Superficial middle aged lady

[Lybrah]

I am a real piece of crap. Sometimes I meet really nice guys and I’m not attracted to them. I cannot get past their looks. I try to give them chances, but I end up dreading the dates and they tend to really get on my nerves. They’re nice people and I can’t get past what they look like! I feel ashamed of my sinful behavior. I want both looks and personality but I am no model and I guess it’s settle or be alone. Please pray for me that I can stop being superficial and that I can find someone to get excited about. This last guy I was talking to, I just couldn’t stand his face and he kept smiling too much. I don’t know what is wrong with me.

 

[Sabertooth]

Why do you think that that is a problem?

If you ever marry a dude, you gotta be able to look at him.

You're going to need more than that, but that isn't too much to ask.

 

[Aussie Pete]

I am a real piece of crap. Sometimes I meet really nice guys and I’m not attracted to them. I cannot get past their looks. I try to give them chances, but I end up dreading the dates and they tend to really get on my nerves. They’re nice people and I can’t get past what they look like! I feel ashamed of my sinful behavior. I want both looks and personality but I am no model and I guess it’s settle or be alone. Please pray for me that I can stop being superficial and that I can find someone to get excited about. This last guy I was talking to, I just couldn’t stand his face and he kept smiling too much. I don’t know what is wrong with me.

Interesting that you have this problem. It's usually men who are obsessed with looks. Don't be too hard on yourself. Ask God to show you how He sees people. You might be surprised. You can ask Him to lead someone suitable across your path that you would like. There has to be natural attraction, but that's only the kickstarter. I'd also highly recommend Mark Gungor on marriage and dating. He's the man when it comes to relationships!

 

[Lady Bug]

.

 

[ForHimbyHim]

There is therefore no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus.... What worries me more is the way you speak about your self. Are you saying Jesus' redemption was only enough to get you to piece of crap? Don't allow the enemy to give you such opinions of yourself.

One thing Jesus is, is your friend. Tell him your struggles. He understands, there is nothing shocking to him. Let his Holy Spirit work in you to produce good fruit.

 

[Tolworth John]

Sometimes I meet really nice guys and I’m not attracted to them. I cannot get past their looks. I

May I suggest rather than dating that you get to know guys in some activities. Is there a charity group you could join in with a possible ' date ' so while working you can get to know him and he you.
Or go on a hike, rock climbing something where there is more than just the two of you talking.

 

[Joined2krist]

Love conquers all. By love I mean learning to tolerate, being patient and kind towards others. If you love people, you will look beyond their faces and be more concerned for their souls. The men you date are also humans with souls, do you know if they are saved? if they are, you share the same inheritance in Christ. Their faces shouldn't disgust you but you should delight in their company and steer the relationship as God leads.

 

[Lybrah]

Love conquers all. By love I mean learning to tolerate, being patient and kind towards others. If you love people, you will look beyond their faces and be more concerned for their souls. The men you date are also humans with souls, do you know if they are saved? if they are, you share the same inheritance in Christ. Their faces shouldn't disgust you but you should delight in their company and steer the relationship as God leads.

The whole problem with me is that I can’t do that which is why I asked for help!

 

[Michie]

The whole problem with me is that I can’t do that which is why I asked for help!

I think you are being a little too hard on yourself. It’s natural to want to be attracted to your potential spouse. It takes time to get to know a person. Just do not be so quick to dismiss people. You can end up with platonic friends as well. I think as mentioned earlier in this thread, find groups and activities as a point of interest to meet people too.

 

[Lybrah]

I think you are being a little too hard on yourself. It’s natural to want to be attracted to your potential spouse. It takes to get to know a person. Just do not be so quick to dismiss people. You can end up with platonic friends as well. I think as mentioned earlier in this thread, find groups and activities as a point of interest to meet people as well.

I’m 44 and I’ve been dating since my 20s and by now I’m afraid it’s too late

 

[Michie]

I’m 44 and I’ve been dating since my 20s and by now I’m afraid it’s too late

It’s never too late.

 

[Hopeful37]

I’m 44 and I’ve been dating since my 20s and by now I’m afraid it’s too late

Trust me. After a few years in a relationship with someone, you stop seeing the attractiveness of a person and start seeing their attitude which somehow changes how u see them. They can become less attractive or more attractive depending on the person.

I remember being attracted to this guy. He was gorgeous. One day, he spoke to me and of course my heart skipped beats etc...the usual. After one hour into the conversation, that guy lost his appeal to me. My heart normalised and I lost attraction. Why? I didn't have a communication connection. He is still easy on the eyes but I'm sooo not interested. He's married to someone else. I'm happy for him.

 

[Lybrah]

I think you are being a little too hard on yourself. It’s natural to want to be attracted to your potential spouse. It takes time to get to know a person. Just do not be so quick to dismiss people. You can end up with platonic friends as well. I think as mentioned earlier in this thread, find groups and activities as a point of interest to meet people too.

The problem is I can’t get to know them. Guys don’t want friends, at least not with me. I try to get to know them but then they make the move and start trying to hold my hand and kiss and when I tell them not yet they back off and I never hear from them again. I explain to them that I want to be friends first and it goes in one ear and out the other. If I don’t decide I’m romantically interested by the third date, they won’t waste their time.

 

[Lybrah]

Trust me. After a few years in a relationship with someone, you stop seeing the attractiveness of a person and start seeing their attitude which somehow changes how u see them. They can become less attractive or more attractive depending on the person.

I remember being attracted to this guy. He was gorgeous. One day, he spoke to me and of course my heart skipped beats etc...the usual. After one hour into the conversation, that guy lost his appeal to me. My heart normalised and I lost attraction. Why? I didn't have a communication connection. He is still easy on the eyes but I'm sooo not interested. He's married to someone else. I'm happy for him.

I don’t care about that. I have to have attraction in the first place.

 

[Hopeful37]

The problem is I can’t get to know them. Guys don’t want friends, at least not with me. I try to get to know them but then they make the move and start trying to hold my hand and kiss and when I tell them not yet they back off and I never hear from them again. I explain to them that I want to be friends first and it goes in one ear and out the other. If I don’t decide I’m romantically interested by the third date, they won’t waste their time.

Seems they are looking for the same thing you're looking for.

 

[Sketcher]

I hope you can get to like older gentlemen.

 

[Lybrah]

I hope you can get to like older gentlemen.

Why do you say that?

 

[Sketcher]

Why do you say that?

Because you'll still look young to them. You'll look old to the younger guys, which will be a turn-off to most of them who would be looking for anything long-term. Therefore, if you can find an older gentleman attractive, it can be a win-win for you.

 

[mama2one]

when you get to know someone & like them, they do become more attractive to you

i.e. when met husband he was not the "type" that I was usually attracted to & only went out with him because couldn't think fast enough of a reason to say no

he was kind, considerate & we kept going out
I liked him & then loved him enough to say yes to marriage two mos after first date

as yrs go by, I find him more attractive!
one day, looking at pics of us in our 20s & thought
"he WAS good looking!" back then

 

[bèlla]

I have never been attracted to older men. But younger men like me. I don’t think its wholly physical or genes. The majority appreciate someone who respects their mind and character who isn’t jaded. I value their perspective and experiences. We get along well.

~Bella