Super Meanie Genie!

[Chesterton]

Granted. You have complete control over your dream life, but you have no control over your real life.

I wish I could visit my folks back in Wuhan.

 

[ZNP]

Granted. You have complete control over your dream life, but you have no control over your real life.

I wish I could visit my folks back in Wuhan.

Granted, but new guidelines as a result of deadly viruses require that you can only see their back.

I wish I could see the Lord of Glory.

 

[public hermit]

Granted. But you must first persist through the coronavirus like the rest of us heathens.

I wish for endurance.

 

[Olmhinlu]

Granted. You're now an ultrarunner with zero testosterone, rapidly aging joints, and the general appearance of a chemotherapy patient.

I wish for something

 

[public hermit]

Granted. Why is there something instead of nothing? We have no idea, but we do know there is something. Something exists, and that is just what you wished for. Today is truly your lucky day.

I wish for meaning.

 

[Olmhinlu]

Granted; you discover the ultimate transcending meaning of all and become so absorbed in your knowledge that you spend your days wandering around in a haze, a daze, a perpetual navel-gaze, as you suffer the worst fate to befall any living: you become a hermit in public.

I wish for a Godly wife

 

[Quid est Veritas?]

Granted. You fall hopelessly in love with the severest form of Puritan, who relentlessly drives out Christmas, TV shows, anything ungodly. You can't even go to Church, as she constantly ferrets out all the inadvertent heresy the preachers fall into.

I wish the leaves in my garden were all raked and picked up.

 

[Chesterton]

Granted. They've all been raked, picked up, and dumped in your living room.

I wish to be a world champion surfer.

 

[( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)]

Congratulations. Your web surfing skills are impeccable. However, you've reached the end of the internet and now must go outside.

Give me some sleep.

 

[gennypearl]

Granted. But you become the modern day version of sleeping beauty. With all this quarantine, you might be sleeping for more than a year.

Wishing for clarity amidst the confusion.

 

[Chesterton]

Granted. You can see the confusion with perfect clarity.

I wish broccoli tasted like bacon.

 

[Quid est Veritas?]

Granted. The fall in bacon sales leads to a massive culling of pigs and the destruction of great swathes of the rural economy, and people switching to Broccoli for its supposed health benefits, leads to a massive increase in vegan know-it-alls.

I wish to be free.

 

[ZNP]

Granted. The fall in bacon sales leads to a massive culling of pigs and the destruction of great swathes of the rural economy, and people switching to Broccoli for its supposed health benefits, leads to a massive increase in vegan know-it-alls.

I wish to be free.

Granted. You are sent on an advance mission by NASA to colonize Mars, under their authority, however, when you are unable to find evidence of little green martians the president declares you are incompetent and cancels the funding. NASA lets you know in their last communication that you are now "free".

I wish to see the Lord when He comes down in those clouds.

 

[JPPT1974]

Granted you will as a believer. As believers we all will see Him. If you are still alive that is. But whether you see Him when He comes back, or leave this world you will be in heaven with Christ

I wish I could go back in the 1950's-1960's with simple times

 

[public hermit]

Granted. You now have to walk to school, which is uphill both ways according to those who were there.

I wish to be more attentive.

 

[Quid est Veritas?]

They say nothing so concentrates the mind like being executed in the morning. Welcome to death row!

I wish to get a moment to myself

 

[Chesterton]

Granted. You can have plenty of time to yourself. But you can only have it at Seahaven Island from The Truman Show, and the entire world will be watching you have it.

I wish for many, many friends.

 

[public hermit]

Granted. You have many, many friends who come to see you all at once, a couple days after you die. You didn't know they were your friends while you were alive. But, to hear them tell it now, y'all were close.

I wish to be a better Stoic. Memento Mori!

 

[Quid est Veritas?]

Granted, you are now completely apathetic to everything - a true Sage! Alas, you die from starvation as you simply couldn't be bothered to eat.

I wish I could go to the beach.

 

[( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)]

Granted, but you become a castaway and spend the next 20 years of your life talking to a volly ball you name Wilson. Meanwhile the rest of your loved ones write you off dead and move on with their lives.

I want to travel to Japan.