Swimmers & Souls

gaara4158 · Mar 10, 2009

According to the Swimmers' Doctrine, do the magnificent orangutans believe in souls?

Just a simple YES or NO will do; this is an honest question, not an invitation to suggest that the question is flawed.

pgp_protector · Mar 10, 2009

gaara4158 · Mar 10, 2009

Oh boy, seems like answering "yes" or "no" is too complicated for you guys. Sheesh.

(see, trolling is easy!)

Skaloop · Mar 10, 2009

gaara4158 said:
According to the Swimmers' Doctrine, do the magnificent orangutans believe in souls?

Just a simple YES or NO will do; this is an honest question, not an invitation to suggest that the question is flawed.

No.

I was a competitive swimmer for 12 years, and can therefore speak for all swimmers despite the fact that the only thing we have in common is that, by definition, we swim.

LifeToTheFullest! · Mar 10, 2009

Unequivocally maybe.

Jester4kicks · Mar 10, 2009

Skaloop said:
No.

I was a competitive swimmer for 12 years, and can therefore speak for all swimmers despite the fact that the only thing we have in common is that, by definition, we swim.

Oh? Well I belong to the Organization of Non-Unified Swimmers (ONUS), however I am secretly a non-swimmer when I'm by myself... and I know the truth about what all swimmers really believe... and I can say that all true swimmers must believe orangutans have souls!

(bonus points for all the analogies and subtle lulz you can find in that post!)

Skaloop · Mar 10, 2009

Jester4kicks said:
Oh? Well I belong to the Organization of Non-Unified Swimmers (ONUS), however I am secretly a non-swimmer when I'm by myself... and I know the truth about what all swimmers really believe... and I can say that all true swimmers must believe orangutans have souls.

Pbbbbt. They're not True Swimmers. Typical Non-Unified crackpots; only Unified Swimmers (US) can understand the true meaning of what it is to be a Swimmer. All Swimmers (but not orangutans) have souls, but a place in the Great Pool is reserved for US. Micheal Phelps is with US; the greatest Swimmer ever. His success is because he is a True Swimmer, like me.

Jester4kicks · Mar 10, 2009

Skaloop said:
Pbbbbt. They're not True Swimmers. Typical Non-Unified crackpots; only Unified Swimmers (US) can understand the true meaning of what it is to be a Swimmer. All Swimmers (but not orangutans) have souls, but a place in the Great Pool is reserved for US. Micheal Phelps is with US; the greatest Swimmer ever. His success is because he is a True Swimmer, like me.

Bah! ONUS firmly stands by the position that Phelps' success is only because of his secret pact with FOOLS (Fast and Out of Our Lanes). And everyone knows FOOLS can't be trusted!

Skaloop · Mar 10, 2009

Jester4kicks said:
Bah! ONUS firmly stands by the position that Phelps' success is only because of his secret pact with FOOLS (Fast and Out of Our Lanes). And everyone knows FOOLS can't be trusted!

ONUS used to burn water polo players at the stake, claiming they were false swimmers. What a group! But really, everyone is a Swimmer, even if they don't acknowledge it. Ever since the Dive, when mankind was kicked out of the Lake of Eden, mankind has had a swimful nature. This lead to the destruction of all life during the Great Drought, except for Noah who was directed to build a giant pool and save two of every swimming creature. Then of course Jesus Spitz came along to absolve us of our swimming, which is why we now live on the land. But those of US who swim in the blood of our Spitz are forever saved, and shall not drown but swim forever with him in the Great Pool, garbed in Speedos of gold! Your type shall be condemned to an eternity in a bathtub; water but no space to swim. That is your fate, unless you accept Spitz and join US.

Jester4kicks · Mar 10, 2009

Skaloop said:
ONUS used to burn water polo players at the stake, claiming they were false swimmers. What a group! But really, everyone is a Swimmer, even if they don't acknowledge it. Ever since the Dive, when mankind was kicked out of the Lake of Eden, mankind has had a swimful nature. This lead to the destruction of all life during the Great Drought, except for Noah who was directed to build a giant pool and save two of every swimming creature. Then of course Jesus Spitz came along to absolve us of our swimming, which is why we now live on the land. But those of US who swim in the blood of our Spitz are forever saved, and shall not drown but swim forever with him in the Great Pool, garbed in Speedos of gold! Your type shall be condemned to an eternity in a bathtub; water but no space to swim. That is your fate, unless you accept Spitz and join US.