I don't know why I am reaching out on this forum. People seem to really dissapoint me and I guess it feels safe. I'm just feeling really depressed lately. Sometimes I wish I had a time machine so I could re-do certain areas of my life. Or warn myself about people that just wanted to hurt me.
One of the biggest things I deal with is my dad. He's no longer alive. When I was young he fought a lot with my mom. Usually when he would drink too much beer. Then I found out what they were fighting about. He didn't think I was his child. I am. I believe my mom. But, shows like Maury make me question sometimes.
It's just I don't think anyone in the family quite understands how that affected me. And still does sometimes.
I hid my feelings for a long time from everyone. People that would just meet me would ask if I had been a cheerleader in high school because I was so "perky" and "happy". That was my forced attitude. Inside I just wanted to die.
Oh, I don't know. I'm just dealing with so much stuff. I pray about it and keep hoping for relief. I cry a lot. I'm exhausted.
One of the biggest things I deal with is my dad. He's no longer alive. When I was young he fought a lot with my mom. Usually when he would drink too much beer. Then I found out what they were fighting about. He didn't think I was his child. I am. I believe my mom. But, shows like Maury make me question sometimes.
It's just I don't think anyone in the family quite understands how that affected me. And still does sometimes.
I hid my feelings for a long time from everyone. People that would just meet me would ask if I had been a cheerleader in high school because I was so "perky" and "happy". That was my forced attitude. Inside I just wanted to die.
Oh, I don't know. I'm just dealing with so much stuff. I pray about it and keep hoping for relief. I cry a lot. I'm exhausted.