Suppose you were on a date...

[Jade Margery]

This is a hypothetical situation inspired by something I've been thinking about due to another thread in the forum.

Suppose you are single and out and about--you meet an attractive individual and one thing leads to another and you decide to go on a date. One date turns into several. He or she turns out to be kind and funny, a good talker and a better listener, someone with whom you have many things in common and who seems to have their life together. You go dutch on the dates (each paying for half, as is only fair) and you have a great time. It really feels like there's a connection.

At the end of the third night you move in for a kiss and your date stops you. "Before we go any further, I need to tell you... I'm transgendered. I am biologically a man (or woman)."


How would you react to this situation? Would you be willing to consider pursuing a relationship with the person? Would you feel lied to or betrayed, even if you've only known each other a couple days, you didn't really spend anything on them, and you did have a good time? Would post-op or pre-op make a difference?

It just occurred to me that transgendered people must have a really tough time when it comes to finding love, since they are potentially working from a much smaller pool than even homosexuals. On the one hand, people usually like to know what they are getting into, but on the other, we don't tell a person everything about ourselves when we first meet them. Trust takes time.

If there are any transgendered people on the board, and if you feel comfortable with the subject, I would also like to hear about your experiences and how you approach relationships.

 

[BlackSabb]

This is a hypothetical situation inspired by something I've been thinking about due to another thread in the forum.

Suppose you are single and out and about--you meet an attractive individual and one thing leads to another and you decide to go on a date. One date turns into several. He or she turns out to be kind and funny, a good talker and a better listener, someone with whom you have many things in common and who seems to have their life together. You go dutch on the dates (each paying for half, as is only fair) and you have a great time. It really feels like there's a connection.

At the end of the third night you move in for a kiss and your date stops you. "Before we go any further, I need to tell you... I'm transgendered. I am biologically a man (or woman)."


How would you react to this situation? Would you be willing to consider pursuing a relationship with the person? Would you feel lied to or betrayed, even if you've only known each other a couple days, you didn't really spend anything on them, and you did have a good time? Would post-op or pre-op make a difference?

It just occurred to me that transgendered people must have a really tough time when it comes to finding love, since they are potentially working from a much smaller pool than even homosexuals. On the one hand, people usually like to know what they are getting into, but on the other, we don't tell a person everything about ourselves when we first meet them. Trust takes time.

If there are any transgendered people on the board, and if you feel comfortable with the subject, I would also like to hear about your experiences and how you approach relationships.

That would be an instant deal breaker for me-100% every time. I have nothing against transgendered people. But I wouldn't want to date one-that's all. Just not part of my "makeup".

 

[seashale76]

At the end of the third night you move in for a kiss and your date stops you. "Before we go any further, I need to tell you... I'm transgendered. I am biologically a man (or woman)."


How would you react to this situation? Would you be willing to consider pursuing a relationship with the person? Would you feel lied to or betrayed, even if you've only known each other a couple days, you didn't really spend anything on them, and you did have a good time? Would post-op or pre-op make a difference?

Well, I'd be glad they had enough integrity to tell me before things continued. No, I'd not pursue a relationship. I would not feel lied to or betrayed as they told me, and I would attempt to part from them amicably even though I think the situation would be really awkward. Post-op or pre-op would not make a difference to me. To me, dating is to see if one is compatible to marry. If you find out you're not compatible, then you move on.

 

[JadeTigress]

I'd still pursue the relationship. It's just not something that I care about, so it wouldn't bother me at all. I was having a good time with the person on the first few dates, and they were still transgendered then. I just didn't know about it. Me knowing about it shouldn't change what we have in common or how much of a connection we have. So for me it'd be like, "Wow, that's crazy. I never would have guessed. So, where do you want to go next week?"

 

[MattRose]

I'd still pursue the relationship. It's just not something that I care about, so it wouldn't bother me at all. I was having a good time with the person on the first few dates, and they were still transgendered then. I just didn't know about it. Me knowing about it shouldn't change what we have in common or how much of a connection we have. So for me it'd be like, "Wow, that's crazy. I never would have guessed. So, where do you want to go next week?"

What about the romantic part of the relationship? Remember the OP ended the story with him about to kiss her/him. I would infer that you would kiss the other person in a romantic manner.

I would be just like the guy in "The Crying Game" at least the part where he first learns the truth.

 

[JadeTigress]

What about the romantic part of the relationship? Remember the OP ended the story with him about to kiss her/him. I would infer that you would kiss the other person in a romantic manner.

I would be just like the guy in "The Crying Game" at least the part where he first learns the truth.

If I'm pursuing the relationship, then the romantic part goes right along with that. I've kissed men, and I've kissed women. And I'd kiss the [bless and do not curse][bless and do not curse][bless and do not curse][bless and do not curse][bless and do not curse][bless and do not curse], too. It's not a big deal. If I'm feeling it with that person, then that's all there is to it.

 

[Zebra1552]

This is a hypothetical situation inspired by something I've been thinking about due to another thread in the forum.

Suppose you are single and out and about--you meet an attractive individual and one thing leads to another and you decide to go on a date. One date turns into several. He or she turns out to be kind and funny, a good talker and a better listener, someone with whom you have many things in common and who seems to have their life together. You go dutch on the dates (each paying for half, as is only fair) and you have a great time. It really feels like there's a connection.

At the end of the third night you move in for a kiss and your date stops you. "Before we go any further, I need to tell you... I'm transgendered. I am biologically a man (or woman)."


How would you react to this situation? Would you be willing to consider pursuing a relationship with the person? Would you feel lied to or betrayed, even if you've only known each other a couple days, you didn't really spend anything on them, and you did have a good time? Would post-op or pre-op make a difference?

It just occurred to me that transgendered people must have a really tough time when it comes to finding love, since they are potentially working from a much smaller pool than even homosexuals. On the one hand, people usually like to know what they are getting into, but on the other, we don't tell a person everything about ourselves when we first meet them. Trust takes time.

If there are any transgendered people on the board, and if you feel comfortable with the subject, I would also like to hear about your experiences and how you approach relationships.

Hm. I'm not entirely sure what I'd do. I would definitely not just end things. It might take me a minute for my brain to catch up, but I think I wouldn't have a problem with it- pre or post op.

 

[SithDoughnut]

I'd love to say that I wouldn't care, but I probably would. Whether I would continue the relationship or not would depend upon the person, but the transgendered issue would be something I might be uncomfortable with. I don't like the fact that I would be, but it's not exactly something I choose.

 

[Harmony118]

Interesting question. Honestly, it would really depend on the person. Did I have a good time with them? Do they feel right? Are they a good person? Would my friends and family like them?

I can't say I would or I would not, it'd really depend on how I felt in the then. I doubt I'd have an issue if my soul mate was a transgendered person because, honestly, at the end of the day it's (in my mind) not a HUGE issue and it doesn't completely define them as a person in any way, shape or form. People are so, so, so much more than their struggles or issues and it'd just depend on whether this particular person feels right. G-d works in mysterious ways, that's for sure. I'd definitely ask for guidance but no, I wouldn't rule them out or feel as if they lied to me because they really didn't - they told me so I could make my own decision which speaks volumes about someone's character.

 

[Wiccan_Child]

I honestly couldn't say. I think it's one of those things where you only know where you stand when the proverbial excrement hits the fan - I didn't know I'm petrified of ice-skating till I hobbled about ungainly on the ice. I'd like to think I had the integrity to continue a relationship with that person, but I just can't say for certain whether the information wouldn't throw me off too much to do so.

My heart goes out to the T community, though. Whatever gay people have to endure, the transgender must get it so much worse.

 

[Zebra1552]

I honestly couldn't say. I think it's one of those things where you only know where you stand when the proverbial excrement hits the fan - I didn't know I'm petrified of ice-skating till I hobbled about ungainly on the ice.

Random sidenote, whoever thought of putting thin slippery metal on their feet and going on another slippery surface had to be crazy. And yes, I live where they do this regularly. And yes, I know how. It's just like roller blading ('inline skates'). But I hate it.

My heart goes out to the T community, though. Whatever gay people have to endure, the transgender must get it so much worse.

I was thinking those girls would have been sorry if I was there- video from the other thread. You don't beat people up. I'd have knocked one in the gut/neck and restrained the other. I got about halfway through the video and I was livid and couldn't watch any more. I don't care why they did it. There's no reason for it. Ever. Violence is not the solution to a perceived wrong from citizen to citizen. Ironic, a bit, because we just covered the process people go through when they decide to help in an emergency in social psych last week. LAST DAY OF CLASSES!!! Well, cept for Macroecon. Bleh.

 

[Jro]

You don't beat people up. I'd have knocked one in the gut/neck and restrained the other... Violence is not the solution to a perceived wrong from citizen to citizen.

Speaking of irony... In all seriousness though, I really wondered why no one helped her out by just SEPARATING those folks. As for the date, I don't think I would feel comfortable continuing the relationship.

 

[Zebra1552]

Speaking of irony... In all seriousness though, I really wondered why no one helped her out by just SEPARATING those folks. As for the date, I don't think I would feel comfortable continuing the relationship.

Can't fault the manager. He tried like 5 times and they kept coming back. I question the jerk that just sat there and filmed it.

Violence to come to the aid of a helpless victim is not the same as beating people up or using violence to right some wrong. The blow to the gut or neck would be to 'jolt' the person enough to get them to stop- not anything to cause lasting damage.

 

[Wiccan_Child]

Random sidenote, whoever thought of putting thin slippery metal on their feet and going on another slippery surface had to be crazy. And yes, I live where they do this regularly. And yes, I know how. It's just like roller blading ('inline skates'). But I hate it.

It's a perversion of the natural order, is what it is!

I was thinking those girls would have been sorry if I was there- video from the other thread. You don't beat people up. I'd have knocked one in the gut/neck and restrained the other. I got about halfway through the video and I was livid and couldn't watch any more. I don't care why they did it. There's no reason for it. Ever. Violence is not the solution to a perceived wrong from citizen to citizen. Ironic, a bit, because we just covered the process people go through when they decide to help in an emergency in social psych last week. LAST DAY OF CLASSES!!! Well, cept for Macroecon. Bleh.

I didn't watch the video, I've sadly seen things like it in other videos and in real life. It always sickens me that people could do that, for any reason, to another human, or to an animal.

 

[Fatally.Yours]

I don't continue with anyone who doesn't have sex on the first date.
Question irrelevant.

 

[keith99]

I most likely would not persue a romantic relationship. Same honesty cuts both ways, I'd be happy for the honesty and the kind of person I respect would be happy for honesty in return. (That does not mean as happy as they would be to find a potential romantic relationship, there are degrees of happy).

Now it turns out I know several trannies, cross dressers and everything inbetween and have ties to social groups where such such are quite welcome. So it is possible I'd end up as the one introducing her to someone who is a potential romantic partner.

 

[solarwave]

I don't think I would mind TOO much. As long as he/she looks like a she and I like her I think that would be ok. It would be a bit weird for a while, but I'm sure I would get over it.

Post-op would obviously be better, but pre would be ok.

 

[solarwave]

I don't continue with anyone who doesn't have sex on the first date.
Question irrelevant.

Mind me asking why?

 

[metherion]

When I was dating, and (Heaven forbid) if I have to start again later, I want it to be someone I may wind up marrying. One of the things I want to do is have kids. AFAIK, pre op OR post op, transgender people cannot have kids. So... probably after a little bit of a quiet freakout I would try to relay that (probably not as eloquently as I just did there) and cut (at least) the romantic part of it out.

More specific than that, I honestly cannot say.

Metherion

 

[selfinflikted]

A really good OP there. Honestly, I have no idea what I would do. I would like to say it wouldn't bother me, but it likely would. It makes me feel like a hypocrite to say that, but it's the truth.