Super Sad

[Bianca01]

I don't know why I am reaching out on this forum. People seem to really dissapoint me and I guess it feels safe. I'm just feeling really depressed lately. Sometimes I wish I had a time machine so I could re-do certain areas of my life. Or warn myself about people that just wanted to hurt me.

One of the biggest things I deal with is my dad. He's no longer alive. When I was young he fought a lot with my mom. Usually when he would drink too much beer. Then I found out what they were fighting about. He didn't think I was his child. I am. I believe my mom. But, shows like Maury make me question sometimes.

It's just I don't think anyone in the family quite understands how that affected me. And still does sometimes.

I hid my feelings for a long time from everyone. People that would just meet me would ask if I had been a cheerleader in high school because I was so "perky" and "happy". That was my forced attitude. Inside I just wanted to die.

Oh, I don't know. I'm just dealing with so much stuff. I pray about it and keep hoping for relief. I cry a lot. I'm exhausted.

 

[Jo1]

I don't know why I am reaching out on this forum. People seem to really dissapoint me and I guess it feels safe. I'm just feeling really depressed lately. Sometimes I wish I had a time machine so I could re-do certain areas of my life. Or warn myself about people that just wanted to hurt me.

One of the biggest things I deal with is my dad. He's no longer alive. When I was young he fought a lot with my mom. Usually when he would drink too much beer. Then I found out what they were fighting about. He didn't think I was his child. I am. I believe my mom. But, shows like Maury make me question sometimes.

It's just I don't think anyone in the family quite understands how that affected me. And still does sometimes.

I hid my feelings for a long time from everyone. People that would just meet me would ask if I had been a cheerleader in high school because I was so "perky" and "happy". That was my forced attitude. Inside I just wanted to die.

Oh, I don't know. I'm just dealing with so much stuff. I pray about it and keep hoping for relief. I cry a lot. I'm exhausted.

Hi bianca01 im so sorry youre going through such a hard time. I know how it feels for people to disapoint you, and let you down. I too hid my feelings inside myself when i was young. bless you friend if you ever want to talk please pm me. god bless you love JO

 

[MrFreshdew]

I don't know why I am reaching out on this forum. People seem to really dissapoint me and I guess it feels safe. I'm just feeling really depressed lately. Sometimes I wish I had a time machine so I could re-do certain areas of my life. Or warn myself about people that just wanted to hurt me.

One of the biggest things I deal with is my dad. He's no longer alive. When I was young he fought a lot with my mom. Usually when he would drink too much beer. Then I found out what they were fighting about. He didn't think I was his child. I am. I believe my mom. But, shows like Maury make me question sometimes.

It's just I don't think anyone in the family quite understands how that affected me. And still does sometimes.

I hid my feelings for a long time from everyone. People that would just meet me would ask if I had been a cheerleader in high school because I was so "perky" and "happy". That was my forced attitude. Inside I just wanted to die.

Oh, I don't know. I'm just dealing with so much stuff. I pray about it and keep hoping for relief. I cry a lot. I'm exhausted.

 

[AWorkInProgress]

I don't know why I am reaching out on this forum. People seem to really dissapoint me and I guess it feels safe. I'm just feeling really depressed lately. Sometimes I wish I had a time machine so I could re-do certain areas of my life. Or warn myself about people that just wanted to hurt me.

One of the biggest things I deal with is my dad. He's no longer alive. When I was young he fought a lot with my mom. Usually when he would drink too much beer. Then I found out what they were fighting about. He didn't think I was his child. I am. I believe my mom. But, shows like Maury make me question sometimes.

It's just I don't think anyone in the family quite understands how that affected me. And still does sometimes.

I hid my feelings for a long time from everyone. People that would just meet me would ask if I had been a cheerleader in high school because I was so "perky" and "happy". That was my forced attitude. Inside I just wanted to die.

Oh, I don't know. I'm just dealing with so much stuff. I pray about it and keep hoping for relief. I cry a lot. I'm exhausted.

heya sister,

I see 3 problems that you need to address. We want take as much ammo away from your sinful nature and let the healing process begin.

Forgiveness, you didn't know the true intent of others. You can't go back in time, but learn from experiences you had. Have to forgive yourself, let go of these feelings and stay focus on your recovery. Dwelling on what can't be changed is pointless.

Pride or the mask, you have many feelings inside that are filled with angus or pain. You are wearing a mask, hiding what is truely there.

Prov. 14:13 "Laughter can conceal a heavy heart,
but when the laughter ends, the grief remains."

Talk to a paster, trusted love one, good friend or theorpist and take the mask off. This post is a step in the right direction. You have to humble yourself and ask for help. Remember to keep "Ask, seek, and Knock"ing for help to, eventually a door will open to help you.

Lastly, I recommend you start your spiritual maturity after you gained help. Warm bible study thru New Testiment and start building your foundation on Rock. Jesus' teachings and other wisdoms of the bible will be a guide post for how to better take on the world.

Luke 6:46-49
Building on a Solid Foundation
46 “So why do you keep calling me ‘Lord, Lord!’ when you don’t do what I say? 47 I will show you what it’s like when someone comes to me, listens to my teaching, and then follows it. 48 It is like a person building a house who digs deep and lays the foundation on solid rock. When the floodwaters rise and break against that house, it stands firm because it is well built. 49 But anyone who hears and doesn’t obey is like a person who builds a house without a foundation. When the floods sweep down against that house, it will collapse into a heap of ruins.”

Keep praying that God will guide you thru this.

Prov. 22:4 "True humility and fear of the Lord
lead to riches, honor, and long life."

 

[Mask]

I don't know why I am reaching out on this forum. People seem to really dissapoint me and I guess it feels safe. I'm just feeling really depressed lately. Sometimes I wish I had a time machine so I could re-do certain areas of my life. Or warn myself about people that just wanted to hurt me.

One of the biggest things I deal with is my dad. He's no longer alive. When I was young he fought a lot with my mom. Usually when he would drink too much beer. Then I found out what they were fighting about. He didn't think I was his child. I am. I believe my mom. But, shows like Maury make me question sometimes.

It's just I don't think anyone in the family quite understands how that affected me. And still does sometimes.

I hid my feelings for a long time from everyone. People that would just meet me would ask if I had been a cheerleader in high school because I was so "perky" and "happy". That was my forced attitude. Inside I just wanted to die.

Oh, I don't know. I'm just dealing with so much stuff. I pray about it and keep hoping for relief. I cry a lot. I'm exhausted.

I'm sure almost everyone wished at some point in their lives that they could go back and change things but we can't! We have to accept our lives and make the necessary changes to improve what we can in the "now"! Nothing will ever change the past, that is why the Bible tells us to forget what is behind! I'm sorry that you heard such hurtful things as a child. I pray that Jesus would bring comfort and healing to those wounds! Sending you big hugs and prayers!

 

[peri]

Hi. Firstly, I'm really sorry that you're not feeling very good right now. I know how awful it can be experiencing some of those sad feelings...

Sometimes it does seem that life would be so much more simple if we could just turn back time, make things right, avoid all the hurt and despair that seems to come our way. I think it's perfectly normal and natural for you to think this sometimes - I guess a lot of people do - but I also think it's important for you to embrace your past. I know that may sound like a difficult thing to do, and it probably will be a difficult thing to do. But, y'know, your past has made you into the person you are today. The beautiful, precious and wonderful person that you, that each of us, are today. Your past has hurt you an incredible amount, but whilst it's hurt you made you sad, it's made you strong, too. It really has. You've grown from it, coped with it all these years. I think everyone would like to avoid all the people who have hurt us in our lifetime, and perhaps it would be good to go back and erase it all. But at the end of the day, lovely, it's made you you. You've grown from it. You're still growing and learning from all that stuff that happened with your Dad and you Mum. I think one of the first steps to recovery is accepting that the past cannot be changed, but live for today and tomorrow, and all the days after that. The presen in which, while bad things can and most likely will happen, you can make some beautiful, happy memories, too. I'm not suggesting that you just forget all about your past, because I know that's near impossible. But accepting that it happened and it cannot be changed can help. It helped me with so many things.

I understand why everything that happened with your Dad would have hurt you. That must have been awfully difficult for you to cope with when you were wee, and even now. And you managed to hide it all, and have people believe that you were happy? Why, that must have taken so much effort... do you think that perhaps now, just to relieve yourself of the hurt a wee bit, you could find someone to talk to? Someone you think will understand you, or at least will try to understand you? You really deserve some peace of mind, y'know. If you don't think you're up to that, just keep praying and God will help you through this.

Life is hard sometimes. But it's all the bad times we experience that really make us appreciate the good times. Life is full of them, it's all just waiting for you. Just keep pressing on, cry tears and tears if it lets out the hurt at all. Crying can be so good for the soul, sweetie.

Take care of yourself. I do sincerely hope you start feeling a bit more up quickfast. There's lots of sunshine in your future, in all of our futures, we've just got to hold on and look out for it, because it's there - just hiding behind those clouds at the moment.

 

[Bianca01]

Thank you everyone for your kindness, prayers and wisdom. It really helps.