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Talking to a woman that's in a non-welcoming congregation

Discussion in 'Singles (Only*)' started by ThisIsMe123, Jun 19, 2019.

  1. ThisIsMe123

    ThisIsMe123 Not sure

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    I had been getting to know this Christian woman online. I mentioned I was looking around for a church in my area to attend and she said the church that she goes to is a bit of an "odd ball' as they aren't welcoming to outsiders. It's a small, Presbyterian church.

    And I'm like "Yet you attend/associate with these people...no offense, but that's not very Christ-like of them"

    She said her mother goes, and her father used to be an elder there...so she's kind of "tied" to the place and had been so for a while. But I couldn't help but to think she's an enabler.
     
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  2. MotherFirefly

    MotherFirefly Well-Known Member

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    Maybe replace enabler with comfortable.
     
  3. ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)

    ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°) a pilgrim passing thru

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    You had me until "enabler". What are you talking about?
     
  4. ThisIsMe123

    ThisIsMe123 Not sure

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    Okay, sorry, I guess enabler was the wrong term.
     
  5. MotherFirefly

    MotherFirefly Well-Known Member

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    Well, it's an important difference.

    This is all speculation.. but it sounds like she may have been going to this church for quite a while. Perhaps even since childhood.
    If her father retired as an elder, he too, more than likely, was a long time, well respected member of their small community.
    If she decided to leave, for whatever reason, perhaps, beyond the feelings of breaking years long friendships and connections, she may even feel responsible for continuing on his legacy in the church.

    So, I wouldn't label her as an enabler for a trait you dislike in her church, but rather assume she, like everyone else in her church, is comfortable meeting at the same place at the same time with the same group of people on a regular basis.
    Maybe the idea of something strange being introduced to this life away from life makes these life long friends feel uncomfortable.
    In that regard, that doesn't really make them much different than the rest of us, yes?
     
  6. FaithLife1

    FaithLife1 Active Member

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    I suggest finding another church that's more Christian.
     
  7. quietpraiyze

    quietpraiyze In The Secret Place

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    No the term "enabler" is right. She knows that the culture of her "church" is one where they don't welcome outsiders and yes she is helping to maintain that.

    Would you call that a church?
     
  8. MotherFirefly

    MotherFirefly Well-Known Member

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    I think any group of 2 or more people can be that way. Even unintentionally. I dont see how church is an exception? In fact, usually it is a shining example.
     
  9. quietpraiyze

    quietpraiyze In The Secret Place

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    The OP isn't talking about just any group of 2 or more people. In fact he is talking about a "church" because church is supposed to be the exception as designed by God for those that belong to Him. From what he posted, I don't see where she invited him to her "church" knowing his situation. So in fact she is both enabling and helping to maintain their unfriendliness and yes what they're doing is not Christ-like.
     
  10. MotherFirefly

    MotherFirefly Well-Known Member

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    I'm not really sure it's up to me to compare their likeness to a perfect being, especially since I don't even know them!
    but i think it's safe to assume they're certainly human!
    Which is how God designed us.. :scratch:
     
  11. dayhiker

    dayhiker Mature veteran

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    I see nothing that makes this church not Christian. Now not welcoming outsiders is clearly missing what Jesus would do if he was leading this group as we know how welcoming Jesus is.

    If I had talked to this lady, I think I'd like to visit this church with her to get a personal feel for the church so that I had a personal experience and an outsiders experience to her her inside experience.
     
  12. quietpraiyze

    quietpraiyze In The Secret Place

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    Jesus said we would know them (other disciples) by their fruit. Go look up the fruit of the Spirit and tell me where "unfriendliness" fits in...uh huhn.
     
  13. FaithLife1

    FaithLife1 Active Member

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    Jesus treated everyone with kindness and churches are held to the same standard.
     
  14. blackribbon

    blackribbon Not a newbie

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    Her church is more "formal" and tends to attract people who like formal church settings. That doesn't mean they are not Christian. A more relaxed church is not "more Christian" because their greeters hug instead of shake hands. There are plenty of less traditional churches who get other things wrong or focus too much on "feelings" over Biblical teachings. She is simply saying based on your personality (that she has learned from talking to you), you probably wouldn't find her church to be a good fit. She obviously does feel like it is a fit for her at this time in life.

    I have needed different personality of churches at different stages in life. I hate to be hugged and touched by strangers so I would not be comfortable in what you would likely consider a "friendly" church. I have no problem looking in a church bulletin and seeing what groups meet and showing up when scheduled. I don't need a personal invitation. Once you start to participate, even formal churches become friendly in a formal way. However, being overly friendly does not make a formal person less formal...only uncomfortable and likely feeling out of place and unloved.
     
  15. blackribbon

    blackribbon Not a newbie

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    A more formal church could be considered more reverent toward God. They present their formal best to the King of King...."church clothes" has always meant you save your best for church and God. A Presbyterian church is a "church clothes" church. They are hymns over casual choruses or pop music. This is done out of love for God....that we should present ourselves and our best to be in God's presences. Just because they are different does not mean that they are not Christian. (I believe that the Bible is full of references of the desire of God to get our best ... )
     
  16. quietpraiyze

    quietpraiyze In The Secret Place

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    She didn't say they were "formal" or anything else. She said "they are a bit odd ball as they aren't welcoming to outsiders". So why is it so hard for some of you to take her at her word? Why is there this need to call it something that it's not?
     
  17. blackribbon

    blackribbon Not a newbie

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    I know the Presbyterian church to be more formal than other denominations. I don't think this is a negative but would be considered an odd formality to those who think of casual churches (like the Cowboy Church and other non-denominational churches) as being the norm. She isn't here to ask so I can't take her at her word. What was she saying if it wasn't that she didn't believe her church was a good fit for him...regardless of the reason? What was she really saying?
     
  18. quietpraiyze

    quietpraiyze In The Secret Place

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    I think the woman said exactly what she meant. That's why the OP didn't have to "spin" it or make it personal. It's not about a "good fit" or even being Presbyterian for that matter. No It's about the fact that they're not welcoming to outsiders...period. I don't believe there's any "hidden" meaning outside of that. Why is "that" so hard to accept?
     
  19. FaithLife1

    FaithLife1 Active Member

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    I don't believe that was what the OP was talking about.
     
  20. blackribbon

    blackribbon Not a newbie

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    What do you think it meant then?

    He said he was talking to a Christian woman on a dating website. He mentioned that he is looking for a new church in their area and she said that her church is not that welcoming . I am sure that it would not take long talking to ThisIsMe to understand that he is a very open hearted warm "wear his heart and his faith on his sleeve" kind of guy, that a formal church setting isn't likely to serve his needs very well. She goes to her church so she must like it on some level at this time.
    Then he accused her church of not being very Christian... and inferred that maybe she wasn't too since she continues to go there.

    What else do you think she meant?
     
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