Teaching morals my kids

[MNdad2]

My ex is has been involved with a married man for a few years now. It's what led to our divorce and over time our teenage daughters have discovered their mother's extracurricular activities (our two younger sons do not know). My daughter's disapprove of her behavior but obviously there is little they can do about it. They often complain about it to me and my response is to mainly listen but I do tell them that behavior is wrong. My question is this, is it OK for me to tell them that? I try to keep my feelings about their mother to myself. I often have to remind them that they need respect and obey their mother regardless of how they feel about her. But I also want them to know that certain behavior is not acceptable. As I've stated in past threads, I try hard to be like Christ, but often fail. Is sharing my thoughts on this behavior crossing a line? Should I keep my opinions to myself? I certainly don't want to see my children act in the same way.

 

[Maria.V.H]

My ex is has been involved with a married man for a few years now. It's what led to our divorce and over time our teenage daughters have discovered their mother's extracurricular activities (our two younger sons do not know). My daughter's disapprove of her behavior but obviously there is little they can do about it. They often complain about it to me and my response is to mainly listen but I do tell them that behavior is wrong. My question is this, is it OK for me to tell them that? I try to keep my feelings about their mother to myself. I often have to remind them that they need respect and obey their mother regardless of how they feel about her. But I also want them to know that certain behavior is not acceptable. As I've stated in past threads, I try hard to be like Christ, but often fail. Is sharing my thoughts on this behavior crossing a line? Should I keep my opinions to myself? I certainly don't want to see my children act in th

I think you are doing the right thing, you tell your daughters it´s wrong behaviour, but still tell them to love their mom, if only you knew how beautiful that is...

 

[Norbert L]

I don't know if it would be strictly classified as a moral, but one of the biggest lessons in life is, are you the type of person that can keep his word so that others are able to rely on what you say. That what you say matches your actions and behavior in all facets of your life.

In my view with the above in mind, that takes care of a number of morals about relationships.

 

[dayhiker]

I love that your not demonizing your EX even with what she did.
I do think that you can say what she did was wrong, but I'd say if on rare occasions as I'd not want my kids to use me words as a way to manipulate their mom.
I love that your there for your kids and seeking to keep them healthy. I'm sure God will give you wisdom in this.

 

[AvgJoe]

You should, absolutely, teach morals to your kids because if you don't teach them the right way, someone/something will certainly teach them the wrong way. Proverbs 22:6, "Train up a child in the way he should go; even when he is old he will not depart from it." It sounds like you're already doing a good job, though.

 

[JAM2b]

Kids are aware that people are not perfect, even people they love and are supposed to respect. If your daughters are teenagers, then it is a natural phase for them to be in when they are judgmental of others. They have reached a more sophisticated level of thinking and understanding. In effect they are experiencing everything in a new way, almost as if it is the first time ever. Things are no longer simply black and white such as you don't hit people because it is against the rules. Now they truly understand why it is wrong to hit people and grasp all the ways it affects others, and not just the person who got hit. So when they see or hear about something that they believe is wrong, they will feel very strongly about it.

One of the best pieces of advice I got when I was still married and struggling through the issues of whether to separate and then whether to divorce is how to handle the sin of my ex in regard to how it affects my sons. A marriage minister who had previously divorced said that she helped her daughter to understand some times people we love make bad choices. You can still love them, and obey them when what they say is the right thing to do. Just because they do something wrong, it doesn't mean everything they do is wrong. It also does not mean that they don't love you, at least in whatever way they are capable of loving.

 

[Servant68]

Another devastating effect of an unfaithful spouse on kids is how that behavior can soil their view of God and faith.

My ex was a very external Christian; went to church every Sunday, women's Bible studies, worship team, etc. When my 19r old daughter found out that she had been unfaithful, it soured her on Christianity. She doesn't go to church, and doesn't want to talk about God.

It's heartbreaking to see how much damage adultery can do to the kids. And I didn't badmouth my ex to my daughter. In fact, it was my daughter who revealed to me that my ex had married a man two days after our divorce and had been seeing him for some time.

 

[MNdad2]

My biggest concern has been that my girls, or my boys for that matter, don't lose their moral compass. They are exposed to two different lifestyles, one that tries to honor God and the other that barely even acknowledges his existence. It is very difficult to instill the things in them that I believe when they return to their mother's and it all can be forgotten or at least re-enforced. I do sense that they can see a difference in the two of us whether it be in the way we handle adversity, treat the kids themselves or how others are treated. And that isn't missed on me. It's just very difficult to raise the kids in a Christian home when that isn't what both parents are interested in. My son returned from Bible camp this summer (where he had the time of his life) telling his mother she isn't a Christian. Needless to say I had to have a talk with him but again, they can see the differences between the two homes. I just wish I could bring them consistency.

 

[dayhiker]

Ya, they are going to see the difference. I'm thinking one good thing to teach them is about grace, about how God loved us first that we might love him. I'm thinking its they are too young to explain how passions/emotions work to take us places we know might not be best for us. But maybe not. Of course since God created us with emotions, we can't make them all look negative.