him out of his depression. Now he's a normal college kid, but still too shy to alleviate my concerns.

I really think that depression is caused by a chemical imbalance that can be short term. That's what my experience with my son indicates. It needs to be recognized and treated early.

 

[kdet]

My step-son went through a period of depression and suicidal thoughts. I attributed it to a few different factors:

1. Hormonal imbalances related to being a teenager.
2. Lack of friends. He was and is a shy person by nature, and very good-hearted. Teenage boys can be a rough & tumble lot, and he didn't fit in with many.
3. Too much time. This is kind of related to 2. He just had too much time on his hands, and a lot of that time was spent alone.

We had him see a psychiatrist who prescribed him Wellbutrin for about 6 months. This and finding a girl friend that shares many of his interests got him out of his depression. Now he's a normal college kid, but still too shy to alleviate my concerns.

I really think that depression is caused by a chemical imbalance that can be short term. That's what my experience with my son indicates. It needs to be recognized and treated early.

Thanks for your contribution. I think part of the problem is that as we get older we forget how difficult those teen years were and we may feel that we got through them ok so our kids shuld be able to also. But I know that if my mom hadn't let me change schools when she did, I may very well have decided that the humilation and the isolation was such that I couldn't face another day with those kids. Kids are so "of the moment" the future doesn't seem real, that things may get better with time, what is happening right now is all that matters.

 

[Seeking...]

I don't want to blame parents, but I would suggest that parents spend more time listening to their children instead of telling their children how to feel and what to do. I know that once I hit my teen years, my mother still saw me as a 5 year old - she assumed that she still knew me better at 15 than anyone else possibly could. Most of my friend's parents felt that same and they were all wrong. My friends and I were the kids that no one worried about because we were all smart, hard-working - the acheivers in the school. Out of that group there were a couple of suicide attempts, a couple of self-mutilators, a couple of abusive relationships - and some drug & alcohol abuse. Mind you - these were the so called nerds in the school & and very few parents knew anything. We took care of things ourselves because none of us could trust our parents. My mother thought that my saying I was in pain was calling her a bad mother. I didn't get diagnosed for my depression and OCD until I was an adult because she couldn't admit I had a problem. There are still plenty of parents like that today - people who think their kids are just melodramatic. The only reason I didn't kill myself at that age is because my southern baptist grandparents had me terrified of a hell that was supposed to be worse than my life

 

[Lifesaver]

It is an obvious effect of the decrease of faith in our society.
Faithless, the individual is a lot more likely to place all his happiness on the circumstances around him; and when tragedies and long-lasting periods of bad fortune come, as is often the case in the teenage years for those who are not popular and have few or no friends, all hope vanishes, and death is seen as better than what they have to put through.

And as much as the pain they experience may be real, for anyone who is out of highschool it becomes painfuly clear how small and meaningless the intrigues and conflicts of that period were. Even more so when one is conscious of the reality of God and His will for mankind.

 

[RobWW]

I'm not sure that's true. Alot of my friends are Christians, alot are not. The Christian friends are always depressed, at least most of the time. One of them was near suicidal and did slit her wrists. While my friends and I who are not Christians are usually happy. So at least where I live it is the opposite of what you say.

-Rob

 

[Lifesaver]

There are always exceptions: people whose cause of suicide is purely neurological.
Of course, this is not true with every case, as some want us to believe nowadays; the growth of suicide rates indicate it is not a problem of "extremely bad luck with the chemical balance of today's youth". Clearly, most chemical imbalances stem from a psychological cause which precedes them.

Now, it is also possible your friend is Christian and going through a period of great doubt; for had she complete confidence and faith in God, she would have never have done such a bad choice, unless she was actively trying to be evil and perverse, which I don't believe to be the case for almost anyone, especially teenagers.

There is also the question of which "brand" of Christianity she belongs to.

 

[Buzz Dixon]

More than a few suicides are misdirected anger, a wish to hurt other people by leaving a blot on their lives.

Stephen Sondheim's remarkable musical ASSASSINS examines how virtually all American assassins were losers who tried to hurt the world by killing a president. Many suicides are people who want to make the world feel sorry when they are gone -- "If only we'd treated him nicer, if only we'd been kinder," etc.

 

[amonk]

Suicide in a way is a good and bad thing like all things .

I've tried suicide before , it is a stupid thing to do if you survive it , as it just shows your lack of appreciation for life and your selfishness .

Really if no one is there to support you and you don't feel like living then bad luck if you are not strong enough to support yourself ,this is natural selection by choice and is determined by how one is adapted ,it is neither good or bad as nature is the ugly truth behind all mishaps (karma).

I lived on my own at 15 , I seen other children my age on the streets not doing anything useful about their lives as for I , at least I made an effort to finish a grade 10 education .

I do feel pity in a way but it is an irrational pity , for if a child were to prove that they are making some effort to survive without resorting to harm then God bless them .

Parents could do a better job of parenting and raising there children , discipline is one thing that is most important from parents, then love ( this is what grandparents are for ) , that is if you want your child to be strong .

If children run away without having being tought discipline and common sense then there is a good chance the child won't survive alone which results in the direct karma of the parents lack of duty to care & discipline there children properly .

Parents always have issues ,there involvement with love etc and care are always distracted by there own duty in life .

Grandmothers are settled and nurturing , I love all grandmothers for they are all blessed with wisdom this is why it is the best way for your child to learn about love & appreciation .

The trick is to learning love & appreciation is for the grandmother to offer $30 or so for the child to help her garden and other odd jobs outside the house on the weekends ,it is the most pleasant time to be around them when there gardening and a good way for the child to understand more about your own parent .

 

[GMRELIC]

I like Kdet, have had suicide close to home, My ex-wife and the mother of my children committed suicide when she was just 24 years old leaving a 5 year old and a 3 year old. also my one of my sons best friends (my son was killed last december in a shot gun accident) Killed herself 10 days ago. I agree that suicide is a very big problem, and needs to be addressed, It depresses me to no end to think that someone feels so unloved and uncared for that they see suicide as the only way out. I have wondered for years what I could have done to ease my ex-wives pain, Her live was a sad one, she was a sexually abused child from a broken home, who ended up in foster care, and finally was raised by a Grandmother who was just too old and tired to really be there for her, she developed mental illness, and had several stays in mental hospitals, but was always told she was not suicidal, that she was bi-polar, we ended up divorced,
I got custody of the children, and about 1 and a half years later she put a 38 under her chin and pulled the trigger. No note, no explamination, no nothing, She was on anti depressants, don't really know what finally sent her over the edge where her pain of living, finally surpassed her fear of dying. I personally beleive that most suicides are mental illness related, where they just can no longer stand the pain in thier lives.
I do blame alot of it on abuse, broken homes, neglect, bullying and teasing in schools,
Kids can be so cruel and down right mean to other kids, I think a zero tolerance to bullying can help some, I think more stability in thier enviroments would also help, and if people just gave them more of thier time to just listen and show them they care would help some. I do blame some of the teen suicide on violence on tv's and video games. They see violence everyday. and I think they keep hearing that teen hood is the best years of thier lives, so they think if this is the best, then why go on. I have never said that to my kids, because in fact my teen years were not the best years of my life, they were full of struggles. as I think most teens are.

 

[amonk]

Am very sorry to hear your lost one has died ( sorry if my thread may have sounded offending but that was in respect toward 'teens' :s)

It is an interesting story as I have learnt from this to provide me with wisdom when I look out for people such as your lost one , I voluntarily goto mental health to share light on there lonely depressing lives they have to live within the institute.

The insititute is wrong but there is no other place secure enough which can provide care and medical services to support mental health .

I agree with many of your solutions you provide which may help bullying & the link to suicide ,I would want to help by adding my support to research at university as part of a thesis with relationship give toward social environment & the susceptibility to self harm/suicide .

I think there is more to it but thats a start .

 

[ServantofTheOne]

It is sad and unfortunate that a someone is at a point of depression and desperation, that ending their lives is better alternative to living. its a tragedy to say the least. our society, despite its material advancements and "advanced" civilization, have yet to successfully solve this sad situation.

anti-depressants, friends, family, thrown at the problem is only addressing the branches of the problem. We have to identify the root, where this problem grows, and address it first before anything else.

 

[amonk]

servant ,
how is it possible to know there is anything better than what is currently available ?
I know support and medical access helps people but I don't see how these things you mentioned 'don't work' especially having personally noticed people who have experienced mental ilness and soon come out clean from having being abled access.

How do you identify the root when not any of these "anti-depressants, friends, family, thrown at the problem" solves this problem ?

Or else how did you come to conclude that these don't work ?

 

[Jetgirl]

I think, and it's only an "I think" I have no backup for this other than my own experience as a severely depressed young teenager, is that a reason for this involves the lack of choices some kids think they have.


In my case:

- I was expected to acheive very highly in academics, I was expected to behave like a mature adult in all ways (speech, interests, knowledge, etc..) and was held to this standard very strictly.

BUT

- I was not allowed to be out past nine on weekends. I was not allowed to read which books I was interested in if my parents didn't like them (though I WAS expected to read at a college level). My interested had to be aligned with my parents', my choices had to perpetually reflect what they thought was mature and correct, and I was not ALLOWED to make wrong choices. Not even in, say, getting clothes that may be kind of trendy or stupid (I never wanted things that were too revealing or crazy).

Anyways the point felt that on one hand I was expected to be an adult, on the other treated like a slightly retarded four-year-old on a bungee harness.



Self-destructivness sometimes felt like the only control I *could* take because all the means to relieving the tension I felt were in the hands of my parents and entirely unaccesable. i.e. money, transportation, and freedom of choice.

Now, if I'm stressed out, I can take a break and go get some coffee or a beer with my buddies, or sit at the beach and draw a picture, or just choose to have some time to zone out and bond with my playstation.

 

[Jetgirl]

I My mother thought that my saying I was in pain was calling her a bad mother. I didn't get diagnosed for my depression and OCD until I was an adult because she couldn't admit I had a problem.

God, I hate that.

My parents wouldn't let me get counselling, even when I asked for it, because "you wouldn't want that on your record, would you?"

Meaning, "I don't want that on my prize poodle's papers". Blech.

 

[Jetgirl]

No note, no explamination, no nothing, She was on anti depressants, don't really know what finally sent her over the edge where her pain of living, finally surpassed her fear of dying. I

Not saying that this was the case with your ex-wife, but the wrong prescription of antidepressants can make matters much worse occasionally.

I've been on and off several times in my life, and I always make sure I have close friends/SO's on "watch" for the first month or two of them.

Some help, some make me go absolutely bonkers (and that's the psychological term too ).

.......and I am very sorry for your and your children's loss.

 

[amonk]

I myself have been depressed for 3 years , I relized how selfish I was all that time thinking that I know better and I did , I ran away .

I don't know the reason as I never planned why but I relized today ,pilgrimage ,this was the begginning of my spiritual journey and has made me the person I am today.

"you wouldn't want that on your record, would you?"
Meaning, "I don't want that on my prize poodle's papers"

That was the choice you made(they gave you a choice to accept the consequence) ,
if you had disregarded your 'papers' to not have concern about the future academic consequences ,then you would have visited a counsellor ,so did you ?

If you didn't then it shows you did have a concern for having standards ,so why would go through so much trouble avoiding what your parents were trying to tell you .

 

[Rat_bytes]

My friend commited suicide last year. It was stupid, but I couldn't stop thinking "Now he'll never see The Matrix Reloaded."
I think it's kind of mean for people to blame bands and movies for kids commiting suicide. Most often the kid has got clinical depression.

 

[amonk]

yeah ,
I think the parents tend to result the blame on something the child is under the influence of that they can't control , at least it gives reason why parents should not have the guilt of feeling any responsibility .

 

[amonk]

TV ,Video Games etc but all that all extends to how the parents discipline there children ,some think discipline are wrong , like for example I new a person who had rich parents , he had an easy life and no discipline , so he did whatever without taking into consequence that something may happen .

Now he is smoking weed and hanging out with mallbums & has a kid .

Well done parents !!!!